tough tittie

Letterkenny. (I seriously have no idea how the fuck they did this)
  • Dary: Attention
  • Wayne: An amateur MMA asshole asks you to engage in aggressive altercation.
  • D: Bullshit.
  • W: Bopped you so bad in the beans you were beyond ass-backwards. No blood, albeit bloody brutal.
  • D: Clunk.
  • W: Clunked your carriage, clipped your canopy, caught your conscious with a carefully concocted combative cuffing.
  • D: Dink.
  • W: Decked you defiantly.
  • D: Easy.
  • W: Ended your efficiently.
  • D: Fuckin-
  • W: Fucked your face up from front to Finland in a fairly unfair fashion unfortunately for females.
  • D: Goof.
  • W: So you got up, gathered your goods, guts and gonads, got after the goofy goon, gave glory a good go.
  • (Rock music)
  • D: Have at 'er.
  • W: Hucked a haymaker.
  • D: Instantly.
  • W: Irked the idiot.
  • D: Jack ass.
  • W: Out-juked the jerk, out-jabbed the joker, out-jammed the juice head.
  • D: K.
  • W: King-Kong threw a karate kick that kinda caught you in the kisser.
  • D: Loser.
  • W: But that legend lady luck was lingering and left only a lovely little lump on your lip.
  • D: Mint.
  • W: But maybe mention you may use MMA, Mr. Muay Thai.
  • D: Nincompoop.
  • W: Knees are unnecessary.
  • D: Over it.
  • W: Okay onwards.
  • D: Please.
  • W: You out-punched the prick, out-played the peasant, pushed proper pugnacity on the pinhead, left him praying for peace while Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
  • D: Quickly.
  • W: He got queasy, wanted to quit, folks were quoted as quietly quipping. He looked like a quirky, quackish queen on Quaaludes.
  • D: Right.
  • W: Roughed up the rook. Wrecked his reality. Ruined his rep.
  • D: Superb.
  • W: You socked the sucker. Slammed the Sally. Secured the scuffle by successfully out-scrappin the skirt.
  • D: Tremendous.
  • W: You took over the tiff. Out tangled the toddler. Tough titties on that trade, you twit. No truce.
  • D: Unreal.
  • W: Utterly.
  • D: Violent.
  • W: Very.
  • D: Wonderful.
  • W: Ah, Whatever.
  • D: Exceptional.
  • W: Exactly.
  • D: Yup.
  • W: Yup.
  • (Awkward silence)
  • D: Zebra?
  • W: Zip it.

rick and morty: the rickshank redemption
         sentence starters

spoilers ahead if you have yet to watch this episode! i also kept in a bunch of quotes about the damn szechuan sauce just to make myself laugh.

‘  anyway, that’s how i escaped from space prison.  ’
‘  i just got my sixth promotion this week and i still don’t know what i do!  ’
‘  it’s great to have you back no matter where we are, but wouldn’t you like to go home?  ’
‘  get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself twelve times.  ’
‘  you cheap insect fucks didn’t think i was worth your best equipment?  ’
‘  relaxed, enough?  ’
‘  he is the smartest man in the universe.  ’
‘  well, when you’re not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules.  ’
‘  you’ve hardly touched your pills.  ’
‘  stop saying his name. he abandoned us!  ’
‘  horses live longer than tortoises now. is that what you want?  ’
‘  maybe i just want you to care if i run away yelling!  ’
‘  admit it, you’re going crazy cooped up in here.  ’
‘  yeah well, tough titties.  ’
‘  that depends on who breaks first: me or the titty.  ’
‘  if we stay here we’ll die along with all your memories.  ’
‘  oh, that sounds cool. i can get what i want and you can say goodbye.  ’
‘  fine, but i’m driving.  ’
‘  hey, i like being 35. i can rent a car now.  ’
‘  they weaponized the eiffel tower!  ’
‘  no one’s special to him. not even himself.  ’
‘  i’m not right! i was using ghoulish overkill.  ’
‘  we’re going to the day it all began… and ended. the moment that changed everything.  ’
‘  i’d like to get a 10 piece mcnugget and a bunch of the szechuan sauce. like as much as you’re allowed to give me.  ’
‘  in 1998 they had this promotion for the disney film mulan where they created a new sauce for the nuggets called szechuan sauce and it’s DELICIOUS.  ’
‘  wow, this sauce is fucking amazing! you said it was promoting a movie?  ’
‘  i used to wear blue pants.  ’
‘  well, well, well if it isn’t us.  ’
‘  nobody has to know about that. we can put it right back and pretend we never saw it.  ’
‘  i’ll make it up as i go.  ’
‘  oh my god… i have that exact same top!  ’
‘  that’s my sister. this used to be my home.  ’
‘  imagine doing anything you want and hopping to a timeline where you never did it.  ’
‘  excuse me? we don’t pass on this. who do you think you are?  ’
‘  i heard sci-fi noises. did you make a breakthrough?  ’
‘  i only wanted to stop by here for a quick ‘i told you so.’  ’
‘  why would you do that? what is the matter with you people?  ’
‘  i’ve got it… i’ve fucking got it!!!  ’
‘  awesome possum!  ’
‘  yeah, that’s the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.  ’
‘  you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story.  ’
‘  lovely. not only is my plan screwed up, i also forgot how to improvise!  ’
‘  he’s a spy, blow him up.  ’
‘  i’m gonna go take a shit.  ’
‘  he’s not a lawyer. we just keep him here because he’s fun.  ’
‘  i say: fuck you.  ’
‘  you killed him because you were jealous of him. that’s pretty obvious.  ’
‘  what? no! i don’t want to see your pog collection.  ’
‘  let’s not suck the ghost of his dick too hard.  ’
‘  he’s not a villain, but he shouldn’t be your hero. he’s more like a demon or… a super fucked up god.  ’
‘  i know you’re too stupid to get this, but you’re really fucking this up right now.  ’
‘  i wasn’t going to let her die, you fucking moron!  ’
‘  you’re a serious fucking idiot. you basically killed us all!  ’
‘  who’s stupid now, bitch?  ’
‘  i’m almost proud.  ’
‘  look, i’m not proud to share this, but the truth is i just kept crawling and it kept working.  ’
‘  guess who dismantled the government?  ’
‘  please don’t leave me again.  ’
‘  is there any light beer left? it’s insane what you miss in prison.  ’
‘  no, you’re right. where’s the vodka?  ’
‘  i’m sorry to hear that, sweetie. i hope i had nothing to do with that.  ’
‘  i better tend to him before he changes his mind and doesn’t move out.  ’
‘  but never him. you wanna know why? because he crossed me. ’
‘  take it easy – that’s dark!  ’
‘  welcome to the darkest year of our adventures!  ’
‘  if you tell them i said any of this, i’ll deny it and they’ll take my side because i’m a hero and now you’re gonna have to go do whatever i say – forever!  ’
‘  and i’ll go out and i’ll find more of that mulan szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce because that’s what this is all about – that’s my one-armed man.  ’
‘  i’m not driven by avenging my dead family, that was fake.  ’
‘  i’m driven by finding that mcnugget sauce. i want that mulan mcnugget sauce! ’
‘  that’s my series arc. if it takes nine seasons!  ’
‘  i want my mcnugget dipping sauce. szechuan sauce!  ’
‘  that’s what’s gonna take us all the way to the end!  ’
‘  what are you talking about?  ’
‘  nine more seasons. nine more seasons until i get that dipping szechuan sauce or 97 more years!  ’
‘  fine. fuck it. who cares?  ’

"Diabetes Isn't Even That Bad"

Hey type 1 diabetic here. Let me tell you why the statement above is a load of bullshit.

1. Our bodies are waging war against themselves

2. It takes us longer to heal when we get hurt and it takes us longer to recover from illnesses because our immune system is jacked

3. We could die at any moment without warning

4. Low blood sugars feel like you’re going through drug withdrawals

5. High blood sugars feel like your body is drying out like a fucking raisin

6. Afraid of needles? Well tough titties! We need to prick our fingers 3+ times a day, and either pierce yourself every 3 days for a pump site change or take 4+ injections everyday

7. Our organs are slowly failing

8. We have a high chance of going blind

9. We could lose our feet and legs

10. Insulin is expensive as fuck

11. Testing strips are expensive as fuck

12. The constant highs and lows drain us

13. We can’t just eat food right away. We need need to calculate how many grams of carbohydrates are in our food, test our blood sugar, configure in a correction if need be, dose, and by the time we take our first bite; everyone else have already finished

14. Doctors are expensive as fuck

15. Pumps, Meters, and CGMs are expensive as fuck

16. No one ever takes our illness seriously

17. Having children is VERY risky for lady diabetics

18. The constant fear we have when we go to sleep knowing that we might not ever wake up due to low blood sugars at night

19. The bruises and scars all over our body from YEARS of injections, site changes, and finger pricks

20. How our feet and hands are always freezing due to our poor fucking circulation

So tell me again how our suffering “isn’t that bad”

Make another joke about the worst thing that has probably ever happened to us

Laugh again when you say “All of this food is going to give me di-ah-beet-us”

Just know that you sound like a huge asshole to us actual diabetics.

“Tough titty.”

So, like i jumped on the bandwagon because how could i not draw some season 3 fanart, i mean c’mon. I’m so happy that alcoholic gross old man is back and just that the show is back <3

ahh i just im happy mannn 

  • Cree Summer:


  • “There are some very fine young black female actresses coming up in voice-over and so now I sometimes I have to fight for that shit! Ain’t that a bitch! They better get out my fucking way!”


  • “I’ll never forget the cutest thing like when Tara Strong got the new Inspector Gadget, they wouldn’t let me audition for some reason (I don’t know why?) Hmm… but she called me and was like should I do this? Is this okay? She got me a coupon to take me out to dinner and I was like bitch just get paid, it’s all good.”


  • “Valerie Gray? Valerie is so spoiled rotten. People love Valerie but she really was an asshole you know.”


  • “I love Kida! I was the last picked to audition for Kida, Disney really put me through the paces. I also remember thinking, don’t get your hopes up because it is one in a million that get to play a Disney princess. And I was even more shocked when I got to work with MJ Fox. Kida looks like me! So Kida’s endearing to me because I think that’s me. Now Disney princesses can be powerful! But Kida was powerful! Self contained, self respecting and I didn’t know why she’s denied that, and now she’s a Queen, a King’s daughter.”


  • “Freddie was me, they shaped that character around me.”


  • “Foxxy Love is the best of us and the worst of us and I’ll never apologize for her.”


  • “Elmyra? How fucking crazy is that character? First of all I’ll never forget the audition. They showed me this freaky looking character, she looked bat shit nuts and they said she’s like a baby Elmer Fudd and I thought shit I can’t do a voice like Elmer Fudd, I’m never gonna get this. And I looked up and she had a gerbil skull in her bow and I thought this chick is crazy and I’m just gonna play her as crazy as possible. I just thought Cree go fucking crazy, I literally got two lines out and Andrea was on the floor, she was like it sounds nothing like Elmer Fudd but I fucking love it!”


  • “I do get given at this point in my career I’m almost 50, there’s a lot of parts now that I don’t have to audition for. I’ve paid my dues and often times the ones given to me are the black characters, and you know what? I’m proud of them!”


  • “I’ve been doing cartoons since I was 11 years old, I started with Penny from Inspector Gadget, Emlyra Duff from Tiny Toons, and Susie from Rugrats, Max from Batman.”


  • “When I was Dulcy I was 17? I have a little brother, my little brother played a character in Stargate Atlanta, he’s not little he’s 38 but he’ll always be my baby. I am adored to Dulcy because Rainbow loved Sonic the Hedgehog that was his thing when he was little.”


  • “I believe the jobs I get are only mine.”


  • “I’ve gone to auditions and just taken a dump and been awful and I get that gig.”


  • “I’ve gone into jobs where I thought I was perfect! Call my agent, god I nailed the shit outta that! Please let me know when to report to work! Bitch you didn’t get that job.”


  • “I’ll go in to play a princess and they’ll say you know I don’t sound like nobody’s damn princess, I sound the evil Queen or the shitty sister or the white girl’s best friend or whatever, but every now and then I’ll get to be the white girl or the white boy. I’ll go into an audition for a princess and it is pulling teeth you know what, I’ll say? this is a job is for Tara Stong.”


  • “A lot of people have sad stories where they go south and do drugs, and where things go sideways to fill that void. But if you have a great family, friends something healthy in your life because then your career can do what it wants. I’ve had years where I don’t work at all, where I’ve had 6 jobs this year. Fucking destroyed, Where you gotta live in your car… I got the best man. I was dragging ass, I was really selling but it goes over. Sometimes it is great sometimes it is a fucking drag.”


  • “I’ve been fired, I was the original Meg in Family Guy and I got the boot! I kept trying to be funny and it is a really straight character. I have a hard time being the straight man, I’m full of shit. I think I did one season and I got fired. That’s just the nature of the beast. and I’ve been fired from more jobs too, I’ve been fired from better jobs than that. If someone says they didn’t get booted from a job, they are full of shit!”


  • “I’ve taken some hard roles, video games are hard! I really like video games, because you get some real dramatic work. It’s a pain in the ass. They drop that video game script, it is literally… fucking kill me now! It thrashes the shit outta your voice. We’re not built to do that for 12 hours straight. It is your job and I don’t regret video games.”


  • “Rainbow and I never… holy shit… we did when he was really little. When I was a child actor there was a sitcom called Hanging In, because my mother was an actress too. And we were this hippie family who came to this foster home, and I was like my name is Rainbow.”


  • “My children did their first voice-over on a Disney show called Vampirina. Keep the family tradition!”


  • “My old man had a great saying and one was "I just need one more big failure an I’ll be a big success!” and he’s right! * gets distracted (talks in baby voice) - Aww? is that a real baby? What’s up? I’ll call you later! I can’t say I’ll look back on my career and say there bad, we learn from that shit.“


  • "I recover from my mistakes by not repeating them.”


  • “I did start as an on camera actress a video actress. But yeah, ya know if something comes along I say yes if they feel safe and fun.”


  • “You don’t need much to be a voice-over you just need a cellphone and you can do it in your basement. It is just about practice that gets it done.”


  • “If I am sick, or it is like tough titty, I’ll go in and do it the best I can. People get sick.”

querying Tips from me peyton, currently in the process of emerging from Query Hell

  • create an e-mail account solely for queries so that you don’t have a conniption every time you see the (1) in your gmail tab and then you click on the tab w/ your heart racing and it’s just a panera bread newsletter
  • spend lots and lots and lots of time on your query letter and run it past lots and lots and lots of people and polish it to a flawless shine because it’s actually way more important to have a perfect query letter than it is to have a perfect manuscript! any agent worth their salt will work with you to iron out flaws in your manuscript before you send it to publishers; any agent worth their salt will not read past the first sentence of a shitty query
  • no more than 350 words total
  • no more than 200 words for your plot summary
  • give or take 25 words on either side of those limits
  • i’m not being cute lol like a lot of this process is extremely subjective but one of the only objective markers here is “can you keep it concise” and you absolutely have to pass that test
  • “but my plot is too complex for me to summarize it in only 200 words” tough titty!! find a way
  • oh and follow each agent’s individual submission guidelines to the letter but like, duh
  • be an authentic human being with a personality! you are going to want to be as formal and unemotional as possible in order to come across as Professional and Qualified and you need to resist that urge with everything you have
  • show the agent you’ve done your homework and show it in the very first sentence - some variation on “it’s similar to BOOK by YOUR CLIENT” will suffice
  • conversely, don’t kiss ass
  • double conversely, if you’re REALLY interested in a particular agent, TELL THEM THAT in the least ass-kissy way you can manage
  • there is no reason to reply to rejections, ever
  • like except in the 1% of cases where you’ve been corresponding with an agent extensively and then they’re ultimately like, “sorry i can’t sign you but [lengthy, helpful critique]” in which case, send them some genuine thanks for the crit and then leave them alone
  • query in small batches, like five at a time
  • double-triple-quadruple check the name at the top of every e-mail because i definitely spent twenty minutes putting a query together and sent it and then and only then noticed that i had the wrong last name at the top and i wanted to melt into the earth and perish
  • oh and on that note, write ATTACHMENT in all caps up at the top of your e-mail so that if you accidentally hit send too early or whatever, gmail will give you the “hey did you want to attach something???? you wrote ‘attachment’ but you didn’t attach anything so we just wanted to check in before we send this off” pop-up, hence saving your life and giving you a second chance. and then once you’re really good to go just delete the word “ATTACHMENT” and hit send.
  • be gracious about whatever feedback is given to you and consider every piece of feedback deeply, but never, ever take criticism personally, and remember that what works for one agent might not work for another
  • Have Fun And Be Yourself
Dance Off//A Disney Descendants Imagine

Anon said: carlos imagine where your captains hook’s daughter and are ike brave and stuff and carlos’ kind of gf from back on the isle and when you get to auradon audrey tries to embarrass you by challenging you to a cheerleading tryout thing but you actually kick ass

You got it (Changed the romance a bit, I hope that’s cool)

.

“Son of a-”

“Language,” Carlos said, walking up next to you. 

“Shut up de Vil, my essay that I wrote for the stupid goodness class is missing.”

“You mean this?” he asked, holding up the paper. “You left it in our room last night when you were helping Jay write his.”

You snatched it from him. “Oh, thank god.”

“Nope, I’m just Carlos.”

You pointed at him. “de Vil, I swear to god.”

He grinned and ran off. You stuffed the paper in your bag and shut your locker, smiling to yourself. 

“Aw, does someone have a crush?” a familiar whiny voice asked.

You squeezed your eyes shut. “Hi Audrey.”

“I can’t believe the heartless, leather wearing pirate has feelings!”

You glared at her. “I never said I had a crush on him.”

“ugh, whatever. Look, there’s a cheerleading competition to try and find a new member for the cheer team. You should come check it out.”

You made a face. “Cheerleading isn’t really my thing.”

“Oh, well, if it’s too hard for you…”

You knew she was baiting you but you couldn’t resist it. “I’ll be there.”

“I can’t believe you agreed to this,” Carlos said. “It’s so not like you.”

You groaned. “She challenged me! You guys know I can’t resist a challenge.”

“(Y/N)!” Audrey cried. “So glad you could make it!”

“Where’s everyone else?” you asked with your hands on your hips. 

“They couldn’t make it. I guess you’ll be going against me!”

You groaned. “Get on with it then,” you muttered. 

Someone started playing music and Audrey did her routine. When she finished, she took a swig from her water bottle and then turned to you. “Your turn,” she said smugly.

You took off your jacket and tossed it on the bleachers. You were glad you had decided not to wear a waist cincher today. 

“Carlos, music please.”

“Gladly,” he said, grinning.

You had spent a lot of time on board your father’s ship, and pirates were surprisingly into dance offs. You had been breakdancing since you were very small. Flipping around in the riggings helped too.

When you finished, everyone stared at you in shock. 

“Wow,” Carlos said, staring at you with his mouth hanging open. 

Audrey sniffed. “Well. It looks like the pirate can dance. But you’re not on the team.”

“Wait a minute!” Jay said indignantly. “She danced better than you and you know it.”

“Well this wasn’t a dance competition. It was a cheerleading competition.”

“Audrey,” one of the girls said. “We kind of think we should let her on the team. Like, not in routines, but give her solos to get the crowd pumped.”

Audrey gasped a little. “Are-are you serious? You want to let her on the squad so she can dance for people?”

“Yeah. We all want to. It’s kind of a majority thing.”

Audrey stomped her foot. “But then she’ll be better than me!”

“Tough titties,” you said, smirking.

You walked away, arm in arm with your friends.

anonymous asked:

The Horned God is not the "devil." The "devil" is a Christian creation. I repeat: The Horned God is NOT the "devil." In a post you said that selling your soul to "the devil" would make you one with the land. If this is YOUR personal belief and path, please say so. Otherwise, please do not tell people that witches sell their souls to "the devil."

There is an entire faith and practice that swears by it that the horned one is the devil. Most of those same witches do not associate the devil with the Christian satan but some witches do work with the Christian satan. The horned god you worship is the same as our devil and if you don’t like that then tough titty, your ignorance isn’t welcome. And I’ve stated multiple times that if you ask ME a question you are going to get MY answer from the faith that I MYSELF follow. And if you honestly think that the devil has no place in witch culture then you don’t know your witch history.

you know what? i got a fucking bone to pick with you dumb hoes. yeah, i’m talking to the sebaciel shippers.

and i’m crosstagging because you guys demand that people don’t crosstag but you cant go through any other ship tag or even the main tag without finding your gross pedophile bullshit soooo here’s to stupid fujoshi hypocrites.

my best friend got an anon yesterday asking how they can enjoy kuroshitsuji when so much of sebaciel is in it.

👏 so here’s the thing, sweetheart. let’s really talk because i don’t think it’s really hit you guys yet.

yana toboso is a 30 year old woman and black butler has really blown the fuck up both in japan and in the united states. lets sum it up. all the rights to the anime series is bank. funimation dubbing the shit in the long run is bank. merchandise is bank. cds, dvds, ect. etc.

BANK.

and you guys are NO EXCEPTION. so yeah you can really go off about how sebaciel is canon but is it really though? like are you guys not realizing it?

YANA DOESN’T CARE FOR SEBACIEL. she has said it it before! they have no affection for each other whatsoever! sebastian hates ciel and sees him as food! YOU GUYS ARE A WALKING CASH COW. AND ITS FUNNY!!! its hilarious actually that you guys think she actually supports that shit. although it shouldnt be enabled, your dumb asses really GO for it!

yaoi fans are kind of the grossest thing in the whole world to me. yeah i said it. i like gay ships, i like straight ships, but you cannot pay me enough money to spend more than 30 seconds around a yaoi fan.

why? because you guys are disgusting. you guys don’t give a Fuck about gay people unless they’re anime and fucking. BUT ITS NOT ENOUGH THAT YOU FETISHIZE GAY PEOPLE…

you gotta go fetishize minors? you gotta go and fetishize the bond that a minor has with his caretaker/dependent? you are a new kind of disgusting and you really can’t tell me otherwise.

Not! To! Mention! just how MISOGYNISTIC you guys are!!! i mean wow!!! meyrin? a phenomenal character who does not deserve half the shit yall say. beast? a phenomenal character who you hoes trash on every day for something that Sebastian Bitch Ass did. the nun? I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW THAT BITCH AND I LOVE HER. lizzie? a guardian fucking angel and i’m GLAD she gets “in the way of sebaciel” like Ha fucking Ha tough titties.

personally! i’m of the opinion that none of you would ship sebaciel if they were girls because of just how hellbent you bitches are fetishizing gay men, especially if its that problematic, fujoshi culture is cursed.

but Anyway. lemme tell you… you guys sure do love to pull out the canon/not canon card a LOT!!! like its almost ridiculous! haven’t you heard? your ship goes against everything that IS canon! but since all you guys care about is sebastian getting some 13 year old Child Minor Kid tail, you dont focus too much on the rest of story while others have to tiptoe through your landmine field of yaoi bullshit to actually get some of the story.

yana toboso puts her heart and soul into the manga and the anime. she works her ass off and along the way she figured out a good business tactic to keep you simple minded thots interested. and you guys pretend like you love her work SOOOO MUCH and you literally eat her butt and shower her with compliments but you can’t be bothered to actually read into the other themes of her work. why? Entitlement.

which is really my whole point on why i wrote this. i’m gonna type this out in caps so you can really read what i’m saying and maybe it’ll get into your whack ass heads.

SEBACIEL ISN’T CANON.
THERE IS MUCH, MUCH MORE TO KUROSHITSUJI THAN A PEDOPHILIC SHIP.
YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING.
IT IS THE KUROSHITSUJI/BLACK BUTLER FANDOM, NOT THE SEBACIEL FANDOM.
NOTHING BELONGS TO YOU BECAUSE ITS NOT A YAOI. IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE ONE. SEBASTIAN IS AN ADULT BY ALL ACCOUNTS, AND CIEL IS A CHILD BY ALL ACCOUNTS AND BY SHIPPING THEM TOGETHER YOU ARE A DISGUSTING PERSON. YOU ARE SEXUALIZING A CHILD, FICTIONAL OR NOT.
PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO NOT SHIP SEBACIEL WITHOUT YOU DUMB HOES ACTING OFFENDED ABOUT IT.

tdlr; the fandom doesn’t belong to sebaciel shippers, it’s not only for or about you guys. and you guys are the worst thing about kuroshitsuji.
your fetish shouldn’t ride over how people feel about a real life trauma. 😊

100 Follower Special: Six Same Faces, Six Different Tickles - Osomatsu-san X Reader

Words: 843

“Boys?” You knocked on the door again. No answer. “Hello? Hmm…they said they’d be home today…” You froze as Todomatsu’s unmistakeable girly scream came from the house.

“NO NO NO NO NO!”

“The hell?!” You threw the door open, rushing inside. What if something bad happened?

“HOLD STILL, JERK!”

You skidded to a stop, only to find all of the brothers in a pile. Good, they were just playing like the immature babies they are.

“SAVE MEEE!” Todomatsu screeched from the bottom of the pile.

“What the…?” They were…tickling him? He clawed desperately at the ground, but then Choromatsu glanced up to see you. He alerted the others, and they immediately stopped and stared at you.

“Oh…” Osomatsu rubbed under his nose. Their mouths curved into evil smiles.

“What?”

“New victim!” Jyushimatsu cried, and they charged at you.

“Don’t you dare!” You only took one step before falling flat on your back.

“Oh, we dare! This is for not helping me!” Todomatsu’s cheeks were still pink. “Punishment!”

“You pieces of shi-”

Sixty fingers all over your body.

“Coochie coochie coo!”

“Does this tickle? How about here? Oh, and here?”

“Uwah, she’s so cute!”

“I guess she is, isn’t she?”

“Aw, (Y/N)-chan’s smile is pretty!”

“Take it like a man!”

That’s it, you were done for. “NO, NO, NOHOHOHO!” You squirmed the best you could, trying to buck Jyushimatsu off your legs. “LEMME GOHOHOHO!”

“No mercy!” Osomatsu snickered. “My precious baby brother Choromatsu has a sweet spot riiiiiiight about here!” He poked your neck, and you flailed. “Ooh!” He ignored Choromatsu’s glare.

“(Y/N)-chan has ticklish knees, (Y/N)-chan has ticklish knees!” Jyushimatsu sang.

“And she’s ticklish here.” Ichimatsu had wrestled your shoes and socks off and was now tickling your toes.

“Heh…” Todomatsu watched Karamatsu poke your belly button with wide eyes.

“Quit it, Pervymatsu!” Osomatsu pulled him away. “Don’t poison her mind with your freaky kinks!”

“HIS WHAHAHAT?!” you yelled.

“He likes be-”

“THAT’S IT!” Todomatsu tackled Osomatsu, hands traveling up his hoodie.

“H-hehehey, (Y/N) is the victim, not mehehehe!”

“Tough titties!”

“Get your butts back over here and help us!” Choromatsu flinched when your arm almost got free.

“NOHOHOHO, GOHOHOHO AWAHAHAY!” You couldn’t handle being tickled in so many places at once, it was torture! “I’M SOHOHOHOHORRY!”

“Are you really, really sorry?” Todomatsu asked, bending down to blow a raspberry on your tummy.

“WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT NOHOHOHOHOHO!” you howled.

“Guys, raspberries! They destroy her!”

“Roger that!” Ichimatsu took care of your knees, Osomatsu got your neck, Karamatsu had your sides, and Todomatsu stayed where he was. “So cute!”

“Cute (Y/N)-chan!” Jyushimatsu held down your arms so you wouldn’t smack him in the face.

“Heh…she is really cute,” Choromatsu admitted bashfully.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAM NAHAHAHAHAHAT!”

“Are too!” Karamatsu poked your belly button. “Who agrees?”

“I!” they all shouted simultaneously.

“FUHUHUHUHUHUCK YOHOHOHOHOU!” One of your arms broke free and reached for Jyushimatsu, but he just tickled under your arms. “DAMN YOU!” Your arms snapped back to your sides.

“Coochie coochie coo!” Osomatsu sang, raspberrying your ribs. “Your laugh is so cute!”

“Maybe we should stop, we might kill her.” Choromatsu backed off.

“What? She’s fine!” He gestured to your red face.

“She obviously isn’t!”

“What was that?” All of them stopped, turning to face him.

“Um…gottagobye!” He made it two feet before Karamatsu grabbed his ankle.

“DESTROY THE WORRIED FROG!”

“NO!”

“Heh…heheh…” You sat up slowly, watching them trying to wrangle up Choromatsu. “Suffer!”

“(Y/N), you-ahahaha!” He desperately tried to crawl away, especially when Osomatsu nuzzled his neck. “WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT!”

“No waiting, no mercy!”

“Yeah! Hmm…” Jyushimatsu quickly dragged Ichimatsu over, tickling his tummy.

“JYUSHIMAHAHAHATSU!” He grabbed of his hands to tickle him back.

“NII-SAHAHAHAN!” They fell over into a laughing heap.

“Gotcha!” Todomatsu grabbed Karamatsu’s sides.

“T-TOTTY!”

“STUPID ELDEST BROTHER!” Choromatsu retaliated by digging all ten fingers into Osomatsu’s ribs, smirking as his grip loosened.

“NO FAHAHAIR!”

“Idiots,” you murmured.

“WHAHAHAHAT?!” He tried to face you. “WE-WE’LL TIHIHIHICKLE YOU AHAHAHAHAGAIN!”

“Not while you’re in that position!”

“SHEHEHEHEHE’S RIGHT!” Karamatsu tried in vain to sit up.

“Oh no you don’t!” Todomatsu pushed him back down.

“NII-SAHAHAHAN, NII-SAHAHAHAHAHAN!” Jyushimatsu bucked his hips, tears forming in his eyes.

“I’LL STOP IF YOU STOP!” Ichimatsu choked out between snickers.

“NEHEHEHEHEVER!”

“Bye.” You stood up, heading out the door.

“Nohoho, wahait!” Osomatsu stumbled over, his five red-faced brothers following. “Wehehehe’re sorry for torturing you, (Y/N)!”

“Oh?” You turned around.

“Y-yeah, it was a shitty thing to do…” Choromatsu rubbed his head.

“Shouldn’t have treated a Karamatsu girl like that.”

“’m sorry I didn’t stop when you told me to.”

“Sorry…I couldn’t resist, you were just too cute!”

“Mmhmm.”

“You guys…” You looked away with a blush.

“We wanna make it up to you. Maybe you could go on a date with us?” Osomatsu beamed.

“All of you? That doesn’t sound like a very good idea.”  You put your hand on the doorknob.

“Oh?” They wiggled their fingers at you.

“Actually that’s a wonderful idea!” you squeaked, prompting all of them to laugh as they walked you outside.

Robin: I’ll eat my carrots then.

Jack: You should cook them before you eat them.

Robin: Yeah, but I ain’t got nothing to cook ‘em!

Jack: Well, that sounds like your tough titties.

Robin: Thanks man, I’ve been trying to get them tough.

Jack: *laughs* I’ve been working on my titties!

Robin: Yeah!

*Both laugh*

—  @pixlpit and @therealjacksepticeye in Don’t Starve.
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