tobagganing

10

PSA: Geddy Lee teaching you how to safely tobaggan. Remember, you’re never too punk rock for sledding safety.
(ok, so, the punk rock thing is a joke. I’m sorry not everyone understands that. We’re all aware that they’re not punk, alright people? I never thought anyone would think that. I am sorry for the confusion that this has caused some of you).

  • Darth Malak: I knew it! They're finally coming for me! It was only a matter of time! The walls are closing in!
  • Dark!Bastila: Is he always like this?
  • Saul Karath: Only when he’s stressed.
  • Dark!Bastila: Well that’s a relief…
  • Saul Karath: He’s always stressed.
  • Dark!Bastila: God Damnit!
  • Saul Karath: He and Revan used to joke about killing each other when they were still friends. However, now that Revan has their memories back, he’s afraid that they’ll make good on some of their more…creative threats.
  • Darth Malak: I used to laugh at their comments, you hear me!? Laugh! But now? what if they do chop off my limbs, rip out my intestines and ride me like some sort of meat toboggan!?
  • Saul Karath: You hear that, Bastila? Meat Tobaggan. Try getting that image out of your head. Gripping his entrails like the reins of Santa’s sleigh, streaking through the fresh snow on a trail of bile and gore as his eyes beg the same question as the horrified children in his wake…“Why?"
  • Darth Malak: Oh God!
  • Dark!Bastila: *strongly considering switching masters*
  • *later, on the Star Forge*
  • Revan: Malak! Oh this brings back memories! Tell me, do you remember what I said to you back when we first found Lehon?
  • Darth Malak: *whispering* Meat Tobaggan…
  • Revan: You remember! That’s going to save me so much time on explanations!

Five goddamn years of turning the Krew into trash bags!

Five years ago, while sleep deprived late one night, an idea came to me: Turn the Krew into those lovable scumbags from South Philly.

What started as just putting some funny Sunny quotes over Korra screencaps evolved into the mess it is today.

Korra became a volatile, closeted self-described “badass” with a criminal father and a cigarette for a mother, and she doesn’t know how to express herself unless through anger and personal attack. She’s made her own movers called “Project Badass,” and she also gained a nickname because of her catlike reflexes. She’s under the impression she can tuck and roll through a fifty-foot drop. She doesn’t think gaining and losing 60 pounds in three months is impossible, as “through Raava all things are possible, so jot that down,” though the only reason she dropped the weight was because of the “size pills” Asami gave her (they were really Fire Nation ephedra). Though she would never say it to her face, she thinks Asami has great thighs. Rather than get her own gym membership, she uses Asami’s, and it also turns out that she actually doesn’t own anything.

Asami became a vain, narcissistic, predatory sexual deviant who makes her own sex movers (all with star ratings), has her own dating system, calls herself a “golden god,” and she will bang your girlfriend. She also wrote her memoirs, Asami Sato: An Erotic Life, and she was once a cult leader for a cult she started to keep Korra from eating her Thin Mints. While trying to compliment Korra, she only complimented herself instead. She likes to keep her “tools” in a hidden compartment of her Satomobile’s trunk, and she tends to unleash her fury after containing her rage for as long as possible. Bolin thinks she’s as methodical as a serial killer. She once threatened Mako with turning him into a lampshade or a collection of high end luggage. After Korra told her that her body was in decline and Varrick said she had an “anteater nose,” she bought herself a billboard to show the world she still has “a rocking body that deserves to be worshiped.” She also wants people to sign “creepy documents.”

Mako became an angry “dirty, drunk whore” who looks like a bird and sets “bitches” on fire. He once had a dream of being a successful pro-bender, despite that “ship sailing three years ago,” but he ended up failing. He also once managed to drag the others to a gin bar which they all hated. He got a cat, to which Korra and Asami said would begin his transformation into “crazy cat man.” Because of their teasing, he pointed out they were “two co-dependent losers,” but when their “break up” affected everyone else, he brought them back together and assured them it was “perfectly natural for two grown women to need each other this badly.” When a serial killer was on the loose in Republic City, targeting “young, attractive firebenders,” the others assured Mako he didn’t fit the description. He faked his death with Korra and Bolin, and while Asami knew the latter two were alive, she thought he might have actually been murdered. To get on welfare, he and Asami both decided to smoke crack. And no matter what he does, he’ll always be the butt of everybody’s jokes.

And Bolin became an illiterate, fire-ferret-food-eating wild card. He knows everything about Bird Law, and he considers himself the best goddamn bird lawyer in the world. On top of that, he’s familiar a little bit of pigeon. He has anxiety about leaving Republic City, to the point he has to wear a sack on his head so they can all go to Ba Sing Se, and he had the Krew hunt for ghouls during Bolin Day, though none were found. He considers Korra his best friend over Asami, who had banged Ginger, and he and Varrick made up their own game they call “Night Crawlers,” which is exactly what it sounds like. Glue ODs are a regular thing in his life, and as he is a common man, he does not eat dragon. He considers his drawings art and likes to eat chalk. He also wrote a song called “Nightman.” Whenever he gets a little wound up, Asami will grab him and yell “Oi! Oi! Oi!” over and over, which seems to work.

Then there’s also the “Five Franks”:

So thanks to everyone following this blog because, honestly, without all y’all, this blog would not have lasted five years. So let us enjoy some cans of boxed wine and delicious milksteak!

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Celebrity Winter Advice with Geddy Lee (by RareRushReview)

From the lead singer of my favorite band, EVER!

Hilariously Comical Tobagganing Safety Public Service Announcement by Rush’s Geddy Lee