toxic events

How to Start a Self-Care Bullet Journal

Hello journalers! This post is going to explain how to begin a bullet journal that will help you take care of yourself and manage your mental/physical health. I will go in depth and share various ideas to add to this kind of journal. 

How To Start: 

1. Like all bullet journals, make sure you have a journal that fits your needs. Dot grid, square grid, blank page, or lined are the options for basically all journals. Pick one that you can see yourself using for a while and that will conform to your needs. 

2. Make an outline on a separate piece of paper of the things you want in your self-care journal. Nothing is more cringe-worthy in my bullet journals is when I get lazy on design and layout. Figure out which lists, trackers, challenges, and calendars you will need. 

3. Start like you would with a normal bullet journal with the index. My rule is that I need to have 3 pages for my index, otherwise I run out of room to keep track of my pages and I get overwhelmed. 

Things To Add:

1. Future Plans/Goals

Pump yourself up for the future! You are going to accomplish many incredible feats during your lifetime, but it helps to take the first step and actually write down your goals and plans. I have two resources for you for this section. [Here] is a post about Goal Oriented Pages. Here is a picture of my bucketlist from my last bullet journal:

2. Fitness Log

If you are ready to get in shape or just be healthy, this is something you really need to stay motivated or keep track of your exercising habits. You can add checklists, hydration logs, running countdowns, etc. 

3. Daily Affirmations

When dealing with stress, mental health, and anything else that can get you feeling less than the amazing person you are, it’s good to remind yourself how truly fantastic you are. Here is a [link] to my 30-Day Affirmation Challenge. 

4. Gratitude Log

Being thankful for what you have will give you so much peace in your life. If you’d like some ideas for yours, click [here] for my 30-Day Gratitude Challenge.

5. Things That Make You Happy

List everything that makes you remotely happy and keep adding things as you go through your life. Below is my first journal that had my “Things I Love” page. It got filled so fast. 

6. Meditation Diary

I honestly loved this idea and used it like crazy. [Here] is a link to how I set my diary up. 

7. Habit Trackers

Keeping track of your actions will always help you feel at peace and there are many different kinds of habit trackers out there: medicine, sleep, reading, exercise, etc. If you’d like to be even more motivated for getting things done, [here] is a link to my Habit Tracker Reward System. 

8. Alternatives to Self-Destructive Acts

Many of us have negative habits that can be more extreme than others. But even the smallest self-destructive act will have a huge negative effect on your life. Here is a list of some ideas to do instead of thinking bad things or hurting yourself: do a puzzle, go exercise, take a nap, listen to music, watch funny videos, watch a movie, write, make lists, color a picture, bake something, etc.

9. When I Feel Triggered…

Anything can make us recall traumatic events, toxic people, or just make us feel anxious. Make a short list of maybe 5-10 things you can do to help yourself calm back down. 

10. All About Me

Writing and doodling things that represent yourself can be very therapeutic. I made a post about this recently that can be found [here].  

11. Self-Care Ideas/Me Time

Sometimes we don’t know how to make ourselves feel better. Write a list of things you could try to do to help yourself become a healthier you. Examples: take a warm bath, go for a walk, drink a glass of water, watch a sad movie, etc. You can also make a page to keep track of how long each task you complete and where you completed it. 

12. A Year In Pixels

I did not come up with this idea, but [here] is a post about where I found it and a picture of my page.

I found a few more ideas, but you can check this [link] for 100 more! 

It’s about that time again. After asking twitter when I should share it and an overwhelming vote in favor of “now, you asshole,” I’m excited to share the official playlist for THE EDGE OF THE ABYSS!

Like last time, I’ve included a note about what each song is there for, and the songs are roughly in story order. This, of course, leads to a caveat: while I’ve done my best to keep things vague, the deeper you go and the closer you read, the more you wander into potential spoiler territory. 

This playlist grew alongside the book—some songs corresponding to certain scenes, others lending themselves more to the overall vibe. Those of you who’ve read already can probably see their influence and the ways they reflect the story. Those of you who haven’t… buckle up.

  1. So Far From Your Weapon // The Dead Weather // there’s a bullet in my pocket burning a hole / you’re so far from your weapon and the place you were born // a song for lookout duty
  2. Winter // Daughter // drifting apart like two sheets of ice, my love / frozen hearts growing colder with time // a song for three weeks of silence
  3. Blame // Bastille // fall upon your knees, saying ‘this is my body and soul here’ / fall and beg and plead, saying ‘you’ve got the power and control’ / don’t pin it all on me // a song for swift at the door
  4. Gun // CHVRCHES // who are you to tell me how to keep myself afloat? / i tread the water all the while / you stuck in the knife that you held at my back // a song for bleeding lips and finding balance
  5. Get Home // Bastille // how am i gonna get myself back home? // a song for a question
  6. Mother & Father // BROODS // ever since i left my mother, it’s much harder to know / how to make my own life here, how to make my own home // a song for a heart too empty
  7. We the Common // Thao & The Get Down Stay Down // all they wanted was a villain, a villain / and all they had was me / all they wanted was a villain, a villain / so then they just took me // a song for cas and the salt
  8. Beggin For Thread // Banks // strapped down to something that you don’t understand / don’t know what you were getting yourself into / you should have known / secretly i think you knew  // a song for cas and the bind
  9. Ships in the Night // Mat Kearney // turn the lights down low / walk these halls alone / we can feel so far from so close // a song for trying to make it work
  10. Black Water // Of Monsters And Men // swallowed by a vicious, vengeful sea / darker days are raining over me / in the deepest depths i lost myself / i see myself through someone else // a song for cas
  11. Trouble // Neon Jungle // they say here comes a hurricane / trouble is her middle name / but i don’t look for trouble / yeah, trouble looks for me // a song for swift at the helm of a needleboat
  12. Hell and Back // The Airborne Toxic Event // and you took me to hell and back / how many times can i walk away from you? // a song for a new year
  13. I’m So Sorry // Imagine Dragons // so you gotta fire up / you gotta let go / you’ll never be loved ‘til you’ve made your own // a song for meeting an old friend in the middle of a storm
  14. Bullets // Rebecca & Fiona // don’t make me show you how weak you are / hurts like bullets between these walls // a song for a punching bag
  15. The Draw // Bastille // in my left hand there is the familiar / in my right hand there’s the great unknown // a song for cas’s turmoil
  16. Leave A Trace // CHVRCHES // i have somehow got away with everything / anything you ever did was strictly by design / but you got it wrong / and i’ll go anywhere but there // a song for cas, the knife
  17. Ghost Towns // Radical Face // but i miss you / but there’s no coming home / there’s no coming home with a name like mine // a song for cas and tom
  18. We Sink // CHVRCHES // we are / i’ve come apart and you made me / float like / a pretty box of your evil // a song for young leadership
  19. Cliffs Edge // Hayley Kiyoko // cliff’s edge, you turn me on / you lead me on / you’ve got me on a cliff’s edge / where i belong // a song for a cold bottle of beer on the trainer deck
  20. Everybody Wants To Rule The World // Lorde // help me make the most of freedom / and of pleasure / nothing ever lasts forever // a song for second times
  21. This Is Why We Fight // The Decemberists // so come to me / come to me / lay your arms around me / this is why / this is why we fight // a song for the last stand 
  22. I Bet My Life // Imagine Dragons // i know i took the path that you would never want for me / i know i let you down, didn’t i? // a song for new ships on the horizon
  23. Home // American Authors // i’m not trying to part the ocean waves / i’m not trying to overthrow the throne / i’m just trying to find a way to make it back home  // a song for the end in sight
  24. Monster Lead Me Home // Sara Hartman // where there is nowhere to hide / stranger on the other side / we walk in shadows / monster lead me home // a song for cutting a deal
  25. Love Me Again // John Newman // i need to know now / know now, can you love me again? // a song for new beginnings in the bones of old ones

Undercover Martyn - Two Door Cinema Club // Cardiac Arrest - Bad Suns // Cough Syrup - Young the Giant // The Summer - Citizen // Violent Inside - Joyce Manor // Twin Size Mattress - The Front Bottoms // Sex - The 1975 // Old Yellow Bricks - Arctic Monkeys // Take a Walk - Passion Pit // Banker - The Cinema // Flaws - Bastille // Midnight City - M83 // Cigarette Daydreams - Cage The Elephant // Changing - The Airborne Toxic Event // Moon Comes Up - Boy In A Box // Float On - Modest Mouse // Robbers - The 1975 // Super Rich Kids - Frank Ocean


Click here to listen.

8

Lemony x Beatrice Songs | Sometime Around Midnight- The Airborne Toxic Event

Sometime Around Midnight

A/N: i decided to write this after seeing an ex boyfriend in a club one night making out with his girlfriend and it was emotionally harrowing i was so drunk i went in the bathroom and cried lmao (we’ve been broken up for ages too btw lmao)

Song(s) Used: Sometime Around Midnight - The Airborne Toxic Event (it legit relates to what happened to me)

Pairing: Dan x Reader

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, sad thoughts (everything that makes up my personality)

Word Count: 1,448 words

Genre: Angst (I just really love angst okay)

Ps. Lyrics are in bold and italic

Dans P.O.V

“and it starts sometime around midnight, or atleast thats when you lose yourself for a minute or two…”

Midnight has always been a vulnerable time. Midnight is when you’re at your emotional peak, some could say.

Things in my life werent going the way i had planned, lets say. But I decided I would try my best to have a great time while I could. I mean, I was in Orlando for Playlist Live surrounded by amazing company; so I decided to follow the crowd to a party and now, here I am at midnight.

I dont know if it was because it was midnight, or because of all the alcohol I had consumed during the night, but there was something that was making me feel vulnerable, almost like I was anxious and on edge. Maybe it wasn’t either of those two. Maybe it was something else?

But then she walks in, and it’s almost like everything has frozen around her.

“as you stand under the bar lights, and the band plays some song about forgetting yourself for a while, and the pianos this melancholy soundtrack to her smile; and that white dress shes wearing you haven’t seen her for a while…”

(Y/n) walks in looking as beautiful as she always has been, walking in wearing an amazing white dress. The band started playing some song about letting go and forgetting yourself.

How ironic.

I look towards (Y/N) and I can see her smiling brightly at everyone, the same smile she always gave me until I fucked it all up. Her smile alone is enough to take me back to all of the great times we had together, because thats the same smile she always had on, and the melody of the piano solo of the song in the background is reminding me of those times,

those times I will never get back.

I just stood by the bar, watching her, evaluating her. I was too busy watching her that I never noticed the boy that walked in behind her…

“but you know that she is watching, she’s laughing, shes turning, she holding her tonic like a crux…”

For a second, I caught her eye, and I felt the heat rush to my face and I gave her a shy smile, but she gave one back.

She walks up to her group of youtuber friends at the party, and it seems like she’s having a great time, she’s laughing, she’s dancing and holding her drink as if her life depended on it.

All while looking my way, kind of like a message to tell me that her life is great.

But seeing her so happy and having fun is almost breaking my heart, because I’m feeling the complete opposite

“the room suddenly spinning she walks up and asks how you are, so you can smell her perfume; you can see her lying naked in your arms…”

The night started to progress and I got even drunker to forget about all of the memories that came with seeing (Y/N) at the party tonight. I guess I should’ve known that she would be here, but part of me was convinced that she would never show up.

I was so drunk the the room was practically spinning and I felt like I could barely stand up. And for a second I thought I was hallucinating because I could see her start walking towards me; this was honestly the last thing I was expecting.

“Hey Daniel, it’s been a while. How have you been?” She asks in that sweet voice of hers that I’ve missed. The voice I never thought I would hear in person again, especially standing right in front of me.

I was way too entranced to talk. The fact that my ex girlfriend was standing in front of me, she was also wearing my favorite perfume of hers, and boy did that perfume bring back more memories. Memories of us laying in bed together, her wrapped up in my arms, like it was always supposed to be.

"Yeah I’ve been alright” I lied.

"and so there’s a change in your emotions. and all these memories come rushing like feral waves to your mind; of the curl of your bodies like two perfect circles intertwined; and you feel hopeless and homeless and lost in the haze of the wine…”

After the awkward conversation about small talk, she walks off back to our- I mean her friends and I start to feel guilty, because maybe if I wasn’t such a fuck up when we were together, she would still be with me, we would still be together.

Watching her walk off started bringing back even more memories, like how our bodies would just mold and curl together, like we were perfect for each other, maybe we were perfect for each other, and I blew it.

All of these memories I’ve tried repressing since we broke up are starting to come back and their becoming too much for me, and I can feel myself getting lost in the haze of all of the alcohol that I’ve been drinking, and I can’t help but start to feel hopeless and homeless.

I feel homeless because she was my home.

"then she leaves with someone you don’t know, but she makes sure you saw her, she looks right at you and bolts…”

Phil sees me looking distressed as I continue to stand by the bar and get progressively more drunk than I already was, but he doesn’t know why, he hasn’t seen her yet. But I continue to watch her, watch her like I’ll never see her again.

All of a sudden, she starts saying her goodbyes to everyone, and she leaves, she leaves with a boy. A boy who isn’t me. A boy I don’t know.

But as she’s about to leave, she looks right at me, as if she want me to see her leave; and I did. I watched her bolt out of the room with another guy.

"as she walks out the door you blood boiling; your stomach in ropes. oh and your friends say ‘what is it? you look like you’ve seen a ghost…’”

I couldn’t help the feeling of my stomach tying itself up in knots. But the more I thought about it, the more my blood started boiling because that should’ve been me leaving with her. Not him. Me.

Phil finally approaches me, and sees me looking even more distressed and upset. I can feel my face start to pale as I think more about her and him.

"Dan are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something” Phil asks very concerned.

I shake my head no and start gathering up my things to go.

"I have to go…” and I get up and leave.

"then you walk under the street lights, and you’re too drunk to notice that everyone is staring at you. you don’t care what you look like the whole world is falling around you…”

I bolt out of the party and go outside, hoping to catch up with her and see her. I want to tell her how sorry I am for everything.

I can feel myself stumbling around the street trying to walk, too drunk to notice that everyone was staring at me.

I don’t care about the fact that I’m stumbling around the street, looking like a drunk crazy man, because it feels like everything is falling around me, and everything is falling apart.

"You just have to see her…”

I need to see her

"You just have to see her…”

I really need to find her

"You just have to see her…”

I want to see her to apologize

"You just have to see her…”

But I know she probably doesn’t want to see me

"You just have to see her….”

I really need to see her, but I know that if I do, she’ll break me in two; like I broke her in two.

"You know that she’ll break you in two…”