tolkien why do you do this to me

10

Star Wars Age!Squash AU, Comic #02

Initiate Era - Master Dooku & Qui-Gon

Master Dooku has the highest standards and only chooses the most elite of the elite as his apprentices. Initiate Jinn is a prodigy and looks perfect on the records and is also exceptionally gifted in sensing the Living Force. Master Dooku thought he would make the perfect Padawan. Sometimes, Master Dooku is wrong.

Or, Master Dooku has to bribe a young Padawan Qui-Gon with Obi-Wan’s company in order to get him to do anything.

[A/N] In this AU where everyone is happy, almost no one is evil and everyone lives, Master Dooku is that grumpy grandpa who looks super scary but is actually ridiculously soft once you get to know him. Qui-Gon is his third apprentice, and all three of his Padawans are ridiculously rebellious (and spoiled) in their own ways. You’ll meet the other two soon <3

                              <<< PREV                          NEXT >>>

Confused? Have no idea why Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are only 3 years apart?

vvv Click the link below! vvv

This is part of the Star Wars Age!Squash AU. Find all other posts through THIS MASTERPOST. Update schedule for future posts will also be on the Masterpost!

THE MUSKETEERS SENTENCE STARTERS.

the accused. season 2, episode 9.
  • ❝ He dared to lay hands on you? ❞ 
  • ❝ I trusted him. Thought he was my friend. ❞ 
  • ❝ The king has been informed?❞ 
  • ❝ Get out of the way! ❞ 
  • ❝ Do as he says. ❞ 
  • ❝ How dare you defy me? ❞ 
  • ❝ Open the doors or we will kill you and open them ourselves. ❞ 
  • ❝ She must be brought to account. ❞ 
  • ❝ If anyone else spoke like that I would have his head.❞ 
  • ❝ Forgive me, sire, my loyalty got the better of me. ❞ 
  • ❝ I never meant to keep any secrets from you. ❞ 
  • ❝ But you must understand why I had to. ❞ 
  • ❝ Do you love her? ❞
  • ❝ You have a child. ❞ 
  • ❝ She needed me. ❞ 
  • ❝ We must get you away from here.❞  
  • ❝ ____ is a _____ spy and he will destroy you.❞ 
  • ❝ He could not forsake me like this. ❞
  • ❝ What hold does she have over you? ❞
  • ❝ Why is she staring? It’s very unnerving.❞
  • ❝ Can you not save yourself for my sake?❞
  • ❝ Whatever happens, I will never regret what happened here.❞
  • ❝ What have I become? What have you done to me?❞

worldflower  asked:

If you're still taking theories how about Elves don't exist in Middle Earth. Elves have never existed in Middle Earth

Okay guys, I might lose some followers over this but time for a conspiracy theory. I know Tolkien claims that he translated the Red Book of Westermarch into modern English and, yes, we all respect him for the great scholar and linguist that he was. And I know that the idea that a single person could just ‘make up’ such a rich history, plus multiple languages is patently absurd. What man would dedicate his entire life - and that of his son! - to such an elaborate, pointless hoax?

I think J.R.R. Tolkien was that man.

Do we have any evidence at all, from a source other than the Tolkien family, that the Eldar existed? We have sketchy myths and legends describing elves but the same is true of zombies and mermaids, and few of the mentions we do have don’t align with Tolkien’s descriptions. No archaeological finds, no reliable encounters with living elves that eschewed Valinor, nothing beyond his word. Has anyone even seen this supposed Red Book? Tolkien, as a scholar, would have been well familiar with the Red Book of Hergest, a collection of ancient Welsh poetry and lore, and I would bet that that was his inspiration for the fraud - it’s not even that subtle! 

So why would he do it? I imagine, in part, it was scholarly interest - surely he would not have put in the sheer amount of work that he did otherwise! But there is a less innocent motivation too. Do you know how much money the Tolkien estate has reaped from its ‘translations’ over the years? The legacy of the estate was estimated to be more than £10 million in book sales in Britain alone in 2001, closer to £50 million worldwide. 

J.R.R Tolkien was a liar and elves aren’t real. 

There. I said it. Come at me.

haybop-86-deactivated20160823  asked:

So even though his 'glamour' so to speak shows him fine the dragon fire destroyed the sight in his left eye? That's something that didn't even cross my mind before.... of course the 'glamour' (I dunno what to actually call it) wouldn't be able to heal his injuries, just cover them. Very interesting. Glad you picked that up, can't believe it escaped me! I am now keeping that headcanon, thank you!

Yes, exactly! I’m kind of weird in that I like my fantasy based in reality (which is why sometimes I really struggle with the way Tolkien wrote the elves). Even though magic exists, and it’s totally possible in a magic!fantasy kind of way that if Thranduil were horribly burned the way they showed in DOS that he could have been completely magically restored. 

But when I think of his perfect appearance as a “glamour”, I do imagine that it is just a facade and that beneath that magical exterior lies the true, irrevocable damage. I mean, even if over thousands and thousands of years his burned skin healed perfectly, I don’t think that his eye would heal in a way that would restore lost vision (because our eyes don’t heal that way). I guess it would depend on the severity of his injury– but eyes don’t grow back (whereas skin does). 

So, sometimes, I imagine Thranduil to be blind in one eye. And in that headcanon I have, Thranduil has excellent hearing, which he uses to help him gauge where people are or when things come at him on his blind side. I imagine that he’s so accustomed to his partial blindness by now that it hardly bothers him.  I imagine that Legolas had no idea that his father was so horribly injured, that this would be a thing Thranduil kept secret even from Legolas. (In that sketch I did, I imagine Legolas being angry-incredulous-overprotective like, “You mean you’re half blind and we live in a darkened cave!?! There aren’t even any safety railings!!!” and just generally freaking out, insisting on guarding Thranduil’s left side, etc. I also imagine that Thranduil would tolerate it for two seconds before he decides to show Legolas that he does not need to be smothered.) :)

Reconciling Flat Middle-earth

world building meme + 1 climate/earth history

Arda being flat bothers me. Really, really bothers me. I’ve got no problem with most of the ‘it’s just magic’ things in Tolkien. I can totally accept that a wizard did something reality-bending once, and happily go on. Messing with the consistent functioning of natural laws? Nope. Once is fine, a continuing logic bomb of a situation is not.

Because why do Middle-earth’s physics appear identical to ours if their world is flat? How likely is that? Not to mention the practical problems of a Flat World give me a giant headache. First, if there is no sun there is no liquid water here. None. Or seasons, or tides, or weather, or magnetic poles, or geologic activity, or any number of things that rely on having a sun, moon or round planet. You don’t even have gravity! Flat Arda is a sheet of ice in a void. And I believe the Valar are intelligent enough to design a system they don’t have to constantly pour power into maintaining, one that drives and regulates itself through natural processes.

And the logic gets a thousand times twistier when you try to explain plants and animals existing in a sunless world. Because we’re back to the sun problem - it powers nearly every living thing on this planet, and without it we’re down to some very strange bacteria living in extreme environments. Starlight is not sufficient for photosynthesis. With no source of light energy we have no plants, without plants there are no animals, and our poor elves are starving to death in Cuivienen.

And no, don’t you ‘Sleep of Yavanna’ me! Without the lamps, what’s keeping the water from freezing solid and killing all the plants? Elves have to eat, and even if the Valar kept everything alive by a ridiculous expenditure of power, the elves are still going to starve. It’ll just take longer. Theoretically, some of the plants would be ‘frozen’ with ripened food, but any food harvested wouldn’t regrow, so that food source would run out. Did the sleep of Yavanna include animals? If not, what were the animals eating? If so, the elves would last a little longer eating animal popsicles, but would still starve before Orome could show up.

And if the logic knots can’t sway you, the text itself should really give you flat world doubts. How do we explain why the Quenya and Sindarin terms for the sun and moon are nearly identical, if they don’t come from a common ancient root? Where do meteorites like the one Eol used to forge Anglachel come from if there’s no outer space?. And Melkor hides in ‘the outer darkness’, in some versions called the ‘Walls of Night’, after Tulkas descends and that sounds an awful lot like space to me too. Varda made the stars – so why would she not make Middle-earth a sun?

Later in his life Tolkien came to agree with me that Flat World is dumb, and wrote a Round World version (History of Middle-earth vol X, Morgoth’s Ring). He explained the discrepancies between the two cosmologies with the fact that the tales of Middle-earth are filtered through human eyes. The High Elves were taught by the Valar themselves and knew perfectly well that the earth was round. The flat world story was an Edain myth passed down to us through the Númenoreans. Versions with a flat world “are Númenorean, blending Elven-lore with human myth and imagination,” but the loremasters of Númenor would know that “the making of the stars was not so, nor of the sun and moon. For the sun and stars were older than Arda.” But this new round world mythology did not get published because it wasn’t as well integrated with the Silmarillion’s plot. So one of my side projects is stitching the two together into a coherent whole, and me being me I add a dash of science. Prepare for half-assed natural science.

When the Ainur shaped Arda according to their visions of Eru’s plan, Varda created a sun and other stars before they created the new, round planet. Melkor tried to destroy the proto-Arda by hitting it with another planet-sized object about the same size; he was unsuccessful. Arda just became larger and absorbed most of the other planet, while a small portion of debris coalesced and became the moon. I am cool with this process taking mere thousands of years as long as it happens in the right order.

However the light of this unhallowed sun was “weaker” and had no effect on Melkor’s creatures. The holier light of the lamps solved this problem; Melkor destroyed them and caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. Then the Valar withdrew to Aman and made the Two Trees. In Valinor, the Valar maintained a thick, impenetrable, permanent dome of clouds as well as the high mountain fence to keep unhallowed light and the spies of Melkor out. 

Arda gradually recovered from this ecological disaster and the new climate and fauna of Middle-earth resembled the Pleistocene. Middle-earth was still largely in darkness, due to thick clouds and residual gloom of Morgoth dimming the sun and stars. At the exact time of the Eldar’s awakening, in the early twilight before dawn, the clouds were miraculously blown aside, allowing the Elves to gaze up at the stars in wonder. The Quendi “were ever moved most in heart by the Stars, and the hours of twilight in clear weather, at ‘morrow-dim’ and at ‘even-dim’, were the times of their greatest joy. For in those hours in the spring of the year they had first awakened to life in Arda.” (“Cuivienyarna”, Appendix to Quendi and Eldar, The War of the Jewels: 423).

Morgoth’s attacks, the promise of a great holy light, and a desire for a better life led the elves to journey to Valinor. After Morgoth destroyed the Two Trees, he also caused huge volcanic activity to darken the sky when he returned to Middle-earth; this ash was infused with his power and would not have fallen naturally. The Two Trees’ last fruits were carried up to the sun and moon to hallow them to be untouchable by Morgoth and cause his creatures pain, as well as break the ash cloud’s spell. The planet entered a warming period with a climate analogous to the Holocene; Men awoke during this time at sunrise. Numenor’s fall in the Second Age simply removed Aman from the real world’s dimension in an already round world.

Tldr; The world has always been round, stop messing up the biosphere Melkor.

“Legolas, they’re gaining on us.”

“I could do it, you know! I swear it on my forefathers!”

“We do not question your ability, only your sobriety, master dwarf.”

“Hmph. Spoilsports.”

Because let’s face it, this has happened at least once (a month) to them (Gimli or legolas, every time, Aragorn doesn’t know why he stays around sometimes) and has led them into some dire situations.

i spent this lovely morning (i woke up when my alarm went off at 8:30! and didn’t fall back asleep! it was a miracle!) ranting to my sister about fantasy genre-racism, and i can’t stop thinking about it

if you think it’s cool and not-fucked-up that elves that are Good and Just and Beautiful are justified as being all white, you and me are going to have a fuckin problem

this is why i can’t stand Tolkien and people who pray at his altar

perpetuating Victorian ideals of race and color is horrible, and boring as fuck

~medieval stasis~ is boring, and most people who do it are doing it wrong

there was trade in Africa, China, and the Middle East with Europe. How the hell do you think white ppl got silk and noodles and spices and algebra and astronomy

if you’re doing a ~medieval-esque~ fantasy adventure and everyone is white, you’re doing it wrong

if you’re doing that genre and everyone is white except for the bad guys, who are brown and inherently untrustworthy, you’re doing it wrong

i don’t want to give Tolkien the satisfaction of writing my own fantasy epic that counters everything he did with LOTR (i won’t stoop to that level of Nerd Shit, bc then i’d actually have to read Tolkien), but it does make me want to do something

I feel like Junot Diaz did a good job in commenting on this, but we need contemporary fairy stories that reflect what the world and its population really looks like

i’m sick of heroic infallible white people

i’m sick of ~exotic tribal side characters

i’m sick of the tropes that are perpetuated in western literature

DO BETTER

Imagine Fili overhearing a couple of Lords from the Ironhills flirting with you and they won't leave you alone.

“I do believe I heard (y/n) tell you to stop a few moments ago. Please tell me why you’ve ignored her request. No answer? Get out of here and don’t bother (y/n) again otherwise you’ll have me to answer to.”

(requested by permanentlylostinthought)

A Burzum Story: Part X - The White God
 


As You might already know, my dear ladies and gentlemen, and other individuals too, I am no friend of the modern so-called Black Metal culture. It is a tasteless, low-brow parody of Norwegian so-called Black Metal anno 1991-1992, and if it was up to me it would meet its dishonourable end as soon as possible. However, rather than abandon my own music, only because others have soiled its name by claiming to have something in common with it, I will stick to it. The “black metallers” will probably continue to “get loaded”, “get high”, and in all other manners too behave like the stereotypical Negro; they will probably continue to get foreign tribal tattoos, dress, walk, talk, look and act like homosexuals, and so forth. Some of the “black metallers”, their fans and accomplices will probably even continue to pretend - and actually believe - they have something in common with Burzum, but let me assure You; they don’t! I play what can be described as some sort of metal music, all right, and they do too, but the similarities ends there. Freud wrote books. Tolkien wrote books. The similarities ends there.

Why more of Burzum? Well, I am what I am; a musician. Musicians produce music, when they can, and now I can; I am no longer imprisoned by the criminal anti-Norwegian regime in Norway. Will my music be any good? My guess is that if You like Burzum You like Burzum. If You don’t You don’t. I do try to change all the time, but most of the time I fail, and many appreciate that. Others don’t.

The coming album is called “Den Hvite Guden” (The White God) and is a musical and lyrical description of the the White God (alias Apollon, Baldr, Belenus, Belus, Bragi, Byelobog, Jarilo, et cetera) and the annual events of his life. I describe the stories of the myths like they could have been before they were myths, by presenting to You bits and pieces of the sorcery and religion of ancient Europe (more elaborately described in my unpublished book “Trolldom og Religion i Oldtidens Skandinavia” [Sorcery and Religion in Ancient Scandinavia]). It is not intended for play the “low-brow metal” style, but instead I imagine a listener willing to sit down, ideally in solitude, and think for a minute, about the White God and our forebears, whether they were Picto-British, Finnish, Gallic, Greek, Roman, Scandinavian, Scytho-Slavic, Daco-Thrakian or whatever, and about their magnificent, intelligent, positive, beautiful, healthy and strong culture. I try to help You create an image of this with the help of Your own mind, by offering a few clues and guidelines. The album is political only in the way that it offers an alternative to the depravity offered to us by the intrusive popular culture and the commercial entertainment industry - and by modern so-called Black Metal, for that sake.

The début album was intentionally anti-commercial and anti-Death Metal, the “Det Som Engang Var” album was experimental, the “Hvis Lyset Tar Oss” album was intentionally monotonous and ritual, the “Filosofem” album was intentionally different from the others, “Dauði Baldrs” was what I could do from a prison cell, and “Hliðskjálf” too, but they were all music that I liked. “Den Hvite Guden” will be no different in that respect, but I am older now, in fact twice as old as I was when I recorded the début album, and I am therefore different. The new album might differ from the old albums more than some might appreciate, but I hope not. Even if some of You might appreciate the old Burzum, I must be allowed to evolve, just like everybody else. Maybe You will like the new Burzum too. I will not do my best to copy and reproduce my old music, just to please somebody. I never did and I never will. If it sounds similar it is because it is made by the same person. If it sounds different it is because it is not the same music and because I have evolved.

I can add that just like on the other metal albums (with the exception of “Hvis Lyset Tar Oss”) “Den Hvite Guden” features some very old Burzum tracks. “Filosofem” featured the “Burzum” track, from 1991, and “Den Hvite Guden” will feature the “Uruk-Hai” track, from 1988-1989, although the title and the lyrics have been changed to fit the new concept. It will also feature the original “Dauði Baldrs” metal track, from 1993. In a sense this album too will not be “new material”, but just a collection of previously unpublished tracks; some new, some old. If some think my composing skills have disappeared altogether, then at least there will be some gems for them too.

You can expect to see “The White God” around March-April (anno 2010), when he traditionally returns from the hidden world of shadows.

Respectfully,
Varg Vikernes
(14.11.2009)

Tolkien style blog rates

everyone else is doing stuff like this, so I figured why not!

Steps:

  • reblog this
  • send me an ask saying “Gandalf just knocked on my door
  • I’ll answer like this:

Name: your name

Race: elf, man, dwarf, hobbit, ent, goblin, orc, valar, etc.

Weapon: sword (s), bow, knives

Faction: Gondor, Rohan, Mordor, etc.

Enemies killed: depends on what side you’re on

In the Fellowship?: do I follow you?

anonymous asked:

ida....i need artistic motivation...how do u have so much?? plz donate

You wanna know my secret? It’s rather simple actually. So simple, I even found it in a gif:

Originally posted by bojackhorseman

I used to wait for artistic motivation in order to draw. I had to have the right idea, the right energy, the right time, the right something. And in waiting for the right circumstances to just come to me, I actually lost my motivation. 

Then suddenly I hadn’t drawn for a week. But hey, the motivation would come at some point, right? Then that week turned into a year… A year where I hadn’t drawn anything at all…

I realised then that motivation is something you can wait for your whole life, but it will never come unless you create it yourself. The only way to create motivation is to be determined. When your motivation is gone, you gotta be able to keep going. When you don’t feel like drawing, draw anyway. 

The more you draw, and the more you nurture your creativity, you will find yourself full of ideas that you can’t wait to get started on. I have so many ideas now, I am not able to do them all!

Find something that inspires you. For me it’s Tolkien. I had no idea his stories could give me so much, but it’s a world I could spent a lifetime in. Why do you need something like this? Because you need to have fun. Have fun and the motivation will come even easier to you.

Now, just get started. Draw! It looks like crap? You don’t have to show it to anyone. But the next drawing will be better. And the next, and the next one after that. Every drawing will be better than the last, and suddenly you find that you don’t need to be determined anymore. Your motivation is there. You have fun. You love it. You improve and you can see the progress. Seeing progress is the most motivational thing ever. But progress takes work.

Get started. Draw a little everyday. It doesn’t have to big and beautiful pieces of art. Sketches are just as good. Just don’t stop. It will get easier. Soon you will have too many ideas and too much artistic motivation, you will have little want to do anything else.

Originally posted by twelveslapels

  • Person: Why do you read so many book when you know that you can't read them all?
  • Me: Why do you breath when you know you're gonna die anyway?
  • Me on a date: So how do you feel about Tauriel?
  • Date: I hate her. She wasn't even in the books, and she did nothing for the story. I didn't go to watch Peter Jackson's OC.
  • Me, shoving breadsticks into my bag: I'm sorry, but I have to go right now immediately.

Hi hi I’m super bored and procrastinating so why not do tumblr awards?

rules:
  • must be following blaaa
  • reblog this post
  • likes do not count
  • must reach 40 notes
  • ends 10PM GMT+8
categories:

best url

best theme

best sidebar

best multifandom

best tolkien

best game of thrones

best teen wolf

best marvel

nicest blogger

blaaa’s personal fave

winners will get:
  • follow back if not already
  • individual promo
  • reblogs for anything you want (tag me in it)
  • my undying love
runner ups will get:
  • follow back if not already
  • group promo
  • my undying love