toilets are always funny

With April 1st right around the corner, few things to keep in mind...

**People sensitive to mental illness/chronic illness/physical illness/invisible illness, be careful of number 13, people struggling with fertility be careful of number 9**

1. DO NOT DO THE INFAMOUS OREO TRICK! It’s that picture where they’re like “put toothpaste in someone’s oreos :’D” Don’t fucking do that people. That can send people to the hospital!

2. DO NOT put “regular” soda in a drink instead of “diet”. If a client asks you for diet, you fucking put diet. Why? There’s a lot of potential health issues if you do “regular” instead of “diet”

3. Don’t be an asshole. What I mean by this, is don’t maliciously go after someone and purposely emotionally torment them ( “I killed you family members” prank type deal) or maliciously harm them that could easily send them to the hospital ( “Haha, I lit you on fire!”). You can do the clear wrapping on a door or toilet seat (those are always funny as hell), but please don’t maliciously torment someone. That’s just mean.

4. Don’t be groping people. If you don’t have their consent, don’t fucking touch them. Don’t be grabbing girl’s bums. Don’t be pulling on dude’s hairs. 

5. Don’t be handcuffing people together. Seriously, if no one consented explicitly directly before something took place, don’t fucking do it.

6. Lacing food/drinks. I don’t care who it is, people have all kinds of allergies and health conditions today. Don’t send someone to the hospital.

7. Stink bombs. Avoid nut based products at all costs, since this is a very common allergy. True story: some idiot sent off stink bomb with nut products in it while I was in high school. A girl I knew had to be tubed (the nurse said she could barely get the tube down her throat in time because of how much swelling she had) and the EMS was called because she was deathly allergic to nut products.

8. Internet pics/vids. The RBG-split/3-D images give people with specific health conditions headaches. The “screamers” can break headphones and give people heart attacks. The quickly flashing contrast colors can give someone a seizure. The hard core porn stuff can get someone fired from work or have a super awkward conversation with police officers. The hard core gore/blood/organ stuff can also lead to an awkward conversation with police officers.

9. Pregnancies. This one is kinda touchy. If you know someone doesn’t have fertility issues, it can be amusing, but for those who do have fertility problems for any reason under the sun, don’t do it.

10. Adoption. This can ruin a young kid’s world. Don’t say “by the way, you’re adopted” or “we got you on sale” or anything along these lines. That’s just cruel.

11. Kids. If you’re a minor,sure, prank another minor. However, it might be awkward as hell (especially if the minor’s parent gets involved) if you’re legally an adult and try to prank a minor. 

12. FBI shit. Be careful. That’s all I am going to say. Don’t be saying things that could potentially get the FBI at your door. 

13. Chronic/Invisible Disorders. Be mindful of these, including suicide. It isn’t funny to “prank” a suicide or to say someone else committed suicide. 

Pranks can be fun and/or hilariously, but that doesn’t mean you gotta torture someone and/or risk a serious hospitalization. Have fun, but not maliciously at someone else’s expense. 

sum background info (feel free to skip this par t bc you probably don't care?? ? ? ??)

okeH. so basically, my lil sis was singing this song 24/7 and Oh MY gOFooood. while she was singing, i was thinking, “i donT WANT TO LET IT GO. I WANT TO KEEP IT IN.” and then, i wuz lieK. EHRMAGEHD. i shud make covr. s000o0o0 yes. here’s cover but with diff. lyrics. perf. if you want to poo. ;———–) some of hte lyrics made no sense bc i got lazy (gj to me. thank u). enjo y i guess. Ho ho ho ho h. #franzelsa o yas. B—-)

ps. i kno this song does not suit my voi ce (((no song suits my voic e tb h Hh h H. bUt heEyeye. it was fun. :—) )))

pps. or pss. d0 yOU SEE HOW BIG THE SOUNDCLOUND PREVIE W WITH TTHE PIC TURE IS/.

LYRICS ((bc you prolly can't understand me))

The toilet glows white in the washroom tonight

A trace of brown to be seen

A throne of constipation,

And it looks like I’m the Queen.


The water is flushing like this hurricane inside

Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried


Don’t let them smell, don’t let them hear

Be the good butt you always have to be

Conceal, don’t fart, don’t let them know

They still don’t know


Keep it in, keep it in

Just hold it in more right now

Keep it in, keep it in

Turn their way and open the door


I should care

What they’re going to say

Keep the toilet waiting,

The smell always bothered me anyway


It’s funny how some distance

Makes everything seem big

The pressure that once controlled me

Gets me all the time


It’s time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, please no, lots of rules for me

I’m trapped


Keep it in, keep it in

I am one with my butt and nose

Keep it in, keep it in

You’ll see me cry today


Trying to stand

Strugglin’

Don’t let the smell rage on


I can feel it going through the air into the ground

My soul is spiraling in wetlike sweatdrops all around

And even one mistake makes the atmosphere awkward

I can’t hold it in anymore,

The fart is in the room


Let it go, let it go

I really am free right now

Let it go, let it go

Turn their way and lock the door


Here I sit

In the washroom stall

Let the storm rage on,

The feeling never bothered me anyway

Made with SoundCloud

It’s funny because I used to follow the funniest girl in my class on tumblr, every night she posted about how sad she felt.
It’s funny because multiple times I found the girl who was nominated ‘best smile’ at prom crying her eyes out in the toilets.
It’s funny because the guy who was always there for everyone spent every single lunch time walking around on his own.
It’s funny because every so often I would walk into the toilets to find the girl whose figure made so many people envious, purging.
It’s funny because I was always known to be the 'happiest girl’ at school when actually I spent every night, break and lunch destroying my body and taking multiple overdoses.
It’s funny because, well actually it’s not funny at all, it’s fucking terrifying that we are taught to hide how we truly feel and we will be more socially accepted.

anonymous asked:

Oh, I meant moving out and living alone for the first time. Probably should've specified, huh? Cheers for the quick reply though! More specifically, I'm in a good position right now to leave my very crowded family home and am taking steps to finding and moving into my own place Just advice on how to prepare/get there while keeping my sanity intact would be marvellous, if that's not asking too much. ~Moving Out Anon

Aha! Then I can be more specific. :D

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