told you bro

2

akira yes!!! wait no that’s a bad idea abort abort

okokokok here’s to make up for the angst have some dorks

i’ve had two sessions of an irl Curse of Strahd campaign now, and it’s been great.

this is my kenku light-cleric, Radiant-Luminescence or Rad for short.

he says hello to everyone and walks headfirst into danger. 

9

@arukasblue and i cosplayed as Evan and Connor at Torucon this weekend! We had so much fun and ended up getting hitched

DUDES.

Epic Sans stuffed his mouth with cookies. The word “ bruh” could be heard after each chomp. He didn’t bother to wipe the cookie crumbs from his face afterwards, though he probably should have. EpicSwap Papyrus and Epicshift Chara sat nearby, stuffing their faces as well. It was a perfect day. A perfect day for stuffing their faces to the brink with cookies. I mean. They weren’t the best, but hell, they were cookies.

A creak was heard, and the three turned their heads silently.

“ sorry, dudes! am i interrupting much?”

No doubt, there stood a goat-like woman, with white fur and pinkish eyes. She was definitely short. She had a scar over her left eye, which indicated that she was similar to the trio. She also had a similar hood, which was also purple but consisted of bright orange flames. Her voice was gentle, but a little cracky, and she seemed to stutter somewhat. Sans looked to Chara and Papyrus, closing his eyes, and bringing his hands to his mouth in a praying motion. He inhaled, before letting his hands go down in a chopping-like motion.

“ ..IS SHE FOR REAL, BRUH,” Sans shouted casually. Chara and Papyrus looked at eachother, before joining in on the casual shouting.

“ A NEW FEMALE MEMBER, BREH?!”

“ BRO…she’s kinda hot.”

Chara ran their fingers through their hair, walking to Toriel, winking at the goat-monster seductively.

“ DUDE. stop. ” AlterEpic Toriel said, pushing Chara away.

“ BRUH! SHE SAID IT AGAIN!”

“ do you think she’s an alien?”

“ BRO, she has to be! that’s like…. an advanced word, bro. ”

The three huddled into a small circle, whispering and glancing at the goat girl occasionally. Once the trio split, Sans walked up to Toriel, clearing his non-existent throat.

“ HELLO. WE COME IN PEACE. BRUH.”

AlterEpic Toriel looked at the skeleton. She didn’t know whether to be scared, amused, or concerned. She chuckled rather nervously. Sans continued to come closer.

“ now for the real question, bruh.”

Sans stared directly into Toriel’s eyes.

“ do you liek cookies, BRUH,” Sans stepped a little too close for comfort, “ CUZ I DO, BRUUHHH.”

“ i prefer pie, dude. i actually make pie for a living. DUDE.”

“ BRUH! THE GIRL CAN BAKE!” Epic Sans shouted.

“ OH. MY. BREH!!!” Papyrus flailed his skeletal arms. He eventually fell over.

“ bro. told you she was smokin’.”

Toriel lifted Chara by their hood.

“ say anything like that again, and we’ll see who’s fuckin’ smokin’, little dude.”

“ ok, BRO.”

“ BRUH.”

“ BREH.”

“ DUDE.”

“ BRO!”

The bro’s, the brehs, bruhs, and the dudes continued their rant for the next hour. Then, they feasted upon cookies. And pie, of which they convinced Toriel to make. It was the perfect day.


“ yo.” A voice said from the back of the room. Surely enough, it was AlterSwapEpic Asgore.

“ WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUS’ SAY, BRUH?!”

“ BREH!”

“ OH MY GAAAAAAWWWWWWDDD-”


((The Epic Fam belongs to @yugogeer12
Alterpeeps belong to @friisans

This is based off of a post that I could not find…))
Read up on the Tudors. Trump at this point is basically Henry VIII. (Bannon even said he feels like Cromwell). Except, well, he’s a Henry VIII who keeps getting told: “Nah, bro, you can’t, in fact, do that. We won’t bend to your whims. This won’t happen.”

That’s what the Twitter rants are about.

He honestly is shocked at being told “No!” to anything.

It ain’t the 1500s anymore.

Hamilton makes me wish i was american. 2016 made me glad that i am not.

Dad of the Year


Craig remembered when he first became very good friends with Robert. Okay, maybe “good friends” is an understatement because the guy was so hard to read. He was the kind of book that you opened and there was porn mags, and maybe a type of knife, fuck it the whole aspect of the book is ruined with whiskey stains. So, why wasn’t Craig turned off by it? It was all so confusing, but he didn’t judge. Craig himself wasn’t always a dad who never quits, in fact Kegstand Craig was a guy who would lay himself in his own personalize puddle of alcohol and puke trying to stomach down burritos on the floor.

Those were the days.

Craig rubbed his neck, a nervous habit he picked up(Probably due to the stress), but the words that came from Robert’s lips made him think a lot more than he should.

“Don’t give your girls a reason to hate you.”

Robert didn’t seem drunk but he was a sober drunk. Even if he was drunk you could never tell. At least maybe that’s what Craig thought. Craig didn’t even get a chance to ask him what he meant he was like a bat out of hell leaving the BBQ.

That seem like forever ago, but it clearly wasn’t. Craig stared at the door, wondering what lay ahead. Maybe Robert wasn’t here, maybe he could leave just pretend it never happened; but Craig and Robert both knew that there was no playing pretend.

‘Guess there was no point in beating around the bush.’ Craig thought as he knocked on the door. There went a minute and no answer so, Craig of course thought no one was home. Swift turn later however, he was greeted with a gruff grunt.
Craig turned his head back to see the very worn face of a man who’s seen many things in his life.
Tell me Robert, what HAVE you seen.

Craig turned around to get a better look at the mess that was Robert Small(Nevermind the mess behind he’d observe that later). Robert was leaning on the door frame, the tough guy jacket slightly askewed, and it looks like he just fell to get to the door but was playing it off as cool. Craig noticed the slight grey in his brown hair. Greasy. Suppose he doesn’t shower often?

‘Don’t make assumptions Craig.’ Craig silently scolded himself.

“What do you want?” Rough voice to fit a rough man.

Craig swallowed, he heard a faint sound of pleading from it though, like maybe he should wrap his arms around Robert and tell him that whatever was leading him on this path was on going to get better.

But of course Craig didn’t even know half of it. In fact not even a fraction.

“I was going to ask about what you told me, bro.” That bro part was strained, did he mean to do that?

“Course, you did. You know you’re a real funny paper kid. You’re a real dad of the year to your kids and you can’t even figure out what I said?” Robert replied, jump a little, and continuing with his words: “You gonna stand out there? Or do you wanna come in? You like whiskey? I got whiskey.”

Craig would happily decline that. Craig hasn’t had a shot since his rough college days. Craig soon stepped in this humble abode, and God his house was a mess. Clothes strewn everywhere, the small bar he had for mixing drinks was scummed probably from him drunkenly leaning over it. Wait..Was that chair tipped over on the balcony. Like the laws of gravity didn’t affect Robert’s house. Ah, yeah this brought back painful memories now that Craig thought about it. However, he had good ones too when he was binder drinker.

“No, uh that’s fine. I don’t drink really anymore.” Craig replied finally.

“….Dad of the year.” He mumbled then poured himself a glass though Craig felt he had too much already.

“Dude, can you please tell me what exactly you meant? Im kinda getting a little lost here, and you’re not really telling me anything.” Craig was kinda frustrated. Alright, frustrated. Thankfully, smashley…Er..Ashley had the kids for the weekend, while he did this at pretty much the earliest he felt he could.

Robert’s face was telling two different stories and Craig was getting spun in them both. Robert took a sip, still looking at him. At that moment Craig felt like he was naked and Robert was staring at each sharp turn on his body. Maybe he could hear his heartbeat too. Is this… The kind of effect he had on someone? Craig swallowed the nervous lump in his throat and blinked at him.

Suddenly a laugh erupted from Robert’s slight alcoholic gut.

“Have you ever had your kids say they hated you?”

What?

Craig was so confused by his question but he answered truthfully.

“Uh well, every kid tells you that when you maybe like punish them fairly over something, dude.” Wrong answer. Robert stops laughing and untwists the whiskey bottle cap. Smooth pouring, but rough going down your throat. Craig winces.

“Aren’t you lucky..” He said and Craig noticed the swallow when he tipped the bottle up. No glass. Craig knew this, he saw it a lot when he was in college. Those people who would hang around the bar and drink their issues away without actually addressing them later until they sober up on their lawn or someone else’s bed. Craig inhaled and tried to compose his frustration.

“Are you okay, bro-..Robert?” Perhaps bro talk wasn’t the best for this.

“Peachy.” He replied with the bottle in his hand and his shoulders slouched. Robert moved with such…Grace. At least enough grace for a drunk person to have. Craig was now face-to-face with this guy.

“…How do you do it.” Robert breaks the painful silence.

Craig was taken aback.

“Excuse me?” Craig answers but he was shook when he felt the hand of the other on his shoulder.

“Tell me, how do you do it?! Craig i’m not stupid, you use to be this drunken fool in college, you don’t think I don’t listen? I listen what you tell people. How could you turn your life around like a fucking flip of a coin?!“

Craig had to hold the guy, because now Robert was leaning on him, thick alcohol filled his scent and Craig almost gagged but he held on. Craig, as he was propping him up, walked him to his bed and watched him rub his face. Craig’s eyes soften. This guy was really hurting. Craig moved his hand to touch Robert’s, for–maybe support?–The dad was coming out. He leaned over to feel his sweating forehead, possibly to see if he was running a fever.

Craig didn’t know why he found himself locking lips with this guy who gave him a cryptic message. Probably because Robert’s free hand pulled his shirt collar down and now his laced lips poisoned Craig. When he pulled back, Craig wiped the saliva from his mouth. Robert…You weird ripped up book.

“I am on a path of killing myself kid..I’ve been eyeing my favorite pocket knives lately.”

Craig’s eyes widen a bit. Was he?

Craig suddenly felt his heart rate go up, scared of the idea of this guy wasting himself away like that.

“I got nothing left..I lost my wife..I lost my kid..Might as well lose myself now.” Robert kept talking but it felt off to Craig. His mind was on what he said before.

“…Bro..Robert..Dude..”


Craig was sputtering now, like a child. Strong arms went around Robert, which probably wasn’t comfortable, but Craig couldn’t care less.

“What..Are you doing kid?” Robert was confused but he sounded like he had some kind of surprise in his voice.

“Bro, I know it’s tough right now, I know you hate yourself and I don’t know what exactly happened between you and your kid..But..Fuck dude, you don’t deserve to die. You’re killing yourself because you think you deserve it but..”
Craig found himself soaking up Robert’s shirt.

Why was he crying?

Craig was scared.

There was silence.

“I can’t fix you, but I can help you fix yourself, I use to be like this. I use to destroy myself just for fun not because I was sad. But, I saw my twins take their first breath and I was… I was set man. I couldn’t do that anymore. They deserve better… My wife at the time deserved better…” Sounded like Craig was talking to himself at that point.

“You deserve better than this, but it only starts with you, bro.”

Robert was still silent, but a hand moved up to touch Craig’s hair.

“..Val’s coming down sometime soon and I don’t want to screw it up..I feel like I already have and I haven’t even see her yet.” Robert responded.

Val? Craig knew he had a kid but he never went into detail about her. Craig leaned up.

“I know..You’re afraid but me and the rest of the da-.”

Robert put his hand on Craig’s mouth.

“No, they aren’t. They don’t know about all this. Not my self destructive tendencies..Except maybe ‘him’.”

Him?

God was there was still so much to Robert that Craig hadnt gotten. Craig sighed softly and decided not to say anything until Robert spoke.

“You’re right yknow.”

Fitness dad blinked and lifted his head again but his chin was on his chest.

“What do you mean?”

Robert cleared his throat.

“I should start trying huh.”

Craig lifted himself up.
“Yeah, you should. You need to better yourself for Val. I mean, I have no idea what it’s like to lose a child like that, dude. But…it’s not unsalvageable. If you’re willing to change, and if Val can see that, then you deserve a chance.”

“God…You really are dad of the year. Shit.” He laughed and pushed his hand against his eyes to block out the only light source in the room.

“Bro, you have no idea.”

“I have one.”

He felt Robert’s free hand on his waist.

Silence.

“..Rob.”

“Hm?”

“I’m not a good cheerleader, my daughter does that but..I’ll be here to help you at least. I know what it’s like to be wasted on the floor and having no one block the sun out for you, drag you to bed, or give you pain medication for your head..But..I’m here..If you ever need anything.”

Robert was silent again but he leaned up to kiss him once more. Still laced with whiskey.

“..I’ll hold you to that kid..”

Craig was ready to leave but without Robert staring at him as he went out the door. There’s that cool lean on the door frame again.

“Hey..Uh..Craig, you..You’re cool, we should hang out again.”

Craig smiled back at him.

“Sure dude! Maybe we could go on a BRUNch.”


Robert was a different man, and Craig knew so little of him. Robert was an closed book that had ripped out chapters and ripped edges, burned book spine and you could hardly stomach the writing. Yet, Craig was hungrily wanting more and he would be back for more. There had to be more..There  always was in this neighborhood huh? After all it had its own secrets.

makrabbott  asked:

Has anyone ever told you about the McElroy Bros? Or suggested you listen to The Adventure Zone? If not, you should. The storytelling is hilarious and amazing. Makes one want to create.

Thanks, I’ll check it out!

Literally seconds after I published this, I realized you mean MBMBaM, which of COURSE I know. Durr.

Take Apart Our Very Heart // A Phan One-Shot

Genre: secretagent!phan, angst, fluff

Words: 12.0k (whoops)

Relationship status: friends-to-lovers

Warnings: swearing, guns, kidnapping, mentions of death, mentions of homophobic attitudes, implications of sex

Summary: Agent Howell and Agent Lester, best friends and two of the top agents for the MI5, are sent out on a mission that could potentially get them transferred up to MI6, their dream position. However, issues arise and Dan and Phil are caught in a sticky situation that causes some undisclosed feelings to come forth.

A/N: warning: this is very poorly written, but I don’t know what to change to make it better lol. I have no clue how secret agents work, so I just kinda made it my own. I hope you guys still enjoy it.

The title comes from “Isle of Flightless Birds” by Twenty One Pilots.

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