I know one day I’ll stop thinking about you. One day, I’ll forget you, forget it all. I won’t remember how your hand felt in mine or your smile or the way your eyes glinted whenever they looked at me. I won’t remember our stupid inside jokes and the songs we sang and the places we went and all of our late night conversations will just be a blur.
One day, I won’t love you anymore.
And that’s what scares me the most.
I never fucking wanted to forget you but what choice do I have now?
as we drove down the street I thought about how I still can’t fucking drive, and I watched you in your ray bans and ponytail from the corner of my eye and listened to you sing to the radio and thought about how that could be me but it’s not. and then I remembered that you’re not going to be around for forever, and then I looked out the window and your voice brought me back as your talked about a guy, and in my head all I’m doing is reassuring you that you’re better than any guy you talk to deserves and I know you don’t believe that, but I agree with you about whatever you’re saying, and I remember that you’re leaving, and I know it’s what you’ve waited for forever and I’m so excited for your life and I think about how I hope you live it; but now I’m looking at the setting sun and looking back on our day and trying to figure out why there has always been the perfect degree of tension between us that I think is what keeps us friends because without the tension we would be boring but I can’t ever figure out what it is and sometimes, it’s like I could cut it with a knife but other times it flickers out and either way it’s good and I hope you’re happy when you leave and it’ll all be alright I promise you.
But in the end, the only thing I knew was that I loved you and you knew it. But it still wasn’t enough to make you stay. That’s all I’m left with. That’s all I know. And you know what? I think I’m finally okay with that.
Maybe I’ll never know why you did it, but I realized I don’t need to anymore//
People say you never know what you have till it’s gone. But fuck that stupid excuse. You knew what you had. You knew I loved you. You knew yet it wasn’t enough for you until you realized that I wasn’t there anymore, that I didn’t love you the same way anymore.
You didn’t suddenly “realize” my worth. You just started worrying that you might have lost control of me. And you know what? You did.
If you love someone, set them free. If they loved you back, they wouldn’t go.
I never thought twice about the color brown before I met you. Then I loved you and the brown of your eyes was all that I saw. It became the most breathtaking shade of the entire spectrum. Then you left and I stopped drinking coffee because I can no longer stand staring down at the deep brown milkiness.