today I remembered some weird shit from my youth

1. I have stepped on a cactus

  • this probably explains my weird “paranoid about going barefoot anywhere” while simultaneously “fuck shoes I have hobbit feet” thing. Bc like. I have experienced the worst and never want it to happen again but also I have experienced the worst bring it on? I guess?

2. I have in fact ridden a motorcycle.

3. I have also crashed a motorcycle.

  • Idk how you forget something like that but I did? I guess I did crash p hard but it was into sand. I was in 6th grade. So like? 11? 12? and it was technically a dirtbike. A tiny little 80? or whatever they size dirtbikes. I did hit my arm on a rock. tbh this could just be a “what the fuck happened from 6-9th grade I do not remember” things bc honestly I remember v little from that time

reasons why people don’t message you back right away even though you can see that they posted on tumblr (and maybe even answered someone else!):

  • they save their messages for last and haven’t even looked yet.
  • you’ve written a very long message and they want to reply to it when they have time to write back a long message.
  • you’ve written a very nice message and they want to reply to it when they have time to be properly thankful.
  • you’ve written something that prompted a story or longer explanation and they want to reply to it when they have time to truly let the ramblebug take them.
  • they are on mobile/not their own computer and only respond to messages privately when they know their x-kit outbox will work (lest they lose the flow of conversation).
  • they are taking a brief break from writing/work but aren’t letting themselves look at messages (because they are supposed to be writing/working and no, they aren’t actually on tumblr. not really.)
  • they are a little emotionally drained and can’t talk to people at the moment, but they still enjoy reblogging stuff.
  • they’re hands/fingers/any injury they may have is flaring up after spending a day typing for whatever reason.
  • they dislike answering all asks at once and would rather spread them through out the day.

Note: It is NOT because they hate you, think you are annoying, or are trying to be rude. I PROMISE IT’S NOT.

I honestly have never been more disappointed in a fandom/group of people. Ever. What has happened today will NEVER be inexcusable. Sending death threats isn’t appropriate at all, and if you’re one of those people who sent Rap Monster one, you must be extremely happy aren’t you? You cost fans hundreds of dollars, probably even thousands.

They performed their last song, feeling SCARED, bolting off the stage as soon as that last second of the song came. What happened to the performances that they always dedicated to us, always lingering on stage to spend their last moments with us?

I don’t think some of you understand the whole fandom thing.
These boys constantly update about their lives, constantly have comebacks, working on new songs and always improving.
And now with this world tour, they also have jet lag, even more practice, and are moving from venue to venue in just days.

However, some of you don’t appreciate that.

Some of you are so immature that you don’t think first, you act first, and your first decision was violence, agreeing to that one post to punch Namjoon in the face. Some of you think it’s funny to send death threats.

You’re so selfish if you’re one of these people. Not only did you affect BTS, you also affected fans, whether they came to the venue or not.

What happened to the unity we had when we helped the boys place first? What happened to all the inside jokes?

Instead, fans are attacking other fans, the boys’ safety was potentially comprised, money was lost, and fans are torn apart, they can’t even get 10 seconds to see idols up close.

Things like this, is what is tearing apart our fandom, and it’s breaking me in half. I’m getting more sad and upset every minute I write this, and I didn’t even go today. I’m ready to burst into tears at how upset the boys could be.

Whether it is an idol or not, making death threats is not acceptable. I’m sick of immature fans, sick of hate being sent to inboxes, sick of the growing weight on my shoulders.

I’m sick of certain people not understanding how to be civil.

I was about to go to sleep today, but it’s now 12:15 in the morning and I can’t go back to sleep at all, I am SCARED and WORRIED for BTS.

Please, for the rest of the locations, treat the boys like KINGS, please show them your love. Listen to the rules and not take pictures/videos for others to watch.
Learn to respect other people’s opinion.

Let them know that we DO care, and that not all of us are like that.

They deserve every amount of love possible.

Short Journeys

I have a private theory that most people never do magic because they are scared of how easy it is, knowing instinctively that the universe gives nothing that is not paid for in turn. Those of us who become magicians either refuse to believe that or never grasped it at all. Terrible things happen, and most people cope with them in human ways rather than by other means. Most days, I think that makes them braver than I am, but it does give me an edge, sometimes, to dull the edges of the world for others.

Today, it was a simple matter to slow a speeding car while Jay leaps across the road and shovs a girl out of the way. The driver hits the brakes: I add force to that that insurance investigators will probably chalk up as an anomaly and the car skidds wildly, slowed just enough for Jay’s leap and save to seem entirely normal. The best magic I can work is the kind where people don’t even realize a magician worked any magic at all.

Jay looks to be a human boy of about 11; he’s neither, from far outside the universe but very good at hiding what he he. And so good at sensing and using bindings that sometimes he forgets, like now, that he can’t see at present. The girl and Jay hit the sidewalk, roll, and people are running and the girl is crying – I’d guess her to be six or seven, in a deep state of shock.

People crowd about Jay, asking if he is all right, astonished at him for saving her.

“I heard the car like a Jay,” he says, and being Jay he can’t help but be proud of most everything he does.

“It was a truck,” someone says.

“A really big car,” Jay says, and grins. His grin is huge and friendly; if he was a magician, it would count as a greater binding. Being Jay, it’s just his grin. The crowd gathers more, people laughing, asking his name, trying to make sure he’s all right. The girl isn’t discarded, but is slightly forgot and pleased that no one is yelling at her for not looking both ways before crossing a road.

I don’t smoke often. Not as a rule, I just seldom do. This afternoon I light a cigarette with a thought and smoke it as Jay explains that he was just ‘being Jaysome’ and that he was ‘all helping Honcho’ and turns toward me, but I’m just some unremarkable person watching the show. Not someone who worked magic; certainly no one worth noticing.

I scramble up phones and cameras; Jay doesn’t show up in photos or videos because he is very good at hiding his nature. I make sure no one realizes that it is Jay’s nature doing that, and Jay is asked about interviews and how he feels being a hero and he informs them he’s just Jay and not a hero and anyone can jump in front of vehicles and he’s totally fine. It doesn’t stop the crowd from checking him over, making sure he is okay, and ignoring his protests that he’s not important because I’m Honcho.

It takes Jay almost twenty minutes to get free, and that involves him manipulating bindings and marching across the road to glare toward me. “That was all kinds of mean!”

“What was?”

“You’re Honcho,” Jay says, meaning I am the wandering magician, meaning I am his friend, and far more than I would ever dare think I am. “And you’re Important and they ignored you!”

“And you don’t think the blind kid who leaps in front of a vehicle to save a girl isn’t important?”

“But he’s not real!”

“It’s part of who you are.” I poke him gently in the nose.

“But but but you and Dana are totally going to fix my eyes and stuff,” he says, with a trust so complete it could shatter me if I thought about it for too long.

“That doesn’t mean that this won’t still be part of your past, won’t be part of who you are,” I say gently.

“Oh. Oh!”

“Sometimes your being Jay can be more important than my being Honcho you know.”

“Nope.” He says that firmly. “Because you’re Honcho and –.”

“And you are Jaysome,” I shoot back. “You’re good with bindings, and making friends, and you saved this girls life today. You could have saved her without my help at all.”

“But I didn’t!”

“But you could have.” I ruffle his hair gently. “You’re a hero too, Jay. Probably more of one than I am,” and I say that as a magician, in my way of speaking truth that can’t be ignored.

And Jay resists that, utterly and completely, because I am Honcho and to him I am his friend and Important. “No, you’re not! You just hide stuff well and sometimes do mean stuff because you have to but I can totally cheat like a Jay and you can’t and you’re my friend and we’re besties and I’m all a monster from Outside the universe and you’re all OK with that and my being all scary-weirdy and that makes you lots of kinds of brave and a hero and you don’t get to say otherwise,” he gets out in a huge rush.

“I don’t?”

“No. Cuz you’re my friend and I’m a hero because you make me one and push me to do really good stuff and not makes oopsies and think about what I do and that’s all you and trying to say otherwise is really mean to yourself,” he says.

“Uh-huh. And you don’t think you make me into a hero too, kiddo?”

Jay blinks eyes filled with fractured light. His eyes widen.

“We carry each other, Jay, no matter what we are. You don’t get to think you’re less than I am. Not now, and not ever.”

“Oh,” he says, very softly.

“We’re sorted?”

“Uh-huh.” He walks beside me down the sidewalk, putting one hand in mine and using the cane with the other. “Honcho?”


“You know that convincing me I’m totally Jaysome makes you even more Jaysome, right?!” And he grins, a giant beaming pride.

I count to ten. And then twenty. Small steps, but at least they are steps. “Of course,” I say finally, and take him out for hot chocolate as a reward for the help.

so my mom calls me up today and somehow she got into talking about military veterans and PTSD and my mom doesn’t know about most of my abuse history, like she knows there’s some bad things or whatever that happened but I’ve never given her details and so she kind of assumes that it probably wasn’t that bad and I’m not like, traumatized or whatever, and then we have these long one-sided conversations where she talks about how interesting trauma is from a psychology perspective or whatever bc she works with military veterans with PTSD, and I am basically just totally silent and then she’s like, “you’ve gone so quiet, what are you thinking about?” and I’m like “uhhhhh idk lol”

Rule #1: Always post the rules.
Rule #2: Answer the questions the person who tagged you asked, then write 10 new ones.
Rule #3: Tag 10 people then link them in the post.
Rule #4: Tell the person that tagged you that you’ve answered the questions

tagged by butt-tan wooo thank you <333

1. A unique fact about yourself? this isnt unique ahaha but i hate hate hate bugs, insects, and snakes with a passion pls never let them get near me
2. Your bias list of your bias group? oh no why–hoseok, tae, jiminjungkooksugarapmonjin (?)
3. Ideal getaway? somewhere quiet and sunny and relaxing because the only time i would need a getaway is probably when im around too many people
4. Describe something fun that happened today. idk the most exciting thing that happened was this morning when bts was live and jikook and jin and hoseok being grossly pretty with lipstick on
5. Your biggest pet peeve? BEING RUDE. pls dont be rude. i dont care if youre having a bad day. dont be rude to people who didnt do anything to you.
6. Your closest friends on tumblr? what friends smilejungkook ikondashian hoseokjung im sorry if you dont consider me a friend whoops
7. Which idol do you think you would be able to click instantly with? tbh probably taehyung. were both weird enough and hes nice and outgoing but at the same time both of us are strangely sensitive so i think we’d understand each other???
8. All time favourite drink? i dont think i have one ahaha but i like smoothies and milk tea and frappucinos
9. Favourite lyric from any bangtan song? hands down “YOU LOOK FRESH LIKE A SALAD, SO SMOOTH”
10. Spazz about your bias here. No word limit. Just go for it. It makes me so happy just to see people spazz about bangtan i feel so proud. jung hoseok??? who is this jung hoseok. i dont know him. nope nope nopE. NOT LIKE I SAW HIS JAWLINE IRL AND ISTG IT CAN CUT ME. ALSO HIS DANCING WOWOW ID SAY TEACH ME BUT EVEN IF HE HIMSELF TEACHES ME ID STILL BE LIKE A MOVING ROCK OK. and then the fact that he tries so hard to be happy and maintain a positive attitude even when he has to force himself to, because of the members and the teamwork. it breaks my heart a lil and it just makes him that much more precious. AND THAT LITTLE SINGING RAP THING HE DOES it kills me omg. and also he is a clean little muffin even though he can fall asleep without showering because he’s so dead tired he just passes out. pls be happy and healthy :(

ohhhhhkay~ here are my questions:

1. What’s the current date and time?
2. What are 3 words you use/say the most?
3. Do you pour milk before cereal or cereal before milk?
4. Do you let the microwave beep before you take out your food, or do you stop it like 1 second before?
5. Describe your ideal type.
6. Describe yourself.
7. Did you eat? What’d you eat?
8. One thing you always have with/on you.
9. You can only choose 5 foods to have for the rest of your life. What foods would you choose?
10. Would you date your bias? In all honesty–idol life and all.

tagging: spearjimint jiminesque hoseokjung smilejungkook ikondashian rninjoon j-my-hope kimsoowon hobaer wvzi (you dont have to if you dont want to!)

My mum and dad are always spouting good wisdom. Dads is usually about how to stay chill in a world of chaos (which is by remembering that we are a part of a giant expanding universe with no known end and that time is eternal in both directions, and that our atoms will always be here whether we’re alive or not - so who cares really what happens today?! go gaz ) . And mums is often existential and about staying unique and independent, and just being yourself. I remember mum lamenting regularly about the inevitable decline of real books in libraries and that the things we might lose, without even realizing, are those serendipitous moments when we find something that we could never have expected at the outset to find. I realised today that my instagram feed (and probably most other things online that prompt suggestions or ads or links that you ‘might also like based on this selection’) are kind of putting the blinkers on me. I’m losing my serendipity baby! So. My new quest is to make a renewed effort to discover things that are truly random, and not random because buzzfeed, 9gag or some other oddspot tells me they are! I will share what I find! If it’s interesting. But then, isn’t everything? #existentialfridaynightrant #philosophy #stardust #internet #curate #thinking

Technically its still 18 on both our countries soo, Happy month babe! ❤️ this official date is already like only the bones of our relationship as youve said. But still, im happy we got to this point in our lives. This was a huge step. And probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Youre my forever. Sounds real cheesy af but i mean it. Everything i have now with you is beyond everything i could ever imagine. I have never been more inlove in my life than what im feeling today and everyday im with you. You continue to make me fall for you everyday. And i plan to feel like that for the rest of my life. I know this distance is being such a bitch but nothing can compare to the joy of when ill finally see you and spend the rest of my life with you. Not only can i call you my bestfriend, but also my girlfriend. 😍☺️ i love you babe! Forever and ever. Wait for me. 👭❤️👩‍❤️‍👩 myheartbreakonrepeat

Artist Problems #2

Me: *Wakes up in the middle of the night*


Me: *Wakes up* Sh*t what was the thing I was gonna draw this morning? No. No. NO NO NO NO NO!!

Whoo boy, I sure do like feeling attacked.

Things that will probably never happen

1. I’m able to get a good night sleep
2. I get a job that isn’t in retail, customer service or food service
3. My wrist will feel normal again

Boo fucking hoo….

Today blows, I feel like an angsty 16 year old and fuck you.

No one will probably read this, but here’s what happened with Charley today.
I’d been working with Charley in the pen. He’s a totally different horse inside an arena and out. In the arena, he’s calm and he listens. When I brought him to the lower field, I’d planned on riding him around the fields and just back to the gate.
I was never able to get on him. I lunged him first, and it was the only thing I was able to do with him. He kicked, grunted, did everything he could to get back to the other horses. That included rearing up and flipping over backwards. He landed on his side, and it was a pretty pitiful fall. I didn’t worry over him hurting himself, which he didn’t. Thankfully he didn’t hurt my saddle either.
After that, he broke the lunge line. It ripped apart near the clip and he took off running. He ran through the trees and up the hill to the top field, where the mares were. Then he grazed.
At that moment, I began to cry. Screaming crying. It was horrible. I felt terrible and I just screamed. I picked up my phone and called my friend three times, but she never answered.
I then got myself together and calmed down, then proceeded to get my horse. Once I made it to him, I was trying my best to stay chill. But I knew he could sense how angry I truly was. I clipped the small lead rope onto his halter and stood there a second, trying to think.
I decided to lunge Charley again, with this lead rope, but only at a walk because it is pretty short. Charley, however, did the opposite. He jumped forwards and took off into a canter, reaching out his left back leg to kick me. He did that several times, but he never went through with it. 

I dropped the lead rope and let him stand there, crying all over again. I sat on the wet grass and buried my head into my knees. My phone rang at that moment, and it was my friend. She’d just got done watering horses at the barn and knew that it was about Charley when I’d called.
We both discussed the issues with Charley, and we both agreed that it was time to do something. The last time I rode Charley with no fear was December 31, at the New Year’s Eve rodeo at the barn. I remembered how calm Charley was, and even though I was a nervous wreck, he never faltered and did everything I asked him. 
But seven months later, where are we? I’m scared to get on him. He’s a big puppy dog when you’re hanging out with him, but his mood switches when it’s time to do more work. There’s more to this that I haven’t explained, and I’m not going to considering that this is hella long and no one has probably read it (feeling hella ignored on here lately).

I think I’ve decided it’s time for Charley and I to part ways. It’s so hard to think about. I’m crying right now just thinking about it. But I put it this way: If I keep him, I’m the owner of a horse I can’t ride who is basically eating away our money. If I sell him, I might get the chance to get another horse that will be much better and safer for me (who also might run barrels).
Has anyone been in this situation before? Am I really making the right choice? Give me your opinions, this is all too much for me to think about right now.

Well Hawkeye 22 finally came out, assuaging my fear that it would just quietly never happen. I so want an interview on what the hell happened to this book but my gut says the answer is probably very boring.

Regardless, having now re-read the whole thing today, wow I love this book. The finale was worth the half-year wait (if we aren’t tallying previous delays). Aja’s art blows my mind. Fraction warms my soul, and his Kate Bishop is Marvel’s best character. This is my new go-to rec for anyone that wants to know what their first “superhero” comic should be, if I’ll allow myself to call it that.

Pizza Dog Forever.

showbz asked:


☮ - five things that makes me happy: first of all muse they make the happiest person on the planet??? then we have dogs, genuinly nice ppl, mint chocolate ice cream and staying up drawing rly rly late!!! those are things that make me very happy !! :))))
☀️ - there are two suns and i dunno which one you meant so i’ll go with them both okay!!
my biggest fears - probably being on a sinking ship or trapped in a burning building uhgh :ss
something that made me smile today!!! well i woke up and saw that i had like a hella lot if notifications from twitter and i was like wtf that never happens??? but then i saw that elle evans had retweeted my drawing which is totally crazy because i never thought she would do that!!!! so yes that made me ver happy i have smiled since it happened tbh ahaa

thank you so much bb xxx

The Lyrics Tag

1. Describe how you feel today - I’m feeling okay
2. Describe your best friend - shes freaking amazing!! best friend ive ever had lmao pastelgrimes
3. How many times have you been rejected? - never
4. Tell us the ‘story of your life’ - i’ve been blissfully ignorant for 13 years of my life and then something happened and since then i don’t think i’ll be the same emotionally
5. How do you act when you are around somebody you like? - probably nervous?? idk i havent had a person ive liked in a while
6. What did you do today? - watched 11 episodes of the walking dead
7. What has been the craziest thing you have ever done? - idk im not accustomed to taking risks
8. Describe your favorite concert - ive only been to one and i didnt even lik the band
9. Describe how you react when you hear your favorite song on the radio? - it depends who im with. If im with someone im comfortable with ill probably gasp a little, say(scream) “THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG!!” and not sing along bc im shy
10. How many siblings do you have. - 1
11. Complete: I am addicted to…. anime and manga
12. Complete: My favorite singer makes me….. want to sing
13. How many people have you kissed in your life? - None.
14. How do you feel about drugs? I feel like its okay to take them to an extent
15. Complete: I constantly ….. worry about myself and everyone else
16. Complete: I am….. content
17. When people wake you up in the middle of the night you?(what do you do) freak out like why you waking me up in the middle fo teh night bruh did the zombie apocalypse start?? are youtubers outside out door?? are we being mugged??
18. Describe your favorite movie - a bunch of unconventional girls in one acapella group who are all trying to get to the “big leagues” and the “alternative” girl meets this guy who she apparently has a “toner” for and my favourite character is the chick who has an “orthodox” ponytail

a-white-russian asked:

17 and 99


17. Has anything wonderful happened to you?

Many things Alhamdulillah idk which one is the ultimate wonderful though… I guess the recent one was probably having people read and enjoy my writing, I’ve never thought of getting such sweet responses and meeting incredible new people. Really I’m blessed uwu

99. Are you happy today?

If we take in the whole day today, honestly I wasn’t very happy….but I am happy right now though :D


I have no idea what to write. Like I have so much I want to write about but I have no idea how to write it down. It’s so weird.
Have you ever had so many opinions on things but never been able to express them because you don’t know how to? That is how I feel. I don’t know how to express myself.
But today I weighed in. I am 125,5 kgs and I have never been this heavy. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It is so unreal for some reason. Like I know why I am this heavy, but still I don’t understand how I let it happen to me. This post is probably going all over the place but I hope you don’t mind, you who is reading this, which I find unlikely that someone will actually read this.

But to the point. I’m fat. But fat is not who I am. Get me? Because I am fat, why is that the thing that defines me? I change my haircolour frequently, so why is it that I am fat that defines me, but not my brightly-often-changing-hair colour??
Well, I AM going to finish this day eating healthy. I am not going to give in to my sugarcravings.

Because you know what?
Fat Is Not Who I Am.

anonymous asked:

7, 14, 20, 75, 88

7. What happened tonight?
I did some chores, made dinner, went to the park with Cayden, and did some more chores. Hanging out with Cayden was really the only good thing that happened today
14. What are you going to spend money on next?
probably one of Cayden’s birthday presents :3
20. Are you starting to realize anything?
that I’m starting college soon and I’m not ready for it yet
75. Do you study better with or without music?
with music, or at least some kind of background noise. I can’t function in complete silence
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
nope, and I probably never will, but I’m not against it or anything

ask me things!!