Lmao @ harry stealing liam's spotlight on this dreaded zexit day (unintentionally obviously but still)
LMAO AT ANYONE WHO THINKS THIS IS UNINTENTIONAL.
Okay, not really though, I’m not laughing at you. However, the stunts and album releases amongst the members of One Direction couldn’t be more blatantly linked together even if they tried.
Let’s go back one year from today…
A year ago we were thinking back to a year before THAT day as it was the anniversary of the day Zayn bid everyone fuckin adieu and spiralled this band into a narrative so ridiculous that actually retelling the series of events makes sound it even more insane in hindsight.
SO. The 25th of March, 2016:
Zayn’s album comes out
Louis does a pap walk
This isn’t the first instance in which Zayn and babygate were linked, as Zayn was also the first member of 1D to acknowledge that Louis’ baby had apparently been born, but did it in the strangest way possible via liking some fan’s tweet about it.
Now here we are in a year we were so optimistic about, but instead of a year free of drama and full of new music, we’re getting a brand new revamp of Babygate, this time with a different member of One Direction. But first, back to Zayn and Louis.
Zayn’s new album is being released under Sony, which is the parent company of Syco. It’s been vague as hell whether or not Zayn’s Mind of Mine was produced by Syco, but in the early releases of songs on iTunes Syco was listed in the credits of the track. Louis hasn’t made a public departure from Syco and seeing as he’s still showing up on Simon’s reality shows, it’s safe to say he’s still linked to that flaming pile of garbage.
Even their beards work together, and if that isn’t the biggest, “Hi, I’m a red flag!” that Louis and Zayn’s teams are still working the two of them off of each other, then I don’t know what is.
Now here we are on the 25th of March 2017, and we have Louis at Ultra festival just as Zayn is releasing his first single from his new album. And just as everyone’s getting all excited for Louis’ performance you have Liam’s IG announcement of the birth of a child via Instagram and I can only wonder to myself why Instagram has to be the place where dreams go to die. Is IG the only way to announce stunts and babies?
Then MINUTES later, Harry “I love all the babies” Styles not only ignores yet ANOTHER birth of one of his bandmate’s first child, but sends the internet into a frenzy with another heaux aesthetic wiping of all his profile pictures and posting ominous blank white photos again.
And life for a fan of One Direction continues to be a constant stream of wtfuckery.
THEN we get Harry’s dramatic ass advert on ITV
So many questions. Why is he wet? Why is he emerging from what looks like a giant wardrobe? What is THIS
Why is it all smokey? (You know why…)
So now we have yet AGAIN another Babygate/solo album in tandem with each other and I’m just like
I’m sure if I start back-pedalling enough to look at times when Harry/Dunkirk/Another Man news was concurrent with Liam babygate news there will be some unsurprising links, but I’ve got better things to do like drink and play more One Direction-themed Cards Against Humanity so for now I’m gonna Zayn.
PS: WHERE THE HELL IS NOLL?
PPS: AT LEAST THEY WARNED US