Interview With a Woman Who Recently Had an Abortion at 32 Weeks
Elizabeth* is 35. She grew up in the South, currently lives in Brooklyn, and has been married for two years. After a previous miscarriage at 10 weeks, she was overjoyed to find herself pregnant for a second time. At 31 weeks, she found out that the baby boy she was carrying wouldn’t be able to breathe outside the womb and would not survive. And at 32 weeks, she flew to Colorado to get a shot that would start the process of a third-trimester abortion; she then flew back to New York to finish the delivery. We talked on the phone two weeks into her recovery.
By Jia Tolentino

anonymous asked:

How to know if my parents are toxic?


I am so sorry to hear that your parents may be toxic towards you and I hope I can help you in identifying what their behaviour is that could make them toxic.

These are some of the things a parent will do if they are toxic..

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.
2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.
3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.
4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.
5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.
6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.
7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.
8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.
9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.
10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.
11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.
12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.
13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.
14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.
15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.
16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.
17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.
18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.
19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.
20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time..
21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.
22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.
23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.
24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.
25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.
26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.
27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.
28. They share personal information about you with others.
29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.
30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.


If you need any further advice then please feel free to send in another ask and we can advise you more on the situation you are experiencing. 


I really love a lot of actual positivity but I can’t stand the “positivity” that ignores disability and is like “you can do anything emotions are a choice forgiveness is the only way to heal!!!” and it’s hard to look at general positivity stuff without being afraid of seeing that and it feeds into my insecurity that I’m one of those negative toxic people who need to be cut off and I mean sometimes I get into a mood where all positivity seems ridiculous but idk where I’m going with this just mixed feelings I guess


well, I,

So many straight guys are so horrified by the remotest possibility of someone they’re not attracted to being attracted to them.

Like given the smallest suspicion of a one-way crush they’ll be truly awful to women they consider unattractive or men who like men, even if the person in question doesn’t even come close to flirting with them.

But then they turn around and fucking harass women who don’t return their attraction - with zero self-awareness. It’s truly mind-boggling to see the same guy say some cruel shit to repel the ‘advances’ of a gay man or a fat girl who barely glanced in his direction and like thirty seconds later be pushing his luck with some girl who’s already said three times she’s not interested.

That’s fucked up.

Just because someone used to be an important part of your life doesn’t mean you have to continue to cling to the friendship when it begins to die. Your relationship was once something beautiful and fulfilling, and that’s a wonderful thing. But at a certain point, no amount of watering and nurturing will bring it back to full bloom. The fact that its deteriorated doesn’t mean you’re incapable of sustaining meaningful friendships. It doesn’t mean you’re not worth the time and effort it takes to maintain a connection. And it isn’t any sort of evidence that you’re a burden or a bad friend. It just means that the relationship has run its course. It means that you’ve evolved into different people or moved apart or just lost each other in the clutter and preoccupation of life’s everyday demands. But it isn’t a reflection on your value as a person and friend.

It’s okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that used to have a special place in your heart. But if keeping yourself tethered to this person is causing more damage than healthy detachment and ongoing growth, it’s also okay to stop watering the friendship and let it die out. You don’t have to sacrifice your wellbeing for the sake of maintaining a relationship that doesn’t serve you anymore. You’re allowed to be picky when it comes to the people you let into your mental and physical space. You’re allowed to conserve your time and energy only for people who reciprocate. Because you deserve to feel seen and heard and cared for. You deserve relationships that make you feel fulfilled and connected. And no matter how long of a history you have with a person, you deserve to let go of any friendship that hurts you and forces you to prove your worth.
—  Daniell Koepke

they took the hair on our legs and decided it was a shameful, disgusting thing

they said nothing about their own leg hair

they took our genitals and decided it was an ugly, disgusting and shameful thing, only good enough for them to use for their pleasure

they praised their own genitals and drew them on every corner of this planet

they took our bodies and decided they have to be fragile, small and easy to objectify, or we aren’t worth as human beings anymore

they keep their human value no matter what they look like

they took our periods, neglecting they were all born from them, and decided they were gross and shameful thing, not even to be mentioned in their presence

all pain they have to go through is over-dramatized and talked about constantly

they took our clothes and made it uncomfortable, see through, impractical, revealing, objectifying

then they accused us of distracting them when we wear it, accused us of asking for unwanted touch and abuse when they feel entitled to our bodies

they set us up in a trap then laughed at us for suffering inside of it

they never intended to acknowledge our pain

what’s been done to us is “life”, according to them

what they do to each other is “our fault”, according to them

we’ve been used as scapegoats for their own faults

we’ve been used as toys for their pleasure and satisfaction

we’ve been used as trophies for them to show off their importance

it was enough

I had enough.