toys are not for children

Pay attention, 2014 Mad Men: This little girl is holding a LEGO set. The LEGOs are not pink or “made for girls.” She isn’t even wearing pink. The copy is about “younger children” who “build for fun.” Not just “girls” who build. ALL KIDS.

In an age when little girls and boys are treated as though they are two entirely different species by toy marketers, this 1981 ad for LEGO — one of our favorite images ever — issues an important reminder.

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Just a friendly reminder:



  • Steve Universe is a children’s animation that has themes of mourning, identity, romance both straight and lbgt, representation, a predominately female group in a scifi/fantasy setting
  • Gravity Falls is an enthralling mystery with suspense, horror, strained relationships within a family, having a positive outlook on an uncertain future. Also a children’s animation
  • Avatar the Last Airbender is an Asianic inspired adventure where an eclectic group of protagonists, powered and non, all under the age of 15 are responsible for ending a 100 year war. Is nonspecific oriented in terms of age demographic
  • The Amazing World of Gumball uses an eclectic array of animation/art styles, has genuine humor and toys with trope expectations, but also deals several heart warming moments. Definitely intended for children, but has a few more adult jokes. 
  • Clarence is a light hearted look into the almost idealistic world of childhood memory and experiences. Once again a Children’s animation. 
  • Regular Show is, while intended for children, a stoner comedy with themes of growing up and dealing with relationships romantic or non, particularly moving on. 
  • Adventure Time, despite in my personal opinion straining under its own weight in recent years, delves into aspects of depression, nurodiversity, responsibility, themes of growing up,  accepting mortality, morality is a grey area being a reoccurring theme. Also a children’s animation. 
  • Star VS the Forces of Evil, a children’s animation with a female protagonist and a Hispanic male lead, is a subversion of the magical girl genre in anime with unique style and humor, deals with the aftereffects of colonialism(both from the oppressed and the descendants of oppressors)
  • Bojack Horseman, an adult animation, delves into the psychosis of an alcoholic struggling with depression and self loathing, toxic relationships, the effects of having and loosing fame, has an asexual supporting character, and heavily deals with the consequences of our actions for better or for worse. 
  • The Adventures of Rick and Morty, another adult animation, deals with existentialism, depression, surviving an attempted sexual assault, sacrificing your freedom for your family, and much, much dark humor. 




Meanwhile Seth Macfarlene is still swimming in the stagnate pile of decaying fecal matter and vomit that is his three series, Family Guy being the worst offender. Littered with horrible messages, shock humor that tries far too hard and is pathetic to watch, and completely insulting to everyone. Hell, even the Simpsons are still fresh and interesting after a decade on the air. And the remakes of Teen Titans and Power Puff Girls are an insult to the original series, and are peddled off as for children. 

Halloween at Wayne Manor
  • Every kid in Gotham knows to hit up Wayne Manor on Halloween, they give you MULTIPLE REGULAR SIZED CANDY BARS!! none of this fun-size shit
  • They also have a separate bucket of small toys for children with complex food allergies 

  • Best decorations in town, it’s go hard or go home and Bruce never backs down from a challenge, cobwebs everywhere, GHOSTS! mother fukcing PUMPKINS!!!
  • Bruce isn’t allowed to answer the door because he lets all the kids dressed up as Batfam and Wonder Woman have as much candy as they want and gives dental floss to those dressed as clowns, also kids dressed as Superman but he’ll deny it
  • Damian:*Carves a pumpkin with a really ugly face* Drake! come at once! Tim: *Sigh* what? Damian:*Smirks and turns the pumpkin to face Tim* it’s you
  • Food fight in the kitchen with the scooped out pumpkin flesh
  • Almost everyone wears costumes to make Dick happy
  • Dick once forced Damian into a child’s Batman costume, Damian was outraged by the plastic Batarangs, Bruce totally didn’t have tears in his eyes fuck you
  • Jason never wears a costume no matter how hard Dick pouts at him, this leads to an array of replies when people ask why he’s not in costume e.g “My muscles are too big to fit in any costume” “I’m dressed as a sinner” “I’m dressed up as a serial killer. They look like everybody else” “I’m dressed as the miracle of life” “a pumpkin killed my parents, how dare you”
  • Tim once dressed as a Ghostbuster and wouldn’t stop trying to hoover up Jason and Damian
  • Stephanie and Cassandra always dress in matching or related costumes, it’s super fucking cute 
  • Dick: Where’s your outfit, Alfred?? Alfred: *pulls out a pair of rabbit ears and places them on his head* I am a bunny Master Grayson. Hop. Hop
  • Barbara dresses as a mermaid which AmAZES!! all the kids, cause it totally makes sense!!! her red hair which means she’s related to Ariel #kidlogic
  • Dick:*Dressed as Dracula* I want to SUCK YOUR BLOOD!! Jason: You can suck my di- Bruce: LANGUAGE!!
  • Batcow, Titus, Alfred the cat, and Goliath all have home made costumes made by Damian
  • Dick always gets sick from eating the most candy, he says he’s doing it to save everyone else from having cavities, he’s a dirty liar
  • Tim: *Walks around Walmart pointing to decorations* Spoopy
  • Jason: Raisins!??? RAISINS?? who the hell gives raisins on Halloween Bruce??? Monsters that’s who
  • Little kid: *See’s Jason as Red Hood on Halloween* what are you meant to be mr? Jason: I’m a used tampon Others: *through the comms* JASON!!!
Worldbuilding: Things That Might Have Been Missed

These are the miscellaneous questions I didn’t put anywhere else.  Things that didn’t get enough questions to have its own post, or things I didn’t think of too much until the end.  In this post, I have written a list questions of … . well, everything else?

Have fun, be detailed and creative, and by all means come up with questions that are not asked.

Because my computer ate everything, these questions are not directly taken from the NaNoWriMo website.  Some are asked from memory, some are questions that sounded like ones I had, and others are ones I came up with.

How is a funeral held?

What happens to the body after someone has died?
Do they bury it?  Place it in a tomb?  Cremate it?  Drop it to the bottom of the sea?  Send it down the river?  Toss it into a dragon’s lair?

How do people mourn?

What is consider an appropriate amount of time for mourning?

What color is used for mourning and funerals?
Black?  White?  Red?  Blue?  No specific color?  What does the color symbolize?

Are there any coming of age rituals?

What happens during a coming of age ritual?

What age is the child normally at when he or she goes the coming of age ritual?

Does it vary by gender?

What kind of jobs exist?

Which jobs are held in high esteem?

Which jobs are despised?

How do people get jobs?
Do they become an apprentice?  Do they need work experience?  A college degree?  How are they offered jobs?  Do they apply?  Talk with the owner?  Get recommended?

What jobs are influenced by magic?

What is the most common way someone meets his or her future spouse?
By growing with them?  Through connections?  School?  In the market?  At a dance?  Arranged marriage?

How technologically advanced is the world?

What is the latest piece of technology?

How does magic affect technology?

How is new technology viewed?
Is it embraced?  Are people apprehensive?  Do they outright spurn new technology?  Do people care?

What does the average bed look like?
Straw mattress?  Water bed?  A pile of blankets?  A wooden platform?  A chair?  A couch?

What are some rules regarding sleep?
Are mixed genders allowed or is that frowned upon unless they’re married?  Do people have their own beds or share with siblings?  Do the rules vary depending on where they’re sleeping?  Is everyone smooshed in together at an inn?  Can money get better bedding?

What are the basic pieces of furniture found in an average house?
Chairs?  Couches? Tables?  Beds?  Bookshelves?  How many are acceptable?  How many pieces of furniture would indicate lavishness?

What are some toys for children?

What do people use as a light source when the sun is not available?

What kinds of dishes are used?
Plates?  Bowls?  Cups or glasses?

What kind of eating utensils do people use?
Chopsticks?  Forks and spoons?  Their hands?

What materials are dishes and eating utensils made of?

What kind of items are used for cooking?
Pots and pans?  Clay pots?  Crock pots?  Skillets?  Wok?  A wooden plate?

I went looking for antique silverware today.

I got some, but that’s – shockingly – not the fun part.

At first, I worried I wouldn’t find enough inexplicable thrift store items to warrant a post…

but as soon as I saw Terrifying Foot-Tall Corner Dress Rat, I knew my fate had turned.

After that, I couldn’t stop finding incredible things.

A disturbing coconut head man with “DICK’S LAST RESORT” burned into it.

It’s like if Mr. Potato Head went both tropical and feral!

A glass from a prom titled “Desert Moon” that happened in 1985.

Why’s no one bought this yet? It’s 10 years older than me, it’s an antique!

Everybody’s favorite funtime children’s toy, Demonic Hollow Bear!

This Christmas, let your children live out their veterinary dreams on this organ-free, stretch-mouthed creature of darkness. It yearns for your soul!

The aftermath of a centipede breaking its legs.

Just don’t think about how big it had to be to warrant that size of crutch.

A 2D cutout… semi-colored-in… of a confused-looking cat… sitting on a cushion… with little flowers on it?

I can’t even make a joke, here. There’s no topping the reality of what it is.

And, lastly, my favorite of all…

the extensive art collection.

It’s all extra special, since a very specific chain of events has to occur for the pieces to be there:

#1, whoever owned it had to look at it, and go “yeah, this should get donated, someone will prolly want to buy it”…

…and #2, the store had to look at it, and go “yeah, no, that is totally something we should put a price tag on right this second.”

But they’re wrong. Every single piece is priceless, and if I had the funds I would make a found-in-thrift-stores art gallery for all the world to cherish.

listen I love those ‘imagine Padmé giving birth during the Clone Wars aus’ but instead of the Jedi Council just being okay with it for no real logical reason other than 'we need general Skywalker because he’s the chosen one’ please imagine Padmé and Anakin still trying to keep their relationship a secret even when it starts getting ridiculous.

Obi-Wan: Anakin why do Senator Amidala’s children look like you?
Anakin: The Force is my father so maybe it bullshitted them some genes too.

Mace: Anakin why did you move into Senator Amidala’s home?
Anakin: What? She needed help raising the twins. I’m just being helpful.

Rex: Umm General Skywalker? Why is there a baby strapped to your chest?
Anakin: Luke is sick and Senator Amidala didn’t want Leia to catch it. I’m babysitting.

Ahsoka: Master, we’re on a mission. Why are we stopping to buy toys for the Senator’s children?
Anakin: Listen Ahsoka, Luke and Leia will love this.

Everyone who knows Anakin and Padmé: Look Anakin, we know you’re the father.
Anakin: *snuggled up to Padmé and they both have a sleeping baby in their arms* I have no idea what you’re talking about.

8

The Redux collection of modern wooden vintage cars by Candylab

Candylab is the Brooklyn based company, that created an awesome range of modern little wooden toy cars, with the style, vibe and character of vintage muscle cars and other iconic American cars. now they created a new collection, the Redux collection. A series of four iconic American cars, that is a must in the home of everyone who has passion for vintage cars and child, or at least a strong inner-child. You can find it here on Kickstarter.

10

When it comes to children’s animation creating multimillion dollar franchises in worlds of infinite imagination, surely gender equality should be a cert? Discuss.

PASS:

The Incredibles, Brave, Toy Story 3, A Bug’s Life

FAIL:

Up, WALL-E, Ratatouille, Finding Nemo, Monsters, Inc., Monsters University, Toy Story and Toy Story 2, Cars and Cars 2.

In the movie The Santa Clause, one becomes Santa by putting on the red coat after the death of the previous Santa. Even ignoring how morbid this premise is on its own, it’s possible that there’s another even darker level to the story. When Scott Calvin shows up at the North Pole as the new Santa, not only do the elves not appear surprised, they seem happy to see him and not at all upset about the Santa he replaced. And furthermore, at the very beginning of the movie, we see an elf standing with a crowd of children outside a toy store near Scott’s house. Why would she already be there if she didn’t have some sort of prior knowledge of what was going to occur? This leaves me no choice but to conclude that the elves not only hated the previous Santa but actually orchestrated his demise.

tl;dr: In The Santa Clause, the elves totally murdered the previous Santa.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Six

-My girlfriend and I opened the store as the only cashiers, tag-teaming to perfection. She ran a lane with her superior “I Am Totally Awake And Ready To Be Here” face, while I handled the nitty gritty opening chores. Together, we easily conquered what would have alone been a devastating shift. There is nobody I would rather fall asleep at the register with.

-A man insisted on stowing his items within a set of drawers he had purchased. The fact that he had more items than he did storage space seemed an inconvenience, but I chose not to say anything, sure he would quickly notice. As I rang up my next guest five minutes later, I looked back, and wished I had said something earlier.

-A woman who was either in her teens or her forties spent her transaction making an impassioned case for the comedic value of Boss Baby. I always admire someone willing to stand for what they believe in, but I wholeheartedly admonish her choices in life that led to this point.

-Handing me a crumpled bag she decided she no longer wanted, a woman was devastated to hear me say it would be recycled. She declared this wasteful and very nearly took it back for her own purposes. I wish dearly that she had committed to this, as I am desperate to know the fate greater than recycling she feels this bag deserves.

-“I’ve never been carded at Target,” a thirty year-old woman said, as I did just that. I thought nothing of it at first, but after looking at her wizened and worried face, I became concerned that I had blown her cover entirely. What that cover was, I am unsure, but blowing it seems to have been the worst outcome this transaction could have had.

-I came across a basket full of fidget spinners in emblazoned with varying designs. The Superman spinners, the Justice League spinners, and even the plain label spinners, however, were all marked solely with the Superman emblem. I know not how he has risen the ranks to become the default design of fidget toys. That being said, I do believe this is how the plot of Injustice got rolling, so I know now to prepare for the uprising.

-When asked how he was today, a man told me that he was doing great, but he hoped to get over that soon. As a longtime mental roommate of chronic depression, I am ready and willing to get Freaky Friday with this man, giving us both just what we want.

-After her purchase, a woman declared that her cart should be shot. I have no other context, but I do trust her judgement, and I now shall carry out her sentence on my break.

-A mother coached her inexplicably green-faced children to hide their unwanted toys behind the candy shelves rather than hand them to me. I believe them to be the most notorious crime family in southwest Virginia. As they left, one of the boys offered me a high-five. I accepted the gesture, and with it, a membership in the Family. Please leave a comment below if you would like to hear my upcoming Mafia Crime Spreetales.

-I met an undercover time traveler who revealed herself as such through her “It’s Twenty Fourteen Time” sweatshirt which fell just short of subtle. I only hope she can make it back from this recon mission in time.

-Moments after I turned my lane’s light on, a woman approached my lane. She double-checked that I did not need more time to prepare for guests, then, after I said I was ready, she triple-checked, just to be sure. This level of consideration is nigh unrivaled in my experience, and I appreciated it greatly. Her purchase then rang up at barely half of what she expected, proving what I have always said about Cosmic Cashier Karma to be true and setting an example for all.

-I left my lane for twenty minutes to complete a training in the back of the store. Upon my return, I found my register covered from its proverbial head to its proverbial toes in deep purple fingerprints. I will spend the rest of my days working to uncover what I have missed, and how it went so very, very awry.

-Today, I noticed that I have many more Retales than an average shift. More things have seemed spectacular to me, more things have seemed thrilling, more things good and pure and joyful. The reason for this is simple enough: my partner in all things stationed by my side. This makes sense, as my girlfriend has long been my inspiration and the reason I am so prone to looking on the bright side. I hope to have more days like today, and as long as I have her, I know this hope will be fulfilled.