toxic high school

fourunllkelylovers  asked:

im so excited for whatever ur writing now like i love all of ur writing so so so much its always so so good and so interesting!!! and precanon oh gosh??? and u said its like a study on marvs character??? oh gosh im so excited aaa!!!!!!!!!! like!!!!! i love ur writing so much aaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

It is a character study of Marvin bc I’m planning on not only going into Marvin’s budding relationship with Whizzer but also his dissolving relationship with Trina and his weird relationship with Mendel and his increasingly distant relationship with Jason and some weird flashbacks about his toxic relationships with High School Sweetheart and Ms. Goldberg and I just

I am so happy about it.

You owe it to yourself to move on. Everything will be okay.

First of all, to you, as someone who presumably does not ship KatsuDeku, I’d like to thank you for coming to my ask box with a calm and respectful question rather than wagging fingers and yelling about how the pairing is disgusting and anyone that ships it is filth; or saying things that people who hate Katsuki and Izuku paired together usually use as an example as to why Katsuki is a pretty terrible person and why they should never be together. So, before I answer your question, i really need to say thank you. 

Without any more delay, let’s delve into this!

And please, just bare with me, I have a point to all this.

Their relationship was indeed abusive growing up, and anyone that can’t see it is either blind, or chooses to be blissfully ignorant. It was a textbook case of bullying, and first I want to say, that by “shipping” the two of them, that I in no way condone treating another human being like absolute dirt.

With that being said, Katsuki is a strange character. Too many see him as nothing but blind rage, anger, and (in my opinion) his most dangerous personality trait, pride. Izuku was a very young boy when Katsuki began bullying him, and our small green son said himself that once Katsuki had gotten his quirk he began to change.

I’m not excusing his behaviour, but Katsuki, as an impressionable child (as most are), with his drive and determination to be the best, was encouraged by absolutely everyone, and denied by no one. They didn’t just whisper that he was meant for greatness, they loudly exclaimed it, shouted it, and ingrained it into his head. He was told that he would be simply amazing because of his quirk, and then izuku, who didn’t have one, matched his fiery spirit all the way, despite HIM being the best.

A childs psyche is easily fucked with. This kid sat there with heavy expectations, and hopes and dreams on his shoulders. He was told he was amazing by everyone, so it must be true right? He treated Izuku badly all because he was quirkless, but no one stopped him from behaving in such a way, despite it being quite obvious as to what he was doing (Katsuki isn’t known for being quiet), so he couldn’t have been doing anything too bad right?

All that pressure, self doubt, fear of failure, insecurity, and self loathing when he couldn’t reach the top comes with those societal expectations and borderline demands. It all builds up inside and it’s been showing in the recent chapters. His treatment of Izuku… I don’t think Katsuki is as apathetic to Izuku’s suffering as he lets on. Katsuki’s anxiety about his own abilities was never Izuku’s fault, but he saw him as a hurdle to climb over, simply because he unknowingly regarded him as someone who was on par with him, quirk or no. Izuku always met him every step of the way in exuberance, dedication, perseverance despite not being as “amazing” as he is, and infuriatingly enough, beat him when it came to bravery.

If Izuku really was no more than a pebble to him, Katsuki wouldn’t have cared so much about building himself up in comparison, and would have simply dismissed him as another side character, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Izuku endured years of bullying, both emotional and physical mistreatment from Katsuki, yet this blindingly upbeat, and downright Heroic boy has this amazing gift to see the good there is in a person. He can read a person, and see their pain, and tries to obliterate it with his words. As an example, for Shouto, Izuku saw that he was suffering, and used the only power he had from the start to try and save him; the power of speech and his belief in peoples inner strength (or something equally as MC protag-ish). I think that’s what he’s been trying to do with Katsuki from the start. I personally believe that Katsuki perhaps knows that, and sees Izuku pointing out these things to him, or admiring them, as him dragging out and mocking what he sees as weakness in himself. Not that ‘being amazing’ is a weakness, but the fact that Izuku sees him, like his front of fury is so transparent that he could stick his hand through his chest, is like he’s being made out to be a fool. Heros are supposed to be strong, show no fear, and unquestionably courageous. Izuku has beat him in every respect as Katsuki sees it now, yet Izuku’s still there, praising him, and ‘making fun of him’. Katsuki has never needed any real encouragement, as he’s always been at the top. It was just expected respects and due praise to him. He probably has no idea what it means to have someone really believe in him. He was supposed to be the one to make it big, yet there’s “Deku”, crushing not just his dreams, but making the voices of everyone around him, and the whispers of the adults of his past louder and louder, reiterating that he is meant to be something.

SO, ENOUGH ABOUT KATSUKI—

I just had to explain where I was coming from to make my point here, forgive me.

So Katsuki, as fucked up, and down right foul as he can be, isn’t completely to blame for becoming what he is. Again, I’m not excusing him, but I’m saying that Izuku can see that. Izuku isn’t blind to it, at least not completely, because if I was that kid I woulda’ changed schools a long time ago, but this strong green bean has thought about it- said it to himself- and even said it to atsuki’s face (kind of) that he’s a fucking asshole. Izuku has even gone so far as to think about how he hates the guy.

I completely understand where you’re coming from anon.

I really, really do.

I was also bullied really bad by a few people, but two of them, who were incidentally two of the worst by a long shot, are now some very good friends to me. The only thing I can say about that is… people change. They just… grew up.

I’m not saying that everyone needs to go out there and confront their bullies, or people who harassed them, because not all people can make peace with who they were in the past, or perhaps never learned to function a different way, but it happens. You don’t need to gain any closure with a past tormentor, and you are allowed to live your life without sparing them another thought. That is 100000% a-okay. But so is forgiving people, and helping them down a better road to becoming a significantly kinder person. People are allowed to forgive as well as cast away, and this is something I have become very intimate with given my “family” situation. I completely understand that some just can not be forgiven, not ever… but in light of those who are undeserving, I’ve learned and become aware of who is forgivable. Katsuki wasn’t so bad as to not be forgiven and perhaps be given a chance.

We always forget that children can be so cruel. They can be kind, but they don’t even know who they are yet. They can’t make executive decisions concerning some basic life choices. We can’t expect them to understand what they’re doing wrong all the time. Hell, even as adults, humans are constantly learning and shaping themselves to their environment and the people around them.

One of my bullies, they were especially crude and mean to me because they “liked me”. Now they’ve admitted that it was not the way to approach things, and they’re deeply sorry for the ways they acted in high school. They made my life hell for the few months of grade eight all those years ago. I was on the rugby team with him as well, and he and his friends, who i had to play with, would be especially rough with me. It was fine, I thought. I was capable of handling it. We’ve talked about how the stigma and influence of his father and “friends” drove him to act in those ways. How the “boys will be boys” and “Boys pick on girls if they like them” thing was ingrained in his head. It was so influential and potent in his thought process that he thought that me fighting back only meant I liked him too- and drove him to do it even more.

The second of one of my worst bullies was a girl who also went along with the crowd, but now knows that she was a tyrannical queen bee. She had a lot of insecurities, as most bullies often do, and her mother was always on her about being a perfect woman, which now we’ve bonded over due to our similar circumstances. She knows what she did was wrong, and despises what she was in the past. We found eachother again when we volunteered as sort of ‘big sisters’ to teen girls, and did occasional groups with them as well. She knows she did a lot of bad, but hopes to make up for it now that she’s realized her grave mistakes. She’s since broken up with a lot of the “friends” who were just as toxic in high school, and surrounds herself with body-positive, loving people, and i couldn’t be happier to talk to her, and be friends with who she is today, and accept all her past faults and misconducts.

Now, i’m not trying to project my own circumstances here, because I definitely don’t want to see a few bullies I had in school, but I also broke one of their noses, and drop kicked another, so I feel like i got a bit of payback.

What I’m trying to say here,bottom line, with out all the gabbing, is that people can change. I’m not telling you, or talking down to you like I don’t think you know that, but I’m saying it as a generalization for my conclusion here (and for those who are very adamant that a bad person is permanently a douche canoe).

I don’t believe people are inherently bad. Although a person’s experiences and environment can shape the way they see the world, and how they put themselves forth in it, they can improve themselves. As adults, young adults, and perhaps growing teens who are beyond their years, we can look back and take into consideration that everyone’s issues are at play, and acknowledge that it isn’t always a black and white situation. No one is perfect, but we can strive for it as best as we can.

The majority of KatsuDeku shippers focus on Katsuki making amends, and growing past whatever beastly guise he buried “who he really is” under. I think I speak for most of the KatsuDeku shippers when I say we only want Izuku to get through to him, and for Katsuki to recognize himself, his wrongdoings, and fucking apologize. Most fics are all about redemption, or placed in a setting where it’s already happened. I mean, yes, there’s darker fics, every pairing has those, and it may just seem a little more intense given their past with each other, but really, with KatsuDeku…. I get the feeling a lot of us just really want that witty romcom pairing where they kind of piss each other off, but come together to save the world in the end kinda deal. If it was 2005 or something, we could be having this conversation about Naruto and Sasuke or something, who beat the ever loving shit out of each other, yet still had this deep rooted connected between them (that usually translated to each other through fists and screams, like jesus christ LOL).

Katsuki is also filled with passion and drive, and I think he’s more than a little above average on the attractive meter, so there are those fics where it’s purely them, realizing they can rock each other’s world…

BUT-

I think we all see Katsuki’s insecurity, and want Izuku to continue to try and ease it- but we also don’t want him to be walked all over. We know Katsuki is a nugget of dickcheese. But this kid has also been publicly humiliated in the sports festival, beaten at every aspect of who he is- or what he was suppose to be, taunted and berated by his teachers and peers (which has never been happened before), captured and made to feel helpless, denied of even getting a hero’s training license (so failing at the bare minimum of what he should be doing), and Izuku can understand those feelings more than anyone else i’m sure. Izuku is a fucking VIP in those departments, or at least he was in the past. Katsuki is experiencing what Izuku has gone through, though in different aspects and situations, and Izuku could probably relate on eleven personal levels.

Katsuki and Izuku have history, and share a lot more in common than either of them would like to admit. They arguably have one of the deepest and most complex relationships in the series, and there’s so much more to them than “the bully and the victim.” They share pain and experiences, and though Izuku’s was majorly inflicted by Katsuki, he’s a big enough person to work past that, and be there if Katsuki so happens to work past his own issues. Izuku’s a strong willed motherfucker, and he’s the only thing that Katsuki Bakugou has never truly broken. If Katsuki could see that, and how despite himself, he’s used Izuku as his strength and drive to keep going, they could be unstoppable side by side.

I’d like to see what they could possibly be if Katsuki can manage grow as a person, which he is slowly, but steadily accomplishing. We just want Katsuki to say he’s fucking sorry, and listen to Izuku instead of getting his programmed prejudices, persistent, and intrusive, selfish desires, his need to excel, and pride in the way.

Izuku is strong, and more than capable of taking care of himself now. He’s made it clear he’s done being bullied, and is more than happy to go head to head with Katsuki to be his equal, though it’s kind of clear Katsuki may have seen him as such from the beginning. Still, he’s always reaching out to Katsuki, trying to raise him up despite his aversion to receiving support, and his determination to be on his own- and be number one. That’s the kind of strength one can only muster if they really care about someone I think.

With all that being said, you also asked me why i saw this relationship as healthy. Their current relationship… is not exactly healthy, but more dysfunctional than anything. There isn’t anything “healthy” about their past relationship at all, but now, I think Izuku is capable of pulling his weight. Some good rivalry never hurt anyone in these sorts of animes. This is also fiction. What I see as alright in fictional relationships does not reflect what I think is alright for a real relationship. There needs to be a firm line between fictional relationships and real relationships. Some are easier to establish than others, and it varies in difficulty from person to person.

If I saw two people interacting as Izuku and Katsuki do now, while knowing about their strength and how they butt heads on fairly equal grounds, I probably wouldn’t interfere. People are allowed to fight. People are allowed to argue, but hey, they’re pretty much on equal fighting terms.

If I saw them interacting like they did in middle school, I would be on that so fast, their heads would spin.

Perhaps I’m a bit desensitized or jaded when it comes to subjects like these simply because I’ve experienced some pretty extreme forms of abuse… but when I think of KatsuDeku, I can only hope for the best. KatsuDeku is easy for me to establish as fictional, and even if it wasn’t, where both the boys are now, I think they can handle each other. Their relationship isn’t so abusive currently that red flags start to fly.

Ever heard of Killing Stalking? Red flags there for me personally. Now, that shit straight up (and I don’t use this word lightly because some people just over use it to the point of giving it no meaning and now it’s just a joke to me) triggered me, because before I knew it, I was crying all over myself and having a panic attack, and flash backs, and all that lovely stuff. But it’s fiction. I recognized it as such, and acknowledged that people are allowed to like it, and read it it, draw it, ship it, w/e they want, because chances are they’re aware that this isn’t how a regular couple should function. This isn’t me saying “It’s not bad enough abuse for me to dislike it, because look what it COULD BE” when it comes to our aspiring heros, it’s just…. Izuku isn’t some helpless little kid, and I very much want him to prove that. He’s not a victim anymore.

KatsuDeku isn’t the best of relationships right now, but it’s certainly not the worst, and has a lot of potential to grow and shape into something. Canonly; more than likely they’ll just become friends, because everything is very hetero-normative in japan, though there’s room for a lot more than friendship. They’ve exposed themselves on so many levels that I think they would be even closer because of their past. Concerning fan works; a shit ton of material to play off of here. A pretty interesting date or two lies in store there, lol.

I’m sorry if I didn’t correctly answer your question, or if I made no sense, or rambled, or left things out that were in my thoughts and didn’t quite make it into my… lengthy response here. If I ever came off rude up there, that was not my intention, and was just trying to explain!

Thank you for your question! My sympathies to your past bullying experience, and i’m glad you no longer have to deal with that ;A;

If i wasn’t clear on anything, or should clarify, don’t hesitate to ask!

Have a lovely day!

Even if Mon was Kara’s “first love” (total bullshit since she was so crazy over James), it was basically the equivalent of your first toxic high school relationship with a teenage boy who is selfish and sexist and just wants to get into your pants. Like yeah maybe her feelings were real but she’s gonna move on and realize James was right there all along or find comfort in Lena and be like OKAY YEAH I REALIZE THIS IS KINDA GAY AND I’M KINDA BI, LET’S HELP EACH OTHER HEAL AND GROW TOGETHER??

Also if this season was supposed to be about Kara learning to “balance different parts of her life” didn’t it kinda prove she’s not that great at it and Mon-El just made that a lot worse? (Plus she totally could have learned to balance this with James since.. idk HE WAS ALREADY THERE AND KNEW SHE WAS SUPERGIRL BEFORE ANYONE ELSE AND BELIEVED IN HER?! And he had experience with Clark/Superman. A whole fucking season of buildup, man…)

Billy Hargrove

I think one of the most appealing things about Billy is that he’s that cocky macho jock/popular guy who is kinda broken and you’d highlow-key love to date - but, in real life you’d hate him and never think twice about because you’d know that he would only want one thing and then move onto the next one. The fantasy of dating this charming and impulsive guy is pretty alluring.

Keep reading

Advice for high school

As a high school senior now, I’ve had ups and downs and learned quite a lot from my experiences. Thought I’d share a bit of what I learned:

- Find an extracurricular that you enjoy. you’ll meet new people, explore new communities, and network. Also, it will help you manage your time better. You’ll have less time for homework, forcing you to learn and finish it quickly and efficiently. doesn’t sound fun I know, but you’ll feel great after finishing everything ;) 

- Take advantage of your district/school’s library. If your school or district has a decent library that you wouldn’t mind spending some time in, use it! Especially if you’ve got some time to spare between activities. Lots of libraries have some great online resources, study rooms, air conditioning during summer, and ofc, TONS of books to use! 

- It’s okay to change. Your perspective on things (esp controversial things) will change. and that’s fine. Your taste in clothing, your hobbies, your after school stuff, and friends will change. At 16 years I thought I was done maturing, and I had the personality I would have for the rest of my life. But I changed SO MUCH between turning 16 and 17. Expect change in a lot of places.

- Drink water and eat. water’s nice bc it prevents headaches, helps your skin stay clear, and remains as a great refresher if you’re feeling sleepy. Always keep yourself well fed, it gives your brain energy to think!

- Be nice to your teachers, heck make friends with them. That is, if your teachers are nice as well. no need to attempt to make friends with an ass. but having teachers as friends will make it easier to ask questions (esp if they sound dumb in your head), and it will be so convenient for college. Reccomendations. U don’t wanna end up with no one to ask for a good rec.

- Pick your friends carefully. It’s really going to come in handy later, then you don’t have to cut out toxic friends later in high school. It’s way easier to stop talking to someone the first couple months you meet then after 3 years of being friends. And it’s okay to not have many friends – remember quality over quantity. 

- Go to school events. At least once. Especially if it’s senior year. Go to homecoming, prom, tolo, football and basketball games. If your friends play sports, go watch them compete at least once ( if they’re ok with it).

- But also enjoy staying home from one. Some of the best days I’ve had is staying home from prom with a group of friends and doing a sleepover. 

- Take pictures of slides or notes in class that you’ll need later, and take pictures of friends. You only go to high school once.

- Try not to procrastinate, though it’s hard not to. You’ll reduce the amount of stress that comes with cramming, and it will teach you good habits for the future (bc in college cramming does not work)

- Try to start preparing for your SAT/ACT early. If you plan to attend college, starting to practice for these tests early will help SO much. trust me buddy. it’s not fun to take a bunch of tests last minute before college apps close to scramble for a decent score. I would recommend to start prepping sophomore year if you’re shooting for a really high score

- Shoot high. you’re capable of waaaaaay more than you think. Push your boundaries with challenging classes and work hard. yes, you will suffer, but you will also grow so much!

I hope this helps! 

Okay guys I'm going to say it.

If you have toxic friends in high school and you can’t get rid of them because of friendship groups and what not that’s fine. But the moment you graduate and you can. Dump there asses like the sack of potatoes of a person they are.

Four years later I’m still learning this lesson. Once a bitch who is self centred and rude. Always a self centred bitch.

Even if you think you won’t have any friends if you dump them fucking do it. Toxic people are not worth your time or energy. Learn from me beans.

What I wish I could go back and tell my high school self:

A year from now, you’ll be sitting in the same chair, typing at the same desk, except all your belongings will be crammed into a carry-on and your closest friends in entirely different states. A year from now, you’ll have gotten over the girl who was always a little spiteful and wonder how you were ever jealous of her; you’ll have gotten over the boy who you once thought was your entire world and realize that he’s not worth even a second of your time.

One day, you’ll understand that a lot of people like to talk, but it’s all pretend; that the smartest people are also the most humble. You’ll go back to your high school and remember all the parts of yourself that you left behind when you went to college—all the people who you left behind—and realize that you don’t miss the way things used to be as much as you thought you did.

College is a lot harder, but also so much better in every single way. People care more about who you are than what you got on the SAT; people help boost you up rather than bring you down. I have to fight for my grades now, but I’m doing it for myself, not for other people or for a rank. College isn’t competitive or toxic like high school was; life becomes more about you and who you want to be than about the colleges you got into.

You’ll end up at a university that you don’t even have the guts to dream about right now. You’ll go back to the life you used to have, and wonder how you were ever complacent with the way things were; you’ll realize that there are better people in this world, people who care a lot about others and people who genuinely inspire you to be a better version of yourself. There’ll still be times you’ll think you’re a failure, and there’ll still be times you’ll struggle with motivating yourself, but all in all?

Hang in there, because it gets so much better.

Seeing random trans people on Twitter I’ve never even spoken to or even seen before just having me blocked gives me so much anxiety

It drives me right back to that toxic high school behavior where you could lose entire portions of your friend network for saying one wrong thing, making one wrong move and they’ll toss you in the dumpster without even so much as a hint as to wtf you even did

I’ve seen this behavior go on and on and on since like 2013 and it’s probably been happening even before them

I am tired

I want the trans community to stop being so cannibalistic because this isn’t high school

i’m finally showing up in the tags. about damn time. anyways, i’ve been gone from the rpc for a long ass time now but i think i’m ready to jump back in, take on some plots, and get to writing again. i’m open for almost all plots and pairings if you’ve got any ideas or something you wanna do, but if you want specifics ─ some plots and faces i’d like to use are located below the read more. like this or hmu and let’s get to it !!

Keep reading

prcy-jcksn  asked:

just found your blog and I too and a salty Canadian who hates hockey with a passion! thank you for this i literally cant stand hockey... (took me a couple times to decide to read cp cause i saw it was about hockey and I was like no...)

It’s funny because like I don’t mind hockey as “that thing where you try to put a puck in a net”, I will play hockey with kids I’m looking after and I’m not averse to going to a CWHL game with my girlfriend if she, I, and a game are ever in the same city at the same time.

But there’s this essay I’ve reblogged before with this line, “Canadian women carry Those Hockey Boys like stones in our throats” and it’s resonated with me and a LOT of other people I’ve shared it with. I went to the same schools as boys who went on to play in the AJHL and CHL (fuck, for all I know higher leagues than that, but I’ve aggressively distanced myself from any knowledge of them now.)  Some of them were my bullies, both of the “let’s physically assault and sexually harrass her” and “let’s ask her out as a joke and laugh uproariously when she says yes” varieties (different schools, different boys, same shit).

For people who aren’t from Hockeyland, let me explain just what makes hockey culture so toxic and hockey boys so awful.

Keep reading

BREATHE

Breathe is about the obsessive and toxic friendship between two high school girls, Charlie and Sarah.  It’s a friendship that – while mostly platonic – is at least queer adjacent.  Basically, My Summer of Love if the main characters never did anything about their sexual tension.  Sarah is beyond abusive to Charlie, which only makes Charlie more infatuated with Sarah (mostly in a wanting-to-be-around-her-all-the-time way, but occasionally in a sniffing-her-hair-while-she-sleeps way).  And it’s no accident that their downfall starts the moment Sarah kisses Charlie – a moment that seems to be nothing but a game to Sarah but clearly throws Charlie for a loop.  If there’s a lesson to be learned from this movie, it’s that if your friend kisses you and then laughs in your face, you should probably be wary.

Here’s to the trans people who can’t/don’t feel safe to come out. The trans people with unsafe environments and families. The trans people who don’t pass. The trans people who don’t feel comfortable with themselves, who feel immense dysphoria everyday. The trans people who don’t have support. The trans poc who face even more oppression and invisibility in our community. Here’s to the trans siblings we’ve lost to violence. The disabled trans people. The trans people who are still figuring themselves out. The trans people in a toxic high school environment. The senior citizen trans people. Here’s to trans parents, trans grandparents. The trans people who came out when they were 5 and the ones who came out when they were 50. Heres to all of us. All of you.

I see you, even if the world doesn’t.

im doing my school’s senior questionnaire and i thought id put my answer for “What advice would you give to your 9th grade self to be successful in high school?” here:

don’t put so much academic pressure on yourself, don’t let the toxic high school atmosphere of AP-loading and academic competition influence your perception of your abilities or success, don’t be afraid to ask questions, don’t be afraid to be wrong, don’t worry so much about your ‘reputation’/how you’re viewed amongst your friends, don’t worry about your GPA so much (& corollary: don’t let grades/score-worries overshadow your love of learning), spend less time complaining about bad teachers and more time figuring out ways to make-do & learn, continue to throw yourself into stuff you love, if 80% of what your friends care about is comparing calc quiz scores they shouldn’t be your friends, read more books, think critically about everything you read/see, take advantage of your creative outlets more, getting little sleep isn’t something to be proud of, don’t hang out with people who make you feel small, doing poorly on assignments or projects or exams will happen at some point in your 4 yrs of high school – let the bad feelings sit for 2 minutes and then turn them into something productive, and above all please don’t forget that your body and mind are the basis of being alive at all so drink more water and feed your somatic & cognitive self wholesome things. i believe in u a lot.