too many lifetime movies

The Lego Batman Movie Sentence Starters

“DC. The house that Batman built.”
“Get yourself ready for some…reading.”
“Batman is very wise.”
“Yeah, I’ve got an extra ab.”
“We are transporting 11 million sticks of dynamite, 17,000 pounds of C4, about 150 little cute little classic bomb-type bombs, and two best friends, and request permission to fly over the most crime-ridden city in the world!”
“I’m a loser at home, and I’m a loser at work.”
“You should be terrified.”
“All the C-grade villains have broken into the energy plant!”
“Dear gosh, you destroyed the ___! You have thought of everything!”
“I just wrote a song about how I’m gonna kick all of your butts.”
“Get it together, guys, you’re making me look bad in front of Batman!”
“Save the city or catch your greatest enemy.”
“You think you’re my greatest enemy?”
“I like to fight around.”
“I’m okay with you fighting other people.”
“Remember, kids: If you wanna be like Batman, take care of your abs.”
“Were you looking at the old family pictures again?”
“I don’t talk about feelings.”
“Your greatest fear is being a part of a family again.”
“Tuxedo dress up party!”
“How am I supposed to get ___’s respect when I’m working with these human farts?”
“I’m just so jazzed to meet you!”
“I hate everything you just said.”
“You won’t get to fight any of this anymore.”
“Riddle me this: …what just happened?”
“There are no more vigilantes allowed.”
“You need to take responsibility for your life.”
“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Hello secret camera!”
“You’ve been watching too many Lifetime movies and drinking chardonnay.”
“Chance of failure is 110%.”
“Sometimes to right a wrong, you have to wrong right.”
“How dare you tell me how to parent my kid I just met.”
“Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”
“I’m trying to give you a big old hug.”
“What’s the vigilante position on cookies?”
“It’s weirder if it’s not your son…”
“Somebody get this man some pants.”
“You can’t be a hero if you only care about yourself.”
“I got thrown in this heckhole on purpose!”
“I’m gonna go start looting.”
“Ask your nerd friends.”
“Who’s the greatest villain of them all now?!”
“I’m rubbing my butt all over your stuff.”
“Rename this the buttmobile.”
“Do you ever get scared?”
“This is not a family trip.”
“It’s 100% lava.”
“Why did you build this thing only one seat?”
“Last I checked I only had one butt.”
“For a loner, you sure like movies about relationships.”
“Good news, our bathroom problem is solved.”
“We are just one big happy f…raternity of people.”
“I don’t need friends.”
“I swear I’m a good guy.”
“I was trying to protect them…”
“Are they really the ones you’re protecting?”
“Don’t do what I would do!”
“You’ve gotta let me go down there and save them!”
“I don’t even know why you bothered coming back.”
“…I was afraid.”
“I was afraid of feeling the pain you feel when you lose someone close to you.”
“Saving this city is too big a job for one person.”
“Who’s laying down those funky beats?”
“Okay, ___. Bring the pain.”
“As I predicted, we’re doomed!”
“You had me at shut up.”
“How are your abs, bro?”
“Sometimes losing people is part of life, but that doesn’t mean you stop letting them in.”
“This is my family. But it’s your family too.”
“Do you have a knife? Because someone needs to cut the tension between us.”

The LEGO Batman Movie sentence starters

145 starters
feel free to change gender pronouns
‘read-more’ added for length

  • “Black. All important movies start with a black screen.”
  • “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change.”
  • “Batman is very wise.”
  • “I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I’ve got an extra ab.”
  • “I’m a loser at home and a loser at work.”
  • “You should be terrified.”
  • “Well, tonight is gonna be different! Tonight is my greatest plan yet.”
  • “Man, I really like that guy. I sure hope nothing bad happens to him.”
  • “Nothing bad ever happens to me.”
  • “Okay, are you making some of those up?”
  • “_____, that sounds frightening, and overly complicated.”
  • “What are you doing? You’re completely outnumbered here.”
  • “Stop him before he starts singing!”
  • “There’s a million heroes, but I’m the best of them all.”
  • “You’re making me look bad in front of _____!”
  • “How is he beating all of you… again?”
  • “Hi, _____! So weird to keep running into you.”
  • “Looks like your plan failed.”
  • “You think you’re my greatest enemy?”
  • “You’re obsessed with me!”
  • “Superman’s not a bad guy!”
  • “Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?”
  • “There is no “us.””
  • “I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.”
  • “_____, I love you more than my kids!”
  • “I love my life.”
  • “Remember, kids, if you wanna be like Batman, take care of your abs.”
  • “It must be great to be Batman. I can only imagine he’s going home right now to party the night away surrounded by scores of friends and lady tennis players.”
  • “Anything exciting happen when I was gone?”
  • “I should have known better than to sneak up on you like that.”

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A Family for Christmas (1/2)

Merry Christmas to @shady-swan-jones​!  I’m your Gutter Flower Secret Santa! Although I think you figured it out already… Better late than never, right?

Summary: Attorney Killian Jones’s world is rocked when learns that his estranged father has passed away and that he may have a half-brother he never knew about. The very same day, Emma Swan walks into his office asking for his help in adopting the son she gave up years ago -  a child she somehow managed to track down after years in the foster system.  Is it fate? Can they each help the other find the family they are seeking in time for Christmas?

Otherwise known as: I watched too many Hallmark/Lifetime/FreeForm Christmas movies and this is what happened.


“Italian or Chinese?”

“Well I should think he’d be English, obviously, much like my dashing self.” Killian nudged Emma’s shoulder teasingly. “Bloody hell, Swan, what kind of detective are you?”

Emma rolled her eyes. They were two hours into another evening of scouring every corner of the internet for a trace of Killian’s elusive probable half-brother, but yet again the trail had gone frustratingly cold.

“I meant for dinner, wise-ass.”

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Baby stuff

Waiting to try for a baby is so hard. Seriously, everything around you reminds you of a baby, or someone in your family is pregnant and you’re like “ you little bitch” lol but you’re happy for them. You just want your baby, too. You hope the day will come sooner, every minute seems longer than it actually is. You know it’ll be worth it, but you kinda think “ idc i don’t wanna wait” then you think about it, and you’re like yeah I should wait. Doesn’t make it any easier. Me, I’ve never been a party goer. I don’t like alcohol too much. I could really care less about turning 21. I never was or want to be in that phase,I’ve seen too many lifetime movies for that. I’m ready to settle down, ready for a family. Yes I’m young i know. I’m 18 next month, and I know everyone’s opinion is against me trust me I know that already. But I’ve learned to stop listening to everyone else, everyone else don’t know about what I do in my free time. They don’t know me personally, they don’t know what I’m doing or what I’ll turn out like. I can learn my own lessons, everyone is different. I know many people don’t support it, and they have a right to their own opinion, I’m here to prove you wrong. I will probably get a bunch of hate for this.

Guess His Name

“It’s just one night.” His mother smiled gingerly as she fixed the tie around his neck, patting it a couple times for good measure. “Maybe you’ll meet a nice boy there and he will dance with you.”

Castiel clenched his fists. “Mother, you have been watching too many Lifetime movies. The only reason I agreed to go was so that you would have pictures.”

The doorbell rang, causing his mother to clap with excitement while he sagged forward with exhaustion. How was he able to get past Junior Prom but not Senior Prom? His mother had been happy enough letting him skip last year. But now she had fantasies in her mind of him meeting a nice young man and bringing him home to meet her. If only she knew that Castiel was an outcast at school.

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How Hard I’m Trying To (Repost)

Can’t Keep My Hands To Myself - Part 1

Peter finally realizes his girlfriend has an amazing ass.

A/N: Okay, let me explain. Basically, I was thinking about how people obsess over Tom Holland’s ass but tbh when I see Zendaya’s ass, I’m of the opinion that it’s like “Tom who? idk her”. So to say that Peter Parker is not an ass man is inherently bad for society. And thus this series was born. (Reposting because it wouldn’t show up on the tag.)

Tags: Spideychelle, smut || Masterlist || T/W: explicit content, nsfw

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anonymous asked:

hello!! was wondering if you'd be able to do a blurb for when one of the guys (you pick) wake up in the middle of the night coz he heard sounds coming downstairs and he gotta protect his girl so with his trusty baseball bat he goes and confronts the problem but with a funny/cute twist in the end? tysm xo

“What was that?” Calum asked, jumping from his bed at the sound of, what he believed to be books falling from the bookshelf. 

“It’s probably just an earthquake or something,” you yawned, rolling over to face your husband. 

“Babe, this is Australia not California. We don’t have random earthquakes,” he whispered, before kissing your forehead and heading towards the bedroom door. 

Luckily for Calum, he always kept a baseball bat near the exit – something he had learned to do after watching one too many lifetime movies with you in the off months of tour. He grabbed the bat, carrying it over his shoulder as he tiptoed down the stairs towards the source of the noise. 

As Calum got closer he heard the hushed whispers. Panic coursed through his body as he realized that his beautiful wife and precious daughter were asleep upstairs while two criminals were lurking in the shadows. He took another step closer, prepared to swing the bat the moment the intruder turned around. And he was just about to, when the smaller shadow began to speak, the voice instantly registering in Calum’s brain as his daughter. 

“Sasha?” Calum hissed, flicking the lights on from where he stood in the room. The room immediately illuminated revealing Sasha trying to sneak out a very disheveled, with her school uniform on backwards, Laila. 

“Oh,” Sasha said, face heating up under her father’s glare. “Hi dad.” 

“Hi Mr. Hood,” Laila greeted, trying to fix her skirt without Calum noticing. 

“What the hell is going on?” Calum asked, setting the bat down to properly take in the situation in front of him. Truthfully, Calum didn’t need to ask what the hell was going on because he knew. Knew the game of sneaking out a significant other in the early hours of the morning better than he knew how to play a G scale on the bass, which he could execute perfectly. 

“Well, um, you see, we kind of fell asleep while studying and didn’t wake up until right now,” Sasha rambled. 

“And I didn’t want to intrude so I was just going to drive home,” Laila added. 

“I will not have you driving home at three in the morning,” Calum said, pinching his nose as a headache started to manifest. “Laila can sleep on the couch for tonight and Sasha you can resume your sleep in your own room.” 

“Can’t she just sleep on the floor in my room?” Sasha asked. 

“No she cannot and I think you know why,” Calum added, leading the blush on his daughter’s cheek to redden even more. “Now please go to your room. I’ll make sure Laila is settled.” 

It’s another ten minutes before Calum crawled into bed beside you once again. You were then fully awake, intrigued by the exchange that just went down in the living room of your home. 

“Stop the burglars?” 

“More like our teenage daughter and her girlfriend,” Calum answered, a hint of embarrassment in his own voice now.

“Laila was here?” 

“Yeah and by the looks of her backwards skirt she was here for a while,” he mumbled. “You better get your birds and the bees speech ready for the morning because this is definitely a mother to daughter to girlfriend conversation. 

domestic!5sos blurb night with @complicashton, request/tag us in your writing! 

What the signs are doing on Valentine's Day

Aries: glaring out the window at every couple that passes by
Taurus: probs watching lifetime movies
Gemini: bought too many flowers for their lover and attracts a swarm of bees
Cancer: crying, but eating really good chocolates so it’s all good
Leo: receives a many presents…from themselves…
Virgo: plans out a really cute date in their head, but never actually goes on said date
Libra: instead of wasting money on presents, buys themselves clothes
Scorpio: sitting inside with the shades down and all the lights off and watching horror movies
Sagittarius: eating a bunch of chocolate and then getting sick
Capricorn: goes on a picnic date but it starts raining
Aquarius: doesn’t even notice it’s Valentine’s Day
Pisces: watching Romantic movies with their significant other, but then they start crying because it was too sad

Couch to 5K: 

Week 5, Day 1 

- 5 min warm up 

- Run 5 min 

- Walk 2 min

- Run 4 min

- Walk 2 min

- Run 5 min
- Walk 2 min
- Run 4 min

- 5 min cool down

App Stats:

- Avg. Run Pace: 10:41/mi 

- Avg. Walk Pace: 15:24/mi

- Overall Pace: 12:26/mi 

- Distance: 2.74 mi in 34 mins

This is the last time I will run around the lake behind my house. It’s not exactly a prime running area but it’s convenient for walking out my front door to get going.

My initial thought was that running on an unknown path (they don’t clear the leaves/brush so I don’t know what I am running on) could hurt me if I misjudge. Then, as I started through the wooded area directly around the lake, I psyched myself out thinking that at any moment a serial killer was going to jump out and kidnap me to be his next victim. I was freaking out. I even texted Emily my exact whereabouts just in case and took my headphones off (which I think made it worse because I couldn’t control my breathing while listening to myself breathe AND every crackle of leaves had me thinking I was being followed).

I’m lame. BUT I’M DONE NOW.

Tuesdayyy! Biggest Loser tonight!

Fic: First Sight

Based off this AU idea: We’re the only two people in the DMV and we’re filling out papers silently when you look over and ask me what colour eyes I think you have

~985 words, PG.

Blaine sighed as he started filling out the form the DMV lady had given him, already tired of dealing with bureaucracy even though he was one of two customers currently in the building - showing up right after they opened was a surprisingly good idea. The other man was in the chair/desk combination to his left, already busily writing down answers as Blaine approached the desk and asked for a driver’s license application.

Focus, Anderson, he told himself, actually taking in the information being requested instead of just blindly putting in answers. You’d hate to misspell your own name on an official government document. Shit, could I be arrested for falsifying my identity if I have a misspelled driver’s license? Would it still be a valid form of ID?

“Hey,” the other man said quietly, breaking Blaine out of his increasingly absurd thought spiral. “Can I ask you a potentially weird question?”

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It’s a lazy weekend afternoon and you’re flipping through the channels on television, searching for something that’s not going to require too many brain cells to watch when you find it: the Lifetime Movie Network, your guilty pleasure channel. It’s just what you wanted; bad writing, over the top drama, implausible plots, and even more implausible acting by your favorite washed-up or pre-fame actors. You may have even lost a few brain cells after watching, but by god, you’ve enjoyed it.

The Bitetime Creative Works Fest wants a sweet slice of that terribad pie. Teen Wolf fandom, here’s your chance to have a little bit of fun - pick from our list of prompts carefully curated from only the worst Lifetime movies and get to work. The fest is primarily designed for fic writers, but is open to creatives of all types; fanart, fanmixes, graphics, and fan videos are all welcome. Collaborations are highly encouraged, and all pairings welcome.

Get the details: RulesFAQPrompt ListContact 
Sign ups open this Sunday, February 15th, at 12PM EST! 

December 14th, 2014

ARTIST: owynsama

AUTHOR: qichi

14th of December, 2014

Alfred wakes to the familiar jingle of someone turning keys in the lock. He yawns and stretches, letting the sleep shiver out of his muscles, feeling wonderfully domestic as the front door clicks shut. “Come on upstairs,” he says, too warm in his cocoon of blankets to close the distance himself.

“Lazy bastard,” comes the reply as Arthur’s footsteps draw closer. Mm. For all his complaining and all his gruff he doesn’t hesitate to join Alfred, not even for a second. Alfred’s come to rely on the certainty of that.

It’s stiflingly warm. Between the pleasant comfort of a bed slept in all night and the body heat coming off of Arthur after a morning run-well, they’re gonna have to throw the sheets in the wash, for one thing, but it's… it’s something good, something Alfred doesn’t want to give up on.

After one too many nights spent up late, alone, watching Lifetime movies with a box of tissues and a pint of chocolate ice cream, Arthur wanted to do something about the little pocket of chub he’d developed. Despite Alfred’s protests that it was cute. It’s part of a routine, now; Arthur comes home smelling like sweat, all slick musk and grime, just around when Alfred stumbles out of bed, usually. Or some days, like today, lazier than most, before he manages to make the effort.

Alfred kisses Arthur’s forehead and cards his fingers through his hair, only stopping when Arthur shrugs out of his sweatpants and hoodie-hot, athletic bod aside, November’s cold in early mornings. “Love you,” he says against his temple, kissing there again, covering Arthur in affection. “What do you want for breakfast?”

The reply he gets out of Arthur is somewhere between ‘mmn’ and 'rrrngh,’ which could be… eggs, maybe, but Alfred doesn’t want to risk the wrath of dissatisfied boyfriend, so he plies him with a long, slow smooch and tries again. “Food?”

As Arthur finally manages a reply-eggs, toast, an orange-Alfred grabs the hoodie he’d taken off and pulls it onto himself. It’s a little gross-smelly, yeah, but under all that it’s the scent of Arthur, the feeling of being all wrapped in his presence. Besides, it’d been his first, USA emblazoned on the front in big white block letters; Arthur had taken to it for its bulk, its warmth and comfort. It’s a weird, reciprocal relationship, love played out in laundry.

In the mean time Arthur’s shifted over top of the blankets, resting now, his back flush to their piled pillows as he catches his breath and relaxes.

Alfred can’t help a show of sentiment. He bends, like a knight swearing loyalty to his lord, and presses lips to the back of Arthur’s hand, brushing over his knuckles. “As you wish, sir,” he teases.

Arthur doesn’t throw a pillow at him, which is a kindness he doesn’t usually offer, although he does reach back and grip one threateningly, as if Alfred will scare away. As if. But despite Arthur’s exterior, Alfred knows, his need to seem rough and cold and strong, his feelings burn just as high as Alfred’s. He loves him. And he’s going to want that breakfast.

I’ve racked my damn brain for some kinda shit to put here, but my day has been nothin’ but my mind goin’ numb from watching too many Lifetime movies- these things are predictable as fuck at this point, thinkin’ ‘bout just goin’ out on the beach or somethin’. How was everyone elses day/night?