tools for survival

One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a whole pattern of malicious intent.


  • “Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?”
    - “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”

  • “Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?”
    - “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”

  • (Someone forgets to call you back.)
    - “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”

  • “Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?”
    - “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”

  • "I don’t really feel like sex tonight.”
    - “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”

  • “You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?”
    - ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”

This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of reponding to what’s actually happening or interrogating whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.

Like I get feeling this kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very, very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling you they hate you.

But it is possible, with some work, to separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the difference between someone actually attacking you and something just feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.

You can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and respond based on what you think - not just feel - their intent actually was. That work is as necessary as it is difficult.  

People need to be able to tell you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an attack.

Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.

This habit interacts especially badly with the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone – when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.

It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.

You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.

Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.


“Niall is a solid guy whose focus is right where it ought to be: on songwriting. He’s got the Irish charm and a healthy, self-effacing sense of humor, which is an essential ­survival tool in this business. I think that Niall will evolve into a resonant, thoughtful voice for his generation.”  — Don Henley on Niall Horan, Billboard (June, 2017)

  • me: what a nice night
  • brain: shepard didn't ask for any of this. she wasn't prophesied. she didn't even wake up one day and go "well. time to save the galaxy." she was shoved and strongarmed into her fate. she wasn't even allowed to DIE in peace. she could have walked away at any time, but she accepted these backbreaking responsibilities and gave every bit of herself for people that didn't even value her beyond a tool for survival—
  • me: well! time to drink myself to sleep

Found this old piece of timber in the garden. I restored it and did my first ever proper bit of old school joinery. I only had a saw, tape measure and a chisel to work with so it’s a little rough around the edges but I’m very happy with it. Some genius came up with this in the past in order to join massive logs together to be used to build huge sea worthy battle ships. They didn’t have the luxury of working with metal back then so they had to get creative.

We’ve joked about the impending nuclear apocalypse for years (because let’s face it, it’s pretty damn funny), but at the rate things have been going, we’re starting to wonder if we should stop laughing and start sounding alarms. Right now it’s still hard to say, but until WWIII hits we’re going to remain confident that our suggestion to build a bunker and stock it full of survivalist gear is merely precautionary rather than prophetic.

So check out this life-saving equipment which every day seems increasingly more and more necessary (gulp). And even if you’re not preparing for the End Days, at least the stuff is pretty awesome:

Keeping all of your priceless heirlooms and field rations in that cheeky bindle might make a few world-weary souls chuckle, but you’ll need a heavy-duty backpack if you want to make it through winter. This durable satchel is made of ballistic nylon developed by military material experts, and is big enough to carry a 15" laptop … because if it’s the end of the world, you’ll definitely want to be firing off angry emails to the people who made that happen. Wait, will electronics work in this new post-apocalyptic era? Well, it can’t hurt keeping your laptop around as a tool to bludgeon squirrels to death. Grab the Ballistic Backpack for $99.99.

10 Items You Need (More Than A Chainsaw) In The Apocalypse


Some fabulous photos from this weekend’s “Axe to Grind: Forging Your Own Hatchet” class that I taught at The Steel Yard in Providence, RI! I’m extremely pleased with how the class turned out. Everyone went home with a finished forged hatchet, and I’m super excited to run this class again (hopefully in the fall?) We finished off the class with a good round of axe-brandishing and orcish war screaming! It was epic. 

Billboard: Niall Horan Braces for Stardom Outside One Direction, With Advice From Justin Bieber & The Eagles

When Niall Horan decided to move from London to Los Angeles in early 2016, it’s no surprise that he chose a house in Laurel Canyon, the epicenter of ’60s folk-rock culture. Horan was the one ­toting a guitar in One Direction, the British boy-band juggernaut that was just then going on a hiatus, and he’s got the soul of a singer-songwriter: He’s charismatic, witty and sensitive, but also easygoing and no-nonsense. Viewed alongside his bandmates – born rock star Harry Styles, “sensible one” Liam Payne, “funny one” Louis Tomlinson, moody R&B prince Zayn Malik – Horan, 23, is sort of like the middle brother: the most ­approachably handsome, the second-most popular across social media (29 million Twitter followers; 19 million on Instagram) and the most likely to lust after a gig at the historic Los Angeles rock club The Troubadour. “Playing for, like, 500 people. What more do you want?” says Horan. “I’ve had some good moments with screaming ­teenagers, but I like when the room is completely dead. It’s a ­different kind of respect. People are actually listening.”

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Tools of Survival (Negan x Female)

Summary: She has been feeling really insecure about herself, and wishes she could see the upper floors of the Sanctuary. 

Characters: Negan x Female (She is in a wheelchair) 

Word Count: 5,047

Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff (like super fluff), Swearing

Author’s Note: I wrote this for @theblack-wolf who said she was feeling really down and wanted to read a fic about a character in a wheelchair. I have no idea what it’s like to need a wheelchair, but I did my best based on what I do know and have heard from friends who use them. 

I take care of physically disabled individuals with my job, and they use wheelchairs. I know that they can get very frustrated, especially about things that people like me take for granted every single day. 

This Negan is VERY fluffy. When I’m feeling down, I like to read fluffy Neegs.

I am always happy to hear what you think! Shoot me a message and tell me what you thought! If you want to be on my tag list, let me know!

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anonymous asked:

Going off the fighting with no pads+ live weapons+ sparring=death discussion, what would you suggest as an alternative? I'm working on a fantasy story where two of my characters are training in swordsmanship with the intention of becoming knights, but warfare is a lot different than using pads/dummies. What are ways I can have my characters realistically train for battle without mauling each other? Or should they just cross their fingers and hope they don't die on the battlefield in real combat?

Well, for starters, they use training weapons. These are are weapons that are essentially what they’d be using and are blunted. The character gets the effect of training with the weapon and practicing their techniques against another opponent without risk of fatal injury.

This is a long standing practice in all martial disciplines and it is much safer than letting beginners murder each other. You never get to touch a real sword until you’ve reached the end of your training. They’re expensive, dangerous, and most knights aren’t going to have the money to replace all the weapons they’ve destroyed during training.

You start with wood, then move up to metal, then move up to the real blades.

You also don’t have your knights learning to joust each other with real lances either. It’ll be blunted lances like the ones used at tournament, and will use those at all times except on the battlefield. They’ll only be allowed to joust other students when their performance is satisfactory, and they will practice with a dummy first. They’ll keep practicing with that dummy for the remainder of their existence, because it’s safer than practicing with another knight and they can fine hone their skills. Then, they move up to a hanging ring.

They don’t just put you on a horse, thrust a lance in your hands and hope for the best.

They’ll spar with padded armor. When they reach a point in their training where the time has come for them to wear armor, they’ll be using older suits rather than new ones. If they spar with live weapons at all, at any point, the rules of the duel will be to first blood and will be watched very closely by their training instructors.

Training happens in stages.

You practice the pieces of the technique, broken down. You learn the stance, then you learn what you’re doing with your hands. How to hold the weapon. Then, you learn how to move the weapon. Then, you practice the technique all together incorporating your whole body. Then, you practice that singular technique with another human (drilling), then, you learn other techniques, then you learn to connect all those techniques together, then you learn the defenses against those techniques, then you practice them with your partner, and then… then you spar.

In between these stages, you condition. You drill. You condition more. Drill more. Learn more techniques. Sparring becomes a reward. As you go up in rank, the targets you are allowed to hit in sparring expand. The more difficult techniques you learn. You may then advance to other weapons, or you’ll be doing most of them at the same time.

Round and round we go.

Practice with the sword before you hold the shield. Practice with the shield before you hold the sword. Learn to wield the sword with one hand. Then with two. Then with a shield. Learn horseback riding. Learn the staff. Learn the bow. Learn the knife.

Then, once you have a base and you are lucky, you will spar against different weapon types.

If he is confident in your abilities and you have the time, he may hold a melee or allow you, his trainee, to participate in one. Or you may do so while squiring to a knight, depending on your master. What is a melee? It is a practice battle, like a real one without the death (usually).

Or, you may not get any of this. Be thrown into battle up front and be forced to learn as we go.

There’s a target point for what you want to have, and then there’s what you get. A medieval knight or squire or even a page may very well be forced into battle long before they’re “ready”. A page’s training also depends heavily on who is fostering him/her and if they care.

Knights were not given the same training. The concept of training, armed warfare, and mass conflict as we understand it today didn’t exist. They were dependent on which local lord took them under his wing, funded them, and how invested he (and his arms master) was in their training. If they got a sadist for a teacher then they got a sadist for a teacher.

The problem with the romantic “live weapon” idea most people have is that “live weapons” will better prepare you for real combat. They don’t, because nothing compares for real combat. These characters may also see combat long before they become a knight, as they’ll be squired out first and their experiences depend on what their knightly master will be doing.

Knights are a training investment of fourteen years. You don’t waste that lightly. It also costs way too much to outfit them with real shit that they will then misuse and break. Especially not when you can just give them the sturdier, more reliable shit that many others have used before them.

The same is true for the horses. They get the training ponies with the hard mouths before they ever approach a warhorse. They need to prove themselves worthy of the substantial investment which comes with equipping them.

Yes, even the sadistic masters do this. The only difference is the mind games they play while it happens.

And, yes, with the first battle it will always be “hope for the best”. Anything else, they’re kidding themselves. Training is about getting you as prepared as you can be for the real thing, but it is not the real thing and no amount of live blades in a practice arena will change that.

Which is why you don’t do it.

Besides that, there’s the injury risk. Students who don’t know what they’re doing have a greater chance of injuring themselves and others. Injuries are costly. Training relies on consistency. If you’re stuck in your room with a twisted ankle, a bruised collarbone, nevermind a serious injury like a broken bone, then your training will lapse. A student needs to stay active in order to remain viable. If they’re not then its a waste of money, equipment, and other resources like food.

You’ve got to feed them, billet them, and everything in between. If you want shock troopers that’s what the peasants are for. A knight is an investment. You push your investment. You do not break them. They then repay you with their service.

A single soldier in the United States Military costs the taxpayers around a million dollars. Their training is also among the cheapest things the military can buy. In terms of resources in the Middle Ages, the feeding, training, and equipping of a knight costs far more than that.

Think about it. And maybe do some more research.

Otherwise, you’ve got a trainer going, “I want to blow through fourteen years and nine million dollars to soothe my students’ egos!”


“Anything Goes” is a Hollywood creation. You train all combatants on the assumption they’ll be killed, you want to give them the tools to survive but they’ll probably die. For this reason, you need every single one. You can’t waste them on each other. That’s a major reason why tournaments came to exist, so you could have the war and the skill without the death.


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Dreams of You // Seo Johnny


the prompt: hello :) can I request a fluffy NCT Johnny soulmate!au where when the person sleeps, they see through their soulmates eyes.

words: 1662

category: fluff + soulmate!au

author note: this is actually my favorite johnny one i’ve done so far so pls enjoy it!

- destinee

Originally posted by taesyong

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NeganTrash Fic Masterlist

All of Me - (Fluff) - Jen struggles with her self image, and Negan shows her how delicious she is.

Aphrodisiac [ Part 1 ] and [ Part 2 ] (Smut) - Negan wants to make her his next wife. She’s always turned him down, but now it’s Valentine’s Day and that man can be persistent. 

Artwork - (Smut) - Negan gives her a gift for her birthday.

The Carnival - (Smut) - The Saviors find a fairgrounds fully intact and Negan asks her to be his date.

Chain Link - (Smut) - Negan catches his new wife climbing his fence.

Devoted [ Part 1 ] [ Part 2 ] (Smut + Fluff) - Nina gets shot during the fight in Alexandria.

Dirty Talk - (Smut) - Negan’s lieutenant won’t punish the community she’s been put in charge of, so Negan punishes her instead.

Fruit of the Dead - (Fluff + Light Smut) - She lives in a community called Terra and grows food with her mother. When Negan sees her playing in the woods, he knows he has to have her. This fic is written to mirror the myth of Hades and Persephone.

K is for Kneel - (Smut) - Simon catches you playing dress up.

Loyalty [ Part 1 ] [ Part 2 ] [ Part 3 ] (M/M Smut) - Rick’s younger brother meets Negan. He’s trying to be strong, but finds himself having a moment of weakness.

Mockery - (Smut + Fluff) - Lana is the queen of sass. Negan may have just met his match.

The Monster - (Fluff / Storycube Challenge) - They find Negan where they least expect him.

Mouse - (Fluff) - Mouse suffers from anxiety and Negan tries to help her cope.

No Good [ Part 1 ] [ Part 2 ] [Part 3] (Smut + Angst) - She is Negan’s former wife, and regrets leaving him. After turning to alcohol and Simon for comfort, she decides to visit Negan late one night.

Nymph - (Fluff + Angst) - Negan finds a child in the woods and brings her back to the Sanctuary.

Pins and Needles - (Smut + Fluff) - She’s always been invisible to Negan, but when she agrees to become his wife to get medication to control her pain, she sets out to make him finally see her.

Raise Hell - (Multi Chapter + Slow Burn) - Doveport is a little community just trying to survive in the apocalypse. Elle finally feels like she’s found a home…and then she meets Negan.

Red | Redder | Reddest (Smut) - Her boyfriend hates when she wears lipstick, but Negan doesn’t mind a little red. (3 Part Series)

Sugar and Spice - (Fluff + Slight Angst) - She has a huge crush on Negan and would do anything to make him happy. He misses the taste of real pumpkin pie, so she sets out to make it for him.

Tools of Survival - (Smut + Fluff + Angst) - She has been feeling really insecure about herself, and wishes she could see the upper floors of the Sanctuary (OC is in a wheelchair).

Tyrant - (M/M Smut) - Rick has two options: he can die, or he can serve his king.

Where The Heart Is - (Smut + Fluff + Angst) - Negan’s wife has a work meeting and he spends Saturday with their daughter Emma. 

Wings - (Angst) - Angela is in the lineup with her friends and family when they meet Negan. 

Ask Horan for a celeb story, and he’ll tell you about the time he met those very Eagles at a gig of theirs in Toronto. He’ll break out his Joe Walsh drawl to share a bit of wisdom from his favorite guitarist: “You better enjoy the ride, because one day you’re going to be sitting on your own balls.” Then he might add, far too ­casually, “Don Henley and I talk every couple weeks or so. It’s mad. I call him ‘Dad.’ He calls me ‘Son.’"…Henley himself gives Horan a hearty endorsement: “Niall is a solid guy whose focus is right where it ought to be: on songwriting. He’s got the Irish charm and a healthy, self-effacing sense of humor, which is an essential ­survival tool in this business. I think that Niall will evolve into a resonant, thoughtful voice for his generation.
—  billboard
Niall is a solid guy whose focus is right where it ought to be: on songwriting. He’s got the Irish charm and a healthy, self-effacing sense of humor, which is an essential ­survival tool in this business. I think that Niall will evolve into a resonant, thoughtful voice for his generation.

“Say it again?”

“‘Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.’”

“I still don’t get it. Yoda always told us that Sith thrive on anger. Anger leads to hate -”

“It is not about hate, master Jedi. That is something we use. It is not about anger, that is a tool. It is not about fear, that is a mechanism for survival.

It is about passion. It is about strength. It is about survival against all odds. Deny the Sith those things and we cease to be Sith. Deny us anger and hate and fear, and we simply lose useful tools to survive and thrive. Do you see the difference?” 

Twelfth in a series of pictures of Maul being happy and/or content with a variety of characters as is his right. I am ALL ABOUT Maul and Kanan bonding over gaining a little mutual understanding, instead of the fuckery of terrible interpersonal interactions that canon seems to think passes as ‘character development’.


The tool most important to humanity’s survival wasn’t any of the nine in the box. The most important tool is respect. And the reason I know that respect is a tool is because it clearly is not a natural thing and we forget to use it all the time and then we start to compete with each other and exploiting each other and humiliating each other and controlling each other and we lose each other and without each other we’ll go extinct and that’s a fact.

leafbladie  asked:

Is it possible to hack the game so as to fight Sans with only 1 LV?

(undertale spoilers)

Yes, but it’s not recommended! Because his fight is exclusively for the genocide route, there will be KR damage even at LV 1. The fight is exactly the same, which means an even worse time for you and your 20 HP. To reiterate, there is no in-game evidence that KR damage correlates with LOVE, but it is a very popular idea that makes sense.

Killian Jones, Emma Swan and the nuances of deeply emotional love-making.

A psychologist’s POV on why this particular couple hinting at sex riled up an entire fandom.

So what was it?

We have all been exposed to TV sex and (I assume) most of us have been exposed to a certain degree of personal intimacy with a significant other in our lifetimes. I’ve been witness to some unbelievably explicit TV sex myself, but I can say that not once before in my life, has the notion of an OTP “getting it on” made me daydream anywhere near as hard as Hook and Emma did last night with only the hint of post-climatic morning sex taking place on a kitchen table. I was emotional. (A bit hot n’ bothered too, but mostly emotional).

But why? What is so different about these two??

When we think about how things got started for this particular couple, it’s been a struggle for both, one in which many of us can maybe relate. Maybe you’re the lonely girl who lost faith? The guy who lost everything and is terrified of ever embracing love again? Maybe you’re both. all I can say is, we as humans have ALL felt this way, some maybe on one particular situation and some others could be facing ongoing faith trials in their lives. Regardless, seeing that an orphan and a bucaneer can find home, stability, and happiness is an overwhelming slap in the face. It’s super easy to throw the towel in; staying on the road and fighting, that’s what’s hard!! So to find these two connect that way, it’s almost like finding our own answers on the pages of a book. It’s almost therapeutic (though it would be completely unprofessional of me to say CS is a replacement for therapy, should you need it, lol), and this reaches very deep for some and many.

Now about the sex… why does this particular fandom crave to see them show at least a certain degree of sexual intimacy?

Killian’s question “Have you ever been in love?”, comes into play here. Have you ever been in love? because if you have, you will know very well how sex can change and solidify a bond between two people who are already developing such a strong connection. On a chemical POV, sex is basically a survival tool, designed to make us want it to the point of it being damn near unstoppable and thus guaranteeing reproduction. But there is something more: The bonding. The magic of Oxytocin, where your brain releases such unbelievable amounts of the stuff you find yourself suddenly unable to be without that other person. You find yourself even MORE joined together after sex than you did before, even when you didn’t think it was possible.

There is a huge huge HUUUUGE difference between the gratifying satisfaction that comes from casual sex and the overwhelming sense of completeness, peace and togetherness that derives from lovemaking, both individually and as a couple. Just think about it for a second: Love-MAKING. You are MAKING love. Making it. You are enacting love with all you have: Your body, your soul, your everything. You can only say “I love you” so many times before you feel like those words alone just don’t cut it: You want to become that person, be a part of his or her body, to be as close together as you possibly can, to find a way for your souls to commingle and embrace without the limitations of physicality. Is there physical desire though? Of course there is, we are also biological beings with a libido that needs a release. But when you are in love, there is another fuel behind it, a fuel that is not necessarily derived from just the attraction of “banging a hot guy or girl”. No matter what that person has done or what he/she looks like, you desire that person. You start to overlook the flaws, physical or character-wise, and you look deeply, into that person’s very soul, the soul you want to touch and be a part of… the person you LOVE.

So have you ever been in love? Have you ever made love, or been made love to? If not, you will know it when it happens to you… and if you have, then you will know exactly what I’m talking about.

Killian Jones was the first to fall in love in this situation. He suddenly found himself being rescued from a darkness he never believed could be overcome and there, at the end of a dark, dark tunnel, stood one Emma Swan. He felt intrigued and followed her into the light, only to find himself helplessly drawn to her on a much deeper, spiritual level. His way of proving himself to win the heart of the woman he now unquestionably loved was through loyalty. Unbarred, undeniable loyalty. And for a woman who was used to abandonment, finding a solid rock beside her who would be there for her regardless of the consequences was easily the biggest brownie point in her Captain Hook tally. Now they’re together, finding ways of fighting for that love and to keep it strong, burning hot and always beautiful.

Love-making is the next logical step; these two kids have desire for one another (that they’ve actually had for a long, long time) and while I am sure that they have already done the deed before the glorious little nuance from last night’s show, for us to witness that intimacy, that strength and that bond, is almost a reminder that there is a love strong enough for all of us, and that when we do find it, we have to hold on to it, tooth and nail, because regardless of it being an ever after love or a love affair that lasts less than what you hoped for, true love is solidified through unstoppable, devoted, deeply emotional and romantic sex, whether it’s slow and passionate or fast paced and fiery. It’s just that last bridge to cross to entirely become one with that other soul you love so much.

So there it is, kids. Hook and Emma love each other. And to many of us, this almost flawless, picture perfect version of what love could be (and actually really is with all it’s ups and downs and fights and blowouts and great, great sex) is what we all aspire to achieve at some point with our significant other. And what a fine example they are!!!!


At this very moment, genocide is occurring in Aleppo, Syria. We are being tortured, raped, slaughtered, and basically exterminated indiscriminately. There is no aid, medicine, food, or tools of survival. There are no hospitals, schools, homes, or any safe haven. There is no body or causality count anymore, there are too many to be accounted for. The White Helmets have officially announced that they are essentially powerless and paralyzed; they have stopped counting the dead, only stopping to wrap bodies in orange bags. Men and male children are forcefully being conscripted into the regime army or massacred in mass executions. There are official reports of women asking their husbands to kill them before being conscripted or executed in fear of mass rape and other atrocities they may face. Aleppo and Hama have suffered chemical attacks that have left seemingly unharmed children lining mosque floors dead. The about 100,000 people left in the city that haven’t died or been displaced are moving from one neighborhood to the other as regime and Russian forces close in. They are running only to fruitlessly go through the action, only to feel like they are trying: it’s of no use. The city is blockaded and there are ongoing airstrikes. There is no way out. There is no escape. This is essentially a cat and mouse game. There is no hope. We are literally asking God for divine help and miracles.

There are claims that “Aleppo is falling”; however, it has FALLEN. Russian and regime offenses have taken 96% of the city. Officials say that Russia and the Syrian regime have agreed to a peace deal and/or ceasefire, but live reports from Aleppo confirm it has yet to be implemented. The siege is ongoing. There is no going back from this. What has occurred these past two days is a genocide that was live-streamed to a world still in denial about our suffering. All we asked for was an end to emergency/martial law, yet we received six years of pure agony

Humanity has failed us. The international community has failed us. We are the worst human rights violation since World War 2. We are Obama’s and the UN’s Rwanda. Please save us. Call your representative. Donate to the White Helmets, Syria Relief, Save the Children, etc. Spread the word. Tell the truth. Do anything you possibly can.

UPDATE: As of Wednesday, December 14th 2016, the Turkish-Russian peace deal and ceasefire has FAILED. Syrians have been waiting since 5 AM for evacuation busses and NONE HAVE ARRIVED. Regime and Russian forces have started shelling the city AGAIN.

Please, don’t forget us! This is not getting better, this getting WORSE. They have won. The city has COLLAPSED yet they will not cease their offense. This is still ongoing. This is a nightmare that will never end. We Syrians are trapped in this city with war crimes still happening! Please continue spreading the word.

UPDATE #2: As of Thursday morning, December 15, 2016, the ceasefire has (for the most part) been held. Preparations for evacuation are just about complete. There will be a safe passage from Eastern to Western Aleppo that the International Committee of the Red Cross will oversee. Evacuations should begin soon. We are hoping that Western Aleppo will react kindly to the under 100,000 civilians coming in from Eastern Aleppo and that it will be, for the most part, successful.

Just remember: surviving Eastern Aleppo citizens are being transported on busses that are overtly and excessively decorated with the face of their butcher. At least it’s a slight reprieve from the past couple of days. Please keep the residents of Aleppo in your thoughts and continue to spread the word.

UPDATE #3: First convoy of 1200 Aleppo evacuees have arrived at Idlib, of which 200 were immediately hospitalized and most in critical condition. A second convoy of about 1198 people has crossed the West Aleppo countryside and has just about arrived, as well. There may be a third evacuation convoy if all remains fairly unhindered.

Please keep in mind that remaining waiting Aleppo residents and even the evacuees are facing harsh winter conditions as homes have been destroyed and it gets brutally cold, especially during the night, in Syria. They are also facing extreme hunger. The Syrian regime is providing them with nothing more than transportation to Idlib. Continue to donate what you can and call your representatives.

This will be the last live update I can provide from Aleppo unless an emergency or crisis (more than the now usual) occurs or important updates must be made. Please keep spreading the word, supporting civilians in anyway you can, and remaining vigilant and informed on the crisis in Syria. International mainstream media failed us and many of you didn’t even know what was happening until you read this post. The Aleppo genocide was one of many crises over the past six years and will be one of many more. Keep Syria in your thoughts and prayers. Spread the word.

Wrong Place Wrong Time (25)

Part 25 of an ongoing series, enjoy :)
A fanfic for a more Mature audience due to violence and language. Read at your own risk :)

Themes=😖,🌟,💣,🎭 ,. (☠️- Harm towards characters, Strong language and Adult themes.)

Summary: You end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and it has negative repercussions. Main characters include: Reader and EXO.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 Part 4  Part 5 Part 6  Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12  Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24  Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Part 29  Part 30  Part 31  Part 32  Part 33  Part 34  Part 35 (Final)

Word Count: 4,400

🎭 DRAMA!!!
Love triangle, Love Square. Whatever shape you want to call it, but be prepared for PLENTY of ‘somewhat’ angsty romantic conflict and angsty feels. (Sorry, you’ll dislike me after this haha)

You were embarrassed, beyond belief and angry to the point where your hands were shaking. Why would Yixing do that to you? Sure you had to clean up what had happened between you and him, but it was never anything serious and you had told him right off the bat that it was wrong, the last person you had ever expected to act in this type of manner was Yixing, he was normally so reasonable. You rushed over to the kitchen to grab a glass and fill it up with water and rushed back to the board. He had riled you up so much, that your breathing was heavy. Without really thinking you walked around the table and threw the water over Yixing.
It was silent for a moment; everyone was looking between you and Yixing in shock.

“You have to be kidding me…” Yixing breathed heavily through his nose, looking at you through angry eyes.
“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!” He jumped up from his seat lunging over at you and bringing you down hard onto the table. Before you had a chance to think, he was pinning you down and shaking you violently, you stared up into his face. He looked nothing like the Yixing you knew from before; this was a completely different man. This was a barbarian. A beast. You grabbed at his hair, pulling it and attempting to get him off of you.

“After the way I’ve treated you Y/N, with such love and care. This is how you repay me, by fucking Minseok?! You think he’s worthy of you? he’ll only hurt you. That’s all he’s capable of.” He lifted your shoulders about an inch off of the table and slammed you back down again, causing you to cry out in pain, this was all happening so fast. You brought your knee up hard, knocking him just under his breast bone where his healing wound was located. He let out a growl, but it wasn’t enough to get him off of you, he was still shaking you wildly and you were beginning to develop a headache, you closed your eyes tightly shut, in the hope that it would help the pain to subside.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER YIXING!” You heard Chanyeol shout from beside you. Only opening your eyes when you felt Yixing’s weight being lifted off of your body, you shuffled down to the end of the table where Junmyeon was sat.

“Are you okay Y/N?” He lifted you up off the table and lowered you into your seat beside Minseok. You didn’t even bother replying as you turned your attention to Chanyeol and Yixing who were now fighting each other.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Chanyeol shouted, landing a punch on Yixing’s jaw and throwing him against the wall, causing him to groan deeply in pain, but he still wasn’t done yet; head-butting Chanyeol on the lip he held him in a headlock and dragged him to the floor. They began scuffling and shouting obscenities. You were in such shock you began to cry. You had never seen Chanyeol act this violent towards somebody in your life and Yixing was supposed to be the sweet one. You should’ve listened to Jongin that night when he told you Yixing was a dangerous man; he specifically said he was one of the most dangerous but you didn’t want to believe it and now you were in a state.

“Stop it!” Kyungsoo shouted getting up from his seat, trying to restrain Yixing whilst Sehun stood up to restrain Chanyeol. Your heart was thumping amongst your chest, this was too crazy for you to handle.

“Touch her again, and I will kill you!” Chanyeol spat at Yixing.

“She doesn’t belong to you Chanyeol!” Yixing shouted, raising to his knees, both men were panting, on the floor, blood dropping from Chanyeol’s lip, whilst blood was dripping from Yixing’s nose.

“She doesn’t fucking belong to you either Yixing, she doesn’t belong to anyone! Besides she’s not sleeping with Minseok, why are you so damn jealous?”

It’s as though what Chanyeol had said flicked another switch in Yixing’s head, as he pounced on top of Chanyeol again, punching him directly in the mouth.

“Fuck it, someone throw me a taser!” Kyungsoo shouted. Junmyeon wasted no time in fulfilling Kyungsoo’s request, he ran over to where the ammunition cases were, opening one of them up, picking out a taser and throwing it towards Kyungsoo. The next thing you know, Kyungsoo was pointing it towards Yixing who began fitting momentarily and then falling limply on top of Chanyeol’s body. The room fell silent again; you were all just staring at Yixing, who a moment ago was behaving like a rabid dog. You were so dazed and only really started to begin feeling the pain in your shoulders, from the impact of him pushing you against the table.

“Show’s over! We’ll have to have this meeting tomorrow, everybody out!” Junmyeon shouted, he was frowning so angrily, it was near enough the angriest you’d ever seen him, he kicked Yixing’s limp body and stormed out of the board.
Sehun dragged Yixing’s body up and threw it over his shoulder, shaking his head.

“I’ll take him to bed. Stupid bastard…” He muttered under his breath leaving the room too. Since there really was nothing else to see, everybody began filing out of the room slowly one by one. You were behind Jongin, following him out of the door when suddenly he stopped you and pushed you back in to the room again, He was frowning at you angrily, standing directly in front of you as you leant yourself against one of the chairs. Your eyes widened. Not again.

“You’ve been having sex with Minseok haven’t you?” He huffed, crossing his hands over his chest and tapping his foot impatiently on the ground. Even though you knew you were not in the wrong, you felt intimidated and your mouth was growing dry.

“I’ve not been sleeping with him!” You whined, trying to push Jongin backwards so you could get out of the room, but it wasn’t working, he wouldn’t budge.

“But you definitely made out with him didn’t you. Me and Yixing aren’t the best of friends, but I can tell you one thing. He’s not a liar.” He paused looking down at your face; he let out a half-hearted laugh after you didn’t say anything. “I don’t believe you’d go and do this, you know how I feel. I’ve never outwardly said it, but was that necessary after I kissed you and the looks I’ve been giving you every now and then at the dinner table?”

“I’ve never reciprocated those feelings Jongin, and I’ve never let on that I like you, so don’t you even go there.”

He scoffed, giving you a less than impressed look. “You really don’t know what you’ve gone and done. You’re so much more stupid then I thought. Don’t you know what a testosterone filled man behaves like when his emotions are out of whack? You’ve allowed a handful of men in this house to have passionate physical contact with you. I hope you know how fucking messy this house is going to get. And I hope you can handle it Y/N. Congratulations babe, you’ve only just gone and started a war.” He bent down and kissed you, forcing his tongue inside of your mouth and lightly gripping your throat with his hand. But this time he wasn’t kissing because of passion, he was doing it to spite you. Almost as though he was signifying the beginning of this ‘war’ and showing you how much shit you were in. Jongin wasn’t letting this one slide. The way he was kissing you was derogatory, nothing about it felt good, in fact it felt abusive, and he knew it. That’s what he was aiming for. He withdrew his tongue from inside your mouth and pulled away from your face, giving you one last glare, he turned around and walked out of the board leaving you alone. You stood there for a while, staring down at your pyjamas, what on Earth had you started?

You hurriedly carried yourself to Minseok’s room, you needed to talk to him right now. Knocking quietly on his door, you waited looking nervously up and down the corridor to make sure nobody was lurking about. You were sure everyone was settling down to sleep right now, but you had learnt that taking extra precaution in this place was a crucial tool in aiding your survival. The door opened slowly, revealing Minseok, who was peeking around the side, his eyes widened when he saw you and he stepped aside allowing you to come in. Shutting the door behind you, he pulled you into a hug.

“Oh gosh Y/N are you okay. Yixing went crazy I’m so sorry.” You were quiet, too busy enjoying the vibrations of his voice where your head was resting on his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t step up to do anything, I couldn’t make it obvious.” You pulled away from him now, a little bit frustrated at what he said.

“Make what obvious Minseok?! It’s not like we’re actually screwing.”

“I know that…but we did make out… three times. Christ, this should never have happened, it’s such a mess.” He ran his hand through his hair in irritation.

You looked down at your legs guiltily and bit your lips anxiously, he was regretting it and it didn’t really sit well with you. Logically you knew that this was all stupid and wrong, but for some reason that you couldn’t explain, you couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

“Jongin said I’ve started a war…” You whispered, keeping your eyes trained on your legs.

“He what?”

“He said I’ve started a war. He said I was stupid for making more than one guy feel involved with me, I’m scared I don’t know what to do. It wasn’t my intention to make them think I liked them, I wasn’t aware I was giving off that vibe, I never outwardly said I liked them, why would they just assume so?” You let out a frustrated sigh, this wasn’t fair on you. You didn’t deserve this.

“Wait, you’ve…kissed Jongin and Yixing?” Minseok frowned, it was only for a split second but you still saw it. You nodded slowly, looking at him apprehensively.

“Well yes… No.. I mean, they came onto me! But… I didn’t deny it. It was just a spur of the moment reaction thing you know. But I don’t feel anything for them. I admit I thought there was something for Yixing at one point, but I was wrong there wasn’t.”

He stared at you blankly, and the 5 second long silence felt like an eternity.
“You know Y/N we can’t do this.” Minseok shook his head. “This was all a mistake, it was my fault I should never have let you in, I should never have told you all the things about myself that I did. We need to stop this okay. The kissing it can never happen again, the hugs, these ‘moments’, they all have to stop. Don’t knock on my door again, don’t speak to me again, don’t look at me again. This was all a huge fucking mistake.” His voice was slowly raising and the tone becoming harsher.

You blinked, confused. Why was he doing this? It was crushing you.
“For fuck sake Minseok I know this isn’t love, but you don’t have to go and say all of that.”

“I know it’s not fucking love Y/N I’m not stupid, but I’m not even going to give it a chance to turn into that. The last thing I ever want in my damn life is to fall in love especially with you!” He hissed, his face was stern now and his voice was becoming harsh. You were upset, you weren’t even sure why but you just were. The fact that the relationship between you and Minseok had come all this way, from him wanting to kill you, to him wanting you to stay with him and cuddle him in bed, and now this. You were driving straight back to square one.

“So you’re telling me you never want to speak to me again, so long as we’re in this house?” You knitted your brows together; you were not going to cry. You refused to give Minseok the satisfaction of your hurt.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying Y/N, this is just one huge mistake. Now get out of my room and leave me alone. I hope you’ve received my message loud and clear because I’m never repeating this again.” He opened the door of his room and pushed you out, locking it from the inside. Your chest was heaving up and down you couldn’t even begin to put into words how angry you were, so instead you put it into action. You kicked his door as hard as you could, leaving a small dent at the bottom.

“I hate you Kim Minseok!” You half-shouted, turning around to make your way to bed. Looking up you saw Chanyeol standing there, holding a bloodied tissue to his lip.
“What the fuck are you staring at?!” You hissed, pushing past him and storming off to your room.

You woke up the next morning surprisingly well refreshed, you assumed it was due to the fact that you had let off steam that needed to be released for weeks, the second reason being that yesterday was a bit of shock for you and Minseok and so he didn’t mean anything he had said to you, it was just the only way that he thought of dealing with the issue at the time, you’d speak to him today when you had the time to. You weren’t particularly hungry that morning so you didn’t bother eating any food, you just had a shower and brushed your teeth and decided to spend the whole morning drawing animated characters in your room. It was around 1pm when you heard a light knock on your door, you opened it revealing Chanyeol on the other side. You frowned at his lip, it still looked really sore.

“I hope, that doesn’t hurt too much.”

“Ah, no actually it hurts like a bitch. I’d give it a pain rating of 12 on a scale of 10.” He smiled at you, making you smile at him back. You honestly missed the days where it was just you and Chanyeol. “Actually I just came to check on you, yesterday was a mess.”

“Well I’m fine, thanks for checking.” You said, about to close your door, when he stopped it with his foot.

“And… I was wondering if you wanted to go out somewhere, for the day. We haven’t done ‘being best friends’ for centuries.” He threw some finger quotes in the air. “Besides, I thought it might help you take your mind of things.”
You smiled softly; Chanyeol was always looking out for you. It was true since the night at the club and the day you first came here, you and Chanyeol hadn’t done anything together like you usually would and it would be a huge lie to say that you didn’t miss it. It had always been you and Chanyeol against the world, besides it would be nice to finally get some daylight and fresh air, otherwise you’d turn into a vampire some time soon. You nodded your head, skipping over to the side to slip on your shoes and back over to Chanyeol again. You followed him down the corridor, towards the board when Jongdae came out from nowhere.

“Oi Chanyeol!” He was wearing a huge smile on his face. “We’re going to the club tonight, you coming or nah?”

“No. I’m busy the whole day.” Chanyeol said pointing at you.

Jongdae raised his eyebrows and smiled again. “Your loss. We’re. Going. To. Get. Some. Whores.” He laughed and skipped down the corridor. That was the happiest that you had ever seen Jongdae, how thirsty was he to sleep with a female?
Chanyeol rolled his eyes.

“Wait here Y/N, I’m going to get hats and masks we can’t be seen, okay?”

You nodded, rocking back and forth on your heels and toes waiting for him to return.

“Alright, ready?” He asked, holding up the items in his hands. “Let’s go.”

You went everywhere with Chanyeol that afternoon, Shopping for a few bits and pieces, then to a burger bar that you had wanted to try a year ago but you never had time for, after the two of you ate you watched a film at the cinema and then he took you to a dessert parlour if you weren’t full already, you definitely were now.
It was getting dark now, the sky was a beautiful dark purple/blue with streaks of orange and you felt so calm. He was right it really took your mind off of all of the built up tension you had been experiencing and it just felt so lovely to spend some quality time with Chanyeol again. You got into the SUV and were waiting to go home, only to recognise that you were being driven the opposite way.

“Chan, where are you taking us?” You sat up peering out of the window at the passing trees and lampposts on the pavement beside you.

“It’s a secret.” He said locking the doors, keeping one hand on the steering wheel; he stretched over opening the glove compartment and pulled out a bottle of Chloroform. Your eyes opened wide.

“Oh my God Chanyeol! No! Stop it!” You screamed.

“I’m joking Y/N!” He laughed putting the chloroform back into the compartment and unlocking the doors again. Tears of laughter stream down his eyes.

“Chanyeol, that wasn’t funny, you bastard!” You punched him in the thigh.

“Ouch!” He shouted, whilst laughing. “But you should’ve seen your face, it was priceless!”

You tried hard to keep your face scrunched up, but you ended up laughing too. Oh how you had missed Chanyeol.

“Okay we’re here.” He pulled up onto a patch of grass, next to what looked like a shed. You got out of the car a little apprehensively, looking around; you were on a road of what looked abandoned cottages. You had never seen this place in your life. Chanyeol removed a key from his pocket, unlocking the padlock and pulling you inside the shed. He clicked a switch and suddenly a multitude of fairly lights switched on. There was a bed in the middle and cushions everywhere, you stared around in awe, it was so beautiful in here and the lights made it all the more magical.

“Chanyeol…” You were breathless, in the most positive way in a long time. “What is this place? It’s beautiful.”

He smiled up at you, kicking his shoes off and dragging you onto the bed beside him. “I knew you’d like it. It’s my place; it’s like a little getaway, when I need space this is where I come. I thought it would be nice for us to come here and speak and just chill out, what do you think?”
You hugged him tightly.

“Yes Chanyeol, this is amazing thank you!” He laughed into your hair, the both of you making yourself comfortable on the bed.
“You know, I feel like a Pokémon master.” You laughed

“What?” Chanyeol raised a brow.

“Well because since I’ve been here I feel like I keep ‘unlocking’ these new characters, you guys keep telling me things about yourself that I never knew and it’s like you’ve evolved into these new people, it’s really weird. The only people that I’ve not unlocked further into are Jongdae, Yixing…and you Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol laughed. “You know everything about me already Y/N. There’s no more unlocking to do.” You raised an eyebrow at him, but taking his word for it you let it go.
“So tell me what you’ve been unlocking then?” He asked sitting up and pulling you closer to him.

“Well…” You thought for a while, resting your head against his shoulder. “I know how Kyungsoo’s parent’s preferred Babu over him; Sehun’s mum died in his arms, poor kid. Kris Baekhyun and Jongin are apparently now all related. And all that jazz.” You smiled up at Chanyeol, you felt nostalgic, it felt like you were 15 all over again and you were hanging out in your room after school.

“Hmmm. I also hear you’ve been unlocking hearts, lips and…your virginity. Is that true.” You sat up removing your head from his shoulders and rolled your eyes.

“Chanyeol, for fucks sake I thought we came here to get away from that. And no! I didn’t sleep with Minseok, ‘that’ has not been unlocked yet. I swear on Quinn, you should believe me Chan, you out of all people!”

“Okay, I believe you. But what about the kissing, can you swear on Quinn for that?” He asked, raising a brow.
You looked down at your lap and shook your head lightly. You heard him let out a sigh. “So I assume you kissed Yixing as well then.”

“…and Jongin” You whispered.

“For fuck sake Y/N, what’s wrong with you?” You were beginning to get angry at Chanyeol now, who was he to get mad at you it was none of his business who you kissed in the first place, and it wasn’t the way he thought it was. You hated this situation it made you look like the player, like a whore but that wasn’t the case, it wasn’t like that.

“Why do you care Chanyeol, it’s not your business anyway!” You hissed.

He laughed at you disbelievingly, “Of course it’s my business, if it involves you it concerns me Y/N! They’re not good for you! None of them are, they would never know how to treat a woman like you Y/N they’re too damaged to cater to your needs, they don’t know the first thing about you! I mean Minseok tried to kill you for fuck sake, what were you thinking?! He’ll never treat you like the Princess you are Y/N, none of them will!”

“Why are you being like this Chanyeol?! It’s not like I’m in love with Minseok, for fucks sake it was a kiss, and it was a mistake! Why are you being so defensive?!”

“Good and I’m glad it’s not love. He’s not allowed to love you. No one is. No one is but me!”

You frowned at Chanyeol, not catching on to what he was saying, and suddenly he slid his hands around your waist, pulling you into him and kissing you on the lips, his lips were warm and soft and it was gentle, but no, this isn’t what you wanted.

“No! Chanyeol what the fuck?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?”

“I LOVE YOU Y/N HOW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN THAT?!” he screamed at you standing up from the bed and looming over you.

“You’re like a brother to me Chanyeol, why would I see you in such an inappropriate way?!” Your head was spinning. This is not the type of ‘unlocking’ you wanted to do.

“10 years Y/N! 10 fucking years! And you think all I wanted to do was be friends. Okay yes, I admit at first that’s all it was, but from the age of 18 it wasn’t all so innocent anymore, I wanted you in more way than one. To love you in more way than one! Because I know how to treat you properly, I know what makes you happy, how to make you smile when you’re feeling sad, how to comfort you when you’re upset. How have you never noticed that Y/N? HOW?”
Tears were streaming down his face at this point and he was shaking violently.
“And now you’re throwing all of my love away, for one of these pieces of shits that you’ve barely known for two minutes. Are you fucking kidding me?!” He walked over to the wall ripping the fairy lights from it, and throwing them down onto the bed behind you.

“Why are you telling me this?! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS CHANYEOL?! Why would you go and fuck our friendship up now, 10 years Chanyeol, 10 YEARS! I want to go home, now! NOW!”
You grabbed on your shoes, and ran out of the shed to the car. You both got into the car not saying a word to each other, the silence was the most deafening and excruciating you had ever experienced, and neither of you were attempting to break it any time soon.

When you got back to the house it smelt like alcohol, you forgot about the boys having a club outing. One of the things you hated. You saw a drunken half naked Baekhyun crawling on the floor laughing loudly and no one in particular, and Jongdae pressed up on a wall with his tongue halfway down a girls throat. Great. Drunk people, something else you hated. You were still shaking from earlier and were trying desperately hard to not cry, all you needed right now was to be comforted and there was only one person who was going to give that to you. Minseok.

 You walked up to his room, a shaking mess, but when you got to his door you froze in your spot. You could hear a female; calling out Minseok’s name. The calls sounded euphoric and you knew what was going on, but because you were naive and disbelieving you pressed your ear to the door, to convince yourself that it wasn’t true, but you only hurt yourself more. You heard grunting and moaning and more name calling.

Minseok brought a whore home.

You felt your heart crumbling inside your chest as you stood there with your mouth agape, you were paralysed in your spot.

You heard footsteps behind you and a sarcastic laugh, causing you to turn your head around. Standing there was a tipsy Yixing, holding half a glass of alcohol in his hand, he took a swig from his cup and smiled at you cruelly.

“I told you Minseok would only go and hurt you. You should’ve fucking listened.”