November 22, 1996—the turd was born and his destiny to be the cutest little shit on earth began and my life started to end…. five year old me didn’t know it and just enjoyed Kindergarten and dance class and talking too much and getting money from the tooth fairy. If I had know a small babe had been born that would have ruined me, maybe I wouldn’t have talked so much in class and got in trouble every day.
March 5, 2014—I was still blissfully unaware but this video was put into the interwebs. I was working at a horrible job at the time fighting for a promotion I deserved and was promised but didn’t have the “people skills” for even though I was already doing it with less pay and no benefits. Maybe if I had known about this video sooner, I would have gotten my life together and gotten all the money, money, money I could so I could convince Pledis to not let that tiny, talented turd debut the way he did in a way that ruined me. But, fate has plans and I love the direction this turd has gone with his 12 brothers, even if my life has been ruined well before I knew it was.
May 26, 2015—A group of little boys debuted with a catchy song and my refusal to get into them, even if they have bops. I’m too old for these baby groups, I said. My life was sad then. I was crying my way through Spanish and other classes. I didn’t have time to appreciate them fully. Nor did I have time to be ruined by a tiny, talented turd named Lee Jihoon. But, he already was ruining me. I just didn’t know he graced the rest of the world in the process.
March 16, 2017—The day my fate to be ruined by Lee Jihoon arrived to my consciousness. I slipped into the diamond life and he pushed me over, scraped my knee, made sure I was okay with his charm and natural aegyo, and I decided I was smitten.
The days since 3/16/2017—Every Jihoon moment I discover, new and old, current or past, continues to ruin me. Even the Carat friends I’ve made that enable said ruining is a part of this. I love every moment of it, even if I complain.
Adding to the list of Shit The Duke Owns: there’s a curtain in the stairs up to his throne, behind which is apparently a slowly-rising platform specifically for DRAMATIC ENTRANCES. Just like normal people have!
Kaia looks pretty young, but she calls Chuck “son” at one point and she was a young woman when Kane started dumping toxic sludge. Kaia’s middle-aged??
Fearless!Chuck punched Mutt so hard he dented the metal. The boosters cut off pain response but they don’t make you invulnerable to damage…? I am concerned for Chuck’s hand.
A LOT of people enter the Robo Round-Up, but Junior specifically calls and singles out Texas multiple times. >:I Hmm. Could be some history there.
Things I forgot: the Burners’ main source of income seems to be Dutch and Chuck turning out high-quality custom car parts. Why does nobody ever bring this up to Texas when he’s ragging on “The Nerds”. They’re your breadwinners, dude.
what did Kaia even think she was going to get done with those mutant plants, though? Seriously. They just would’ve killed civilians, and then gotten lasered to death by bots.
Chuck would probably do pretty well on a normal road with speed limits and turn signals and stuff! He might even like driving, in our day and age. :.)
Shit The Duke Owns: a giant golden replica of his own face that breathes fire and shoots lazers from its eyes and has mobile giant sunglasses.
Every so often Mike says something that just…really sounds like an NPC. “Dutch! Use your sonic blasters to set off the mines!!” ((*prompt text: press Δ
to activate sonic blasters*))
Red says he “forged” his own armor, and presumably he also created whatever lightning-tech he uses. Like…dang?
Not only does Mike apparently frequently rein in Texas’s impulses (coughmomfriendcough) he apparently does it with the exact same chintzy little mom-ism every time. “Let’s put that in the back pocket, okay?” OKAY, MOM.
Also whenever one of his teammates seems interested in somebody romantically, he does this kind of wry-smile-and-head-shake combo like you crazy kids…
Mike you’re like SEVENTEEN. You’re all TEENAGERS, they are THE SAME AGE AS YOU.