toilet spider

CONTEXT: Our Druid accidentally created a mind-controlling spider parasite called a husk (which she based on an enemy in Dark Souls) which went off into the world. Soon after I managed to get my character stuck in a demiplane with no hope of escape, our DM decided to give me a paladin for a husk to be born from and control. He goes by Spider.

Paladin: Spider pees on Druid.

Druid (ooc): What does Spider have to say about me creating his entire race?

Paladin (ooc): Personal Toilet of Spider.

DM: Spider is a creature focused on reproduction, it couldn’t care less about religion.

Your Move

The nine times Simon and Baz prank each other and the one time they don’t

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

March 26


“So, how did you respond to the stone-scones?”

           I chuckle.  “It was a bit risky.”

           “What did you do, Simon?”

           “I wrapped my cross necklace around his wand.”

           Penny turns to me, wide-eyed.  “You did what?”

           “It’s no big deal, Pen.”

           “Simon, you acted on assumption that he’s a vampire,” she says in a hushed voice.  “If you’re right about that, which we still can’t be sure of, it means that you removed your only form of protection against him and put it into his hands.”

           “Yeah, but he can’t touch it,” I reason, “so it’s no good to him.”

           “You have it back now, right?”

           “Of course.”  It comes out a little indignant, even though I don’t mean it to.

           She shakes her head, returning to her book. “That still wasn’t a very smart move.”

           “I was in the room, it’s not like he could have attacked me.”

           Penny reads a few more lines, I see her eyes scanning back and forth, before looking back at me with a curious twinkle in her eye. “Did it work?”

           “Did what work?”

           “The necklace.”

           I shrug.  “He took it off bare-handed, and it didn’t look like it was burning him.”

           She looks thoughtful.  “Have you considered the possibility that you’ve been wrong this whole time?”

           “Of course I have,” I sigh, “but what if I’m not? You have to admit, Penny, there’s reason for me to be suspicious.”

           “He hasn’t retaliated yet?”

           I shake my head grimly, a touch of nervousness poking at my stomach.  “Not so far.”

           She raises an eyebrow.  “Keep your guard up.”

Keeping an eye out for Baz has become something of a habit since I met him, but today I’m even more jumpy than usual, scanning the hallways almost constantly.  It’s a little ridiculous, even for me.  I wonder if maybe he won’t fight back, if the cross really didn’t affect him, but then again this is Baz.  He’ll never pass up an opportunity to torment me.

           By the time I return to our room after our last class, my stomach has worked itself into knots.  I keep telling myself to stop it, but somehow the chance of Baz pulling something feels more imminent now that we have a… what even is this?  A game?  An agreement?  A series of mutually bad decisions?  A commitment to hate each other even more?

           He’s beaten me to the room of course, which makes me even more anxious.  He doesn’t look up from his phone as I kick off my shoes, casting a wary glance around the room.  Nothing seems out of place, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t cursed something again like he did with my plate.  When I move over toward the bathroom, my steps are light and slow.

           “Something wrong, Snow?” Baz pipes up, still staring down at his phone.

           “No,” I bluster, unable to come up with anything smarter on short notice.

           “Then why are you acting like there’s a monster under your bed?”

           “Funny, the only monster I see is on yours.”

           His eyes cut up to mine briefly, flashing annoyance, but he doesn’t respond beyond that.  I notice suddenly how tense my shoulders are and I give them a roll to loosen them.  I need to relax.  Quietly I take a deep breath and make for the bathroom.

           “I wouldn’t go in there, if I were you.”

           My hand freezes on the doorknob.  “Why not?”

           “I just wouldn’t.”

           I turn to glare at him.  “What did you do?” I growl.

           He’s actually looking at me now, his face cool and innocent.  “Who says I did anything?”

           “This isn’t funny, Baz.”

           “You’re right,” he nods, “it’s not, and neither was the salted tea or assuming I’m a vampire.”

           “Those were harmless.”

           He shrugs.  “Go ahead then, see what happens.  Or maybe I’m bluffing and there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

           I glare back for another moment, trying to read his expression, but his eyes don’t betray anything.  Slowly I turn the knob and push the door open a crack, peeking in cautiously.

           “What am I looking for here?” I mutter.  There doesn’t seem to be anything amiss, no rats in the sink, no roaches in the toilet, no spiders in the shower.  My reflection in the mirror is unaltered.

           “You tell me,” Baz muses in response.

           I shut the door again.  “You are bluffing, aren’t you?”

           He meets my eye evenly.  “You tell me,” he repeats.

           I let go of the doorknob and fold my arms across my chest.

           Or at least that’s what I try to do.

           Except that my hand is now welded to the knob.

           “What the-” I stutter as I try to pry my arm away, my skin smarting as bits of it rip off of the knob.  “Are you serious?”

           Baz stands, reaching into his pocket as he moves toward me.  A smirk sneaks into the corner of his mouth, and from his pocket he produces a tiny bottle of glue.  Extremely strong Normal glue, the kind people use to hold broken furniture together.

           Just as I’m registering what he’s done, he leans closer than I think I’ve ever been to him, his breath dusting my ear and sending a prickle across my neck.

           “Your move,” he murmurs, pocketing the glue and striding to the door.  I don’t follow, I can’t.  “See you at dinner,” he chuckles, halfway through the door, “assuming you make it down there.”  And then he’s gone.


i think it’s time i share w u guys my factual and totally objective Spider Story

The smallest things resurrect you
A mosquito perched on a window
The long bent beak, a senseless intent
I squish it, dangle it over trash,
Toss it in the toilet, doubly sure

Your eyes, but webs gathering prey
Our house some cesspool spider haven
The constant toilet drowning spiders
And everything you were permeates
Everything I see everything I do

Disgust drips like drool wiped from my heart
No wonder I don’t know how to love



Note: Wrote this at 4am last night. (It when all my good ideas come to mind lol) The fic’s not long, but it’s funny…and cute? :D

Word Count: 749

Pairing: John Laurens x Reader

Warning: fear of spiders

AU: Modern

Originally posted by intheplxcetobe

“John!” He heard his name being called out.


“Jonathan Laurens, help!”

You were yelling frantically from the bathroom of the apartment you two shared. John raised an eyebrow and rose from his seat on the couch to tread over to the bathroom you were in.

He opened the door to find you cowering on top of the countertop, well away from the edge. Your eyes were wide and you were panting as if you’d been scrambling to get away or hide from something. John’s face contorted into a confused one.

“What is going-?”

He was cut off by you uttering a single word.


Keep reading

Alcohol Break

Characters/Pairings: Sam, Dean, sister!reader, Jack, sales clerk briefly

Warnings: There’s like one bad word, but that’s all.

Word count: 1495

A/N: This is my fic for Katie’s 31 Days Of Halloween challenge. ( @winchesters-favorite-girl ) My prompt was decorations and today is still technically the day for it because it’s only 10 pm here and today has been crazy. I hope y’all like it!

If you would like to be added or removed from a tag list or would like to make a request, please send me an ask!

Dean told me I could get a few decorations, but that was it. Then, he set me loose in the Dollar Tree which was an obvious mistake because I swiped a basket and took off, cackling as he grumbled and trotted to keep up with me. I immediately started grabbing random items that I decided I needed to decorate the bunker and he watched me like a hawk, occasionally taking something from my hand with a huff because I guess he didn’t want it. 

So, I’d simply wait until he took his eyes off of me, even for a moment, then shove to the item under all the contents of my basket. I think he noticed and eventually traded trying to reel me back in for just keeping an eye on me.

I strolled around the store, casually scanning the shelves. At this particular store, there were a couple Halloween themed items down each aisle, even the toiletries. So, I deemed it a brilliant idea to a couple rolls of orange toilet paper with spiders printed on it, smirking at all the ideas popping into my head.

Not long after my discovery, however, I glanced down and realized my basket was pretty full. I could see Dean cautiously shuffling towards me, pretending he was inspecting the shampoo scents, but I knew he wanted my basket. So, naturally, I dashed off the other direction earning another angry grumble and he started after me.

“Y/N, come on!” he yelled at me from down the aisle.

Keep reading

the unmentionable happened tonight

I was in the bathroom, I had just finished my business, stood up and reached for the handle to flush when I saw it

a spider

perched on the handle

a centimeter from my reaching hand

the noise I made was similar to the vine with the lady at the supermarket reacting to a fake rat, but in a pitch worthy of a soprano

and because I am a manly man I definitely did not jump back in alarm. nope. definitely did not do that

anonymous asked:

Dude 84 is so cute for the prompts thing PLZ do 84 if you can fit it in (I know you’re probably getting a lot of these aha)

I am getting a lot of these…

Alright.  Here we go with a little sick Peter and helpful Pepper Potts.

(Quick interlude for a funny anecdote:  I used to work at a little boutique store, and we had a mailing list to keep in touch with customers.  There was a lady named Pearl Potts who liked to e-mail us back, and one of my tasks was to do e-mail replies and report back to the store owner.  Do you know how many times I accidentally told her “Pepper Potts e-mailed you??”  It was a freaking lot.)

I feel like maybe the trope of Peter getting sick while staying with the Avengers gets used a lot, so we’ll see how this stacks up…  And it’s about 900 words, so nice’n’short.


When Peter jolts awake sweaty and shaky and not quite sure where he is, his first instinct is to sit up in bed.  He already can’t remember the details of the nightmare as he reaches over to turn on the lamp, but leftover adrenaline still courses through him and makes his chest heave as if he’s been running a marathon.

Peter wipes a moustache of sweat on the sleeve of his pajamas and presses his clammy palms to the bedspread, trying to ground himself and dispel the panic that’s crystalizing behind his forehead and in his throat.  “Ok.  Stop it, you’re ok,” Peter mumbles to himself as he attempts to control his breath.

“Actually, Mr. Parker, your current body temperature is reading over 102 degrees Fahrenheit,” FRIDAY’s disembodied voice reports.

Peter jumps at the sudden intrusion of sound.  “Jesus,” Peter mutters, shaking his head and bringing on an onslaught of vertigo.  He feels shitty enough to believe he is spiking a fever, but really?  Why is this coming out of nowhere in the middle of the night?  He’s supposed to be headed off on a mission with Mr. Stark tomorrow.  Or today.  Peter has no idea if it’s past midnight or not.  He hopes it’s not so that maybe he has a chance to roll over and sleep this off.

The plan doesn’t quite work out, though, because the next thing Peter has to do is sprint to the bathroom ahead of the sick lump rising in his throat. He heaves over the toilet, hoping this is just the exotic dinner Mr. Stark provided not agreeing with him, or maybe the product of overheating in his sleep.  But the way each retch amps up the throb in his head and the electric prickle of goosebumps on his arms, Peter knows there’s no denying that he’s ill.

“Would you like me to call Mr. Stark?” FRIDAY asks when Peter’s stomach is empty and he’s dry heaving for the fourth or fifth time.

“No, I’m ok,” Peter groans back to the AI.

“You’re becoming dehydrated,” FRIDAY replies.  “Alternatively, I could call 911.”

“No, no, don’t do that,” Peter says.  He fights a gag as he finds his footing.  “Here, I’m getting a drink of water.”  He’s about to flip on the faucet when suddenly his knees can’t support him anymore and he collapses, banging both elbows into the marble countertop.

“Fuck,” Peter hisses.  Then, “Ok, yeah, maybe call Mr. Stark.”

He’s hunched over the porcelain toilet bowl again when footsteps approach.  “What’s going on?” Tony asks sleepily.

“Uh, just…not feeling so good,” Peter replies, his voice echoing off the cloudy water in front of him.

FRIDAY reports his temperature and the number of times he’s thrown up.

Peter blushes fiercely.  Or maybe his cheeks just flush with fever while accompanying dizziness buzzes through his ear canals.

“It’s too early for this,” Tony says.  “Just…try to go back to sleep.  See how you’re feeling in the morning…  C’mon Pep, back to bed.”

“What? No,” Another voice protests.  Peter recognizes Pepper’s soft tone.  Gentle footfalls cross the tile floor and someone crouches down at Peter’s shoulder.  “Go back to bed if you want, Tony, but I’m gonna stay here with him.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Tony’s slipper-clad footsteps retreat.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you get up,” Peter apologizes pushing down tightness in his throat as his stomach flip uncomfortably.

“You’re not making me do anything,” Pepper says.  “I want to make sure you’re ok.”

“But, Mr. Stark…”

“Don’t worry about him,” Pepper insists.  “He’s had one too many.  I’ll straighten him out later.”  She delicately lays her cool fingers across the back of Peter’s neck.  “Ok.  We need to try to get that fever down.”

She disappears for a few minutes to gather supplies, and Peter can’t keep stomach acid from clawing its way up his throat again.  He doesn’t see Pepper return with Gatorade and ibuprofen because he’s too busy trying not to form too close a relationship with the toilet.

“Hey, ok, breathe through it,” Pepper intones, stroking Peter’s back and attempting to soothe his spastic coughing.

“I don’t know what happened,” Peter says once he can inhale and exhale again.  “I just woke up and I felt sick all the sudden…I’m…really sorry.”

“Hey, stop, ok?  You have a fever.  It makes weird stuff happen in your body.  It’s ok.”  Pepper dampens a washcloth and wrings it out.  “Do you want to drink some water?  Or some of this?”  She nods at the bottle of blue Gatorade on the edge of the counter.

“Maybe,” Peter says.  “I don’t know it it’ll…if it’ll…”  He’s too embarrassed to say the rest.

“If you throw up again, you throw up again.”  Pepper shrugs.  “But at least you won’t be quite so empty.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Peter sighs.  “This is…really nice of you.”

“I’ve had more than enough practice with Tony,” Pepper laughs.  “But I have to say you’re a better patient.  A lot more polite.”  She uncaps the sports drink and hands it down.

Peter shakily accepts the bottle and takes the smallest of sips.  “Thanks, Aunt M— I mean, Miss.  Miss Potts.”

“It’s Pepper.  Seriously,” Pepper cracks a grin.  “Only person, well, thing, that calls me that is FRIDAY.  Maybe it’s a good thing Tony’s training the chivalry out of you.”

Peter responds by belching the Gatorade back up into the toilet.


and, as we learned last week, you can clean everything in the bathroom with the toilet brush.

EXO reaction to Australian wildlife

Thanks for the request! We hope you like it <3 

BTS ver.


He saw the spider and wanted to find out more about it to see if it could kill him or not

Originally posted by ohyaahkkaebsong


So scared; he wouldn’t want to visit Australia ever again if it meant that he saw spiders every 2 seconds

Originally posted by luhanahs


Says that he isn’t scared when in reality he was terrified and already booking flights to China

Originally posted by galaxychen


Scared at first but then realises that he gets bitten by the poisonous spider then he gets to spend some time in hospital having some relaxation time away from his members

Originally posted by bangtan-monsta


Sees spider dangling above him about to drop on his face but goes back to sleep

Originally posted by bakingsodaz


Didn’t realise Australia had dangerous wildlife 

Jagi, I thought that Australia just had cute Koalas and Kangaroos

You’re kidding right?

Originally posted by baehkkyun


Not bothered by the spider but keeps his distance because he doesn’t want to die 

Originally posted by exoticarmybabyinspirit-blog


*shook* Tries to kill it

Originally posted by chenpagne


Sees a spider in his shoe and leaves it there thinking of ways to burn down the house to get rid of it

Originally posted by ky-ngsoo


Researched Australia before he as supposed to to go and saw articles about spiders and snakes and bugs and decided not to go

Originally posted by hunsailor


Was having a great time then went to the toilet and saw a spider in the toilet and just stared at it

Originally posted by jonginization


Saw one spider hanging from a spider and started complaining for the rest of the trip

Originally posted by thirsthyforsuga

Thanks for reading we hope you enjoyed it <3 




The Multipurpose Uses for an ISTP

Always having a glitch in your computer? TV doesn’t seem to be working? Volume too soft or too loud? Nobody that wants to join your sports team or nobody competent enough? You need someone to accomplish something fast and creatively? Look no further than coming to an ISTP.

Get an ISTP to accomplish your risky activities with skill and competence! People will soon swoon and sigh as they watch you and your trusty (ok not so trusty) companion get to work! Here are a few ways to attract an ISTP:

  1. Have that mystery aura turned on. ISTPs can be attracted to people who are constantly covered in fog and showered in sparkles and glitter 24/7. However this is susceptible to change because every ISTP is different and respond to weird shit differently.
  2. With that mystery aura, demand for the ISTP. We secretly want to feel needed (though not all the time). By bluntly asking the ISTP to accompany you on your misadventures and your failing life, we would be able to assess you straightforwardly and if we like you enough, we’d accept it.
  3. Now with that ISTP, decide what you’re gonna do with it. Basically we’re not that needy, we just need a job to do daily that is challenging (but if we’re desperate, anything will do) and some kibble 1 time a day. It could range from dry cereal to cereal with cereal water (a.k.a milk). Milo balls are preferable, and Koko Crunch too. Chocolate is optional.
    1. Don’t expect us to talk much. We are the Ferb to your Phineas. You talk, and we’ll listen. And judge you. And we’d never tell.
    2. Don’t have a job for us to do? Then quickly think of something. Take them somewhere where you both have never been before. Teach them something, draw something for them to watch, talk about theories if you must but DO NOT small talk with us. We WILL zone out (just like INTPs but more obvious). If you have a particularly cranky one on that day, time to back off and just sit there with them in silence. Do something to help distract them, be it draw, write, feed them kibble, etc. They need the silence to think things through.
  4. Once the ISTP is more comfortable with you, you can now proceed to spill your inner secrets to them, because we are sure as hell gonna keep them secret if we think that you took the risk to even say anything to us. Once you’re done, we will assess you once again to see if we need to call the mental hospital. If not, you’re good to go!

Sooner or later, your ISTP will agree to anything you ask them to do so long as 1. you don’t try to control/boss them around, 2. Try to get them to spill their secrets (what they eat/how long do they stay in the toilet/how many pet spiders they’ve illegally kept) all at once and 3. It is challenging/fun/interesting/beneficial for them. But PROCEED WITH CAUTION: We are spontaneous, changeable people, and we live in the present, which means that if you suddenly become annoying (and somehow we missed that), we’re most likely to adapt to that and continue on. However, if you break all three of the pointers stated above (the second list of pointers, that is) and more, we will assess that, and if gets too much day by day, we’ll leave. Granted, we are quite flexible, but if you take us for granted and try to use us, bye. Different ISTPs will react to broken friendships differently because we’re human after all, but most of the time the ISTP will get over it pretty quickly and not hold much grudges against you unless you were extremely annoying and embarrassed them once or twice before. Some ISTPs will hold the friendship close to their heart and live on, while others will brush it off and cry themselves to sleep for a few nights…

So ready to take on the challenge and grab an ISTP? Get yours today at $1.50 only!!! With 50% discount, visit one of our local stores nearest to you NOW!