How do you find time to parent, work and fandom? I just had a baby in Jan and I haven't had time to *read* fic, much less write it!
Okay, so IMO the first year totally sucks! And then–spoiler alert! - the second year also totally sucks!–which I personally found shocking because I thought, oh, it will get better, and then, no, it didn’t. And then there’s all sorts of despair that sets in. And you think, my god, nobody told me there was so much fucking manual labor in this, I did not go to school for for my whole fucking life and get all these degrees just to be carrying an enormous stroller with a kid in it down three flights of stairs, ow, my spine! And I am covered in bruises! And then maybe you start to drink, you know, just a little, to deal with the colossal, colossal boredom of watching a small person lurch around from thing to thing because it is OMG SO DULL and yet you know for a goddamned fact that should you, say, look away for TEN SECONDS or try to read a page of writing they will KILL THEMSELVES and it will be your fault. (Ask me about how my son managed to hurt himself with a salad spinner. No, don’t ask me. I still have PTSD.) Anyway you live like Alex in Clockwork Orange with toothpicks holding your eyes open, captive to the dullest show on earth. You will go on vacation and realize, no, this is not a vacation, this is just about watching the small person even more than usual because they are in new situations that can kill them, many of them now involving water. (Ask me about–no, don’t.) Your nerves are in shreds. And you think, wow, I will never get out of this and plus this child is getting heavy and still pooping himself, and I still have to lift them up onto the goddamned changing table.
And then just when you’re about to give up, somewhere in the next year, between 2-3, they suddenly figure out the toileting thing and begin to say things like, “hey, can I have a bagel?” and honestly, from that point on it is more or less smooth sailing in my experience, at least comparatively. Once I wasn’t having to cart around formula and weird toddler meals and food and jars and diapers and wipes and all that stuff, fencing everything in, gates everywhere; once the kid could use the bathroom and ask for a bagel, it was like, okay, I can cope from this point on.
Then there is what me and my friends call the five year facelift, because all of a sudden people go, “Hey, wow, you look great!”–because around year five they suddenly go to school for a big chunk of the day. And suddenly you can take a real shower and get your hair done and go to the gym and wear a shirt that’s not covered in baby spit and/or that you haven’t slept in, and your skin clears up.
Your mileage may of course vary! I am told that many people really like small children and prize the early years, blah blah, baby smell. I am not one of those people. Things are to me infinitely better now that my son is a young hedonist with a sophisticated palate who shares my love of travel, who I am teaching to play cards with me as the mark of a civilized person, and who I am waiting to be old enough to bar-tend and clip for me from the London Review of Books.
Vis a vis work, I was pretty tired and there is a 2-3 year publishing gap on my CV, where I made a person, you know? I missed deadlines for the first and only time in my life, which made me feel horrible. Vis a vis fandom, I now and then go back and read my Sherlock stories, which were the ones written during those years, and I am surprised to find that they’re quite good, considering that in my memory I clawed them out of my eyeballs word by agonizing word while screaming. The writing came back, though, like it did after I quit smoking (the other time I thought, yeah, I’m done - but I wasn’t done then either.)
Spencer had gasped gale-force when you broke the news to him. Eyes wide, hands grasped in his hair, spinning once in a frantic circle before running over to crush you in a hug.
A girl! There was gonna be a little Miss Reid!
You prepared Max well for the new addition to your family, reading all the right books and talking it out as you took the second pregnancy in stride with a little more ease than the first. You and Spencer scoured and debated names back and forth as vigorously as with little unborn Maximilian and it was you who finally breathed the perfect name into your quiet bedroom.
“… not that you’re children” dan says whilst phil is trying to speak
dig yourself into a hole in your own time stop interrupting him you curly haired lumberjack wannabe
i sound mocking but he actually looks bomb i love it
they both do
“don’t talk about the words. the words just come, they mean nothing… like our lives” also just like the rebrand apparently
briefing on the toddler stage
the lack of skills is going to make me cringe
phil watched the video back just to call dan out, what a guy
they feign surprise that we’re so observant
the parp debate
“… and other things i’m not particularly comfortable with you saying”
“he’s just dead in the bed” // “he’s fine”
phil recalls being in daycare and crushing trucks in sand with his friend owen…. okay boy
can’t wait for the abundance of original characters called owen in fics now
dan just remembers a sandpit
what kind of fancy ass daycares did you two go to i didn’t have any of that shit i just remember all the girls except for me used to fight over the doll pram whilst i sat alone in the corner of the room attempting to read and being sad that i was there
both their daycares were inside and they stank because ‘everyone peed’ …. again what kind of daycare did you two go to
“even though we were three hundred miles and a couple of years apart… we had the same experience” // “essentially that sand came from the same place” i’m so done with these two and it’s not even three minutes in
“fill the bath with fruit loops”
the toddler food glitch is so fucking annoying and seeing it in let’s plays only annoys me more
phil thinks the final bedtime story will be about a dragon
“party miami dad with abs”
“hey dan it’s your ripped jeans, you just need to cut them off as shorts” // “oh my god, yes, and when i have abs i will wear a top like that”
please stop talking over each other we’re not even four minutes in yet this is going to be painful
“that’s kind of dragon, come on, give that to me” the latter of this sentence immediately triggered the 'it’s not the first time he’s said those words’ sensor in my brain
phil wants to change the miami dad outfit whereas dan literally screeched his argument to keep it
phil feels pain in his own stomach watching a simulation on a screen do ab crunches
the excitement over transformation of the day is cute what a cute thirty year old man you are
“that reminds me, you should do transformation of the day, come on, i’ve been waiting” very contradictory but sure okay phil
“time to sacrifice one of our children” the youtube comments are going to have a field day with that one aren’t they
“party dil’s whacking out…”
the draw phil naked music :((((
dan the materialistic man resurfaces
the first singing interlude of the video
“is it dab or usain bolt, scientists can’t tell”
“how does one cake” me on a regular basis honestly
they both agree that blue confetti cake sounds 'birthday-ish’
the artistic prodigy aspiration and the cheerful trait were chosen
“dab - a ray of sunshine running through everyone’s lives”
“i’m like who is this thing in the house” phil lester english university degree holder
lame science jokes from dan there
supportive bf phil is back with a vengeance though don’t you worry
the game spawned him with bunny slippers nice
“he’s growing up before our eyes, dan” fanfic writers have fun
“i’m gonna punch. and i’m gonna punch you, phil. because you’re the only one here” // *phil leans away* “don’t punch ME!”
“amphibians need representation”
cue the 'de-toddling’ decor section
“dinosaurs are still valid”
phil was scared of space print bedding he had as a kid
apparently it included the molester moon so i mean that’s a thing he said
and here’s the creepy speaking in sync thing again. add it to the compilation videos
a creativity table for children gave phil tingles
the debate over whether or not to give him a tablet is really proving who will be the easygoing parent and who will be the disciplinarian (the majority of the fics were right)
“you-you’re gonna not give someone at school access to youtube? how can they make it through life without minecraft youtubers?” he was speaking from personal experience minus those last three words
i see u howell
phil wants him to draw a vehicle so dan chooses shapes
domestics are on the horizon
“yes this is danandphilcrafts, who’s gonna be sacrificed to satan?”
phil take that reference back before i shove it where the sun doesn’t shine
time to age up evan
quick sidenote have you seen how many dabxevan fics there are bc wow there are a ton, not that i’ve read any but they’re out there
“see i went to cheese and you went to trapeziums… what does that mean, psychologically?” that dan needs to get his well-educated stick out of his ass and realise a block of cheese when he sees it
“all this cake is making me so hungry, dan..”
this whole cake talk is so domestic what the fuck is happening you just moved how are you still providing domesticity
they’re going to get deliveroo cake
i’m surprised we didn’t get a tweet about that crazy night
apparently eliza is a milf according to dan even though phil says he isn’t allowed to say it (make of that what you will, demons)
they’re literally providing more weird fic prompts pls stop
“tumblr’s gonna go nuts. they have matching trackies” so we now know what tags dan stalks on tumblr
red apparently reflects evan
the science set is reminding phil of fallout yes i relate what a quality game
this video took so long to summarise what the actual fuck but okay it’s over it’s just the buildup to the outro now
“don’t explode the universe with a chemistry set” wise words from phil there
Daniel Howell - i guess these puns have to be daniel themed now
Hi!!!!!!!! I know I am super annoying and always ask for one-shots, but can I request something? Maybe about the two Winchesters having little daughters and I don’t know just riding in Baby 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
A/N: You aren’t annoying in the slightest! Request whenever the mood strikes you; I’m always up for new ideas.
Sam’s little girl came first. As punctual as her father from day one, she came into the world on her predicted due date exactly ten minutes before the time of day her parents were betting on. She arrived in a rather calm fashion and immediately found herself being cradled and fussed over. It was apparent that she would be an easy baby, every parent’s dream, and happy to see just about everyone. Six hours later, she was followed by her cousin.
The arrival of Dean’s little girl was a bit more … unexpected. Hell, everything about her was unexpected beginning with her conception, and then she decided she’d rather not wait the last two weeks or the standard duration of labor. No, she couldn’t leave her slightly older kin all alone to bask in the warmth of familial adoration. When she did make her debut, Dean and the understandably exhausted mother couldn’t figure out how to get her to stop crying. She quieted to sleep and eat, but she seemed to exist in a state of constant dissatisfaction. Already, she was an impatient troublemaker like her father.
We have a new baby in the #family 👶🏻🙏🏽 Welcome ELA 💗🎉 - so, we’ve visited my dear sister in law @zeynepdagalti with #Leyla - then we’ve gathered with close #friend @korisel and made some criticts about #food & #parking in #Moda as proud #modalite 🐶🐈 🚗 - Everyday new video on my #YouTube Channel ✌🏽🤙🏾 #toddler #dad #daughter #digitalgipsy #digitalnomad #father #foodporn #vlog #video #vlogs #vlogger #youtuber #istanbul #baby #bebekişişeyler #cats #dogs (at Moda, Istanbul, Turkey)
Aries: you act tough and abrasive but you’re actually like a giant toddler lost in a crowd, looking for their mom. You’re so sweet when you’re not being competitive and sassy and when you don’t let the jealousy get the best of you. You are so much better than you realize and I hope you know even those who hate you, secretly love you.
Taurus: everyone thinks you’re this giant toddler searching for food and cuddles. You’re actually just this silly stubborn person I always want to hug. You think no one takes you seriously- well honestly we don’t, until you’re mad and have our attention. I wish it was easier for you to grab our attentions and make us listen because you do say some peculiar things. (Ps. Stop eating all my food.)
Gemini: you’re not a two faced bitch. No matter what anyone says. You’re actually the people I’ve met with the most depth and pain, but also the ability to see the bright side and hope for the best. You’re so curious and bring a new light to life and I’m genuinely grateful for each little gemini I’ve met. Thank you for being so adaptive and loving in ever situation, even when its hard to be.
Cancer: I know I call you whiny but it’s only because you have something I long for. You’re so in control of your emotions and loyal and loving and I wish I was able to love the world at the depth you do.
Leo: people say that people you dislike are usually ones you see the bad qualities of yourself in. Maybe thats why I don’t get along with you. But you guys are so stylish. Like how? You guys are the definition of perfection in your looks and although at times your selfish, you are loyal and brave. You shine like the sun.
Virgo: please please please see yourself for what you truly are. You are smart and loving and unique and so quirky but youre so busy thinking you need to fix yourself that you’re miserable and don’t see it. You’re so busy pleasing others that you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way. You’re so much stronger than people see and for that I am proud. Beauty doesn’t always have to be outward, and you are truly beautiful inside.
Libra: you’re always so starry eyed and in love. Even when your heart has been broken and used you forgive and trust and love and I admire that. Don’t let players turn love into a game for you. Because your love is so genuine when you mean it.
Scorpio: you guys have the most wonderful smiles. You make the greatest friends- protective, loving, sweet, charming. I wish you would let more people see the real you- soft and loving, nurturing.
Sagittarius: you guys say what you want and do what you want and you’re such badasses like wow. I wish I was capable of conquering the world like you do. You’re intense and dazzling and you basically are the it girl from every teen flick and I am slightly jealous of you. You have a fire in your soul and don’t ever let anyone take that from you.
Capricorn: you make me laugh so hard constantly and I love that. You have such a pessimistic view on life but you still find a way to allow jokes and laughter and love into your heart. You’re fierce and loyal and genuine. I never have to guess what you’re thinking and I applaud you, genuine people are hard to find in this day and age.
Aquarius: you truly are an angel. You see the world and you try to be outgoing and have everyone love you, but you understand that that’s not possible and you keep your head up. You’re a fighter. You’re so smart and curious and peculiar, your head is lost up in space. But I’ve caught a few of you and I will hold onto you, because as detached as you seem, you feel so much and are always down to talk about space
Pisces: you’re the true hippie child. The old soul. You’re like floating through time and space with stars in your eyes and I don’t know how you stay so perky and driven but you do. Don’t let anyone take that from you. Please.
I really just want a stuff pack that’s all food. Waffles, more pizza options, fried chicken, more fruit options, pancakes with toppings, various lunch meat sandwiches for the whole family (tired of stealing ham sandwiches from the toddlers 😩😂), actually all the toddler foods for everyone, meatloaf, ribs, cheesecakes with topping and soda out of the can in various flavors, kool-aid, pickles and ice cream for pregnant sims. Pop tarts, lunchables and pizza rolls would also be great. More snack options. More Asian, African and Indian foods, throw in some German, Polish, French and Italian too.
The ability to select a lunchbox or reusable bag for someone and have them bring it back after school or work every day. The new interactive items can be like a blender for shakes, soups and smoothies, an Easy Bake oven for kids or a sandwich maker maybe kids helping their parents bake. Maybe a slow cooker for busy families I’d also like the ability to combine a meal on one plate like ribs, a baked potato and mac n cheese. Maybe even a buffet.
I don’t need clothes or furniture or hair. Just food. It’s just that…