took this like last week haha

Awkwardly Personal Update Lol

Okay so everyone and their personal trainer is asking me about my weight lately haha. Some people have gotten used to me being a bit thinner than I used to but some are still surprised by it so I wanna update y'all on my progress haha. Last year some of you know I had bad anxiety in the beginning of the year and it caused strong appetite loss and vomiting periodically, like a few times a week whenever I had an anxiety attack. I didn’t even know what anxiety was until the beginning of last year, I had never experienced it. It took me a while to put it together but I realized it was all triggered by dating/hanging out with guys/feeling like anyone was trying to get close with me romantically/feeling like someone I had feelings for might abandon me, just to lay it all out there haha. Let’s just get REAL personal for a hot minute. It was really bad throughout January/February. In March I let go of this reckless guy I was talking to who was making me so anxious and things got better for a while. I had lost 10 pounds through this experience but gained it back by July. August-December I started boxing about 3 times a week, eating really healthy and gained a lot of muscle, I was in the best shape of my life. Then around Christmas time I started dating someone else and the anxiety came back, I guess I’ve been so closed off my whole life it’s just really hard for me to open my heart like that to people. I’ve managed to do it in friendships really well but romantically I had no experience for the longest time being emotionally close with someone so it just really takes a toll on me, the stress and fear. This time it was much better, I did lose my appetite for a few weeks on and off and still lost sleep and was worked up but first of all it was a much better situation with this guy so I wasn’t on an emotional roller coaster wondering if he liked me that day or not lol, second I only felt anxious about it for a few weeks and then it calmed down and I was able to just push through my fears and let him in. As time went by that fell apart and I realized it wasn’t as perfect as I thought, I’m definitely happier and a lot less stressed now but I’m still so glad I had that experience and got to see myself actually get close with someone and not burst into flames haha. Anyway those few weeks I lost probably five pounds and was back down to my lowest weight which wasn’t good but I didn’t dip below that and eventually came back up a bit and maintained there for a long time and that’s where I’m at now. I’m about 126 lbs, I used to be 132 and then when I lost weight I was 122. I also stopped the high carb vegan thing, though I do still eat a lot of fruit/raw foods whenever I can, because I was developing a protein deficiency as I found out recently, thank you Christina haha. I was constantly tired, I got sick for two months straight and couldn’t recover, my hair was starting to thin a bit and I lost SO much muscle. Mainly from the appetite loss but that’s also what caused my protein deficiency. I know you can get protein through vegan foods too lol but I chose to start eating meat again because it’s just a lot easier for me to maintain my weight and muscle that way. Respect to all my vegan and vegetarian followers tho lol. Anyway I recently went to counseling and the therapist told me the cure for my particular anxiety is exposure, which I kinda already realized but she helped me put it together how each time I date someone new and open my heart it’s a lot less stressful than the time before. Like I’m talking to someone right now and I was anxious about it for two weeks and then it subsided completely yaaayyyyy. No, I still have not had a boyfriend haha haven’t made it official with anyone but I’ve actually met people I would consider for that title which is huge cuz before I LITERALLY had not met anyone I would consider being in a relationship with before last year. So that’s cool!!! Haha oh and also, I had my first kiss. Last summer. Didn’t wanna tell everyone cuz I was really disappointed in myself, it was a bad situation and this guy was AWFUL. So short lived, so pointless, so numb. I was planning to save it for my wedding day and I still think that would’ve been so cool and beautiful but oh well, life goes on. I’m strongly considering restarting on that path because I know it’s never too late to restart and you’re not ruined if you made a bad choice, no matter how tiny or huge. Last summer I was in a really stressful, hopeless, dark, fearful place and I guess I just felt like nothing about me mattered so I might as well throw it away. I wrote a song about it called The Love Of A Man which you guys will eventually get to hear but yeah, that song is legit the only good thing that came out of that experience. There wasn’t some positive message, I didn’t learn about myself except what I already knew which was that I don’t want meaningless interactions with people I am not even close with. But I already knew that and I wish I didn’t have to confirm it the hard way. If you’re on the path to saving yourself for marriage, especially your first kiss, STICK WITH IT. It’s so beautiful and so meaningful. If you’re not, that’s you’re choice and no judgement here but I’ve learned that’s definitely not a path for me. So anyway yeah. That’s a huge extremely personal update on my life hahahahahaha hope you enjoyed 😂

day 6/365

to be honest, I feel like I’ve improved quite a bit in the last (almost) week

the faces are more symmetrical, I’m capturing the feel quite a bit better, and it’s taking a lot less time to finish one sketch

however, I still feel like it’s a game of chance, I have like a ¼ chance of drawing a successful sketch

but yeah.

idk why but it’s incredibly hard to find a reference photo of jungkook. not sure why. that’s why it took me so long to finally draw him haha.

Reuse the rainbow indexes:

I just realized that I could reuse these cute sticker thingies (which quite a lot of you were curious about 😁)

I started to feel a bit wasteful when I returned library books full of the indexes, and I had to peel them off (lots of them!), and I threw them away just like that 😅

Last week I figured I would read a few chapters from this library book I’m reading, took notes of the chapters (so the indexes served their function), and then I peeled off and ‘stack’ them on a piece of post it paper, so I can reuse them for the next chapters. And it’s been working well!

I know this might seem trivial, but I’m quite excited, guys! It means I’m saving money and the environment! (Well maybe not the environment haha)💃🎉