tobias i love you so much

anonymous asked:

I was really struck by something I read in one of your earlier replies to an ask, which was "we’ll never know what Rachel would have done after the war ended", and I wondered if perhaps you may actually have some thought about what might have happened if she did? How WOULD Rachel, who thrived in war, adapt to the mundane life after?


After a while Rachel’s aunt and uncle get so used to her stopping by that they just make her a copy of their house key; it’s easier than answering the door all the time or leaving a window open for her, besides which they’re grateful because she’s there almost every day to bully Jake out of bed and into the world to go do something.  Most days it’s just attending Habitat for Humanity builds in the devastated areas downtown or visiting kids from the local hospital who idolize them both.  Rachel doesn’t mind dragging Jake out of his room at all, because while Tobias is good for taking random college classes or exploring new parts of the country with her, there are still plenty of stupid things that she can only talk Jake into doing.  Together they surf during hurricanes, skydive without parachutes, swim to the bottom of the ocean as orcas and throw themselves off cliffs as birds of prey.  

Rachel doesn’t pretend to understand what he’s going through, because she quite simply can’t—if she even tries to think about what it would be like if it was Jordan or Sarah she’d had to kill during that last battle, she tends to lose the ability to breathe.  But while she can’t give him empathy she can give him this: the scream of wind rushing past their bodies as they hurl toward the ground at nearly a hundred miles an hour, the incomparable thrill of the ground approaching them faster than an oncoming train, the moment of simple euphoria during that millisecond decision to once again open one’s wings and tell death not today.  He doesn’t smile much, and never laughs, but that’s always been true to some extent.  She doesn’t concern herself with making him smile, but with forcing him to gasp for air in his refusal to give up on life, to morph when not doing so would mean drowning in the cold Pacific, to swerve a second away from spattering on the ground.  Because she’s the only one who understands the power of those moments to make them forget everything in the world except the heady rush of being so goddamn alive they can barely even stand it.


It’s strange, really, how tough and showy they can be around each other most of the time… and how vulnerable they can become when no one else is around.  Rachel’s pretty sure she’s the only one who ever saw Marco cry after they all watched Eva’s body tumble hundreds of yards to its apparent death, and she knows for certain that she’s the only one to whom he says “it’s like we never really got her back at all,” the day his parents announce their divorce.  In public Rachel and Marco become even more themselves, one-upping each other to see who can come out with the most embarrassing story in round after round of interviews and bantering at lightning speed as live studio audiences laugh and cheer.  Rachel gives a hysterical, exaggerated account of Marco’s failed attempt at gatecrashing William Roger Tennant’s award banquet; Marco comes back with a heroic narrative of how his llama-self saved an entire television studio from the crocodile Rachel conveniently forgot to mention she had puked out backstage.  When talking about the time Helmacrons invaded Marco’s nose, they each manage to make the whole mess entirely into the other one’s fault.  

In private, they sit on the back porch of Marco’s primary house once a week and work their way through a bottle of triple sec they’re definitely too young to own.  It’s during those long evenings as the sun sets over the Newport Beach mansions that they air the things to each other they’ve never told a living soul before.  Marco talks about the hard bright-edged joy of watching 17,000 yeerks sucked into space and only being able to imagine their screams.  Rachel confesses to having cried herself to sleep after she and Ax dropped David on that island.  They air their sickest thoughts, lance their most pus-rotted wounds, spew poison at each other because they know that they are both strong enough (hard enough, cold enough, ruthless enough) to take it and give back in turn.


Rachel’s honestly not sure how far Cassie would have gotten, politically, if not for her help.  Because that girl might have passion and conscience and common sense to spare, but Rachel’s not sure she’s met a more appearance-clueless person in her life.  The world of politics runs on fashion and makeup, though, especially if one happens to be a woman, and any time Cassie’s about to go tell the United Nations why they need to update the Universal Declaration of Human Rights today to include the hork-bajir and taxxons, or to scold Congress into giving the ex-hosts war reparations and not murder charges, Rachel is there in the background helping.  She shows Cassie the power of stalking into a room in a pair of towering heels, the ways to make a string of pearls or a Chanel handbag into a weapon of power.  Cassie laughs incredulously every time Rachel shows up at her house with a literal truckload of perfectly-tailored business suits and evening gowns, but over time she starts to understand just how much her reputation for being as elegant as she is fierce can work in her favor.  

Rachel, in turn, starts to put out patents for the kind of clothes Cassie would love: comfortable and practical items that can be worn for years without needing replacement.  Rachel figures that if she’s an international trendsetter already (and she is: her line of perfume makes millions every year, while black leotards are debuting on Paris runways) then she might as well have her best friend and the world of high fashion meet in the middle.  Of course Rachel doesn’t explicitly mention that her patent-leather pumps with arch support and heel padding are inspired by the experience of trying on Cassie’s Timberlands, or that her choice of size-16 models for all her advertisements comes from making dresses that would fit Cassie and sizing up or down from there.  But what’s most amazing to her is that the other dressmakers and shoe lines start to emulate her choices, emphasizing the comfort and sturdiness of everything they make even as they tout it as “cutting edge.”  If Rachel has dragged Cassie into being a fashion icon, then it turns out Cassie might just have dragged Rachel into being a social justice warrior along the way.


Ax seems somewhat dumbfounded when Rachel explains that there’s an Earth tradition that any ship’s captain can perform a marriage ceremony, and that even if there’s no law on the books about this particular power she wants him to do it anyway.  She’s not sure herself how her and Tobias’s small private ceremony (at least, that was the intention) has grown so much, but even she has to admit that somewhere between the 230-person guest list, the custom chuppah to be hand-embroidered by a team of local artists, the five-tier cake imported from a German bakery, and the dress which is personally designed by Alexander McQueen, things might have gotten slightly out of hand.  Ax takes the duties very seriously, practicing the strange mouth sounds he has to recite more than once in advance and promising solemnly that he will not eat any of the cake until Rachel and Tobias have had the chance to cut it.  

He serves as their best man as well (probably breaking with tradition, not that they care) and the speech he makes afterward is surprisingly heartfelt.  «There has been no greater honor in my life than to fight by your side,» he tells them, «and I owe you both my life many times over.  I owe you more than that, of course, for you have made this strange planet my home when I came to you lost and alone.  I am not sure what humans traditionally wish for each other with a bond such as this, so I will wish you this much: may your lives be long, may your battles be easily won, may you be loved and feared in equal measure, and may your chili always be perfectly seasoned.» 


It’s not like they get jobs, or hold down formal obligations, or do anything more structured than attend occasional classes at UCSB or consult with the fashion agency that sends Rachel freelance checks.  So there’s really no reason they can’t continue their odd lifestyle, only in the same form at the same time for two hours at most.  At least, that’s how it is for the first several years… and then one day Rachel comes out of the bathroom, a tiny white stick in her hand, and they both realize their lives are never going to be the same again.  Tobias is terrified, of course: he’s been abandoned (voluntarily or not) by two parents, four guardians, and countless authority figures, and he’s got no reason to believe he’ll be any different.  But he knows what the first step will be in committing to raising this baby for real.  And so he morphs human for the very last time.  

In the years that follow, after their daughter eventually gets a little brother as well, Rachel and Tobias become more boring than they ever could have hoped for.  Rachel starts working full-time as a fashion designer, while Tobias finishes an advanced degree in graphic design and gets a job with the marketing branch of the same company.  They go to PTA meetings and teach their daughter softball, buy a sedan with good gas mileage and a two-story house in Mendocino County where the reporters can’t find them.  They still get restless sometimes, leaving the kids with Loren or Sarah for a week or two at a time to go white-water rafting on the Colorado River or to climb mountains in Tanzania, but they always miss the kids enough to come home before long.  They donate thousands of dollars to end world hunger every year, and they fundraise millions more.  Someday they’ll retire.  Someday after that they’ll die.  For now, however, they’re alive, and that’s enough.  

Cait’s POV: The Twin Bed Scene

Awww…it was Tobias’s last scene!!

What did you think about that twin beds twist when you read the script for this episode?

Balfe: I loved that. That’s a big departure from the book, which initially I was like, “What?! No!” Because there’s a scene in the book that I had loved so much, which is the night before Frank and Claire have the fight, they’re still in bed together. I always thought that was such an interesting scene. But I think in terms of the TV show, to explain how far apart they are, you needed a scene like that. And it was actually Tobias’ last scene that he filmed.

Did that make it more emotional for you?

Balfe: Honestly, it was such a funny day because they needed to get that shot of him looking over to me and I roll over, and I had to face plant. I got the worst case of the giggles. I was just crying I was laughing so much. And then [producer] Matt B. Roberts and myself decided we would do one take where I would turn and say “goodbye” after he says “good night,” and then I had real tears. So that scene is very dear to me.

See more here

I should talk about my comic con experience, shouldn’t I?

I loved, LOVED the Outlander panel. Sitting through other unnecessary panels for hours just so I could see my favorites was absolutely worth it. I was surprised by how amazing Jenna Dewan Tatum was as the moderator. She asked the right questions without delving into everyone’s personal lives. (Also poncho lady only got to speak once hAH)

I did think there was a little too much of focus on Tobias/Frank but I know that’s kind of an unpopular opinion… right? *shrugs*

I seriously want to adopt Sophie Skelton as my best friend, that girl is ADORABLE. And you could see Cait’s love for her. And I totally get it now. I apologize for my dislike of her from earlier on. Richard Rankin, I totally laughed when Sam told him to tone down the Scottish brogue. I still warming up to him, but between the Brave New Warriors panel and this panel, I am starting to get the attraction. 


Cait and Sam talking about the famous print shop scene and what to expect and them just staring at each other while talking about it… HELL YA THAT’S WHY I LOVE THEM.

OK enough about the panel, I am going to talk about the episode they showed us. Look I won’t spoil it, trust me but I will say it was EPIC. The Battle of Culloden had me at the edge of my seat and it was well worth it. They focused equally on Claire and Jamie and it’s HEARTBREAKING. Please have a few boxes of tissues on hand for the episode. Also there is some sexist scenes that made me clinch my fist so hard…

ANYWAY, let’s talk about the next day when I finally got to see the Outlander booth which was FAN-FUCKINGTASTIC. Everyone there was amazing and sweet (and also very beautiful). The detail they went into it was so good. (I have to say you have to find the right security guard to give you the ticket because some of them are incredible assholes and will shut you out even if you have been there a million times.) The prizes were so good! I got a flask that is quite nice!

To finish this off, I just want to say I love the Outlander fandom, I love Sam Heughan, Caitriona Balfe, Sophie Skelton, et al et al and I am SO excited for season three! It’s gonna be hype, y’all!!!

Originally posted by jamieclaire


For: Anon

Imagine: Being Eric’s sister and your boyfriend, Four, proposes to you.

You tiptoe through the living room and grab your jacket; you quietly pull on your shoes and slowly open the door, “Y/N? Where are you going?”

Shit. You mentally curse yourself, you were a little too loud and your brother had overheard, “Oh, I-I was just going for a walk, I couldn’t sleep!”

“Really,” Eric walks up to you, yes, your brother was the badass, feared Dauntless leader, “I know you’re going to see Four.”

You sigh, you had transferred to Dauntless a year after Eric, you love Eric but much to his disapproval, you had started dating Four soon after transferring, and you two have been together for almost five years now. It’s definitely not easy dating your brother’s arch enemy, but the two of them have tried settling their differences for you, but have always failed. In fact, Eric only allowed you to continue dating Four as long as you promised to live with your brother rather than your boyfriend, “Eric, please, just let me go, Four has been planning some sort of surprise for me for ages.”

“What kind of surprise requires you to sneak out in the middle of the night?”

“Eric if I was old enough to pick my own faction and my own fate five years ago, I’m old enough to meet my boyfriend whenever I want.”

“Y/N, you’re my baby sister, I just want you to be safe.”

“For starters, I’m not a baby Eric, I’m only a year younger than you. And also, I am safe, Four loves me Eric, you can’t even deny that. You know I’m in good hands. Please let me go,” You give him you best puppy-dog eyes and he groans.

“Fine, you can go, just be safe.”

“Always!” You swing the door open and say goodbye over your shoulder.

You make your way to the roof and see Four. He has a little table set up with plates and candles, there is a single rose sitting in the middle. You look around and everything is perfect, “Aww Tobias! This is so cute!”

He pulls you in for a hug and kisses your forehead, “Just like you.”

The two of you sit and enjoy your meal, talking and laughing the whole time. After you have finished eating Four walks up to you and turns on a radio, he then sticks out his hand to you, “May I have this dance?”

You giggle and take his hand, he pulls you in close and the two of you start swaying to the music. You shut your eyes and allow Tobias to lead you. Suddenly you feel his hands leave your hips and you open your eyes, you find him stand in front of you biting his lip, “What?”

“Y/N, I have to ask you something.”

“What is it Toby?” You were the only one who was allowed to call him that.

“As an ex-Abnegation, I’m not really good at all this romantic stuff, and honestly there aren’t enough words in the world to describe how much I love you. So I’m just going to say it,” He steps back slightly and gets down on one knee, no way, and he pulls out a little box, “Y/N Y/L/N will you do me honour of becoming my wife? Will you marry me?”

You let a single tear slip from your eye and you squeal, “Yes!”

He slips the small, simple ring onto your finger, and gets up to kiss you. You spend the rest of the night dancing, until you finally get tired and lie on a blanket staring up at the stars, eventually you turn to Four, “Hey Toby?”


“How am I supposed to tell Eric that you’re my fiancé now?” He chuckles.

“Let’s not worry about that until the morning.”

The next morning you wake up on the roof in Four’s arms, you pull your hand up and smile, remembering that you are now his soon-to-be wife.

“You sure look happy,” You look down at Four who is sleepily smiling at you.

“Well I’m about to marry the man of dreams, of course I’m happy!” He shifts into a sitting position and kisses you. You are startled by the sound of your phone; you quickly pick it up and see 35 new messages from Eric and 6 missed calls. Shit.

“Fuck, Toby I have to go, Eric’s gonna kill me!” You quickly get up and kiss him goodbye.

You run into the apartment and smack right into Eric, his eyes narrow as he sees you, “Y/N!”

“Eric listen I can explain!” You stop as you realize that you no longer have to explain yourself to him, “Actually, no, I don’t have to explain, because I can do whatever the hell I want to do with Four. From now on I can hang out with him as much as I want to, no one, not even you can stop me from being with my future husband!”

“Husband?!” He grabs you hand and looks at the ring, his eyes instantly soften and he pull you in for a hug, “I can’t believe this, my baby girl is getting married!”

“What’s with the sudden change of heart?” You ask surprised at his reaction.

“The reason why I was always so cautious of your relationship with him was because I was scared that he was just using you. Now that the fucker finally put a ring on it, I can trust his commitment. I’m happy for you Y/N, I’m so fucking happy for you!”

The next few months are spent planning the wedding, three months after the proposal, your brother Eric walked you down the aisle and you finally became Mrs. Eaton.

Masterlist // Rules List // To-Do List
Trans People Share Messages Of Love And Support For Trans Day Of Visibility
"You are beautiful, you are brilliant, and you are worthy of love."
By Shannon Keating

“I think an important component of kindness within the queer/trans community is just acknowledging that the pain folks feel is real. So much of what I do for my friends is affirm that they are justified in how they feel, that they aren’t being too sensitive or too dramatic, that how they feel is legitimate.” Jacob Tobia 💜  

If you or someone you know needs support, we’re here for you, 24/7, at: 866.488.7386 🌈 TrevorChat is available at from 3-9pm ET daily. You can find a safe, international online community and more resources at 🌈

Random Jim/Toby headcanons
  • their first kiss was when jim kissed him goodnight after a rough day at school
  • he tried avoiding toby after that but no one can just avoid toby
  • the first week or so after was a bit awkward but after that it became kind of natural
  • jim does that Tall Person think where he rests his head on toby’s whenever they’re standing
  • he fell asleep in that position while waiting with toby for the midnight release of the next sushi video game
  • they borrow video games, movies, magazines, and other stuff so much from each other that they’ve just forgotten who owns what
  • toby is a very comfortable person to fall asleep on, jim is an expert on this
  • they won’t say they have A Song because they both think it’s cheesy but Their Song is totally everybody wants to rule the world
  • “Hey jim, you up?” “What do you want?” “Do you think pigeons have feelings?” “I’m gonna give you one more chance to shut up.” 
  • jim makes toby’s favorite lunch on fridays
  • he’s glad toby is there with him fighting monsters but at the same time he’s so worried and it constantly eats at him
  • however he also trust toby to make the right decisions in situations
  • he wants to fight every person who makes fun of toby’s weight because fuck you he’s perfect? yeah
  • toby is always the one who stays up super late at sleepovers so he has to make sure jim is tucked in and all that
  • random and obscure inside jokes that no one else gets and honestly they don’t even really remember how they came about either but it’s still funny as hell to them
  • they love each other very much thank you that will be all

I don’t care what anyone says or thinks. Tobias Forge is my hero. He inspires me to get through the day and comforts me when I’m feeling sad or alone. I can honestly say, thanks to him and his music and words, I haven’t thought about harming myself or ending it all in a while. He’s brought a ray of light into my life, and I never thought that would happen. I want tell him all this. I want to tell him that because of him, I’ve started to value life for the first time in 15 years. I know I’ve still got a long journey ahead of me until I’m mentally better, but I now believe I can do it when I never thought I could before.

I’ve also met and become friends with the most kind, lovely, sweet, caring and amazing friends. They are truly great, and I’m honoured to call them my friends. They’ve supported me, made me laugh, comforted me. I’m blessed to have such great friends in my life. They’ve helped me with my mental health issues as well, and I thank them from the bottom of my heart - I’m in your debt. I’ll defend them and support them always. I never thought I was good enough or worth it to have friends, but they’ve showed me that I am worth it. I apologise if this is cheesy and a bit over the top, but I wanted to say how I feel. I honestly can’t thank you enough.

To Tobias, thank you. Thank you for helping me when you didn’t know you where and you continue to do so. Thank you for bringing positivity back into my life. I think you’re brave and incredibly inspirational. Thank you for making amazing music and bringing Ghost into the world. I admire and respect you. I always will.

anonymous asked:

I love your blushy Bakura icon and the way you draw him in general!

asdjhg thank you ~!! [honestly that icon describes my mood pretty well]

I’ve drawn bakura so much over the last few months his face alone has sparked severe improvement in my work


For: Anon

Imagine: Coming in first ranking, and tricking your boyfriend/trainer, Four, into thinking that you’ve been cut.

The moment you jumped from the roof and into the Dauntless compound, you were instantly infatuated by Four. He was your trainer, and a month into training, you and Four finally confessed your liking towards each other. Your relationship advanced quite a bit since then. Four gave you private training sessions, which lead you to come in third place for the training portion.

When it came to fear training, you did extremely well considering the fact that you only had five fears, only one more than your boyfriend, whom you know knew as Tobias, but of course, you were only allowed to call him that when the two of you were alone.

Today was the day that you would find out your final result. You meet Four on the roof right after fear landscapes, “Hey Toby!”

“Hey beautiful, how was the landscape?” He asks, he wasn’t able to stay back and watch how your landscape went.

“It was horrific, but I think it turned out pretty decent,” You answer.

He chuckles and pulls you into his arms, “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come Y/N.”

“What if I don’t make it Tobias? What if I get cut?”

“Not possible, you can’t get cut Y/N, you’ll do fine!” He reassures you.

“Ya but I said my landscape was decent, not great,” You say worried.

“You’re going to make it Y/N, now quite worrying.”

“I really hope so Toby, I would never want to leave you,” You lean up and kiss him.

“You’re not leaving, I won’t let you,” He says before kissing you again.

“We should go, they’ll be posting the ranks soon,” You finally say.

“I feel really bad, but I have to go to my shift in the control room,” You pout, “I’m sorry Y/N, but I’ll meet you back here at 10:30 tonight.”

“Fine,” You say, he kisses your forehead one last time before you leave.

You stare up at the rank board in awe:

1. Y/N

2. Max

3. Ruby

First?! What I got first?! Everyone congratulates you and Max comes to talk to you about an open leadership position, and you instantly accept.

You get on the roof at exactly 10:29 pm, and you decide that it would be a wonderful time to prank your lovely boyfriend; you stare off into the distance, trying not to blink until your eyes fill with tears. You were actually pretty good at fake crying, you begin to feel your face heat up and the tears finally start streaming down your face.

You here the door behind you open and you don’t look back, you continue staring off into the night sky. You finally hear Tobias’ voice, “Y/N? Baby are you alright?”

You sniffle, and he’s instantly by your side, he forces you to face him, “Shit Y/N, what happened? Why are you crying Y/N?!”

“I-I’ve been cut,” You say looking down, “I have to leave by tomorrow morning.”

“What?! What the fuck are you talking about?! How is that even possible Y/N?!” He cries shaking your shoulders.

“Well that’s what the score board said! There’s nothing I can do now Tobias!” You yell back, “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t yell at you, I really don’t want to leave you Toby, but I have to, I failed Toby.”

He falls to the ground and holds his head in his hands, “I-I can’t lose you Y/N, you’re all I have.”

You start feeling bad about your little prank; you decide to tell him the truth, “Tobias I-”

“No Y/N, it’s not your fault, I’ve made up my mind, if you leave, I’m leaving with you!” The thought that Tobias loved you so much made your heart melt.

“Shit, Toby I’m so sorry,” You laugh, “I can’t do this anymore. You are so perfect!”

“W-what? Why are you laughing?”

“I’m joking Tobias! I didn’t get cut,” His face is stuck by confusion, “I actually got first ranking, and I was offered a leadership position!”

“So that was supposed to be a joke?! That was not funny Y/N!” He sighs in exhaustion.

“I’m sorry Toby, I thought I would just get revenge for you not being here during my landscape and not being there for ranks,” He rolls his eyes.

“You know you’re a-”

“A bitch?” You laugh, “Yeah, I know.”

“Fuck you,” He says jokingly before pulling you up against himself, “I’m so proud of you Y/N.”

“Thank you Toby,” He kisses you passionately, and you’ve never been happier.

A/N: If any of you picked up on it, the names were the courtesy of my younger sister. LMAO!

Masterlist // Rules List // To-Do List

Theo James one shot - fire

(Requested by anon. Warnings none. Fluffy Drabble.
Imagine you burn yourself and don’t tell Theo, he finds out and gets all angry and protective over you.

You hiss as you knock the boiling pan off the side, you cry out in pain as the hot water soaks your arm. You stagger over to the sink and switch on the cold water, instant relief washes over you as the pain lessens.
A stinging sensation still there even after a while of keeping it cool, you hear the front door open and you turn off the tap rushing to dry your arm.
“Hey, babe.” Theo strolls over to you and kisses your cheek, you smile at him and steer him away from the kitchen.
“Work?” You ask casually, Theo groans and collapses on the closest couch.
“Long. I’m just glad I’m home that’s all.” Theo flashes one of his adorable smiles which reveals his dimples.
“Okay, well, I was just cooking dinner so I’ll be back in a minute” you brush your lips against Theo’s with a small smile on your lips, you to to walk away when Theo grasps onto your hand.
“What’s that? Why is your arm so red?” Theo asks furrowing his eyebrows bringing you closer to him.
“I don’t know, it’s just warm in here.” You blatantly lie, Theo sighs and stares up at you. He lightly touches the red soreness, you wince and pull away instantly.
Theo rises to his feet and jumps towards you with concern,
“What happened, (Y/N)?” Theo asks more seriousness now, his stern look causes you to give in.
“I burnt myself on accident.” You mutter as you avoid eye contact with him. Theo grunts and rushes into the bathroom where he returns with a damp cloth. He places it on your arm then stares back at you.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Theo asks more angry than anything.
“Because I didn’t think it mattered, it’s not a big deal, Theo.” You admit, Theo groans and searches you eyes almost to see if you were kidding.
“Well, it does, if you get hurt and don’t want to tell me that’s a big deal! Why didn’t you think it mattered? Why didn’t you tell me?!” Theo questioned, you sigh miserably and stare down at your arm.
“Because I knew you were busy, you don’t have to worry about me.” You try to force him into dropping the conversation but it fails. Theo cups your face his eyes softening,
“Well, I do worry, you’re my girl. I love you and I worry so much.” Theo pulls you into his chest and holds you securely.
You wrap you arm around Theo and chuckle quietly. “What?” Theo mumbles.
“You’re so protective.”
“No I’m not.”

anonymous asked:

If you're still doing animorphs reviews, #43 or #45?

(I’m not sure I have thoughts about #45 that I could articulate right now without just screaming Eva’s name for a page and a half, so…)

#43. The Test

Short opinion: The characterization of Tobias we get in this book is so awesome that it is a huge cryin’ shame every single other Animorph is so hideously mischaracterized. 

Long opinion:

I’ll get back to the extreme strangeness of everyone else’s behavior in a second, but first I want to talk about how much I love and adore Taylor as a character (I hate her as a person, obviously, but that’s why I love her) because of how well she serves as a foil for Tobias.  Not through being similar to Tobias, but through being so wildly unlike Tobias.  I know that teeechnically foils have to be similar to one another to draw attention to one another’s differences, but a big part of what’s so great about Taylor is that she and Tobias have nothing in common.  As I mentioned, it’s striking they don’t even understand each other, and they never start understanding each other no matter how much time they spend together.  Taylor’s a rich kid from a position of privilege who will do anything to have power over others, and she and Sub-Visser Fifty-One can’t even tell where one ends and the other one begins anymore.  Tobias has never known a day of security in his life, is motivated foremost by his desire to keep his friends and family safe, and—through Taylor’s interrogation of his decisions in #33—has come to a place of certainty about who he is, regardless of the paradox of being “half human, half bird, half andalite” (MM3).

Tobias’s opening narration will forever fascinate me.  He’s focused on the moment—find food, get shelter, maybe help this lost kid—and almost absentmindedly informs the reader that he’s a shapeshifting alien fighter who, by the way, is battling life-destroying PTSD.  In this moment he reminds me of Ivan calmly informing the reader that “with enough time, you can get used to almost anything.”  Because the true horror of Tobias flinching away from the kill even as he needs it to survive, being unable to escape the sound of Taylor’s voice in his mind, and apathetically wondering whether he’ll get himself killed if he doesn’t pay more attention to the present is it’s all so ordinary to him.  He still cares, he’s still distressed… but he’s also used to it.  Because with enough time, you can get used to almost anything.

Although every Tobias-narrated book ever written has a lot more introspection than the others (especially Rachel) tend to display, this book clearly shows just how much Tobias does in fact “live too much of life inside [his] head” (#43).  Yeah, he heroically saves a kid from drowning, and yeah, he risks his friends’ freedom to do it because he has to talk to some civilians to make it happen… But that whole incident feels, well, incidental.  Because the whole time that’s happening, Tobias is also giving us insight that we’ve been craving literally since the first book: he’s telling us the story of how he became trapped in morph, from his own point of view.  I continue to be surprised by how often fellow fandalites miss the crucial flashback at the beginning of this book when characterizing Tobias—and on some level I’m not surprised at all, because it really is a diamond in the rough.

It’s impressive as hell that Applegate (or whichever ghost) manages to give us the whole narrative without offering a single simple answer to the question of “Did Tobias become a nothlit on purpose?”  Instead, it seems that the best answer we (or Tobias, for that matter) will ever get is “it depends what you mean by ‘on purpose.’”  The way Tobias tells it, he had a few minutes in there where he could have risked dying—or worse, becoming a controller—for an okay chance at getting out of the yeerk pool cavern in time to demorph, and that he just decided it wasn’t worth his life and/or freedom to try and go back to that life.  But he’s not sure if he made the decision out of cowardice, being unwilling to die at the time.  But he’s not sure if he made the decision out of bravery, being willing to sacrifice anything to continue to fight.  But he’s not even sure himself if he had a choice at all, given the circumstances.  But he’s not sure whether he made the right call, even to this day.

I absolutely love that this explanation is so nebulous.  It feels wildly realistic, because that’s how we as humans tend to explain our own high-stress decision making.  Watch an interview with anyone who ever spontaneously dived into a fire or a river to save a total stranger; when asked “why did you do it?” the individuals tend to shrug and go “I dunno, seemed like the thing to do.”  Tobias probably doesn’t know for himself if, given everything he knows now, he’d go back and make the same call again.  He does know that at the time he had no idea what he was getting himself into, because that kid who chose to become a hawk rather than facing another day at home with his abusive dirtbag uncle had probably never “struck, embedded, and squeezed. Drained life instantly…” just to get breakfast (#43).  Anyway, Tobias might be inclined to agree with Taylor’s low opinion of himself—but he knows who he is.  He has no delusions.

And that self-certainty is enough to carry him through confronting Taylor all over again.  He knows he’s scared.  He knows that she hurt him, and that he’s probably never going to recover from that trauma.  He hates that she has managed to leave a mark on him, but he feels more pity and contempt than fear toward her.  Despite all of that, he’s not desperate.  There’s nothing he needs, and no one he needs to impress.  Therefore, he has power where Taylor has none.

This book also serves to give Tobias a glimpse of how far he could get from humanity using the taxxon as a sort of über-hawk.  Because once again: there’s an alien that needs morphing, and Tobias is the first one to do it.  I love the motif of Tobias being the one to morph andalite, Tobias being the one to acquire a nartec, Tobias being the one to figure out the nesk and mercora, Tobias having the relationship with the hork-bajir… Because Tobias doesn’t quite belong anywhere or with anyone.  He spent his entire childhood moving around the country, and he spends the entire series moving flexibly between identities.  He can get under Taylor’s skin just as much as she’s under his, because they might not understand each other but they still see each other’s weak points.

Anyway, that’s what’s awesome about this book.  The reason I called that opening narration a diamond in the rough before?  Boy howdy is nobody else in this book in character.  We’ve got Jake callously dismissing Tom’s existence when Cassie suggests they at least check whether he’s in the yeerk pool before they blow it up, everyone on the team being not just okay but gung-ho about killing several thousand yeerks and hosts, Rachel trying to save Taylor’s life, Ax being blasé about nearly eating his friends, Jake yelling at Ax for bumping into him, Rachel “more kindly” telling Ax it’s not his fault Jake yelled at him, Cassie rage-quitting the team because she disagrees with their decision rather than trying to persuade people to change their minds, Jake apparently not caring at all that Cassie cares enough to rage-quit, Marco thinking that the idea of killing hosts is not just okay but funny, Rachel being devastated that Cassie injured a few humans when she apparently didn’t even kill any of them… 

Okay, first of all, contrast the Animorphs’ actual responses when they really do blow up the yeerk pool to this nonsense.  In #52 they hesitate to set off the bomb until they have no choice, and afterward even Marco and Ax are devastated beyond words by what they’ve done.  Secondly, Rachel and Jake both spend so much of this book acting so weird that I ascribe to Cates’s Baker Street Irregulars-esque theory that they’re both acting for Taylor’s benefit just like they do in #22 for David’s benefit and this isn’t their real behavior.  Of course, I have a less charitable explanation for why Rachel is repeatedly described as “gentle” and “kind” as she wrings her hands over the horror of it all, while Jake is described as “harsh” and “domineering” while he snaps at anyone who so much as looks at him the wrong way, one that casts a side-eye at the ghostwriter and wonders about gender stereotypes

But let’s be charitable and just assume that Jake and Rachel are only pretending to be their Supreme Leader and Female Who Knows Her Place selves, respectively, in order to make Taylor think that their team is less cohesive than it is.  Or just stop reading this book after the first 15 pages.  Either way.

real talk: I had no idea that Terror Ferret had an older brother but the fact that The Fuckening has achieved so much over the past few years and is only going higher and that there are bands that he and his brother could only dream of being on their level are now fans of Ghost and are wanting them to tour alongside them but Tasty Fettuccine’s brother isn’t alive to see it happen is so fucking sad and bittersweet as hell like holy shit rip out my heart and leave me to die.

I don’t believe in a heaven (perse), but I feel very strongly of this- Sebastian is most definitely watching his younger other half from beyond the veil, and he is so proud.

please keep going, we love you so much.

Deciding to shrug off the strange feeling, Tobias continued their discussion about Ellie. I’ve given this a lot of thought, he started, his serious gaze falling on the small child. She’s missed having you around as much so I thought maybe, if it’s alright with you, she could stay here for a few days so that the two of you have some extra time together.

Of course that’s okay. I would love that, Archer quickly replied, his face lighting up. 

Then after, perhaps we can go back to our prior agreement until we decide on something more permanent. She can spend her days with you & her nights & weekends with me. He took a deep breath, trying to set his worries aside. It was much easier when he saw the smile on his daughter’s face as she played with Archer. I’ve put a call in to my lawyer. I’m going to drop the suit for sole custody. Hopefully you & I can come up with something agreeable for all of us, keeping Ellie’s needs & wants in mind.

Oh wow, Tobias, Archer murmured. Thank you. Thank you so much. I think that’s a really great idea.

Tobias nodded, satisfied now with his decision. Perfect. Then I will be back on Friday to pick up the princess.

As the older man knelt down & kissed the toddler on the top of her head, Archer cleared his throat. I’m really glad we were able to discuss everything with Ellie but, um… he paused, letting out a nervous laugh. That’s not what I needed to talk to you about. 

Tobias stood, his eyes narrowing as he looked again towards the blond. He reminded himself of Levi & the small exchange he’d seen them share when he first arrived. It was the first time he’d seen them together like that in years. It wasn’t just a kiss on the cheek; it was their body language & the way they looked at each other. With that in mind, he swallowed down any hope that had started to creep in. If there is anything else in the divorce decree that you dislike…

It’s not about the divorce, Toby, Archer interjected. If you have a few minutes, you should probably sit down. 

anonymous asked:

I associate you with Bakura for sure! And as for cryptids? I agree with Absol, but also Silvally


I love Silvally so much it’s so damn adorable.

Originally posted by shinycaterpie

ʷʰᵃᵗ ᶜʰᵃʳᵃᶜᵗᵉʳˢ ᵈᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃˢˢᵒᶜⁱᵃᵗᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐᵉ

Tell me, did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there