A lovely day watching Eragon and How To Train A Dragon with a bit of organisation in between. Think I’m getting used to this support lark. Kind of. Maybe. I don’t know. It feels quite nice not to have to do everything on my own, even if I try pretty hard to self-sabotage… I’m working on it!
I can’t help but get anxious about my live show next week.
It’s been a long time since I performed live in front of an audience. (Ok, I have uploaded live studio sessions on Youtube>> “Black Hole”, but the feeling of having many people listening to you is totally different)
I want to be satisfied with myself. You know how it is, we are our worst critics… I guess the more I do my rehearsals the less stressed I’ll be? I’m not that sure about that. However prepared someone can be for a performance, there always will be a place inside him where he’ll be dying of stress.. So, I know the best thing to do is just practice my thing until I somehow “lessen” the anxiety..
I had some specific things in my mind.. but there’s a weird rule in what we call ‘real life’ that says “things can go wrong in ways you never expect”. But then, if you really think about the reasons something went wrong, you can see what was the problem, and WHY something went that way instead of the way you wanted it..
for example: for this live show, I planned to have my synth-keyboard and my laptop. With the laptop I could “manipulate” the sound of my microphone so it would come out filtered in the way I would choose for EVERY single song.. AND I’d have all the beautiful things I put in my latest album (like my grandmothers’ voices… yeah… awesome stuff.. I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Anyway, this scenario couldn’t happen because I couldn’t in the end “connect” my sound-interface-card with my laptop (there was some problem in my old-laptop’s usb doors…).. and that’s how the only option was to cancel these plans… (because I checked also IF I could buy a new laptop, to have it exclussively for my live shows… but I figured that .. I can’t afford it right now..).
Yeah, this is how it works. In this case the problem was the “age” of my laptop. That laptop that works pretty fine for other stuff.. That laptop now can’t be used for recording etc.. It’s ok… because I found another way to MAKE this show happen. But still… it was a shocking night… when I was trying to ‘make the laptop work’… and I still couldn’t listen to my microphone…
Now I’ve pretty much decided the songs of the live show.. (I left of course room for exceptions.. because of the rule that I said before.. haha.. )
I know I planned it differently at first. But now I planned it this way. And: it’s working! I will have my korg synthesizer AND a stage piano. Pretty nice for me… and I’m starting to like it more than the first plan.. :)
Another nice thing I want for this show is to be able to make (in time) a little painting exclussively for that night. I’ll see if this’ll happen… I’ll try it anyway.. But… in case I won’t make it in time… I’ll look for another way to give that painting..
…. Ok. Breathe… one thing at a time. ———————————————–
(thank you for reading this far… I’m lucky you’re sharing your time with my thoughts.. <3 )