too-many-memories

tips for high school freshman:

1. i know, i know. this is terrifying. you’re going to be dealing with many huge changes. but change is good. remember that.

2. try not to blend in. i know its easier but you wanna make some friends, right? you probably want to make good relationships with teachers too. stand out. be remembered in the best ways possible.

3. work hard. strive to be the best. stay up late studying, take notes, ask questions, stay after class, do whatever you can to achieve you’re goals. prove to yourself and everyone around you that you are capable of amazing things.

4. participate. speak your thoughts in group discussions. join clubs. play sports. don’t be afraid. you deserve to be noticed and listened to.

5. stay organized. use planners, label everything, color code, make files on your laptop, don’t keep unnecessary tabs open, and make sure you’re not a mess too.

6. try and make friends. i know how difficult its going to be but you’ll need them. talk to the people on your cross country team, talk to the art kids in first period, talk to the weird kid sitting next to you in assembly. just try and make friends. you need people, no matter how much it seems like you don’t. you will not be able to survive this alone.

7. study. make flashcards, copy notes, use quizlet, i dont care just study. your phone can wait an hour or two.

8. make sure your bag is fully stocked. y’know like extra change, deodorant, hand cream, pads, chapstick, etc. you never know what could happen.

9. its okay if you don’t talk to your old friends anymore. you’ll be okay. so will they. but if you ever find yourself needing to talk to someone, don’t hesitate to text them. they will listen.

10. take a warm shower every night. wash your hair twice a week. drink a glass of milk every morning and a glass of water every night. have a cup of tea while studying/doing homework. reward yourself with an episode of your favorite show. self care is important.

11. make sure to read and write daily. prioritize it.

12. don’t be afraid to express yourself. if your school has a strong arts program, use it. paint, sculpt, draw. find inspiration and create.

13. stay focused and don’t stray from your expectations.

14. find ways to stay motivated. decorate your desk, buy cute notebooks, imagine how far you’ll go by doing well in school.

15. mentally make a daily schedule to follow. repetition is comforting. while everything around you is changing faster than you can blink, take comfort in the fact that your morning routine stays the same.

16. school comes first, but try to make time for your friends. both old and new. you deserve to have some fun. but don’t feel bad if you’d rather stay home with a tub of ice-cream and a season of some netflix series.

17. there will be bad days. days when it seems like you can’t get out of bed. days when it seems like stress is the only thing you’re feeling. days when you just want to give up. but you have to fight through it. have a cup of tea. read that old book you love. watch some netflix. take a break. it’ll all be okay.

18. they’ll also be days when you miss your old life with every bone in your body. on these days, text your old friends. maybe schedule to hang out. or maybe look at old pictures and videos and reminece on all the fun times you had together. don’t feel sad for too long. many more joyous memories will be created.

19. time heals everything. when days are gloomy and your heart is a lil heavy, remember that there is nothing that the passage of time cannot fix.

20. try to finish all your homework before dark. open the windows. welcome the fresh air and let the sunlight motivate you.

21. spend time with your family. you only have so much time left with them before college, don’t waste it. put down your phone, and just enjoy their presence. 

22. relativity is everything. i know it seems like one thing is the end of the world, but take a moment to zoom out. you’ll realize that some things are not big as they seem.

23. be fearless. take big steps. this is your time.

—  throughout my freshman year i wrote tips down to help myself. i hope this helps others as well.
And from here on now we’ll forever be strangers who share a too many memories. Strangers who share a glance and a smile when they pass by in the street. People who once shared so many secrets and now don’t even know one another.
—  Keeping your memory // a.s

‘Why did you fall for him?’
I’ve never been able to answer this question and I wonder if I ever will be. The only thing I know is that I spent years not knowing him and one day he just was there.
I still remember him, just sitting there on a wooden picnic table, I still remember him looking up at me, I still remember the look in his eyes, I still remember the feeling I had. Both were pure, clean because nothing had happened yet.
There we were on that chilly spring morning, not yet knowing how we would change each other’s lives.

'Why do you still love him?’
How will I ever be able to answer? I just do. He’s such a big part of my life, I can’t imagine it without him. No, there hasn’t been an easy moment ever since I met him and yes, at times it hurts, a lot.
But I guess I just live for him, for the signature grins I get from him, for the way he calls my name, for the sparkle in his eyes when I make him laugh. For the way he can still make me stutter after 5 years and for the princess-like feeling he can give me.

I know everyone tells me to let him go. And I get why. Perhaps I could let him go if I only met him a few months ago, but he has marked too many memories, predominated too many years. He’s the only thing in my life that never changes.

—  Confessions

Stiles can’t shower at his house anymore, not since the sacrifices. Just seeing the tub gives me flash backs to going under the water at Deaton’s, the thought of actually getting into one is enough to send him over the edge into a full on panic attack. 

He showers in the locker room now, in the open space where he knows he can’t go under. He knows that it’s not a permanent solution, but for now it works. 

After everything with the Nogitsune Stiles stands in the locker room showers for at least an hour. He can’t get the feel of blood off of his hands. He scrubs himself until he’s red, until his skin is tender to the touch, and then he scrubs more. 

There were too many places with bad memories attached now, but Stiles gets through them, he has to. He still can’t look at a bathtub without feeling sick to his stomach. That’s where it started for him, that’s how the Nogitsune got in. 

So he still showers at school, he avoids talking about his feelings and his struggles because it’s his fault that Allison is dead, that Isaac is gone, that Scott’s a werewolf. It’s all his fault and he knows that, so he stays strong and steady on the outside, if not a bit defiant. 

It all works out fine until the school is locked for summer and Derek is missing and Lydia is grieving the death of her best friend so he can’t talk to her, and Scott is off trying to better himself so he can’t bother him. 

After a week of sink showers Stiles finally gets an idea and breaks into the loft. Well breaks into is a very loose term, he has a key and he doesn’t think Derek would mind him using his shower. 

That plan works well until Derek is back. By then the school is open again, but he knows that Derek can tell he’s been there. There’s no way he doesn’t smell Stiles in the bathroom, on the couch, in the bed. 

But Derek doesn’t call him out on it, instead he squeezes Stiles neck and reminds him that his door is always open if he needs to get away. Stiles knows that if anyone would understand how he’s feeling, it would be Derek. He knows that, but he can’t bring himself to tell him anything. 

He does go to the loft sometimes, mostly to use Derek’s shower and always when he knows Derek is out. That plan works as well as he other plans, meaning it’s great until it isn’t.

It’s a Sunday and Stiles is stepping out of a hot shower at the loft, he had a bad night, dreams of dead brown eyes and sticking swords into friends had kept him up. He had been alone when he got to the loft, but when he steps out of the bathroom Derek is sitting on the couch reading a book. 

“None of this is your fault,” Derek tells him, not looking up from the book, “You didn’t ask to be possessed, you didn’t want to be sacrificed, none of this is on you.”

“Or is it all on me,” Stiles says, toweling his hair dry and looking at Derek, “If I hadn’t dragged Scott into the woods that first night none of this would have happened.”

“By that line of logic this is actually all my fault,” Derek says with a sigh, making Stiles think that Derek really believes that it’s his fault, “The fire never would have happened if it wasn’t for me.”

“We both know the fire would have happened without you,” Stiles says because it’s true.

“And if Scott hadn’t gotten bitten someone else would have,” Derek counters, “It’s not your fault.”

“Maybe,” Stiles says, sitting down next to Derek. It feels like the right time to tell someone why he can’t shower at home so he adds, “I can’t go near a bathtub after being sacrificed.”

“The smell of smoke still makes me sick,” Derek admits and Stiles bumps his shoulder against him. “We’ve all got our damage. You’re not letting yours keep you from living, that’s important.”

“You too,” Stiles tells him, “Maybe we can try to move forward from all of this shit together. It’s easier with someone else helping.”

“Yeah, it is,” Derek says quietly, looking at Stiles with a soft look that he’s only seen a few times before. 

And maybe Stiles still can’t take a bath, but with Derek (and a therapists) help he starts taking showers in a bathtub. And maybe Derek can’t watch open flames, but he can smell smoke without throwing up because Stiles helps him open up (and takes him to therapy once a week).

They move forward together. And eventually they’re both well enough emotionally to admit that they love each other. Every day is a journey for them, but they’re on that journey together, that’s what matters. 

not to ruin anyone’s already screwed mood, but i have the feeling that apart from sistar and t-ara, we’ll have to go thru some bad news about miss a and after school this year too. like, it’s even more obvious what their fate is gonna be, even more expected than sistar imo.

Jump me, bro?


Prompted myself with: “I just want a neighborhood AU where Stiles is the bro-iest bro to ever bro and Derek pines after him anyway.”

I’m trying to get better about moving my twitterfics over to a more readable format without overthinking them, so we’ll see how that goes. (Also on AO3)

Derek’s house is a couple doors down from what he’s pretty sure is a frat house-wannabe. He’d drop the qualifier—as an undergrad, he’d unfortunately lived close enough to frat row to recognize the distinctive loud parties, music thumping late into the night, a stream of girls constantly flowing in and out the doors, bros drunkenly crooning along to badly-tuned guitars—but as far as he can tell, all of the guys are at least a few years out of college.

Resisting the urge to call the cops with a noise complaint takes some effort. Derek doesn’t particularly want to be that guy, though; he still has to live in this neighborhood. And a part of him, much as he doesn’t want to admit it, simply wishes he’d been invited. It’s not that it sounds like fun, exactly. Derek didn’t enjoy those types of parties when he was in college, and he’s not nearly old enough yet for the nostalgia to kick in. It’s just that…well, it would be nice to be included.

He carefully doesn’t think about the fact that the shift from outright irritation to a sort of wistful longing happened around the time that he saw one particular guy hanging around in front of the house, surrounded by his friends.

Derek does not find frat bros attractive. He never has. He never will. A certain long-limbed guy with an infectious laugh and warm brown eyes won’t change that.

He finds other ways to channel his frustration, some more productive than others. On nights when he takes his trash to the curb, he makes his way down to the overstuffed bins haphazardly jumbled in front of the pseudo-frat house. Under cover of darkness, shielded by the noise pouring through the brightly-lit windows, he sorts through the upper layers of his neighbors’ trash, separating stacks of greasy pizza boxes from sticky piles of beer cans.

It’s primarily to be a good citizen. Every house in the neighborhood has separate recycling bins—they’re even color coded, making it incredibly easy to put the correct materials in the appropriate spot. Derek’s just doing his part for the environment, since his obnoxious neighbors refuse to take a few extra seconds out of their day. At least, that’s what he tells himself when he’s sticking his fingers in strangers’ trash. He’s pretty sure it doesn’t count as trespassing if he’s not actually going into the yard, and he’s not stealing anything. Just…moving things around a little.

The other reason’s one he doesn’t like to dwell on. The rational side of his brain recognizes that the guys in this house don’t even know him, so why would they invite him over? This isn’t like high school, when he was the nerd people intentionally ignored. They’re living their lives, he’s living his, and it’s perfectly natural for them to not intersect.

But one night, as Derek slaps the lid of the recycling bin shut, wishing he’d brought a roll of paper towels or maybe even some wet wipes, he looks up and finds one of the bros standing on the front porch, watching him.

Derek freezes in place. He can’t immediately identify the person; from the street, all he can see is a tall, athletic figure backlit by the open front door. He’s expecting to be chased off the property, probably cussed out in the process, but the guy comes down the steps and lifts the lid of the recycling bin, dropping his empty beer can inside.

“Thanks for doing that, bro,” he says. “The guys don’t spend a lotta time thinking about the environment.”

It’s not just a bro. It’s the bro. The one Derek hasn’t been able to stop thinking about. His first time speaking to Derek, and it’s because he caught Derek rummaging around in his garbage late at night.

“You’re uh, you’re welcome,” Derek says.

Fortunately, the guy doesn’t seem to care about getting an explanation. He introduces himself instead: Stiles. Of course his name would be equally intriguing, Derek thinks, annoyed with himself for even caring about this interaction.

Derek gives his name in turn, wondering if he should point out his house to make his presence here seem less weird, but Stiles doesn’t seem inclined to linger in the cold. He heads back inside, giving Derek a brief, friendly wave before shutting the door again.

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3

     I thought a lot today about Lefou after the movie..or rather after Gaston’s death. Gaston was a manipulative asshole, but they were very close. Close enough that Lefou knows when Gaston is about to go off (Scene with Maurice) and knows how to calm him down (”Breathe Gaston”). He actually knows several techniques to calm him down. They have had intimate moments as hinted at the wrestling line (”No one bites like Gaston”).

So your best friend is a major douche canoe, then he dies…horribly…without you there.

Think of how that went down. The dust settles, everyone has their memories back and hugging their loved ones. Lefou is searching the crowd for that red jacket. He had to make it out, right? Gaston had to see the error of his ways and he is just taking his time coming out of the castle. When it’s obvious Gaston is not there Lefou becomes frantic. Does Lefou call out for his fallen friend? Does he start asking the crowd where their once-great idol is? Does he start an inner mantra of “He’s okay, he’s fine” begin looping in his head.

Belle and Adam are the only ones who saw. One of them has to tell Lefou. Obviously, Belle because she knows Gaston and Lefou. So she makes her way through the crowd of laughter and smiles to deliver the worse news ever to Lefou, that his best friend, who had scorned Lefou out of his own selfishness not even an hour earlier, died in the same night.

Think of the emotions. Would he break down right there? Blame himself? If only he was there, if only he tried harder at the village. If only he told the truth about Maurice, instead of being blinded by his own lust for Gaston. He can’t go back to the village, especially the tavern, too many memories and their portrait is hanging on the damn wall. He’s so alone because, no one was as close to him as Gaston, perhaps Gaston was the only person he had in his life.

All this emptiness, this loneliness. Is this when Stanley comes in? He’s the only one left from Gaston’s group, as Tom and Dick ran away. Does he try to help Lefou up? Get him away from the crowd to a secluded place so he can cry. Maybe he stayed with Lefou, comforted him.

So when the dance scene happens, it’s obviously been some time. Lefou is healing and he’s dancing with this girl, obviously for the sake of the dance. He’s a nice guy, she probably asked. Stanley and Lefou have probably been “hanging out” for awhile now, enjoying each other’s company. They may have come to the castle together. Stanley may have developed feelings during his time comforting Lefou. Maybe Stanley helped Lefou work up enough will power to return to the tavern, if even to be surrounded by people that may have missed him. So they go together and Stanley is watching Lefou dance. He gets closer and Stanley works up the courage, saying fuck it. He cuts in and grabs Lefou, who is a bit surprised but going with it as if it’s nature, like this was how it’s supposed to be. Stanley was there for him when no one else was. He probably knew Lefou would accept his proclivity for women’s gowns.

The signs as Albus Dumbledore quotes

Aries: “Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.”

Taurus: “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.“

Gemini: “I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.”

Cancer: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”

Leo: “Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right, and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good and kind and brave because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort.”

Virgo: “It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it.”

Libra: “Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living, and above all those who live without love.”

Scorpio: “This pain is part of being human … the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.”

Sagittarius: “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

Capricorn: “It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then could evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated.“

Aquarius: “After all, to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”

Pisces: “He [Voldemort] never paused to understand the incomparable power of a soul that is untarnished and whole.”

Costume Changes

have you ever thought about how in Pre52 Tim changed his Robin costume from this:

[Teen Titans (2003) #20)

to this:

[Robin (1993) #149]

all because of Conner 

(52 #51)

and he didn’t even come back in time to see it?  he came back when Tim already changed to Red Robin 

[Red Robin #9]

[Teen Titans (2003) #92]

imagine Conner one day coming across Tim’s ‘newer’ Robin costume and he asks Tim ‘who’s costume is that?’ and Tim doesn’t even know how to answer because it brings back too many sad memories of a time without Conner

[Batman/Superman #26]

Starved pt 4

Tag List: @the-doggie-and-his-cuddlefish @fallingineternity @fangirlfiles1 @cup-of-blue  @reaper8439979 @lastfemaletimelord @zoeyheys @lizzysperil @trilight102 @frustratedwaffle @the-diaries-of-a-nerd @vladimeme @prplzorua @anxiousdepressedkid @ alzac-saber @softanon @chaoticgood-anon @321angst @vixenneko @justanotherpurplebutterfly @chemicallyimbalancedromance @hetaisawesome @virgilient @soft-blue-badger @latin-logic @the-sanders-sides  @emovirgil @itmepaigeb @evil-queens-rule @youcancallmeverge @datonerougecookeh @hells-angel-hevens-demon @glaceon-in-a-sweater @here-to-vent @thehomicidalbean @abstractedthinking @watch-me-introvert @alicethemadhatterapprentice  @i-prayed-to-you-cas @cherryblossomrebellion @musicphanpie-b @cochroachkappa-blog @sanative-sanders @you-can-call-me-verge@doctorwhitttaker@getupanddothething

Chapter Notes: I’m so sorry for the delay on this one! As you might imagine, this chapter had a bit riding on it, emotionally speaking, and I wanted to be sure I got it right. Big thanks to @thuriweaver for helping me out and providing a critical sounding board each time I wrote myself into a corner! 

CW: Negative self-talk, self-loathing, anxiety, panic, nightmares, misunderstandings, cursing

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

It was early the next evening before Virgil could bring himself to face the other sides again. 

That night had been easily one of the most miserable of his life. After taking apart the doll and stealthily returning the pilfered articles of clothing, he’d retreated to his room and locked his door, then crawled into his bed. As he’d feared, it felt huge and far too empty, and he found himself shivering, unaccountably cold. He realized he’d gotten used to having the warmth of the heating pad cradled to his chest as he embraced the pillow. 

He briefly considered recommissioning the heating pad by itself, but quickly dismissed the idea. It…hurt, somehow: the thought of using part of the doll only. It was stupid, he knew it was stupid, but he found himself almost mourning the thing, like it’d been a friend or something, and he couldn’t bear to think about trying to create a substitute. 

Besides which, he shouldn’t need one. He should never have needed the doll in the first place. It was that kind of weakness that made the others hate him so much, and if he ever wanted to be someone they could respect (or at least someone they didn’t despise), he needed to stop being so pathetic. 

So he’d huddled up in bed, shivering under the layers of blankets he’d piled on instead, trying not to give in to the fear that was creeping around the edges of his thoughts. 

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I did something really stupid today

Earlier today, I did something that received a lot of backlash and with good reason. It was wrong and insensitive for me to talk about something that’s happening in real life and use something that is supposed to be light hearted, fun, and loving as a vehicle to raise awareness about this issue. Even worse was to drag the fandom into this painful situation.

And I am going to name it: I mentioned and used the anime series, Yuri on Ice to raise awareness of the extreme homophobia and treatment of gays in Russia. In the post, I tactlessly and poorly pointed out how unrealistic the official couple, Viktuuri, would be due to the current nature of Russia in real life in regards to their stance on Same Sex relations. To finish, I used this relationship as a reason to protest against the homophobia there.
It was wrong of me to do that.

At that time of posting, I was mindless and impulsive. I heard about the news of what is happening on Tumblr and my thoughts were to spread that news in a fandom, which I personally am a part of, as the issue of same-sex relationships are also a major part of the story. I made the connection, hoping this would further highlight the homophobia in Russia, and raise awareness.

Instead, I received a harsh reminder from the tumblr community to keep these two things separated. I was told to delete my account, that they are not real people, that my behaviour went too far, and that the problems were real and I shouldn’t have taken it so lightly when responding to it.

And you are all right about that.
I am regretting what I have done and I don’t expect anyone here on tumblr to forgive or accept my apologies for what I have done.
So, I want to say how sorry I am for what I did earlier today.
I took down the post, but I am here to tell you that it did happen earlier today at 10:30-ish GMT+11 time.

And as for deletion of this account, there are too many happier memories of Tumblr in it, so I will not delete this account. I don’t want this disaster destroy my love for this platform. It raises awareness of so many issues, has beautiful fandoms and artwork, and many wonderful people on it.

I hope that this is enough for everyone.
•••••••

TL;DR- I am regretting what I did earlier, and I am sorry for my impulsive and mindless actions. I will not take this account down, but I have deleted the post. This apology post will stay just to clear things up.

Aeon’s Lovers (Mini masterlist)

Originally posted by kyunqdae

A journey through lives, eras, and choices. You’re immortal; your appearance never changes, your age means nothing, your values and speech become outdated, your knowledge, your experiences, and your abilities add on.

The time stands still for you and only you, and these are the stories of your lovers through time. 

Prologue (2017)

The year is -

Inhale (Scarlet Gold) (1934) with Jongdae

Rough (1947) with Yixing

Boys (1956) with Baekhyun and Chanyeol 

Lies (1963) with Junmyeon

Venture (1975) with Luhan

→ Roleplay (1987) with Jongin

→ What if (1994) with Sehun

→ Running (2007) with Minseok

→ Exhale (2017) with Kyungsoo 

Originally posted by ky-ngsoo

“I’ve been through it all; rich kids, masters, actors, and directors, CEOs, university students, writers, florists and now – a detective. 

I’ve had my heart broken, ripped out and stomped on, and I have broken hearts, ripped them out and stomped on them. There are too many memories, too many years. I’ve lost and lost, and after ten decades I still wonder– 

what am I? Where am I going and what do I do?”