Bruce’s office at Wayne Enterprises is probably full of framed pictures of his kids, but every time somebody tries to use them as a conversation starter, it backfires wildly. Bruce has too many children, and he is Exhausted™
“Are these your sons? They’re very handsome” “Their sister just sent me video of them getting into a fistfight and breaking two of my windows, but thank you, yeah, they’re good-looking kids”
“No that one doesn’t smile for pictures. This is a candid from after his brother fell down the stairs. He’s laughing”
“Yes, that’s Jason [grits teeth] [sets aside newspaper titled ‘Red Hood Levels Mayoral Office’] We miss him every day”
Anytime Tim needs an excuse to run off and superhero, he invents a “family emergency” where Damian got injured doing something childish. Damian can’t tell anyone Tim was lying– that would jeopardize their secret identities– so he has to put up with concerned adults asking if he’s okay now?? Has he recovered from that bike crash?? Did he thank Tim for driving him to the emergency room??
Obviously, Damian is not a fan of this tactic. Why anyone would believe he fell off a bike is beyond him, because he doesn’t ride bikes, and if he did, he would ride them expertly. It’s not convincing, Drake. Stop laughing. He means it.
when dick was robin and batman was still considered to be mostly this elusive myth, dick absolutely started a conspiracy youtube account whose sole purpose was to post #BatmanConfirmed!! videos, that were just really bad minute-long mystery montages of grainy pictures of shadows outlined with red ms paint lines and arrows — “teh batman was here!!!” and “indisputable proof of batman’s exercisetense!” videos that were immensely popular bc dick is an asshole at heart and usually the grainy photos would actually have batman and robin in them reflected in glass or in pools of water or something equally as frustrating and hidden. and so even when batman actually was #confirmed, the TheTruthIsBatthere account had reached infamy so that even 30 second videos of smog reached thousands of views because a bat-ear could barely be seen in the corner sorta
and like the robin legacy, dick totally passed down the account, so that each robin attempted to outdo the others by getting the most views on their videos. jason’s “this is how i die” video was of him actually falling off a building, laughing like a maniac, and ended with a black gauntlet hand forcibly moving the lens of the camera away and a black smudge saving robin from falling to his death. tim’s was filmed like a crappy noir film, all in black and white with a bad orchestral song in the background, with, in the distance, vaguely, batman and robin jumping from roof to roof, doing sweet flips and looking appropriately cool and mysterious. stephanie, for the short time she had the account, just straight up gave the camera to a criminal mid-patrol and then proceeded to beat the crap out of them, the camera skidding far away and only catching her boots and sweet kicks. damian, petty as fuck, refusing to be second best at anything, ever, somehow convinced dick (read: casually mentioned in passing, to which dick enthusiastically agreed) to film him say, deadpan, in the Batman Voice in full Batman Gear, “i am the night.” all the robins (sans dick, who thinks it’s hilarious) hate him and say it’s cheating. the video has over a three million views, handidly more than any other video on the TheTruthIsBatthere account. bruce is just done with his kids and wants league members to stop bringing the video up in meetings, it wasn’t even him…
I think people see Jason as far too old when he died. He was fifteen. Do you know what fifteen year olds look like? Even if they’re considered “dreamboats” by their peers, they still have squishy kid faces. They still look like colts with long limbs and knobby knees. His shoulders were probably broad, but he still had to grow into them.
My point is, Jason was a child. And by disregarding that important element, it erases much of his core characterization. It’s almost like shielding the Joker from the heinous actions he committed. He is a child killer.
Jason is only nineteen now. That’s a year older than the legal age. This poor boy reached out for love and got broken glass shoved down his throat instead.
Blood and rust and angry tears. These things make up Jason Todd, murdered child.
The complete list of punishable offenses committed inside Wayne Manor, October 2016:
bled in the muffin batter, failed to state that the resulting muffins were unfit for general consumption
led a sibling to believe that an offensive phrase was a common colloquial greeting (note: sibling used the aforementioned phrase on a parent to poor effect) (further note: sibling was also penalized for vowing revenge in unnervingly graphic terms)
bought a fast-food chain without permission
stole a month’s worth of groceries, left the country
unnecessary conflict intensification (note: guilty party repetitively asked “are you just gonna take that?” until violence broke out, videotaped the resulting fistfight)
attempted to construct a secret tunnel out of the manor grounds, disrupted a parent’s nap with the sound of heavy construction equipment
intentionally startled a sibling in a darkened hallway to the detriment of both parties and the interior decor
escalated the candy corn debate into a physical confrontation
altered Bruce’s JLA file from “powers: none” to “powers: white privilege,” refused to apologize
ran with two knives, one sword, four throwing stars, a harpoon gun, and a pair of scissors
Idea came from @atomicnightbear
- In school (or at least when i went to school) there was always fundraisers for like PTO or new school items.
- Now the batkids would have to particpate because well they are school students.
- Bake sales are the easy option, or so they think.
- Dick learned it firsr, but Alfred insist the kids help with making the food since it was for their school.
- No matter how many times they destory the kitchen or set off the smoke alram Alfred sticks by this rule.
- Jason impressing all his classmates with browines.
- Jon wanted to join in, so he made Puppy Chow with Damian for his schools bake sale.
- When it comes to selling stuff like wrapping paper or cookie dough, they totally use Bruce.
- Like he leaves the sellling sheets in his office and with his secretary.
- Needless to say they usually meet their goal.
- Duke proving he can do it without Bruce and raising a lot of money.
- 13 year old Dick convincing everyone to buy cookie dough.
- Tim now working at WE when Damian does the fundraiser and getting himself a few tubs of it and telling Bruce to not let Alfred know.
At approximately 5AM on 4 August, 2002, 39-year-old
Todd Sees departed his home in Mount Pleasant Township, Pennsylvania, to drive
two miles to Mt. Montour to assess the deer population. Hunting season was fast
approaching. At around the same time, a number of separate witnesses
reported seeing a disc-shaped object floating in the sky over Mt. Montour. One
of the witnesses reported seeing a flicker of sparks coming from the wires that
run across the top of the mountain. Another witness reported seeing a beam of
light coming down from the UFO and then the body of a man being levitated by
the beam of light.
When Sees did not return home, his son went out
searching for him and found his car. Beside the car he found his father’s
neatly folded clothes. A search party was assembled and they scoured the surrounding
area. Two days later, his body was found in some underbrush in an area that had already been
extensively searched the day before. Sees was naked except for his undergarments and was said to have
an expression of horror on the face. Additionally, his body was extremely
emaciated. With no external or internal injuries, the results of the autopsy
were inconclusive. Many people believe that what took place that morning on Mt. Montour was something otherworldly.