Luke Song Preference:
‘U.N.I’ by Ed Sheeran
I don’t get waves of
missing you any more
They’re more like tsunami tides in my eyes
It’s become almost automatic to miss you, he thinks.
It comes in rolling waves; bouts of loneliness that hit him
when he least expects it.
You see, everything reminds him of you.
The taste of chocolate in his mouth, as sweet as your lips.
The familiar strumming of a chord that sounded just like your choice. The soft
droplets of rain that used to match your content breaths. The falling sunset
that once made your eyes glow.
Small, trivial things that stop him in his tracks in the
middle of the day that remind him of you.
That remind him of what he lost.
It hits him with a pang – the kisses that he’ll never get,
the smiles he’ll never see, the love that he’ll never give.
It pulls at his heart until there’s nothing left, until he’s
left feeling empty and hollow on the inside – you always had a piece of him,
and he notices with every passing day the crevice you left behind when he
He has no one to blame but himself for the empty sheets of
his too-big bed at night, his tears coming out silent and sobs muffled against
his pillow that he hopes the other boys won’t hear.
He wishes he has your shoulder to lean on, your skin to
murmur sweet nothings into.
But instead, Luke is left with nothing but a cold bed and an
not everything’s sure but you live in your halls and I live in a tour bus
He thinks about you, more than he’d like to admit.
Luke imagines you in your dorm room, organizing your clothes
the way you used to – or perhaps not at all – picturing you with your books
scattered across your unmade bed and your backpack strewn across the other side
of the room, purposely forgotten.
He imagines you walking to class with an arm full of books
and messy hair that you gave up on combing; your sweatpants that hung loosely
on your hips and your sweater still dusted with the crumbs of last night’s
The thought of you makes him smile.
But he always pictures you with someone else. Someone else
next to you holding your books, or someone who would stay up with you to watch
Netflix on your too-small dorm room bed; someone who would knock at your door
and invite you to frozen yogurt, or would make you smile in the morning when
you read their text.
Someone else you would love while he was gone.
And why wouldn’t you have someone else?
You would be living with others and meeting new people in
your classes; bumping into others in the hallways and having embarrassing
encounters in the washroom that you’d retell to your friends at some late night
You’d find people to laugh with, people to talk to, people
to accept you, people to help you.
Luke wonders if you’d find that special person to love you.
Someone that would make you smile the way you used to when
you looked at him, someone that would call you by those silly pet names that
you loved; someone who would hold you close when you were cold and comfort you
even when you didn’t ask for it.
Someone who would love you like he did.
But he knows, he knows that that’s impossible.
Because no one would ever love you the way Luke loved you.
No one else would notice how your eyes were brighter than
the stars you gazed up at, or how the curve of your bones were perfect valleys
for his arms to hold. No one else would understand the unspoken words on your
lips or the pleas of your touch like him.
But it didn’t matter because he was a thousand miles away
and you were quite possibly in another boy’s arms that didn’t fit you as
perfectly as his.
It’s his own fault, he admits.
You’re living the life of just another student – fast food
and unmade beds and homework that seemed unfeasible and tests that came too
And he was living the life of a star – the life he always
dreamed of – full of bright lights and screaming fans and new cities in cars
and buses and planes all with his closest friends.
You lived different lives now, but Luke still stares out the
window at night and wonders if you feel as if something was missing, just as he
He wonders if you’re missing him as much as he’s missing
Because if you want, I’ll
take you in my arms and keep you sheltered
From all that I’ve done wrong
Luke knows he’s made some mistakes – and not just the stupid
ones with the bad haircuts or embarrassingly bright t-shirts.
He’s made up of wrongs that perhaps led him to a few rights;
and all of his mistakes led to you.
His perfect right. The only thing that made sense in his
But then he let it all go.
And that, he thinks, was his biggest mistake.
He realizes this every night, his blue eyes staring up at
the blank ceiling with the thought of you imprinted in his mind.
His hands reach out for you, but he always ends up with a
fistful of cold sheets, and it’s only a reminder of the moment he regrets the
Luke wishes he could take it back – the hesitant speech, the
tearstained goodbye, the promises of something better, the well-wishes of a
He remembers how you said you hoped his dreams would come
true, and at the time, he truly did believe what he was doing would be the next
step for him.
But now, he only dreams of you.
Of your tears that clung onto your eyelashes that you tried
to hold in with a shaky smile, telling him that you loved him and that if he
believed this was the best for him, then you weren’t going to stop him.
Of your lingering hug before he turned away from you; of
your trembling chin on his shoulder and your heart beating with his for the
Luke remembers with unfaltering detail the memory of your
His follows soon after, but he tries to sew it up with the
chants of his name and the cracked lyrics that he sings for you.
He tried to deny the heartbreak – it’s just homesickness, I’m just homesick – but he could only fool
himself for so long.
Luke knew he made a mistake, and he knew it was one he
couldn’t fix, no matter how hard he tried.
It’s for the best, he thinks.
You’re out living the life you always wanted – books and
schools and friends – and you’d find someone new to replace him, someone else
And he’s living out the dream he had ever since he was
fifteen – cameras and microphones and interviews and gigs – the life of the
star he always strived to be.
But unlike you, he doesn’t think he can find anyone else to
fill his hollow sheets; no one else could even come close to you, even if you
were a memory in his head.
You’d always take up a corner in his head, a place in his
heart, a page in his notebook.
And he’d be nothing but a mistake to you.
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