today's weather is rude

Christmas Gift Fic #2

For @rosefyrefyre who requested: “Darcy talking to the Doctor! I don’t care if it’s Nine or Ten or Eleven, but just Darcy talking to one of them.”


Darcy tapped her nails against the rim of her coffee mug and watched the passing traffic on the street. The coffee shop was half-full, it was mid-morning and most of the working java junkies had already come and gone. Darcy took an outside table, enjoying the spring air while she waited. For Maria Hill. Because, yes, she’d finally agreed to go out to coffee with the woman.

It was self defense; she kept being ambushed by the former Deputy Director and her lattes at the Tower.

“Hello? Do you mind if I—?” A man greeted her then sat at the table, swiveling his long legs aside, crossing them at the ankles, before leaning back in the chair like he’d been sitting there all along.

Darcy jerked and, probably, gaped. She hadn’t noticed this man approaching. It was like he popped out of nowhere.

“Wonderful,” the man continued, though she hadn’t said anything. “Lovely day isn’t it?”

Pursing her lips, Darcy cast a quick glance around, but nothing else looked suspicious, like this was a distraction from somebody trying to do something nefarious nearby. So, she turned her attention back to her surprise coffee date.

He looked about her age, but tall, lanky — very lanky. He was wearing a tweed jacket, a blue bow-tie, and … a red fez? She’d seen weirder ensembles, but this was pretty special. He sounded English of some variety — Darcy never had the best luck at guessing accents, much to Natasha’s despair.

“Beautiful day,” Darcy agreed. “Are you waiting for somebody? Do you want—”

“Tea? No, thank you. I’ve already ordered.”

“I wasn’t going to offer, but okay.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you realize there are three other tables out here that are empty?”

“Yes, I noticed,” he nodded solemnly. “Terribly sad. Nothing sadder than an empty table. Why d'you suppose I sat here?”

“Gotcha.”

His eyes slid over to her and then he spun himself around in the chair, almost lurching forward towards her. “Am I being rude? I can’t tell. Is this rude? This is rude. Hello, how are you today, very fine weather we’re having, what are your feelings on tomatoes. I’m the Doctor.”

“Great weather. Pro tomato,” Darcy said feeling bemused. Was this what other people felt like when she went all obtuse and vague? Well … yeah, okay this was irritating. “And I’m Darcy Lewis.”

The man … the Doctor? Whoever. His eyes lit up like she’d just said something wonderful and he put his elbows. “Are you really? That’s amazing. Huge fan. The biggest.”

“Have we met? I don’t remember that. I’d think I’d remember that.”

“Never seen you before,” he pronounced with a firm nod.

“Okay, then what are you a fan of?”

“Fan of people called Darcy. And Lewis. Rare to get both together. This is exciting.” He sat back. “Pond, I should write this down and —” Glancing to his left, he interrupted himself and frowned. “Pond?”

Looking panicky he turned back to Darcy with a wide-eyed look. “Was there a girl here? Tall, ginger? Scottish? Yells a bit? A lot. At me.”

“No.”

He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again and asked. “Never?”

“Not recently.”

“Excellent answer.” He pointed a finger at her, tapped the fez on his head, heaved a sigh and stood up. “I’ve misplaced her.”

“Bummer. Better go find her.”

Tugging on his collar, he swallowed heavily. “Blimey. I’ll hear about this for a millennia or six.”

“Ouch,” Darcy offered with a stiff smile.

He walked three steps away, spun on his heel and came back to the table. “Fancy a trip to Portsmouth?”

“England or New Hampshire?”

“The planet.”

“The planet Portsmouth?” Darcy echoed, squinting up at him and wondering if she’d gotten a bad scone. Though, she supposed there could be a planet Portsmouth. For some reason. She did know an alien prince from another realm, so … like. It was getting really hard to tell the loonies from maybe legit aliens anymore.

“Lovely place,” the Doctor continued. “The trees float a mile above the ground, beautiful. Mind you it gets a bit exciting when it rains.” He clicked his fingers at her and grinned like that was supposed to be too enticing to resist.

“Yeah, no, I’ll have to pass,” Darcy told him, trying to sound regretful, “but thank you for the offer.”

“Some other time, Darcy Lewis.”

“Okay.”

He gave her a happy wave and darted back off down the street.

Well.

She’d had weirder first meetings. At least she hadn’t hit that dude with her car.  

Darcy sipped at her coffee and nodded to Maria as she came into view. Depending on how this coffee date went, she might actually wish she took up the weirdo in the fez on his offer of a trip to planet Portsmouth.

How did the trees float? Was it like … thick clouds and they seeded there? That was weird. Was it all the trees, or just one species? Did Portsmouth have more than one type of tree? Was the whole planet covered in tree clouds? Did they move like regular clouds on Earth? Circulating across the planet? Fluffy forests of the sky.

“So, about the blueprints,” Maria said as she sat down with her coffee. “Fury and I have some notes.”

Forcing a smile, Darcy nodded and said, “lay it on me.” Were they actually trees as she’d know them? Or tree-like structures? Did it matter if it was floating over your head? Sounded dicey. Liability insurance had to be impossible. Maybe there were tree nets?

the weather is being so rude today but then i thought “enjoy it now bc it’s hot where i’m going”. miami and also hell. frasiery dad hell humor is what i’m good for