topic: goodbyes

How to say goodbye

Before I say goodbye, I want to tell you that I will always love you, whether you are downstairs, across the street, in a different neighborhood, or in a different part of the world. And even though my heart is still breaking, I know that you will always fiercely and unconditionally love me. Those who you will meet will be lucky to have been in your presence, even just for a moment, just as I have been lucky enough to have known you for as long as I have. It has been a privilege to know you, and an even greater privilege to love and be loved by you. You will always be a part of my life, and I will always be a part of yours. Thank you for being the best person that you could be, and above all, the best person that anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for going above and beyond in what started as nothing and became a relationship that will far outlast our time together. Thank you for the memories, both the good and the bad, and thank you for the memories that are still to come. We are not finished; this is not the end for us, only a new and slightly painful beginning. And so now here it is, the moment we have dreaded and dreaded to wait for:
Goodbye, I love you, and I will see you soon.

If we could expect every goodbye, could we possibly make them a little less painful and a little more beautiful?
—  Lukas W. // Morning thoughts
loving you is bittersweet.

it’s the taste of cough drops on my tongue, filling my mouth with savory kisses that make up for your absence. it’s swallowing pills because i want to be happy for you. it’s letters curled up from pens that write with the ink in my veins.

it’s something that i missed that never quite went away. it’s all of the people who left before hanging over my shoulders. it’s being haunted by ghosts and recognizing all of the faces because all of the eyes are yours. it’s an idiom i wanted to know the truth of, but now i think i know is already true - when it rains, it pours.

because now we talk in past tense, with the bite of nostalgia between our teeth. because now we are past tense. because now everything we used to dream is falling to pieces.

it’s funny, how you convinced me my worst fears and anxieties were just so, and yet, they were oh so real. it’s funny, how the breaking is present tense, but what was broken is not.

i will never regret loving you, honey, but i will always regret suffocating you with words that fell like pebbles on the stone shoulders of atlas, carrying the sky. i will always be happy that you are happy because that is what love is. but i will also always burn with the memory of when it was i who made you smile.

but now i’m left with smilies and the casualties of this war. metaphorically, forever means infinity, but i think that it really just means the time between you and me, the time between dreaming of what could be and knowing what actually is. so, we lasted forever, until forever became a memory.


loving you was bittersweet.
—  bittersweet || r.m. || 7.28.27

Outfit #171 “Inglorious Bastards”

Breaking Bad S05x07 “Say My Name”

Oh jeez, look how sad J is in that top shot. He’s losing a dad, and the Good Dad at that. When he’s like, ‘see you around’ and Mike’s like, NOPE…it’s like, do you get it now, Jesse? Do you? You can be free too! Ugh.

And, that loving look from Mike. (*-_-) If only he could take Mike’s advice and just look out for himself, i.e. run the fuck away and don’t look back. 

Today, I’m saying farewell to this space that I’ve considered a home for over a year. The parts of my life spent sitting down, writing sentences, composing worlds and ideas, and reflecting on every bit of feeling have been the best so far. Being a diarist has affirmed my passion for writing, which is the only thing I’m good at, and I can only hope that things flourish from here.