Fun fact: the longer you go without logging into Facebook, the more desperate the update emails get.
Weeks 1-3: Hey, you’ve got a few new friend requests, come check them out.
Weeks 4-8: Your Aunt Joan posted 3 new pictures & your ex-boyfriend now likes Chipotle. So yeah, you’re gonna want to see that, right?
Weeks 9-12: Why aren’t you here?You’re missing all the fun please come back why don’t you love me anymore?
Week 13+: Just in case you’re wondering, we’re doing fine without you. I’m sure you don’t care, but I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m really hilarious now and everyone loves me so…your loss.