Calum Imagine: You
Have a Boyfriend
It’s cruel, he thinks.
He finds it so unbearably cruel, how he loves someone he can’t have.
And it’s so unfairly painful because here he is, pining over
you while you smiled that smile that he loved so much, while you danced just millimeters
away but in another’s arms. It’s so unfairly tormenting because every time you’re
happy, he can’t help but to feel his heart break just a little bit more.
Because he loves you, but oh, you love someone else.
And he’s already cursed his damned heart for loving you even
though he shouldn’t but god, it was
It was hard not to love you when your voice had that lilt
just before you were about to laugh, when your eyes glimmered with excitement
at a setting sun, when you let yourself go
and laugh as loud as you pleased and threw your head back for the sun to
caress, when you weren’t afraid to use your voice and when you weren’t afraid
to bask in the silence.
You were so enchantingly beautiful with everything you did,
so captivating with your boundless mind and radiant smile.
It’s no wonder he fell for you.
It’s no surprise that someone else did too.
And oh, Calum is jealous – of course he is, how can he not
be when all he ever wanted was you melded into his arms? Your lips on his skin,
your breath in his ear, your laughter just for him?
All he ever dreamed about was the feeling of your fingertips
tracing the lines of his arms, of your hair tickling his neck when you lay on
chest, of your fingers entwined with his, of the secret thoughts and hidden
stories buried between your lips and his own.
Of course he’s jealous, of
course because all of his dreams – you, always you when he closes eyes – is
handed to somebody else.
And it hurts; a physical pang in his chest when he starts to
envision your soft smile on a pillow with your hair fanned out around you in
lazy curls, only for the scene to widen and see someone else by your side,
someone else’s hands cupping your jaw and a voice that wasn’t his own
whispering good morning, beautiful.
And good god, Calum is jealous but he couldn’t be angry for
He couldn’t ever be angry at the other man, not when Calum
knew full well that this was the person you deserved.
Someone who would know just how to respond to your little
jokes and spontaneous bursts of wild thought with wit and thoughtfulness, not
silent shock. Someone who would know when to let you run free in the field with
a soft, quiet sigh blooming on your lips, someone who would know when you
chase after you just so you would have a reason to laugh and shriek with glee.
You needed someone to remind you what it was like to be
cherished, to be loved. Someone who would give you those Sunday morning
curled-up books and homemade breakfast, someone who would give you those Friday
night rom-coms with Chinese takeout, someone who would give you a daily assurance
of care and love even when you weren’t standing next to him, someone that you
could just feel was by your side as
you walked to work alone.
You needed someone who would linger in your thoughts at
night with a soft smile on your lips as you thought, yes, this is it. This is all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve been waiting
And Calum knew – he just knew
– that he couldn’t be that someone.
He knew that he couldn’t be the arms to wrap you up after
every long day, not when he was gone for a better part of the year, stretched
out on some lonely hotel bed.
He knew he couldn’t be the sweet little reminders and casual
hangouts, not when the phone call would always be static-filled, not when he
had to be at an interview or at the studio or onstage.
He knew he couldn’t be the reassurance of love that you
needed, not when there would undoubtedly be hordes of girls that would nitpick
you to broken pieces, not when they would all do their best to tear you down
and push him to someone else even while he tried to stay glued to your side,
even though he’d try to glue you together, glue an us together.
Calum wasn’t what you needed, he wasn’t enough.
And he can’t be angry at the person who was because you only
ever deserved the best.
He just wasn’t it.
But you found someone who was – someone who would be there
for every birthday and cheesy anniversary, someone who would understand your
mind and body and be everything you dreamed of while being a constant surprise –
you found that someone, and Calum can’t blame you for choosing him.
He can’t blame you for choosing happiness in company and in love
over the constant worrying and loneliness that you would undoubtedly have with
Calum can’t be mad at you for driving down a winding road of
adventure and gleeful exploration with someone else instead of walking down the
lonely path of doubt and uncertainty while he was so far away.
And it was what’s best for you, but god – this was tearing Calum from the inside out.
Because he’d be alone on the hotel bed imagining you in
someone else’s, he’d be singing to a faceless crowd of thousands while you’d be
whispering tales to just one.
And it wouldn’t be him – it
won’t ever be him – and maybe that’s why his voice cracks when he sings
that song he wrote about you, sharp breaths into the microphone as he thinks
about you with someone else.
He wonders if you know the words are for you.
Do you think you could
almost love me too?
But you would always be someone else’s but his and there
would be nothing he could do but wake up alone, notebook brimming with words
that you’d never read.
Because he’d never be enough, not for someone who deserved
so much, not for you.
It hurts him to have you with someone else, but Calum knows
it would hurt you to be by his side.
He only ever wanted you to be happy, even if it meant his
own silent tears and choked sobs into the worn pillowcase, even if it meant his
broken heart for your love-filled one.
It would never be for him – and he has all this love seeping
out of the pieces of his heart that was meant for you, but now lies bleeding at
his feet – but if it meant your smile even on your worst days, he’ll do it.
Even if he’ll never be the recipient, even if it meant he’ll
only ever be as close as a bystander.
It’s the only thing he can do for you – maybe it’s the
only way he can love you, the only way he should.
Letting you love someone else.
more imagines here!