took over a year to finally get through it

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Photoset #1 of 4 - In loving memory of Sookie

She started brightening others’ lives in either June or July of 2011. That August, we’d paid the adoption fee and were all set to drive up and bring her home. Then, the pet rescue called. They told us the soon-to-be newest addition to our family had developed Fading Kitten Syndrome. She was already the runt of her litter, and she was so sick, they really didn’t think she’d make it.

But Sookie bounced back as if nothing had even happened. She was happy and healthy again, and when we finally took her home, she slept in my lap the whole ride.

Over the next 5 years, she wreaked havoc on our household. Sookie would poop outside the litter box, buttscoot, playfully bat or nip at Latte (one of our other cats) just to make her mad, jump up on the kitchen table or counter, go through the trash, bite my arm to get my attention when she wanted to be pet, swat at people’s legs when they were walking past her, occasionally get high off catnip and promptly pick a fight with Latte, wake me up at 5am, scratch and scream at my bedroom door when I was trying to finish up class papers, sit on the coffee table and gurgle up at the ceiling when it got close to her dinner time, jump up on the railing to the balcony that overlooks the living room one story below (she fell off that stupid thing twice, but was uninjured both times), and oh so much more.

When she was 3 years old, not even a diagnosis of congenital heart disease slowed Sookie down. Her doctor had me give her a little pill every morning and evening so that her heart wouldn’t have to work as hard just to pump blood out. Sookie hated it at first, but after about a week, she took it with incredible ease. In time, sonograms even showed her heart was improving! She continued to tear around the house and cause all sorts of mischief, just like she’d always done.

Sookie was a little turd sometimes, but she was also a very important and precious part of my life. By living alongside me and being her quirky, affectionate self, for 5 years she lit up my world. She’d come lie down in my lap for a few minutes whenever I was sitting and working on something. She’d purr her little head off the whole time she was there, then jump down and walk off like she’d gotten bored. While I was waking up, she’d give little peeping meows and gently pat my face until I reacted to her. She’d sit on the floor beside my chair during dinner, staring intently up at me and sometimes getting up on her hind legs to beg for food. I could go on and on about all the fun I had with her.

Sookie also helped me through the toughest years of my anxiety. I remember lying awake one night, overwhelmed and feeling terrible about myself. Then, I reached over and give Sookie a little scratch or a tummy rub. She immediately started purring like a motor boat, and I thought, “If I can make this little animal happy and make sure her life is as good as it can be, that’s one thing I’m doing right.” This little cat helped me so, so much, and I like to think I helped her, too.

Yesterday evening, on Thursday, December 1st, 2016, I helped Sookie one last time.

Her health had been slowly declining since Sunday night. On top of complications from intestinal issues and heart disease, the ER vet discovered a bleeding mass in her stomach. Instead of making her go through any more pain and risk anesthesia and a surgery she was very unlikely to survive, I made the decision to have Sookie put to sleep. I sat with her, scratching behind her ear and telling her how much her mommy loved her until God finally took her home.

Sookie was only about 5 and a half years old - but that’s 5 years longer than everyone expected her to stick around for. I may not be able to hold her anymore, but Sookie will always be my little little baby girl.

(Feel free to reblog this and the other three photosets, but please do not delete the text.)

From one extreme to the next: I’ve been paper thin at 103lbs thinking I could get my “dream body” with a dangerously low amount of cals/nutrients, an hour of cardio and an ab circuit every day. I hated myself 24/7. I could never be skinny enough, do enough cardio and would beat myself up by eating just 1cal over my dangerous deficit. I’ve been 130lbs with little exercise and unhealthy food/drink habits because I would give up. No matter what I did to try to be “healthy” and exercise, it never gave me results so I just stopped until I would decide to go through the cycle of under eating then gaining weight all over again. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, a disease that causes your body to immediately reject food so no calories or nutrients can be absorbed. I was having “flare ups” every couple of months which would cause me to drop weight immensely until my flare ups calmed down then I would gain weight all over again. It took me a couple of years to get to the point of balancing my food/drink choices and maintaining a healthy weight. This came from finally taking control of what I was putting in my body, tracking my calories/macros to ensure I was eating enough to be healthy and learning how specific workouts affected my results. I have slowly healed my metabolic damage, have less flare ups due to healthier habits and changed my negative body image views and am now 117lbs full of muscle and eating 2,000+ healthy calories daily to fuel my body. I do cardio no more than 30min, 1-2x per week and lift weights 4-5x. I truly wish I had people in my life to educate me on health and fitness rather than Cosmo or Pinterest.. I would have gotten to where I am now so much sooner. Educate yourself to learn what the definition of “healthy” really is because it is not the number on the scale or how you look in your favorite top. By treating your body right you’ll have more energy, feel better and be less likely to get discouraged.

Over the past month ½, doctors concluded I had developed an allergy to insulin (the hormone that regulates my blood sugar, and keeps me alive). Over the past year I’ve shown signs of this happening, and it took me coming home from my mission early, fighting with my endocrinologist to ultimately going to a new endo to discover the issue. 2 hospital visits later, ALL THESE DIFFERENT TYPES OF INSULIN (not all pictured) to finally get to the point I’m at.

Tomorrow I’m going to be in a doctors office for 8 hours, going through an insulin desensitization process. They will scratch me, then slowly inject me hour by hour to stop my body from reacting so violently. I’m so ready to stop developing welts, huge bruises, and not being able to sleep/walk/function because of the pain I’m in.

To be honest, I’m super nervous. Please, I ask anyone who reads this, to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I need this to work. I can’t live like this anymore, I want my insulin pump back, and really I want my life back. I’ve had type 1 diabetes since I was 8. I’m 21 now, and I’ve never been this sick. I need this to work.

#t1d #insulinallergy #type1diabetes

NZ to UK

Reader x Vik (& Josh, Simon, Jide)

Requested: Yeees, sorry it took so long, ended up being much longer than I                      expected 

Warnings: None, FLUUUUUFFFFFFYYYYY!

You finally get to meet Vik after years of speaking to him through Skype. New Zealand to the UK, yet the journey doesn’t stop when you reach the house.

Keep reading

open to; females ( stepdaughter/friend’s daughter/?? )

       dominik could easily say he didn’t like halloween. no homicidal detective really did actually. sure it was a holiday where most people got off work, but not them. this was one of the busiest nights of the year. for all cops. at least in new york city. so when the night was finally over and one of dominik’s co-workers took over for him he was a little frustrated as well as tired. the man couldn’t wait to get home, however when he passed through the station from his office he saw a familiar face sitting there with one of the cops, definitely because they had been arrested. a sigh left him before he walked closer, shaking his head a little. ❛ excuse me, what the hell are you doing here? ❜ he asked the girl strictly, completely interrupting the cop questioning her. then he apologized quickly and continued; ❛ sorry officer, you can move on. i’ll take her home. ❜

3

🚨WEEK 5️⃣2️⃣🚨 OF MONDAY FREAKING MORNING PROGRESS!!!! We made it the whole 52 weeks! One whole year!💃🏻💁🏻💪🏼 I have changed so much this year. I started out hating myself, my job, my body, etc. I didn’t want to do this at first but knew it would motivate me throughout the year. And it definitely did!💞 There were some weeks I missed. There were others I posted tons of pics. There were certainly ups and downs. I had surgery on my back that stopped me from working out for a couple months. I got really sick (flu/cold) twice. I never get sick so that was a big deal for me to get through physically and mentally. Emotionally I felt belittled a lot. I had two bosses this year who always reminded me of how unimportant and insignificant I was. But I finally took control of my own life this year💪🏼and challenged myself to be a better me. I got over my surgery through a slow healing process but chose to stay positive through it because I knew in the long run that was the right thing. I switched positions at work so that I could be happier and now I have a boss who appreciates my hard work. I took lots of rest and water when I was sick even though all I wanted to do was go to the gym. And I finally sought out a new therapist. I hadn’t had one since college and I knew it was time but kept putting it off. Overall, I decided my life was worth the fight and it always will be☺️

     “I strive to be perfect, but I’m not, so I have to remind myself that who I am now is OK.”
     “What’s one time when you weren’t perfect and it turned out to be OK?”
     “Last year, I took a physics class, and I didn’t like my first grade because physics was very hard for me. I was trying to be perfect, but it wasn’t working, and I just kept making mistakes over and over again. I finally learned to ask for help—something that I had never done before. I usually just sat things through. Today, I can say that if I’m doing something and I don’t get it, I can get up and ask for help.”

     Cambridge, MA

F2F → PROM NIGHT

Hanna took a deep breath as she looked in the mirror, it was finally prom and she knew she was just one step closer to getting out of high school and being able to be open and honest about her relationship with her English teacher. There was just this night, and then graduation in a week and then it would be okay. It would be over and the year of hell she had been put through because of who she loved, would be gone. 

She applied the finishing touches to her heavy eyeliner and adjusted the hair accessories she had placed in her blonde locks before she smiled at her own reflection. “Is Spencer not going to be your date?” She heard her mother coming up behind her as she shook her head, “No, Emily and I made a pact a long time ago to go as each other’s dates and we’re going to be sticking to that. Besides, it’s a high school prom, why would she want to go?” She kissed the woman on the cheek and smiled, “I’ll be at hers afterwards though, so I’ll see you tomorrow morning. I love you.” 

She heard Emily beep her horn outside and she rolled her eyes, “She was never patient.” She adjusted her dress and tied up her knee high boots with a grin on her face, she was mostly excited about what would be after prom because she was able to spend the night with the woman she loved but for now, her last prom with her friends would be amazing. 

It didn’t take long to get there, pulling up in the busy car park before she got out and waved to Mona from across the lot. This was going to be an amazing night, and she would not let anything - even not winning prom queen - ruin it. Grabbing her best friends hand, she kissed Emily on the cheek and laughed, “Let’s go, oh wonderful date of mine.” She laughed, taking a sip from the hip flask Emily had brought with her, watching as the girl attached it to her garter once she handed it back to her and pulled down her black dress, before they walked into the lively hall.