toxic child

terrifying your own child into submission makes you an abuser.

watching your child cry and screaming at them to stop and invalidating their pain and reasons for crying makes you an abuser.

staring at your child in disgust and contempt after they displease you makes you an abuser.

threatening to your child to take away their basic resources if they don’t give you exactly what you want makes you an abuser.

forcing your child to feel ashamed for not living up to your ideals makes you an abuser.

using slurs, hateful names and insults on your own child without any regard to what it does to their mental health makes you an abuser.

forcing your child to chase impossible expectations and making them feel like they’re worthless for not achieving them makes you an abuser.

acting like your child is a burden and a waste of space and blaming their illness/disability/depression on it makes you an abuser.

behaving like your child will never amount to anything and isn’t worth any resources and nurturing makes you an abuser.

making your child feel like they’re never good enough makes you an abuser.

if your child’s heart is hurting because they know no matter what they do and how hard they try they will always be a failure in your eyes, you are an abuser.

if your child can’t look at themselves without self hatred because they had to look at themselves from your perspective and all they saw is disgust and hatred, you’re an abuser.

If your child is struggling to believe they have the right to live and to be cared and loved, if they can’t stop hearing your hateful voice putting them down and using their every action to prove they’re worthless, you’re an abuser.

If you watched your child in pain and assured them they deserved it, you’re an abuser.

If your child can’t love themselves from how badly you hated them, you’re an abuser.

I hate this. Things like this scare the shit out of me.
Yes a parent should be protective. No they should not STALK their child.
Yes a parent can get upset at a child. No they should not flip out or let their anger make them out of control, or take out their anger on their child.
Yes a parent can lecture and maybe the kid feels like their parent is driving them crazy - but after the last two statements forgive me if I don’t exactly trust these definitions.
A parent should never be their child’s worst nightmare. A pain sometimes, ok, but not a nightmare.
And the idea of a parent “stalking” and “hunting down” their child is horrifying. If you were a good parent, maybe your child would have communicated whereabouts upfront with you already.
And the last statement is the worst. “I will subject you to terror and treat you like my property…. Because I love you!” No one would ever put up with this from a partner, a friend, even a grandparent…. Why is it suddenly okay from a parent?

Fuck toxic parenting.

If you've been abused, remember:

•It was not your fault, it’s never your fault.
•No one deserves abuse, nothing justifies it.
•When people/abusers say you could’ve acted differently so they wouldn’t “have to do that”– that is wrong. You didn’t push them to do that.
•They’re projecting their issues and anger onto you.
•It’s okay to feel weak, and defeated. You don’t always have to be strong.
•People may stigmatize your situation– refuse to believe you, downplay it, call you overly sensitive. They don’t know the reality, you do.
•If it hurts you, it hurts you. It’s valid. People should respect that, and good people do.
•Trust your gut. If things feel fishy and someone seems to be toxic, you’re probably right.
•You’re worth so much more than you know.

Gaslighting. The Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Ok, I officially suck at sarcasm. 

The trouble with gaslighting is that it sticks. It becomes such an ingrained part of who you are and how you think. 

Examples: 

You were told often as a child that “you are always in the way” 

You can be minding your own business, stood perfectly still, just looking or thinking and someone bumps into you. Your first instinct is to say “sorry”. If by some miracle the person who walked into you manages to say sorry first… what are you going to reply? You reply “No, it’s my fault.. I am always in the way”. 

You were blamed or yelled at for things you didn’t do as a child. 

Someone you work with has their purse stolen. Your immediate emotional response is guilt and fear. You expect to be blamed and yelled at. You expect to be questioned by the authorities. You may even search your mind over and over for a memory or a clue that actually you are responsible and you did take the purse. 

Trying to confront your abuser with the truth of what they said resulting in denial. 

Those few occasions when you tried to express your pain, you were told it didn’t happen or was never said to you. So now, every time someone says something hurtful to you, you don’t respond. You can’t trust what you heard. You look for other meanings or decide you must have misunderstood. 

You were told you are difficult and oversensitive. 

You cannot now trust your emotional responses. You are afraid to react and express yourself in case others see just how ridiculous you really are. You bottle up your emotions to the point you cannot even cry sometimes and you feel empty. 

Growing up you were often told you were unlikable and unlovable. 

You find yourself as an adult not pursuing friendships or relationships. If they don’t call you, it’s a rejection. If they cancel plans, it’s a rejection. You come to believe that you are intrinsically not wanted by anyone unless they put in enough effort to get to know you and make it inside your defences.

Everything is always your fault.

Your friend stopped talking to you and you are asked “What did you do wrong?”. Now, the ending of a relationship is a dark journey into despair trying to find the flaw in yourself that ended it. You may call that person promising to change, if they could just please tell you what you did that was so wrong. No matter if they treated you badly, they wouldn’t do that if you could just be better. 

You feel crazy.

You can’t trust what you hear, what you see, what you think or how you respond. Nothing is solid and tangible. It’s always the worst case scenario. You are afraid of yourself and everyone around you. You are terrified people will see the “real you” and you will never see them again. You can’t push your career or your education because you can’t believe in yourself. 

Gaslighting is insidious and invasive and changes everything about the way we relate to ourselves. The only way to fight it is to be mindful. Take the time to think before you respond. Challenge yourself daily. Teach your inner voice to be kind to you. Learn to trust your instincts. Believe in yourself and the wonderful,  imperfectly perfect human being that you are. 

<3


abuse is addictive due to brain’s hormonal response to extreme stimuli and it’s still not the victim’s fault if they crave abuse or feel restless and anxious without it, it does not mean they wanted it or deserved it, they’ve been hurt so much their brain is damaged by it, nobody on this planet consents to brain damage or wants to cope with feeling absolutely dreadful all the time and craving pain so much while feeling guilty and ashamed for feeling it, it takes ages to stabilize and have your brain hormones regulated properly again but it can and will happen so just keep hanging in there, you are healing all the time no matter what you do

Your parents words will plant seeds in your head that will grow into thick, looming trees.  When they say it’s your job to be there for them and care for them, you believe it.  When they say you’re selfish, cold, worthless…you believe them.  When they make you believe that it’s wrong to do what’s best for you because it’s not what they want, then you can’t help but believe they are right.  The guilt becomes overwhelming.

But they aren’t right.

You are allowed to do what feels healthy for you.  You are allowed to focus on your job, your school, your life.  You are allowed to be angry at them.  You are allowed to not care about their issues.  You are not their tool, you are not their parent, you are not their clay for molding.  You are you.  And you can recognize that guilt but don’t let it consume you.  

Because you are so much more than what they made you believe.

Even if they say “they didn’t mean it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “they don’t remember it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “you’re delusional, I would never do that, you made it up”, they’re still responsible for what they did, and for trying to gaslight and invalidate your memories.

Even if they say “I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I would be right to do it”, they’re still guilty for what they did.

Even if they have excuses, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they act like it would have been crazy to expect from them to act any different way, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they come at you with an entire agenda of how you should perceive what they did so it actually “benefits you”, even if they insist they did it for your own good, they’re still responsible for what they did to you, and for lying about it.

Even if they cry about how much it pains them to be accused of hurting you, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they cry about how much they love you and how they did it all out of love and never meant to hurt you, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they act like what they did shouldn’t have hurt you and you’re the one responsible for taking damage, for being sensitive to being abused, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they blame you for what they did to you, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they insist someone else did it to them too, even if they insist they had it worse than you, even if they say it’s a cultural thing, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if it was long ago, and they act like you’re wrong for remembering such old wrong doing, it’s still something they did, and they’re still responsible for doing it.

They can lie and deny and accuse and blame and invalidate and gaslight. It doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for what they did. It doesn’t absolve them from guilt.

Nothing can absolve abusers from responsibility for their own actions. Nothing.

It is often difficult to recognize the connection between early-life feelings of imprisonment, and our subsequent need for space and distance in our adult lives. This can be manifest in many different ways: non-committal relationships, career indecision, a perpetual need to live alone, social avoidance, perpetual mistrust of the world etc. For a time, these manifestations can actually serve a counter-balancing purpose, as our spirits breathe a healthy sigh of relief after years entrapped. If all you know is engulfment, it is essential that you have a taste of safety and spaciousness. But, taken too far, our escape hatches can actually become a prison of their own, one that deepens our isolation and prevents us from forming positive associations with the world. Any imbalanced reality has an imprisoning quality. Just because our early-life environment felt like a prison doesn’t mean that we can’t create a different reality-one that is rooted in healthy connectiveness.
—  Jeff Brown
What the Hell is “Gaslighting”?

In 1938, a stage play called “Gas Light” debuted for the first time. The play is about a husband who gradually convinces his wife she’s insane by acting strangely and secretly manipulating objects in the house - like dimming the gas lights in the attic - and refusing to acknowledge that they’ve changed. Today, the term “gaslighting” is used to describe any behaviour designed to make another person question their sanity. 

Gaslighting is abusive behaviour. Any person who tries to make you doubt your own sanity does not have your best interests at heart. Gaslighting is a tool to keep you in an abusive relationship, and prevent you from reaching out for help. 

In its weakest form, gaslighting means convincing you that you are misremembering or exaggerating something that happened. “I never said it like that, you’re exaggerating!” or “You’re making it sound worse than it was!” are common examples of gaslighting. At the end of the conversation, you might even find yourself apologizing to the other person, even though you were pretty sure that they were in the wrong. This sort of thing can happen in a normal relationship, especially if one or both parties aren’t very self-aware, but it’s a concern if it happens all the time… especially if only one person seems to have a faulty memory.

Gaslighting can also mean convincing you that events didn’t happen at all. Your abuser can absolve themselves of responsibility, and keep you in check, by convincing you that abuse never took place. “We never had a fight at my brother’s wedding… are you feeling okay?” or “I’ve never thrown anything at you in my life! Do you have a fever or something?” are more serious examples of gaslighting, and they are absolutely not okay. If someone is trying to convince you that a fight or episode of abuse never happened, that’s a huge red flag that cannot be ignored. 

At its very worst, abusers may go out of their way to stage strange events in order to confuse their victims. An abuser trying to keep a victim in check, or socially isolate a victim, may go out of their way to act strangely in order to make their victim doubt their own mind. Abusers may steal things from you, disappear for days on end and claim that they told you where they were going (or deny being gone), or mislabel your reactions as they’re happening (eg. pretending that you are irrationally angry when you are actually calm). These are also huge red flags, and cannot be ignored. 

Gaslighting is not unique to abusive romantic relationships: it is also common in toxic parent/child relationships, sibling relationships, friendships or school bullying. Anyone who mistreats you can gaslight you. 

The best defense against gaslighting is self-confidence, and careful recording. Trust in your own mind. You know when you’ve been abused. You know your own reactions. And write things down - keeping a careful record of abusive incidents and what was said or done gives you a record to consult when someone else gets in your head. 

Gaslighting can make it especially difficult to recognize and leave a bad relationship, and no one deserves to go through it. Know the signs. Protect yourself. You deserve better. 

10

In which Barba is a child.

Cptsd is a more sever form of ptsd. It is delineated from this better known trauma syndrome by five of its most common and troublesome features: emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, self-abandonment, a vicious inner-critic, and social anxiety.

Emotional flashbacks are perhaps the most noticeable and characteristic feature of cptsd. Survivors of traumatizing abandonment are extremely susceptible to painful emotional flashbacks, which unlike ptsd do not typically have a visual component. These flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions to the overwhelming feeling-states of being an abused/abandoned child.

Toxic shame obliterates a cptsd survivor’s self-esteem with an overwhelming sense that he is loathsome, ugly, stupid or fatally flawed. Toxic shame often inhibits us from seeking comfort and support.

If you are stuck viewing yourself as worthless, defective, or despicable, you are probably in an emotional flashback.

—  Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving; Pete Walker; pg 3-6
Morties Feeling Worthless Is Dangerous

We remember that amazing episode of season 1. We got a bit of depth with the show and learned of Rick.

But with season three, I noticed something. Rick is getting rougher with Morty- right? Right?

What if Cocky Morties are less dangerous than insecure Morties?

Let’s talk of Evil Morty (Eye patch Morty)

What did he say?

“Morty’ are no match for their Rick.”

Originally posted by l-l-lickmyballs

Even Evil Morty finds himself valueless, he finds himself so worthless that he tortures his other selves.

His hatred of Rick is so deep he allows himself to hurt Morties, ruin multiple versions of his families’ lives and so much more.

Unless this Morty was a sociopath, he doesn’t feel he is worth it. A lot of Morties don’t.

This comic by the tumblr user — really shows what I want to describe.

(Comic by tumblr user @ahkaraii)

This shows how being feeling so small and useless jades a person. Morty, children in general, emotional abuse can turn people into something completely different.

Let’s look at the comics (they’re canon) it shows a Morty being a Rick and a Rick being a Morty.

(Rick and Morty issue 3) It shows a Rick dealing with the abuse Morty usually deals with, and snaps. Our Morty is slowly breaking, in the newest episode, where they detoxify themselves, Morty is shown sociopathic.

I don’t think in the first season he was this way, but he has seen awful things, and dealt with a worse grandfather. He is desensitized.

In the vindicators episode, Morty was shown to be extremely smart. He knew all of Rick’s tricks. He knew how to defuse the bomb and had a present of if it works.

Originally posted by awesomejustgotawesome

In the interdimensional cable episode, Morty explained it pretty well. I am sure he is more than 20% right, Rick is a genius, Beth is smart too. (Though blinded by emotional trauma), and summer, though emotional, is clever.

Why would it skip Morty? It didn’t, his doubt, dread, and overall teenage angst holds him back. At the beginning, maybe, but if pushed hard enough he will learn how to survive on his own.

Let’s look at Miami Morty, he lazes around the beach all day and dances. He’s happy, dumb and happy.

Morty in season 1 was dumb and happy, feeling loved by his family and unknown of his parents’ marriage issues.

But now he’s aware, aware of so many things. He’s angry, depressed and feels good for nothing. His emotions are high, showing his toxic self he has so much more dread and hatred for himself, for his parents and even his sister.

He is starting to be resentful towards Beth and Jerry. He’s isolated, barely at school and going to terrifying adventures. He has no escape, no socializing of children his age and spending so much time to himself.

Too much time alone with your mind as a child is toxic. My niece when she was with her parents more, used to lock her in her room for hours when she was in trouble. She grew violent, upset easily and jaded. When she was able to socialize, play, and see other children in her age group she became her normal, sweet self again.

Our Morty is not Evil Morty, the creators told us time travel is off the table.

However, Morty is down the same road as Eye patch Morty. Do I believe Rick is Eye Patch’s Rick? Maybe.

But people’s theories and learning the actual twist to the show made season 3 take so long and I think ruined the storyline.

But that’s just the theory.

Oh, and remember how Morty shot Rick in episode 1 of Season 3 because Rick was attacking him verbally?

Originally posted by c-132caps


Yeah… that happened.


Here’s more examples because fuck Morty got dark.

Originally posted by c-132caps

Originally posted by total-rickall

If parents teach a child with any method available that the child must be

  • submissive
  • extremely obedient
  • silent about their needs
  • always content with what they get, even if it’s much less than they need
  • pleasing to everyone around them
  • giving others what they want even when it’s harmful and painful to do so
  • expecting punishment at merely displeasuring someone
  • expecting pain as soon as they don’t meet someone’s expectations
  • not good enough unless they make everyone else happy
  • putting their needs last, or not having needs at all
  • extremely grateful for every little bit of human decency they get
  • best in the world in everything, or else they’re worthless
  • recognizing that people who hurt them most likely do it unintentionally or even worse, out of love
  • accepting hurtful behaviour without calling it out, complaining about it, or even letting the perpetrator know how much they got hurt
  • extremely forgiving, to the point where they forgive without even getting an apology, or with the hurtful offense still going on
  • tolerating insults, humiliation, slurs, and hatred being directed at them
  • never showing outright anger, rage, resentment, or hold a grudge
  • never fighting for their rights
  • never refusing to do what’s asked of them
  • accepting that they might be unlovable and that nobody will ever want them

then the child is being abused. It doesn’t matter if they use violence, guilt, terror, emotional abuse, brainwashing, threats, psychological abuse, punishment, discipline, harsh language, or if they teach it all to the child politely and with explanations to why they have to be like this if they don’t wish to be a burden on society. To shape a person this way out of convenience and send them off into a world that will abuse, exploit, take advantage and destroy a person like this, is abuse. Nobody needs to be any of these things. And people who aren’t any of these things still aren’t a burden on society. Abusive parents are a burden on society, and on their own children. Children aren’t there to be controlled or used by adults. Children are humans in development. Their boundaries should not be crushed before they even have a chance to develop any.