took these thursday

100 Things I Love About Jikook

1. The way they look at each other so softly, smiles so bright.

2. The way they go back to Busan together on holidays.

3. The way Jimin strokes Jungkook’s hair with such a fond smile.

4. The way Jimin lets Jungkook tease him without any more than playful protest. 

5. The way Jungkook goes to Jimin for comfort and cites him as the one he goes to most often when he’s feeling sad. 

6. The way Jimin holds Jungkook by the waist or throws and arm around his shoulder. 

7. The way Jungkook bends down a bit so Jimin can feel a little taller. 

8. The way Jimin laughs at everything Jungkook does. 

9. The way they whisper to each other like they’re in their own little world. 

10. The way Jimin protects and guides Jungkook any time he can.

11. The way Jungkook does dorky things to make Jimin laugh. 

12. The way Jimin praises Jungkook and lists out all the good things about him. 

13. The way Jimin still calls Jungkook cute and “his baby.”

14. The way Jungkook uses Jimin’s mangaetteok nickname. 

15. The way Jungkook sits in Jimin’s lap without complaint. 

16. The way Jimin wraps his arms so firmly around Jungkook’s waist when he’s sitting in his lap. 

17. The way they tease each other when they’re allowed to sit together at fan signs. 

18. The way Jimin leans on Jungkook.

19. The way Jungkook clings to Jimin.

20. The way Jimin always finds the chance to include Jungkook in his twitter videos. 

Keep reading

my breath is for holding

A/N: for @bisexualbvffy, for i love lucie more than robber au’s. and i love those a lot. 


//



Lily finds their add on Craigslist:

Girl needed to rob stores. Wig wearing skills a must. Good legs preferable.

 

She turns up at Remus’s house in a black wig, wears it ten minutes into the ‘interview’ and then takes it off. “My wig wearing skills are excellent, and I’ve got great legs” she says into the silence.

“You’re hired” says Sirius over his chip bag “I love redheads.”

//


Yeah, that’s how she joins the group.

//


They’re in the middle of a supermarket in Easter, stealing a life size chocolate dog because Remus said he would pay them all to ‘help him a achieve his life’s only goal’ and ‘yes I am being perfectly serious now everyone get in the car’

“This is dumb” James is looking around the shelves, because even though it’s four a.m. someone could still see them and he doesn’t think he could take going to jail for stealing a chocolate dog.

“Potter, don’t be such a downer” Lily is leaning against a shelf, eating skittles she hasn’t paid for and still wearing the pink wig from that jewellers job they did four days ago. “Live in the now.”

She throws a skittle at him, and Peter yells “lift with the legs!” very loudly in the background.

//


Lily turns up, smoking profusely, and Peter opens the door to the apartment.

“I’ve got our next job.” She says, breathless, and holds up a printout of an antique shop with an entirely gold cabinet for sale. “We’re fucking robbing it” she pushes past him and barges into the living room, where James is eating crackers and Remus is googling how to hack security cameras because it would be cool to know how to do that.

She flicks a sleeping Sirius on the eyelid. “Black, get up, we’re planning a goddamn heist.”

//


There is something particularly satisfying about stealing things. About holding something that is taken, that absolutely does not belong to you. A sudden rush of blood to the head, veins upstanding on the back of your hand.

Lily ends up at their apartment, eating food and watching their TV despite no one actually inviting her. Remus drops out of Uni to focus on being ‘a professional thief’ as he tells the others, and ‘to find himself’ which he tells his mother. Peter breaks his toe running into the bench drunk and they all wait for him at A&E, Lily and James both get kicked out for smoking so they go out back and James blows smoke rings while Lily pretends not to be impressed.

//


“Oh my god, I can’t believe you nearly got us caught. I cannot believe you’d had sex with that hotel clerk and couldn’t remember. Oh my God. You’re terrible Sirius. If I end up going to jail because of your sex life I’ll murder you and then confess so I can go away for that instead”

“Sorry, holier-than-thou-Wormtail, I forgot, of course you’ve kept track of every single person that you’ve had sex with.”

“I HAVE YOU DICKWEED”  

//


“Did you find the spare key” James is hopping from foot to foot, strongly considering leaving the house and its five TVs, for another night when his balls aren’t in danger of freezing off.

“Clearly not. If I had found it we would be Inside” Lily walks the rest of the way towards him, not the most affable when cold. She stares at the cat flap again, and James blanches.

“No. No, Evans.” Lily raises her eyebrows and James can see the stark contrast of her, pale neck against pulsing hair. He is all at once very aware of his skeleton inside his skin, how large it is, poking elbows and harsh knuckles. He feels too big for the space.

She kicks open the cat flap, and look up at him “you’re the one always going on about how you won that gymnastics competition when you were nine. Let’s see if you’ve still got it.”

//


Sirius circles the date on the calendar and writes, in the square with sharpie ‘THE DAY WE MADE IT BIG’

“Making it on the news once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times and we’ve hit the big time. We are officially criminals folks, we’re had THREE featured break-ins on the news.” Remus sits back against the couch, stealing Peter’s beer in celebration.

“It doesn’t get better than this” says Lily sarcastically, sitting on the bench with her boots in the sink and drinking wine from the bottle. She passes it to Sirius whose spread flat across the tiles, still wearing the rope wire from this morning. James lets his head drop back against the door and raises his beer, half-drunk, a sort of toast to their careers.

//


“You look nice”

“Lily, stop lying. I look like a bag of fabric with legs.”

“Yes Potter, but a nice bag of fabric. A bag of fabric to believe in”

//


Sirius forgets to turn the alarm off.

“OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. THIS IS IT- WE’RE GOING TO JAIL” Peter is on the verge of tears, and pronounces ‘jail’ like it’s a swearword.  Remus is pulling up the blinds- presumably to jump out the window.

Lily can hear the wailing from where she’s parked at the official ‘getaway driver’ two streets over, and lets her head drop onto the steering wheel. Fucking morons. Inside the house, James has picked up a vase and Sirius is sweating profusely while holding an armful of stolen jewellery.

James throws the vase at the alarm. It stops. There is a silence. They can all feel Lily’s disapproval from two streets over.

//


“You want to know something funny” It’s Lily’s voice down the phone, and James blinks at the sudden abruptness to the beginning of the conversation.

“Not particularly but seeing as it’s you”

“My mother wanted me to be a lawyer.” She says and it takes him a minute to process this. She’s giggling down the line and he starts smiling before the full irony has set in. Then he’s laughing, and he can all at once see her leaning against her fridge, giggling into the phone, hair piled on her head like a mound of blood.

“That’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever heard”

//


On Remus’s birthday they go to a park and try to take the swing set.

“It’s going to have concrete foundations” says Peter flatly, for the fifteenth time.

“THEN WE’LL TAKE THEM TO” yells Lily, drunkest of them all, hacking at bark with a spade. “WE CAN TAKE ANYTHING, WE’VE BEEN ON THE NEWS THREE TIMES AS UNIDENTIFIED FIGURES. WE’VE HIT THE BIG TIME”

Sirius whoops and James starts digging again with renewed vigour. Remus sits on the slide, touched and too drunk to realise that this is a bad idea.

//


Lily smiles again- the parents are looking- and tugs at her skirt.

“-got to be in bed by eight, right Tom?” the boy looks up, bored and nods without caring. The mother turns back, “we’ll be home by 11, there’s money on the table,” Lily nods and feels her wig pitch forward slightly. Fuck.

 

They leave, tearing down the driveway. She sighs, leaves Tom downstairs with the TV and goes upstairs to see James sitting at the window in a black ski mask. She opens the shutter, grinning.

“We’ve talked about this. You look dumb in the ski mask.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I look good in anything” he turns to watch the car turn out from the street and focuses on anything other than her legs under that skirt, “What’s the bet they’re going to an orgy, the Dad looked shifty. If they’re leaving their son alone on a Wednesday night to go to an orgy they deserve to be robbed. That’s just a fact.”  

She laughs, and takes off his mask, throwing it in the gutter before he can stop her.

//


She falls asleep on their living room floor while they’re planning to steal their landlord’s speaker system after he raised the rent on their apartment. James sort of, stands there, considering picking her up but then again, she’d probably punch him on reflex. She did that once, when he poked her after they were on the train back from that art thing where she’d shoved some priceless paintbrush in her bra while the lights were out.

He throws a blanket over her legs, and then ends up sleeping on the living room couch because he couldn’t make himself leave. What if she woke up and didn’t know where she was? He reasons with himself sleepily, and ignores why this matters to him, why it bothers him so much that Lily might wake up and be afraid.

//


They try to pawn stuff at their local pawn shop and, well, Sirius ends up pocketing a bunch of rare baseball cards from the pawn shop, then trying to sell them back to the owner. The rest of them bolt, and then draw straws to see who has to go bail him out.

“I’m letting you know that you’re a moron” says Remus, swinging the car keys around his finger and staring at a sullen Sirius through the cell bars. “I’m only bailing you out if you give me the ten dollars you owe me”

“No. I am in jail. I refuse to pay you money while I’m rotting away in a cell.”

Remus leaves, and come back to the apartment to see James and Peter rolling around laughing, while Lily talks into the phone, sniggering “Yes Sirius I do know he left without you… well you do owe him ten dollars… oh don’t be so ridiculous you can to remember your days on the outside, you’ve been in jail for literally three hours… if you call yourself a jailbird one more time I’m hanging up I swear”

//


“Stop moving”

“Shove it up your ass” She’s jittery, bumping on her heels as he fixes the rope wire to her waist. His hands are on her stomach, fingers over her hipbones. Jesus, is it cold in here? She’s got goose bumps.

James stands up, hands on her waistline. She can see the lock of his jaw, the smooth column of his throat. “Stop worrying” he says and her heart is pounding so hard she might have internal bruising.

“I’m not” she lies. There is something caught in her throat, she wants stand here with him very badly for as long as human legs are psychically able to take weight.

//


“Oh god. I’m retiring. I’m fucking retiring, Jesus, I can’t take this”

“How does one retire from stealing things?”

Lily looks up, glares, and shoves Sirius down into the sewer water. “We’re never robbing the Smithsonian again” she says, as she waits for Sirius to stop coughing up human piss.

//


“We could do this you know” she points at the paper. Everyone is looking at him.

“We’re going to get caught” he says.

She grins, and he forgets his entire argument, where they are and what his name is. “Like hell we will”

//


(They get caught)


//


It’s a fucking museum job, and the details are boring but it was raining and the walls were thicker than they thought and the air vents cleared the smoke a lot quicker than they were meant to and then there was Lily, standing with a $300, 000 painting in her hands with no cover and in the same room as seven armed security guards.

He sees the whole thing in slow motion, her, with the painting, the guards open mouthed. There is a split second where the entire room is shocked, and all he can think about is how she’s going to go to jail, and how hard it will be to never touch her again, to go back to a life without Lily sitting on his bench with her feet in the sink smoking his cigarettes.

Then, Sirius appears, with a gun stolen from a distracted security guard, firing upwards into the skylight and yelling nonsense.  It’s raining glass, pouring glass, there is a waterfall of glass in the room, and Lily drops the painting and grabs his hand and then they’re running with Sirius in front and there is so much yelling and his head is pounding and it is as if the entire world has become a grey area, because for a minute there was an entire life where he never saw her again and he is still shaking from it.

//

//


On the drive down the Mexico a week later, after flying to California, driving to New York then flying up to Toronto to lose the cops, Sirius is still ranting about it.

“I can’t believe, after everything, you’re the one that gets to be famous. We discovered you. We found you. We pulled you from the gutter and it’s you that’s #15 on MI6’s most wanted and have your own logo on the news. Unbelievable.

 

Peter hits him over the head with the car map book, and Remus almost drives into the barrier he’s laughing so hard.

“When we cross the border you have to wear this” James says, pulling out an all-black ski-mask and waving it at her. She stares for a minute, dumbstruck, then grabs his shirt collar and kisses him so forcefully his heart forgets itself.

“I would rather go to jail than wear that mask” she says once she’s pulled back, and his lip splits from smiling so hard

24.10.16 | Completed last week. I took Thursday off because honestly, I needed it. I’ve thrown myself back into the deep end of studying and was getting to the point of mental exhaustion, as well as the anxiety of doing new things. On Saturday I went out with two new friends to the Halloween night at Movie World AKA the first time I’ve hung out with people not related to me in what I think is 4 years. I’m getting better with taking days off and not feeling bad about it ✨🌵

🥒 some things

🥒 i was thinking i’d be super bored tonight but i think i’m okay. it’s already 3:00a and i haven’t cleaned yet, so i’ve got that to look forward to.

🥒 that drug i took thursday night fucked me UP. a half tab is fine, but that whole thing was way too much. i wasn’t right for two days after i took it.

🥒 i forgot my ipad so now if i want to read it will have to be on my phone which i don’t like as much. le sigh.

🥒 i am really, really, really, very much in love with my boyfriend. i’m deliberate and intentional about being vulnerable and raw with him. i’ve always held men at arm’s length, way more than i realized until after the failure of my second marriage. so much to process.

🥒 i am not at all happy with my hair color i had done last week. i feel like a dick asking him to redo it, but i’m going to call tomorrow and ask him anyway. it’s not being a dick, right? i’ve been tipping him well for years. i mean i really hate it.

🥒 i agreed to stay late for the coworker who normally relieves me at 6:30a. she had just finished a paper when she texted me at 2:00a. i probably wouldn’t have said yes if it was anyone else.

🥒 i was going to replace the furnace filters here at work (it’s a big old house) but i could not for the life of me figure out where they are on/in the furnace. i’m normally pretty handy, too.

🥒 i haven’t been doing my PT and that’s going to come back to bite me pretty soon. maybe i’ll do some tonight here at work.

🥒 i pretty much slept all weekend. this overnight schedule has fucked me up a bit. i feel somewhat out of touch.

🥒 i want another massage. maybe friday. but i’ll have to figure out what other part of my budget i can take it from.

🥒 i haven’t been doing my skincare routine. my skin is going to get icky.

🥒 i’ve bored myself with this list. will i even post it?

Damon And Elena: In A Hundred Lifetimes, In A Hundred Worlds, In Any Version Of Reality, I’d Find You. I’d Find You And I’d Choose You.

Elena: “If the past is a place without you and me together, then stop living in it.” 6x13

Salvation. That’s all this season is. Just endless salvation.

I still haven’t remotely processed half the revelations we’ve received about Delena thus far (I mean 6x02 and 6x07 alone).

Then ‘The Day I Tried To Live’ happened.

And somehow even my substantial vocabulary is not enough to adequately articulate what was accomplished here.

I did not anticipate that the writers would go this far with Elena’s compulsion. When I said they were using it to tear down every long held misconception about Delena, I didn’t even factor this into the equation.

They just changed the game. Again.

This season is literally one divine revelation after another. It’s like 3x22, 4x23 and 5x16-5x22 on steroids.

It’s fucking brilliant.

Because they aren’t even being subtle about it. They’re not tiptoeing around these issues or playing both sides anymore.

With the triangle well and truly dead, they are dropping nuclear bombs on every argument anyone has ever used against Damon and Elena’s love.

All while maintaining this magnificent married couple dynamic that is steadily pushing Delena closer to an engagement with every episode.

Beginning with, as I’ve dubbed it, food porn: the sequel.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Ooo. You think we can sneak one before the party?”

“I think Caroline might fry us in the sun.”

“It’s worth the risk.”

“Come here.”

“You know we never talked about… The fact that you kissed me.”

“And you kissed me back? I know. That’s the whole point of kissing, so you don’t have to talk about it.”

“Right, well I just wanted you to know that I’m good with that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah we’re… We’re good. Really good.”

“Is this the talk?”

“Pretty much.”

“Perfect.”

Sweet Mary, mother of God. As if the sandwich thing was not enough. Or even the pancake thing.

Now we have a cupcake thing.

This food theme is killing me.

It’s so damn domestic it’s messing with my head. They almost seem like human newlyweds. I’d think they were if I didn’t already know they were vampires.

And of course only Damon and Elena could make eating cupcakes fucking sexual as hell.

I cannot believe they did this. That he fed it to her and she was looking him in the eyes while she bit into it. That she moaned aloud at how good it was, her eyes practically rolling back in her head. That he reached over totally nonchalant, all slow and with this delicious sensual purpose, and wiped the frosting off her lip with his thumb.

And then sucked that frosting off his thumb while looking her in the eyes like he wanted to bend her over the kitchen counter.

Damn lusty bastards. Thank god they ended this episode with DEX. The tension here was out of control. I couldn’t have waited any longer.

Clearly they couldn’t either.

“You know we never talked about… The fact that you kissed me.”

“And you kissed me back? I know. That’s the whole point of kissing, so you don’t have to talk about it.”

“Right, well I just wanted you to know that I’m good with that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah we’re… We’re good. Really good.”

“Is this the talk?”

“Pretty much.”

“Perfect.”

This was ADORABLE. Like when she asked him out to dinner in 6x11 adorable.

It’s something else we never, ever got to see with them the first time around.

This simple, early stages of dating behavior. Like navigating the after effects of the first kiss. Deciding what it means and where you go from there.

Everything happened so disjointedly and chaotically with them before. They followed no logical or expected progression with their firsts. It was part of their charm.

But now that they’ve been given this second chance, they’re approaching this all a little more normally. Without any back and forth or questions of intent. Without sire bonds and doppelgänger bonds and the complication of loving other people.

They are finally being given some breathing room to be a couple without everyone clamoring to destroy them and their happiness.

And damn if it’s not well deserved.

Kai: “A sad attempt at iron welding.”

Elena: “I tried to fix it.”

Kai: “I can’t bring Bonnie back with this.”

Elena: “I thought you were the all powerful leader of the Gemini coven now?”

Kai: “I destroyed this so that it couldn’t be used again.”

Damon: “Well can we use that hunk of junk to send a message at least? It is her birthday.”

Kai: “It is?”

Damon: “Yeah, it’s really sad I mean, little Bon Bon she’s gonna be getting all dressed up for a party no one’s even gonna show up too. I mean I wonder if she even knows that it is her birthday. Or do all the days just blend into one vast sea of misery. I wonder.”

Kai: “One of the crown wheels survived, that’s a positive. Plus I am mega powerful.”

Damon: “Yeah.”

Kai: “What do you wanna say?”

Damon: “Well I mean if Bonnie needs magic to get out we just need to tell her where to find some.”

This scene will wind up underrated in Delena’s history. It will go unnoticed in light of how the episode ended.

And that’s a damn shame. Because this is what I really love about compelled Elena.

Watching her fall in love with Damon. In these quiet, unassuming moments, surrounded by all the crazy that is their lives. And yet in the midst of it all, she’s learning more about him every minute. Learning things that are making her love him. Respect him. Admire him.

Again.

It’s also a perfect illustration of how little the compulsion affected of her personality. Despite her missing memories of Damon, she has not changed. She is still the same Elena, with the same yearnings and flaws and expectations.

She still sees the more unorthodox and off-putting aspects of Damon’s personality for what they are.

Part of what makes him so great.

Like his penchant for manipulation. His ability to read a situation or a person and use what he discerns to his advantage. He’s very clever and observant. He sees everything.

He’s also very persuasive. In a way that is entirely unique to him.

And Elena appreciates that about him. She holds those traits of his in a certain esteem, because she recognizes that he uses them in the best interests of his loved ones.

It wasn’t always like that. When she first met him, his manipulative tendencies were used to mess with Stefan, to get his way and to open the tomb Katherine was supposedly in.

But now that he’s evolved so spectacularly into this hero no one ever expected him to be, he uses his once dark impulses and skills to the advantage of others. To help his friends and protect his town and save his girl or his brother.

Which is something else he and Elena have in common. Their ability to emotionally manipulate a person or a situation for the benefit of another person.

It’s an aspect of Elena that her friends often ignored about her when she was human. Because most of the time she only ever utilized it in a positive way.

Still, there were times when she exploited something or someone for less noble reasons. Times that only Damon ever acknowledged.

He’s always known she was capable of the same type of exploitation and mind games that he is. As usual, he recognized that in her long before she ever did in herself. He even called her out on it when she used it against him.

They’ve always been far more alike than anyone ever wanted to admit.

And in this moment, as she watches Damon play Kai just the right way in an effort to get a message to Bonnie, she carries such obvious pride in him. She’s genuinely impressed by his tactics.

Almost as if her soul is recognizing his for what it is.

Twin to her own.

Jeremy: “People don’t just change like that.”

Damon: “People usually don’t merge with their siblings either.”

Kai: “Uh, for the record, I would’ve been fine with any of Luke’s qualities. You know the hair, the whole gay thing. You know maybe not the height actually.”

Jeremy: “You seriously buy this?”

Elena: “Look I’m not saying we have to like him. But if there’s a way for us to tell Bonnie how she can get out-“

Jeremy: “We should trust the guy that changed personalities overnight?”

Kai: “Think of it like Elena in reverse. You know she was human. Pure. Dating the good Salvatore. Then she became an undead blood vacuum, stopped caring about right and wrong, started dating the bad one.”

Elena: “That’s not how it happened.”

Kai: “Hmm, I’m sure I missed a detail or two. But I’m just paraphrasing what Damon told me in the prison world.”

These writers have no chill. Not an ounce.

They’re literally calling out all of Delena’s haters and blatantly telling them that they’re wrong. That they’ve been wrong this entire time.

It’s savage.

And only made even more so by the fact that the confirmed sociopath is the one presenting this argument.

Another reminder from the writers that only crazy people believe it’s as black and white as Kai just made it seem.

“Think of it like Elena in reverse. You know she was human. Pure. Dating the good Salvatore. Then she became an undead blood vacuum, stopped caring about right and wrong, started dating the bad one.”

It’s such an obvious kick in the teeth to the people who’ve tried to bash Delena with this argument that all I want to do is cheer.

As if it was ever this simple. This definable. This black and white.

It wasn’t. Not ever.

Much like the truly nonsensical claim that there is a good Salvatore and a bad one, the idea that vampirism somehow erased Elena’s morals and that it’s the only reason she was able to overlook Damon’s darkness is equally as moronic.

This is not a fucking fairytale. There’s no line in the sand that distinguishes the villains and the heroes.

Everyone on this show is a villain and a hero. They are all good and bad. They’ve all made the right choice, and just as many times they’ve made the wrong one.

They are all killers. And not even for supposedly heroic reasons, like protecting the ones they love.

They’ve killed people in cold blood. Snapped necks, ripped out hearts, sucked innocents dry. Ripped heads off.

They’re monsters. Or they could be viewed that way.

But monsters don’t love. Don’t try to do the good and heroic thing. Don’t bother to acknowledge their humanity. Don’t feel remorse and regret for their mistakes.

So they’re heroes with tainted histories. They’re flawed, not infallible like everyone likes to pretend.

And vampirism is not even the determining factor in that. Because even the humans have blood on their hands.

Even human Elena was put in a position where she had to kill, or plot to kill, to affect a greater outcome. Even she was able to overlook the fact that Stefan tore up the coast with Klaus, wracking up a body count much higher than Damon’s. Even she let go of the fact that Stefan tried to kill her. Twice.

It didn’t erase her feelings for him. It didn’t cause her to turn on him. It didn’t prevent her from forgiving him. Because she’s a compassionate soul. Because her whole personality revolves around looking for the best in even the most damaged people.

Which is why she fell in love with Damon while she was human. Because she saw the good in him, the humanity, when the rest of the world only saw a monster. While everyone consistently labeled him the bad brother, she learned that there was no bad brother. There was just Stefan and Damon, two siblings with violent histories and twisted impulses.

She erased the line in the sand between them long before she ever transitioned.

So this irrational claim that being a vampire somehow tainted her, that it caused her to forget her morals and compassion, that it was the only reason she was able to love Damon means nothing. It was an exercise in stupidity from the start.

The whole damn purpose of Elena Gilbert’s character, of her entire life and story and existence, is her love for other people. Her ability to forgive even the worst, most disturbed people their sins.

She forgave Katherine on her deathbed for gods sake. After Katherine KILLED her little brother. And then tried to kill her the night of her graduation.

Elena’s most admirable trait as a person is her talent for looking at the whole picture. At all of someone instead of just the parts they show publicly.

She knows that evil is not born. That people begin good and human, that it’s the world that warps them into something dark. And that is what allows her to forgive, even those who have wronged her in the most horrific of ways.

She did not CHANGE when she died. If anything she is more compassionate and forgiving than she was before. She is more loving, more understanding.

She’s just learned to temper it. To balance her overwhelming compassion and selflessness with a little more selfishness and self-preservation. She’s no longer a martyr. She no longer makes decisions based on what other people tell her.

She thinks for herself. Which is the change her friends perceived in her after the transition.

She stopped letting them decide for her. She chose who she wanted to be with because it was what she wanted, not because it was expected of her.

She loved who she wanted to love, everyone else be damned.

“You know she was human. Pure. Dating the good Salvatore.”

There is nothing in the world I loathe more than this argument.

What the fuck does this even mean?

Who said humans are any purer than vampires just because they’re human? What kind of logic is that?

Who said that ripping people’s heads off in the heat of bloodlust is a sign of being ‘good’ just because the perpetrator feels terrible about it afterwards and expresses that remorse openly? What makes Stefan’s sins any better or worse than Damon’s? What makes Stefan any more or less of a hero than Damon?

NOTHING. There is no logic to this good brother, bad brother nonsense and never has been.

Just like there’s no logic to this humans are pure and vampires are void of all morals nonsense.

The entire basis of the argument against vampire Elena is that her transition - and her choice to be with Damon - was some kind of proof that she stopped caring about right and wrong. That it was a sign she wasn’t innocent anymore. That she would obviously never love Damon if she was still human because human Elena was ‘pure.’

What a load of absolute bullshit.

Human Elena was not pure. She was not some little dove that was incapable of error and unable to love a monster. The very fact that she EVER loved Stefan after finding out what he was should be proof enough that her purity died a long time ago.

It died when she went off that bridge the first time. And really it was even before that.

Because she was never totally pure. Or she didn’t want to be. She craved the darker pleasures in life from the time she was sixteen.

If Elena was so pure while she was human she would not have had such an issue being with Matt. Her supposed purity implies she should’ve wanted the vanilla, white picket fence life Matt was planning for the two of them at that time.

She didn’t want it. Not any of it. The very idea of it was suffocating her, terrifying her. She had no intention of spending her life as a housewife trapped in Mystic Falls until she died. That life never became her.

Even as a ‘pure’ human sixteen year old girl.

It was that same ‘pure’ girl who fell in love with a vampire not six months after her parents’ accident. Even knowing what he was, what he was capable of, she loved Stefan anyway. Even after discovering the terrible things he’d done over his long life, she still loved him and fought for him.

That is not a sign of purity.

It’s simply a sign of love. Because love - real love - isn’t pure. Especially the no holds barred, out of control way that Elena Gilbert loves.

And that is exactly why she did fall in love with Damon as a human. It wasn’t about being pure or being human or being anything other than herself. A girl who loves with no reservations, a girl who sought a more adventurous life, a girl capable of the same darkness that Damon and Stefan are.

Being a vampire had nothing to do with it. As we’ve all known for years, even if Elena had never transitioned, she still would’ve ended up with Damon eventually, no matter how long it took.

Humanity and purity played no part in it. Just like Damon being the ‘bad’ brother played no part in it.

Falling in love is not about morals. It’s not about right and wrong. It’s an emotion. A connection. You don’t DECIDE that you feel that way, you just do. Even if the person you love has a sordid past.

Elena herself said that when she fell in love with Damon on her birthday it terrified her. Because she didn’t want to feel that way about him. She wasn’t supposed too. But with every new thing she learned about him, with every increasingly more selfless way he exhibited his love and humanity, she couldn’t stop herself from falling for him.

Because it was about HIM. Not about his mistakes or his status as the black sheep or her loyalty to Stefan. It was all about Damon. About the kind of person he was - the person she saw from the beginning underneath all his dark bravado - that made her love him.

As a human. She was human and eighteen and she loved Damon.

And there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make her any less compassionate and moral and loving as a person. It doesn’t mean she changed.

It means she was always going to feel that way. Human or vampire, sired or not sired, compelled or not compelled, Elena Gilbert will ALWAYS love Damon Salvatore.

“That’s not how it happened.”

Even with her absent memories she still knows Kai’s logic is flawed. That she didn’t just wake up one day in love with Damon because she was a vampire.

Because that’s fucking irrational, the idea that changing into a different species would degrade your morality and make you love someone that apparently can’t be loved without said degradation.

As if being morally bankrupt was the only way she could ever love Damon.

As if being a vampire somehow killed all her morality to begin with.

Even though her entire existence as a vampire has been predicated on her morals. Even though she tried to COMMIT SUICIDE because she killed Connor, a vampire hunter who was trying to kill her and her brother. Even though she’s only compelled in the first place because she knew she couldn’t risk attacking innocent people by continuing to take the witch drugs.

But Elena doesn’t care about right and wrong anymore obviously. She’s clearly lost all compassion and reason. Of course she could never love Damon otherwise.

Even though Damon only died because he drove into a goddamn explosion to bring his little brother back from the dead. Real monstrous right? The epitome of selfishness.

Idiots. Just absolute idiots anyone who tries to claim all of this.

Which is exactly why Elena shuts it down, because even compelled she knows it’s all ludicrous.

She knows she assumed the same ridiculous things about Damon and their relationship months before. She couldn’t wrap her mind around loving someone she thought was a monster.

But she’s learned very quickly how misguided that position was. She knows she was wrong. She’s accepted it, admitted it.

She’s seen the real Damon. The hero. The good brother. The loyal friend.

The dedicated boyfriend.

And she knows it would be insane NOT to love him. That only someone void of all morals and compassion could look at him as he is now and believe he was a monster or claim he’s the bad Salvatore.

He’s the best of them all. And she knows it.

She’d defend him to the death if she had too.

“Our suicide bourbon. Bonnie and I made a pact we’d drink this together. That’s what I’m gonna do.”

“To you Bonnie. So is Kai right about me? By turning into a vampire I completely changed?”

“The guy’s a psychopath. Don’t let him get in your head.”

“I’m not. But do you ever think about it, like if I would still be with you if I was human?”

“Okay we’re doing this.”

“It’s just a question Damon.”

“No.”

“No what?”

“No I don’t think we’d be together if you were still human. You had a choice, you chose Stefan. Human you was on your way home to him. Car went off the bridge. You turned and suddenly I was back in the picture.”

They are leaving no stone unturned. They’re drowning every obstacle in Delena’s path, making absolutely certain the road to their endgame is free and clear, unburdened by all doubt.

I’m just ecstatic.

For those who simply refuse to see it, who even after 6x02 still don’t comprehend how long Elena has been in love with Damon, the writers are setting the record straight.

They are righting every wrong caused by 3x22. Shattering the delusion that human Elena would never have found it in her heart to love Damon, or admit to it.

They’ve spent years trying to maintain the illusion that human Elena’s life and love revolved only around Stefan. That she simply didn’t have it in her to be with Damon then. That she had to be a vampire to make that transition.

And now they’re taking it all back, knowing that we never believed it anyway.

We knew better. After all the sire bond was proof enough that she absolutely did have feelings for him while she was human. That she and Damon had all the potential in the world from the beginning.

Vampirism had nothing to do with it. It did not manufacture her feelings. It simply enhanced what was already there.

What had been there since she was sixteen, silently festering in the deepest caverns of her heart.

The night her parents died, the night she met Damon, set them both on a course they were never going to deviate from. No matter how long it took or how hard the journey was, they were always going to end up together.

It’s the real reason the writers showed us that Damon HAD met her first after that phone call. It’s what they were trying to tell us all along.

That the real love story has always been between her and Damon. A love story that started before her parents ever died, before she ever encountered Stefan.

Before the show even began.

“So is Kai right about me? By turning into a vampire I completely changed?”

This is ingenious. Truly ingenious.

During all of season four Elena was lambasted by everyone she loved (apart from Damon) for becoming a different person after she transitioned. Her oldest friends, her supposed soulmate, her own brother all thought something was wrong with her. That she needed to be fixed.

That she was broken by vampirism. That it erased the things that had made her compassionate and sweet and lovable as a human.

They were wrong. Just so fucking wrong. About all of it.

Which was the whole purpose of Elena’s journey in that season. Recognizing that the changes she experienced after her transition were not the result of the sire bond, of Damon’s influence on her or even of her death on that bridge.

She didn’t change. She matured. She grew up. She stopped living her life based on what other people expected of her. She made more selfish choices to ensure her own happiness. She loved who her heart told her to love, not her head.

She embraced herself. Her own darkness. Her own flaws and weaknesses. Her unorthodox strengths.

She stopped looking at the world in black and white, stopped making decisions predicated on her obligations to others, stopped sacrificing her happiness because of moral or social expectations.

Mired as they were in angst and tragedy, they were all positive changes. But they didn’t make her a different person.

Vampirism only amplified what already existed in her. What she’d only exhibited in secret as a human. What had only been dragged out of her in Damon’s presence.

It didn’t just heighten her emotions. It heightened her personality. Especially the parts of her she’d hidden from her friends, from her brother. From Stefan.

But never from Damon. Even as strangers she never hid from Damon. All her denial about the supposed darker parts of her personality melted away around him from the start. Which, oddly enough, is why they fought so much to begin with.

He was inciting behavior and emotions and thoughts in her that no one else ever had. And it scared her. It thrilled her. It put her off balance.

Until she got more accustomed to it. Until she got so close to him that those behaviors and emotions and thoughts became natural. Instinctual.

So by the time she transitioned, she was already halfway there. She was already coming to familiarize herself with those closeted aspects of her personality.

The transition simply put it into overdrive. And while it may have overwhelmed her some at first, she really wasn’t as surprised as she should’ve been. As she would’ve been if she’d never experienced that kind of darkness before (bloodlust excluded).

Her friends were the ones that were shocked. The ones that just didn’t understand, and refused to accept, the real Elena. The Elena who has always craved passion and adventure and danger. The Elena who loves with her whole heart, no reservations in sight.

The Elena that is asking this very question, because compulsion or not, she hasn’t changed at all.

Erasing Damon did not make her any less of who she became when she died. Everything she embraced about herself with his help did not disappear with the compulsion. She is still passionate, adventurous, and dangerous. She’s still brazen and crazy, with a tendency toward selfishness or manipulation if the situation warrants it.

She is still Elena. Damon’s Elena. The REAL Elena.

And that is the whole damn point of having her hash this out with Damon.

Because she doesn’t remember her own transition properly. She doesn’t remember the last three years of her life properly. Which means she doesn’t remember how Damon was the only one who supported her when she grew into herself after she turned.

She’s basically an objective third party, questioning her own personal history. Looking back at her flawed memory of her past and wondering if the things she’s hearing from Kai are true.

Did she really become a different person? Did she change THAT much? Is she the absolute anti-thesis of her human self? Is she right now, at this very moment, a distorted version of herself just  because she’s a vampire? Is being a vampire the only reason she’s able to be with Damon?

All questions that her and Damon’s naysayers have brought up, both on the show and otherwise. Everyone has wondered these things since 3x22. Even Damon and Elena.

And they’ve all disregarded them for the most part. Because uncompelled Elena stuck to her guns. Even though her changes alienated her friends, killed her romantic relationship with Stefan once and for all, she did not back down. She did not hide from the ways that vampirism changed her. She did not hide from the things Damon made her feel.

She stopped hiding from herself and what she wanted. And she never looked back.

So her friends stopped ignoring what was right in front of them. They stopped looking at her as damaged or different and accepted the new, grown up Elena who loved and chose Damon and not Stefan.

It took time, but it happened. Everyone stopped asking these ridiculous questions.

At least out loud. Internally, they’ve clearly all still wondered. In the darkest corners of his mind, this has obviously plagued Damon for years.

Which is exactly why the writers brought it up now. When uncompelled Elena, the one with all the answers, could not set the record straight. When compelled Elena had to make the determination for herself based on her own unbiased perception of the situation.

And she is unbiased. She has no idea what Damon did for her when she transitioned. Or even before, while she was human. She still isn’t quite in love with him. Her opinion is not tainted by emotion or the influence of her memories or her friends.

The perfect way to tell the morons who continue to hold this viewpoint about Elena and her vampirism just how fucking wrong they’ve been since season four.

“No I don’t think we’d be together if you were still human. You had a choice, you chose Stefan. Human you was on your way home to him. Car went off the bridge. You turned and suddenly I was back in the picture.”

I never thought they’d address this. Certainly not so brazenly.

But they’re nothing if not thorough when it comes to Damon and Elena. They cover everything, even the things we’ve ignored or forgotten over the seasons.

Because they don’t just want Damon and Elena to be happy. They wanted them to earn it. And now that they have they want us to KNOW that they’ve earned it.

By derailing every single allegation that has ever been held against them.

Like the notion that vampirism made Delena happen. That it was the key to their romance, rather than just a tool by which it came about when it did.

Elena’s transition was not the cause of her relationship with Damon. It did nothing but break down the last of her denial about him. It burst the dam of her love for him wide open.

But in order to burst open the dam, there would’ve already had to be something there. She would’ve already had to love him.

And she did. As we learned in 6x02, she”s loved him for even longer than we ever guessed.

Something Damon doesn’t know yet. That she loved him months before she transitioned. That choosing Stefan on that bridge was never an indication that she didn’t love him. If anything it was a sign that she did and was just too scared to embrace it.

Does it matter though, that he doesn’t think she’d love him if she was still human? Does it matter that he doesn’t know?

It does. Because not knowing is maintaining one last stronghold of doubt in his heart. It’s keeping him from accepting how real this has always been between him and Elena.

As he rightly deduced in 2x01 and tried to get her to admit, there has been something going on between them since they met. He knew it back then, before he ever admitted to loving her. He felt what was brewing in their not so platonic friendship. Felt, in fact, that it wasn’t just a friendship at all.

They were always something more.

But the mistake he made after trying to convince her - killing her brother - has kept him from believing what he claimed that night for years. He was never so certain about them as he was when he showed up in her room that night.

And if he’d never killed Jeremy and temporarily alienated Elena he might’ve remained that certain.

That mistake cost him his own personal faith in what he and Elena have. Even though all is forgiven, even though she’s proven time and again how much she loves him, that night has tainted his belief that human Elena would’ve ever chosen him in the same way 3x22 has.

Which is why this whole conversation, this whole episode, is so crucial.

Because it’s time he stops living under that illusion. It’s time Jeremy’s death at this hands and Elena’s choice on that bridge stop casting a dark cloud over what they could’ve had if she’d never transitioned.

He thinks that choice in 3x22 was indicative enough of human Elena’s feelings for him. He’s positive she didn’t love him before she died. He has no evidence from her time as a human - other than their kiss in Denver - that could convince him otherwise.

He clearly is just as in the dark about what happened on her eighteenth birthday as we were.

And Elena can’t tell him any different right now because she doesn’t remember.

But her lost memories are an advantage in this instance. Because important of a moment as her birthday might be, it’s not the only proof that Elena loved him while she was human.

There are thousands of moments that prove that, both before and after 3x01.

Just as there are thousands of moments following Elena’s transition, right up to this very episode that prove she loved him while she was human.

Because it was never about being human.

And Elena knows it.

She doesn’t need her memories to back it up. She feels it now just as she did then.

And after three years, she finally tells him what she should’ve told him a long time ago.

That while he may not have always been her choice on the surface, at the end of it all there really was no choice.

Because every time she didn’t choose him, she wound up circling back to him anyway.

“So Jer’s applying to art school? Might wanna compel him a decent portfolio cause he ain’t that great.”

“Don’t be mean. He needs to move on with his life. And so do I.”

“Not sure I’m a fan of that transition.”

“Look I’ve… I’ve made some huge mistakes in my life. Being with you wasn’t one of them. And yes I had Alaric compel away my love for you. And yes I did love Stefan once. The night I died, Matt was driving me back to him. And yet I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you. It doesn’t matter if I have memories or not, it doesn’t matter if I’m a vampire or not.”

“You’re just saying that because you can’t change what you are.”

“No Damon, I don’t care what human me would’ve done. Because she’s not here. I am. And if the past is a place without you and me together, then stop living in it.”

For the love of all things Delena, how did we get here.

How did we get to a place where Elena Gilbert tells Damon Salvatore that being with him wasn’t a mistake.

How did we reach a point where Elena Gilbert tells Damon Salvatore that she’d be with him no matter what she was or what tried to come between them.

How did we achieve this success. A success that surpasses the revelation of when Elena fell in love with Damon.

Because the when doesn’t actually matter. What really matters is that she knows, memories or no memories, that she doesn’t want to live in a time or a place where they weren’t together.

She just wants to be with him. For now and for always. As she wanted months before, when she told him all she saw was a future with him.

This was like a continuation of that beautiful moment in the forest, when she proposed for the second time, confirming that their breakup really had just been a way of securing their happiness down the road.

Now here she stands with no recollection of that moment or any other positive one they shared prior to his return, totally confident that being with him was, and is the right choice.

That it is, in fact, the only choice she ever really had.

“He needs to move on with his life. And so do I.”

“Not sure I’m a fan of that transition.”

I must start with this. For two reasons.

One, because Damon thought for a moment that her profession that she needed to move on with her life meant moving on from him and them. Which is exactly why this conversation was so necessary.

Because he shouldn’t think that. He shouldn’t have doubts and fears like that. Not anymore.

If he knew the truth about her eighteenth birthday he wouldn’t have those fears. But he doesn’t know.

And neither does she. So she had to assuage his remaining uncertainty about them another way.

By showing him that she has let go of everything that threatened to destroy them in the past. That she is ready to move forward with him and leave their baggage behind. For good.

Even though she doesn’t remember all their baggage correctly, she knows there’s boatloads of it. Not the least of which was her choice on that bridge.

A choice that has defined them for too long. That has stuck between them, the only true lingering obstacle in an otherwise (relatively) bump free relationship.

Damon’s death wiped out every roadblock they’d ever had.

Except 3x22. Overcoming that requires something else. Something that was only ever in Elena’s power to give.

Her understanding and subsequent proclamation that every time she tried to make a choice that wasn’t Damon, that choice somehow brought them back together anyway.

Even when he wasn’t her choice, he was still the conclusion. The destination at the end of her every journey. The only stop on the twisted freeway that is her life.

What she finally understands with her unbiased perception of their past, is that there was never a choice. Not between him and Stefan. Not between being human or being a vampire. Not between her compelled and not compelled states of existence.

Because every road she’s ever taken has led her back to Damon.

“Look I’ve… I’ve made some huge mistakes in my life. Being with you wasn’t one of them. And yes I had Alaric compel away my love for you. And yes I did love Stefan once. The night I died, Matt was driving me back to him. And yet I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you. It doesn’t matter if I have memories or not, it doesn’t matter if I’m a vampire or not.”

This rivals her speech to him in 4x23. Which has incidentally always been my favorite of her love declarations.

So I suppose it only makes sense that this is a parallel of that scene in front of their fireplace.

When Elena chose Damon after graduation, she made a point of telling him that she wasn’t sorry. For meeting him, for the changes he’d instilled in her, for him making her look at vampirism in a positive light.

For loving him. Even with all they’d been through, she wasn’t sorry that she loved him.

But she also made sure to drive home how real their relationship is. By reminding him, herself and everyone else that he’s not always been the best person. That he’s made terrible mistakes that could’ve cost him her love. That should have - would have - if she were anyone other than Elena.

And she equates the mistakes he’s made in regard to her with the choice she makes: being with him.

She claims it will prove to be her worst decision ever.

Which, of course, is exactly how we knew it wouldn’t be. And it wasn’t.

It was her best. The best choice she ever made.

And even without remembering a single second of their time as a couple, compelled Elena knows that. She gets it. She FEELS it.

He was the right choice, IS the right choice. He isn’t a mistake.

She’s been tiptoeing around him since his resurrection. She’s been tentative because he was a stranger to her.

But the more she’s gotten to know this Damon that she literally brought back from an emotional death - HER Damon - the more she’s come to realize what her uncompelled self did months ago.

She understands why she got in that car and drove into the explosion with him. Why she was so sure he was the only one for her, why she was so in love with him she couldn’t even fathom life without him.

Because what they had was right. Good. Real.

Difficult and complicated and out of control as it was and is, their love is the best thing that ever happened to her.

It’s more or less what she told hallucination Damon in 6x01. That being with him, loving him, had fulfilled her, had given her the life she always wanted.

It’s why she was so distraught that she couldn’t handle living with just the memories.

She needed HIM. Plain and simple.

“And yes I had Alaric compel away my love for you. And yes I did love Stefan once.”

One of their best qualities as individuals and as a couple is that they don’t beat around the bush.

Elena didn’t even try to pretend that they hadn’t had their fair share of challenges. She erased him from her mind. She used to love his brother.

She chose his brother over him on her last night as a human.

But that was another lifetime. Another Elena, who wasn’t ready to accept him and all that he is.

Not this Elena, who even without her memories doesn’t have one iota of romantic love for Stefan in her anymore. She’s so far removed that she puts what they had right where it belongs.

In the past.

She loved Stefan ONCE. A long time ago, before life become too brutal and overwhelming, before tragedy shaped her into the aggressive, sassy, passionate woman she’s grown into.

She loved Stefan before Damon for a reason.

Because loving Stefan ultimately led her to loving Damon. Choosing Stefan time and again led her to Damon.

As she has rightly deduced about their history, her every choice has been ABOUT Damon in some fashion. Whether she was choosing him or not, she oriented her life around Damon from the start. She was never running TO Stefan.

She was running AWAY from Damon.

And the only reason she ran is because deep down, she knew once she gave in there’d be no going back.

She was right.

“The night I died, Matt was driving me back to him. And yet I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you.”

I couldn’t have scripted it better. It’s a totally succinct summary of their whole relationship since the night they met.

She always finds her way back to him. Even buried under a mountain of denial as she was when she was human, even sired, even without emotion, even as she was drawn to Stefan by a traveller spell, even as Damon himself tried to create distance between them, they were never able to stay apart for long.

Every time they’ve ever tried to separate, they’ve only ever come crashing back together with the force of a dozen battering rams.

Separation was futile. Distance - emotional, physical, or mental - has done nothing but strengthen their bond over time.

And Elena took the best example ever to illustrate that for Damon.

She chose his brother right before she died. Her last act as a human.

But that choice only sent her directly into Damon’s waiting arms. It killed her relationship with Stefan completely.

Because choosing Stefan was never about Stefan. She chose out of fear. Out of obligation.

Out of pure denial.

It’s exactly what she tried to tell him on that phone call. In her tears and her words was the only explanation we needed for why she turned around and drove back to Stefan.

She wasn’t ready to love Damon, even though she did. She wasn’t ready to be with him, even though she wanted too.

Yet her not being ready only made sure that fate intervened. Her choice to go back to Stefan killed her. Literally.

And her death brought all of her feelings for Damon directly to the surface. Where they would stay, no matter what.

Even if she, say, compelled them out of her mind. Erasing her memories did not erase her love.

Choosing to let him go through the compulsion did not keep her and Damon apart.

Just like choosing Stefan on that bridge did not keep her and Damon apart.

Because nothing CAN keep them apart. They cheated death. Magical emotional bonds and flipped switches. The universe.

Mind control for gods sake. She fucking erased him and she STILL loves him. Still chooses him.

Still found her way back to him.

“Damon I somehow always find my way back to you.”

The story of the Vampire Diaries ladies and gentlemen. It’s a tale of Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert letting each other go over and over again, only to reunite in ever more magnificent ways.

Because their love cannot be undone by absence, distance or time.

In all trials and tribulations, in all tragedy and angst, amidst storms of horror and fear, their love has only increased as the years have gone on. With every mistake either of them have ever made, every choice no matter how right or wrong, they have proven one thing consistently, without fail.

The end of every road for Damon and Elena is each other.

“It doesn’t matter if I have memories or not, it doesn’t matter if I’m a vampire or not.”

Behold. The real purpose of her compulsion.

To show him, to show her, to show us that it doesn’t matter what she is or what her mind tells her.

Her heart just belongs to Damon. That’s it.

As a human, as a vampire, compelled, uncompelled, sired, not sired, with emotions or without them, her soul is entirely entwined with his. They cannot escape it.

They have been bonded, intimately and passionately and without limit, since the night they met on that road. All it took was one conversation, one look, a few flirtatious smiles.

And the deal was done. Just as the location of their first meeting symbolized, their respective journeys in life are each other. Every good or bad thing that has ever happened to them, that they’ve ever done only brought them together. First the night Elena’s parents died, and then again and again and again.

Until they stopped fighting the pull and gave in.

Until they understood that what they have trumps all of their mistakes and all of their attempts to do right by each other.

It was their souls’ way of telling them that not being together is NOT doing right by each other. Every time they’ve let tried to let go the world has only conspired to show them they were doing themselves a great injustice.

They were hiding from something that just wasn’t meant to be denied.

It’s too real, too powerful, too NECESSARY to their very existence.

They’ve always believed the universe was conspiring to sabotage them.

While that might be true, it turns out something has been in their corner all along.

Them.

Much like they are all each other needs, they are all their love needed to survive, to overcome.

They didn’t conquer death and fate and mind control with help from anything else. They didn’t need the help.

They just needed each other. And it worked itself out every time.

Because their love is a force superior to the whims of the heavens and the supposed finality of death.

They themselves are superior. They are in a league of their own.

They are, as they have always been, one love to rule them all.

“No Damon, I don’t care what human me would’ve done. Because she’s not here. I am. And if the past is a place without you and me together, then stop living in it.”

Pure, straight poetry. It’s like a love song written just for them and spoken by Elena. It should be set to music.

And it was. ‘Time’ wasn’t playing in the background for kicks.

It was there to strengthen Elena’s whole argument.

Time is not relevant for them. They are a romance built on the imminence of the present, on the promise and unpredictability of the future.

But they shape that present and future themselves. They define it. They rise above it.

Just as they rise above their past. And a bloody past it is. A dark one, filled with personal tragedy, constant pain, nearly unbearable mistakes.

A past where they weren’t always together.

A past Elena wants no part of. If that time in her life doesn’t include Damon, then it means nothing to her. Not anymore.

It’s the means by which they found their way to each other yet again.

But they don’t need to live in it. To let it become their next obstacle.

So she chose Stefan on that bridge. So she erased her love for him.

So Damon died, left her, even though he promised her never would.

So what. They’re still standing here, in their room, as dedicated to each other as ever.

They still found their way back to each other.

Because that’s all that is relevant about their past at this point. Their history has only shown that they were always going to end up here. Not broken and separated, as Damon had so long believed.

Together. They were always going to end up together, no matter how long it took or how bumpy the road was.

And while Damon may be the one who needed to hear these life affirming words, Elena needed to say them even more. To bring them full circle.

To set in motion that legendary shot of them naked in bed together, her touching his arm with something akin to wonder before picking it up and wrapping it around to cuddle closer as he lay sleeping.

With almost too much love brewing in the depths of her eyes.

She didn’t need to say I love you. Her actions said it all.

They said that she meant every word. That he wasn’t a mistake, that even in spite of their complex history she chose him anyway, did so again and will continue to do so. That they always find their way back to each other. That she’s done living in the past because it’s a time when they weren’t together.

The look on her face in that final shot says that in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, she’d find him. She’d find and she choose him.

No matter what tried to stand in their way.

(Above: Chootsavitna rests at home, recovering from yesterday’s surgery, while receiving IV fluids.)

St Patrick’s Day was…weird. And not in a good way.

There’s a kind of mix between superstition and a joke in vet clinics that you are going to get a Friday Foreign Body. It happens a lot.

So picture this: The awkward moment when a surgery tech walks in with her own dog and announces “Well guys, I think I’ve got our Friday Foreign Body.”

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{WARNING FOR DISCUSSIONS OF SICK DOG AND SURGERY}

I was looking forward to what I assumed would be a fun Friday and weekend but things took a turn on Thursday night when I got home from work.

My routine when I get home from work in the evenings is to let the dogs out of their kennels for social time and exercise and just general fun. It looked to be a normal evening and I was relishing the extra hour of daylight we have now. One of my dogs, Choot, was being a little more clingy than typical which probably should have tipped me off that something was a little abnormal but I didn’t think much of it at the time because sometimes my dogs are just oddball goofs.

Choot, short for Chootsavitna, is a working-line Siberian husky originally from Shjegge Mann Kennel. She and several of her siblings and relatives came to Manitou Crossing years back and I enjoyed getting to know them when I was there that Summer. 

It was when I came back a couple of years later that I really bonded with Chootsavitna. She was bouncy, loud and obnoxious but I loved her anyway. The more I worked with her and ran her, the more enthusiastic and hard-working she was for me.

Choot trained and raced with me over the seasons and even ran the UP 200 with me when I ran the second MCK team in that race. I knew I wanted her and ended up buying her shortly thereafter and she came to live with me and my little team when I moved to my own place.

She’s always a core member of my team, a cheerleader who never loses enthusiasm for pulling. After our 40-mile runs earlier this season she was still bouncing and cheering in her own trademark Choot voice.

She is a happy dog, always wants to be in the thick of things and eats food so voraciously I sometimes think she’s going to inhale her food bowl.

On Thursday night, while we were out playing in the yard, she puked epically - a mess of liquid and straw. Again, I didn’t think much of it - dogs sometimes puke and I had put fresh straw in the houses this week. Choot, for some bizarre reason, really likes munching on said straw.

But I did watch her afterwards and her posture and body language told me something bothersome - she was painful in her abdomen. I began to worry like only a dog-owner can.

A half hour or so later, she vomited again and gave me an absolutely miserable look, before slinking back to her house. She loves to retire early to her house sometimes but she never did it looking like that.

My heart sank.

The warning signs were all there and it’s added up to something I’ve seen a hundred times at work: Intestinal Foreign Body.

I knew I could be wrong, of course. In fact, I hoped I was and that Choot’s stomach had just been upset from eating the straw or something. However the evidence was mounting up when she did not immediately come out of her house when I brought her food. I coaxed her out and she picked at it.

This was not the Choot who normally just chows down and bites the bottom of the bowl.

Hence my announcement when I walked into work yesterday. 

We took a radiograph and sure enough, although no particular objects showed up on the film, the stomach was weirdly fluid-filled and distended and the gas patterns in the intestines were suspicious. The doctors confirmed my suspicions - Choot had most likely eaten something that was now stuck somewhere in her GI tract.

We put an IV catheter in and spent the morning running fluids to improve her hydration. We went into surgery in the afternoon.

I’d begun to formulate a theory since I first suspected the foreign body. The melting snow had revealed one of our plastic water buckets in the kennel and the dogs had been chewing on it.

“I think what we’re going to find is a big wad of straw and yellow plastic.” I theorized.

I was wrong.

Not about the foreign body or the fact that Choot had straw in her gastrointestinal tract. I was wrong about the plastic from the water bowl. What we found wadded in her small intestine was, in fact, a dish towel.

Whether she snagged it from the kitchen or from the laundry room I do not know but I suspect the odors and taste of food had permeated the fabric and it was just to tempting for Choot to gulp down while I wasn’t looking.

Dish towels. Those seemingly-innocent household items will forevermore seem to me like a potentially-deadly threat.

So today I am sitting on the couch beside a sick dog whom I hope is on her way to recovery and continuing to run fluids through her catheter. She still hasn’t eaten, although I have offered her canned Recovery and smeared some Nutrical on the roof of her mouth this morning (so at least she’s had something). Still, I can’t help but be a worried mother hen (or would this be worried mother vet tech?).

I have to admit that this has put me in a very strange headspace and not one I’m really enjoying. I’ve worked hundreds of surgeries from routine to life-and-death situations. Teching any emergency surgery can be an intense experience and sometimes I need to decompress. For me, that decompression often comes from arriving home and working and playing with my dogs.

Teching for emergency surgery on my own dog was a different experience all together, although I’m glad it was me. I wanted to be there. It was strange at the time, for sure, but it’s even stranger in hindsight. I feel that I was able to put off reacting to it when it was happening but that I’m getting all the delayed reaction now. My way of dealing with it at the moment is just diligently taking care of my beloved dog and…writing about it.

My dogs are working sled dogs but they are also my friends who deserve everything I can give them, and right now my concern is the friend curled up next to me while I write this. My beautiful piebald, blue-eyed friend who has become such a fixture in my life. She’s a creature who helps me remember to be happy about little things and right now I just want to see her return to being that happy, goofy obnoxious furry friend.

9

Motegi, 2015 - mini-bike race

The most important race of the weekend already took place on Thursday, with Dani (somewhat unsurprisingly) emerging as the victor.

This race had it all: tight battles, brutal crashes, riders cutting corners, a dramatic finish and a podium including a satellite rider (Bradley Smith), a new factory rider (Aleix Espargaro), and an alien (Dani Pedrosa).

This is racing.

3

“Sure, we believe that.”

4

Spread for the last week of term aka prelims most of the time :)))) I did 2 history prelims, I think I did much better on the essay than the source analysis but maybe that’s because I could actually breathe during it, I also had an art workshop for 3 hours before my english prelim.  Art was so chill I finally printed my final dry etch thing but english was a bit meh.  I didn’t revise enough so some of my examples are 75% bullshit :)))  

Inktober Day 11: Pi Mo

How does such a round demon manage dress so sharp?

4

Sweden school attack: horror as sword attacker kills teacher and pupil

The attack took place on Thursday morning at the KronanSchool, around 75km from Gothenburg, after a man, wearing a mask walked into a building on the premises wielding “several knife-like objects”, police said.

One male teacher, 20, died following the incident, along with a pupil, whose age was confirmed by police in the evening as 17, despite initial statements suggesting he was 11.

The 21-year-old attacker Anton Lundin Pettersson was confirmed dead just after 4pm. Another teacher and an older pupil are understood to remain in hospital.

The assailant knocked on two classroom doors and he attacked the two students who opened the doors..

Officers called to the scene had fired two shots, with one of them hitting the assailant, after the suspect had first attempted to attack the police.

Some pupils have described how they initially thought the man’s appearance was a prank.
“When we first saw him we thought it was a joke. He had a mask and black clothes and a long sword. There were students who wanted to go with him and hold the sword,” a student at the school told.

The attacker even stopped to pose with pupils for a picture. He then continued the murder spree.

Because of the high ratio of migrant pupils attacked, it is very possible that the attacker was racially motivated.

4

Tagged by @klausandviolet (who tumblr refuses to tag so @667-darkavenue hello sideblog) to show my lock screen (ft. Illiana), home screen (ft. way too many apps and Avidity), last song I listened to, and last selfie taken

Technically not the last selfie I took of myself, but we’d have to go back literal months for that, and I don’t wanna scroll that long, so have a selfie my friend took of us from last Thursday

I’ll taaaaag… @landofoz @bardwizard @escurochi @i-read-good-books