anxiousaesthetics  asked:

Personal HC but Todd (Tord's Neighbor) is actually a leader of an army like Tord, but is a lot more cruel to his soldiers. So much so, the only rule is "Victory or death." Tord often takes in people from Todd's army, because they all know how horrible Todd is so they don't even try to spy on Red Leader. They just join because they want to escape. Also, Todd and Tord are enemies bc Tord has the "Red Leader" title and Todd totally called dibs on that beforehand

todd is the saltiest being on the planet

He tossed and turned and looked at the clock. 4am. Another sleepless night as that same question rattled around inside his head. “Are tomatoes really a fruit? Or are they a vegetable?” At this point Todd no longer sought an answer, just an escape from this torment. Finally relief came in the form of acceptance. “Does it even matter?” he thought. "Fruit? Vegetable? Is it crazy to think our man-made labels are too binary and simplistic for this juicy red orb? What if we put an end to this debate and just let tomatoes be tomatoes?” With that thought Todd drifted off into a deep, contented slumber.


Dear Denny’s,

It is with a heavy heart and a full stomach that I must announce my resignation from eating this double cheeseburger. When I first accepted the position, I had an ambitious, grandiose vision for the amount of beef, cheese and peripheral toppings I would eventually consume. But over the course of recent bites it has become clear to me that finishing this entire double cheeseburger would be a reckless decision, driven only by ego.

The substantial amount of double cheeseburger that remains will be placed into a styrofoam box and transported to a refrigerated storage facility until further decisions are made regarding its fate. It will likely be polished off at some point between midnight and 2am later this evening.

Finally, I want to give sincere thanks to anyone who has offered their support throughout this endeavor, which is basically just my server Joy I guess.


Todd pressed the hold button and slowly hung up the receiver. “Launch code?”, he thought. “I distinctly remember hearing lunch code in our briefing yesterday.” His mind raced, trying to figure out how to tell the General that he doesn’t know the launch code, but that he does have some delicious chicken wraps and fries.