todarodes pacificus

The Bestiary: Japanese Flying Squid

Oh. My. God.

This is, without doubt, one of the most screwed-up, horrible, ridiculous, and downright absurd creatures Mother Nature has ever conjured up from within her own Lovecraftian, hellish womb. And that’s saying something.

Because seriously, what’s more terrifying than a boneless, writhing monster with tooth-lined tentacles out to fillet your ass?

A boneless, writhing monster with tooth-lined tentacles out to fillet your ass and the ability to fly, ensuring you can’t run, of course!

The culprit is called the Japanese flying squid (Todarodes pacificus) and hear hear, it’s one of the most commonly fished cephalopods in the world. It’s mostly used in Japan’s sushi industry. That’s probably not a wise move, considering these fuckers can fly and will probably come out of the ocean to avenge their fallen and eaten brethren.

While they don’t look formidable in themselves,

they have the unfortunate habit of travelling in massive swarms that would drive the Zerg into pants-shitting terror.

Whom do you serve?

SARUMAAAAAAAN!

They travel all their lives, almost continously, from the day of their hatching to the day of their death. They eat any smaller fish they come across, and don’t ever stop. Even if they are caught, they will often cause notable loss to the fishery by eating the fish they were caught with in the net.

Their entire life is a rush, they eggs hatch a whole 5 days after laying! These guys really take “live fast, die young” seriously.

Males mature sooner than females, but that doesn’t prevent them from mating with the still immature females, who fertilize their eggs later with the thusly acquired squid jizz. Apparently, it’s not only blanket octopuses who are sick fucks.

Their flight capacities still merit some more ranting. They are able to cover a distance of 30 meters in a single jump, which sort of makes them the Superman of invertebrates.

They achieve their insane superheroic feats by sucking their mantle full with water and then blasting off into the air by barfing it back up suddenly. And considering they have the usual bionic jet engines of cephalopods on top of that, it’s quite possible they could double-jump if they wanted to.

All in all, if these shits erupt from the ocean en masse one day and enslave mankind in retaliation for their brutally slaughtered brothers and sisters, we will all known whose sushi industry is to thank.