“If you could go back in time, what would you do differently? ” he asked with a smirk.
I let the question sink in before answering. It was a question we all wish would come true.
“I would’ve stayed. ” I pause.
“And if I couldn’t stay, then I would want to stay at least for a few more minutes, seconds even. ”
“Why? ” he wasn’t smiling this time. He leaned closer.
I took a deep breath.
“Because that’s what we normally regret in the end, isn’t it? Not staying long enough. Not saying enough. It’s never going to be enough. And I believe that if I did stay, eventually that wouldn’t be enough either. ”
I averted my eyes away from his and looked at my hands before answering.
“So, if I could have lingered a bit longer, I know it wouldn’t be enough. But it would make all the difference. ”
I know one day I’ll stop thinking about you. One day, I’ll forget you, forget it all. I won’t remember how your hand felt in mine or your smile or the way your eyes glinted whenever they looked at me. I won’t remember our stupid inside jokes and the songs we sang and the places we went and all of our late night conversations will just be a blur.
One day, I won’t love you anymore.
And that’s what scares me the most.
I never fucking wanted to forget you but what choice do I have now?
We were composed of the most beautiful symphonies. He would say I love you like it was an easier concept than to breathe. It all just flowed naturally. So for the longest time, I thought it was him that I needed but it was me. And I have experienced storms far greater than the ones he has blown my way. In the distance I can see a calm sea. I know maybe not now but really soon that I will be okay.
Not everybody is beautiful. I’m tired of hearing that. But everybody has the ability to be. You are as beautiful as the things you do, the words you say, and the intentions of your heart. You are as beautiful as you let yourself become.
I am beginning to forget him. He is like the wind that graces my face. It is all behind me now. And here I am, after all those tears breathing just fine and shit. As if he and I have not been together for years.
I see it fitting and proper to inform you that
I won’t write about you forever
You will grow old like autumn leaves
As you illuminate the trees
in the center of my soul
Then fall to the pit of my stomach
when it gets cold
But in the end, the only thing I knew was that I loved you and you knew it. But it still wasn’t enough to make you stay. That’s all I’m left with. That’s all I know. And you know what? I think I’m finally okay with that.
Maybe I’ll never know why you did it, but I realized I don’t need to anymore//
We have the same heartbeat. We talk with the same apathetic indifference but our kisses could be confused with prayers. Because intertwined hands and submissive lips always seem to give a little more lip service to those we pray we never forget.