tobacco ashes

STALKING  THE  DEERSTALKER

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FOLLOWING SHERLOCK’S DEERSTALKER THROUGHOUT THE SERIES - BASED ON THE ASSUMPTION EMP STARTS AT THE BEGINNING OF ASIB 

When the deerstalker made his first appearance in ASIB I just thought of it as a reminiscence to canon Sherlock Holmes. After all, this hat has become the most famous trademark for the great detective worldwide for more than hundred years. Somehow the deerstalker and Holmes are almost inseperable. Therefore it’s no great surprise that this hat shows up in Sherlock BBC as well. What I wonder now - after having written about the Deer and the Skull - is this:  Could the deerstalker be of more importance for the story than just a reference to victorian Holmes? Because:

‘The deerstalker is traditionally a rural outdoorsman’s cap. It is not an appropriate headgear for the properly dressed urban Gentleman. The fashion-conscious Holmes would be loath to commit such a sartorial faux pas.'  (X)

That’s about canon Sherlock Holmes. Nowadays - in the 21st century - wearing a deerstalker in London would look even more strange I assume. And I’m not talking here about fans who wear it in honor of Sherlock. That’s something quite different. No, I mean wearing it as a hat … just a hat.

The more I think about that 'silly hat’ the more it appears to be a massive anomaly in this modern Sherlock Holmes adaptation.

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@its-tobacco-ash liked for a Christmas starter

   It had been a quiet day at 221b, which was a nice change from the busy and bustling streets of London. The radio in the kitchen was playing Christmas songs, had been all afternoon, as John busied himself in the kitchen. He had taken to making mulled wine for him and Sherlock, something to hopefully get them into the Christmas spirit (if only a little) and to calm Sherlock down and take his thoughts away from not having a case.

   The recipe had belonged to his grand mother and John always got a little nostalgic whenever he made it. John smiled and added two cinnamon sticks to their mugs before taking them into the living room.

   He placed one in front of Sherlock on the table and then settled next to him on the couch, enjoying them warmth of his own mug in his hands.

    “So,” He then began, “Let´s talk gifts. What do you want for Christmas?” 

A Forgotten Wish

It was lying in the bottom of the box, after all the other baubles and detritus of a former life were cleared away. Some binned, some carefully repackaged and placed in places of honor around Baker Street, and some hidden away under carefully indexed socks never to again see the light of day.

It took Sherlock a moment to recognize the non-descript paper. After all there was nothing really outstanding about it: folded three times, slightly yellowed around the edges with time, crumpled like the owner had held it tightly in their fist before giving it up. When he did realize what it was he was seeing, it was with a slight tremor that he reached into the box to retrieve it, lifting it with a care usually reserved for handling dangerous corrosive chemicals. Unfurling the paper he slowly scanned the contents, taking note of the sloppy scrawl, a child’s writing only later maturing into the slightly-less sloppy block printing that would be used to comment on everything from tobacco ash to shopping lists. Backward S’s making him smile, he traced each one carefully as he remembered the events that led him to write this letter.

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Another fight. Could one really call it a fight if It were one-sided? But another split lip, skinned knees, ripped hem. Other children it seemed would never understand him. He always vowed to try to be more like those he spied running and playing and jumping, but something always gave him away. Some trace of “wrongness” that either came from his manner, or most often, his mouth.

It was Mycroft who found him that time. Home from School for Winter Holiday, he dusted him off and asked him why he cared so about what they thought.

“I’m lonely,” Sherlock remarked.  “I want a friend. Just one friend who will never leave. Even you left.”

Mycroft looked stricken for one moment before gathering Sherlock to him in an awkward hug, “I’m sorry Little Bee.”

“Myc, do you think if I ask Father Christmas for a friend, he’ll bring me one?”

Mycroft hid his watery smile behind his hand, “It’s worth a try, William. I’ll help you write a letter.”

And so Sherlock had sat down at his writing desk and with Mycroft’s help composed a letter to Father Christmas asking for someone to watch over him, a friend to play pirates with, who would listen to his stories and never leave. He folded it three times and grasping it tightly to his chest, asked if Mycroft would please post it the next day.

Sherlock had no doubt Mycroft had held his word, for there on Christmas morning was a beautiful Irish Setter puppy, whom Sherlock promptly named Redbeard. And when Mycroft left again for school, Sherlock had Redbeard to whisper his secrets to, and cuddle during storms. And it didn’t matter that no one else wanted to play pirates with him because Redbeard was his first mate.

Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. The day Sherlock lost his only friend, he decided that friends were silly anyway, and no one would ever hold his heart again. Friends were for stupid boys named William, and Sherlock was going to face the world alone.

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Sherlock looked down again at the letter in his hands. Mycroft had kept it all these years, tucked away with his important files and papers, the only box that contained any family information. Why this letter? He’d dearly love to ask him. It seemed now he’d give anything for Mycroft to sweep into 221 with his arrogant manner when for so long it was a annoying imposition. But that was as unlikely to happen as Redbeard to come bounding in the flat so best to stop that train of thought immediately.

“Sherlock, you finish that last box - what’s wrong?”

“Just old ghosts, John, something I’d forgotten.”

“Sherlock?” John kneeled down by Sherlock’s side, hands reaching out to rest on Sherlock’s knee. Strong hands, used to defend, to protect, to treat, and to love. Sherlock smiled as he watched the firelight play off the band on John’s hand, the same glint that matched his own.  

“Something you want to talk about, love?”

“It’s nothing John,” Sherlock replied as he leant down to brush their lips together tenderly. Once twice, a kiss for his husband, his lover, his friend. “It’s just that I realize Father Christmas really does exist.”


tags and notes under the cut

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“Friendship Over! Curse”

Originally posted by infinita-x-highway

A curse to turn the sweet, oh-so-wonderful friendship between two or a group of people sour, whether it’s because it’s an unhealthy friendship or because these people/s are hurtful in their ways… or simply because you wish to see their friendship broken up (can also be used to break an romantic relationship up).

When I did this curse, I did it for the malicious intent of turning a relationship between two people sour because they have repeatedly hurt me through exclusion and isolation… and, frankly, they have pissed off the wrong witch.

Materials:

- A jar container
- Something “sweet” that rots (flower, fruit, etc.)
- A taglock (their name/s will do just fine)
- A sigil to boost the curse (optional)
- Tobacco (for a more powerful effect, use cigarette ashes)
- Milk (“sweet” milk is even better)
- Anything else “sweet” that represents their friendship that can rot
- Anything else curse-worthy (nails, pins, etc.)

✨ For my curse I used a flower to represent their friendship, milk tea as it is sweet and eventually turns sour, staples and sewing pins to stab the flower with, and tobacco (I couldn’t burn a cigarette inside) as it represents sickness and the killing of something healthy and happy. I used their names for their taglocks, and the intent of “their friendship turns sour” for the sigil (I will include a picture for use later on).

Execution:

1. Get mad. Think about why you want to end this bond between people/s. Think about how this friendship is hurtful and annoying. Think about what’ll be like if these people/s weren’t friends. Get malicious, get mad.

2. (optional) If you’re going to use a sigil, use it now. I recommend burning it to active it. Burn the sigil into the jar you will use for your curse. Remember your intent.

3. Put your representation of the friendship in the jar (alongside anything else “sweet”). Take note of how fresh and sweet this jar is now; how beautiful and lovely it is; how it’s exactly like that friendship. Take note of how perfect it is… how fragile it is. Remember your intent.

4. Take your taglock of your target/s and put them inside the jar, on opposite sides of each other. The item in the middle represents their friendship - it is shared, so it is in between them.

5. Put in the malicious, ill-intended extras - the tobacco/cigarette ashes to kill the friendship, the nails, etc. to hurt the friendship, and so on and so forth. Remember your intent. Be. Angry.

6. Last, but not the least, the final ingredient: the sweet, sweet milk. Pour it in the jar, and allow it to drown everything inside, covering everything - the “friendship” especially - with sweetness. Remember your intent. This will all turn sour and decay soon.

7. Lid your jar and bury it in the earth or, if you’re like me and unable to bury it, stuff it somewhere hidden (like in a box).

That’s it! You’re done. Time for some aftercare! Cleanse your workplace, cleanse yourself, and THROW OUT any left over ingredients. DO NOT CONSUME THEM. Cast some protection spells over yourself. After that, all you need to do is wait for that friendship to turn sour.

Here’s a few pics of my curse (before I added the milk tea),
Here’s the sigil I used,
Here’s a sigil I highly recommend using after performing this curse

If you intend to use this curse, good luck and stay safe!

anonymous asked:

how would the hosts help you if you were getting into bad things like skiping school and smoking ect. ?

Tamaki: Tamaki, being the worrisome person that he is would have been texting you immediately upon the first day you didn’t turn up at school. When he had finished his classes he would have stopped around your house with medicine that he didn’t particularly understand, as well as chocolate and movies that you liked. However when he entered the house and found you sitting in the lounge with a smile on your face he was confused. He decided that maybe you just needed a break or something. However when he bent over to kiss you and smelt the unmistakeable scent of tobacco ash his whole demeanour changed. He stiffed, standing up straight. He dropped the bags and immediately begun to search your home looking for all the cigarettes he could find. Once he had them all he would leave, heading to the pharmacy, and dumping the cigarettes in a dumpster far away from your home. He would then buy several packs of nicotine patches and storm back. You would be livid with rage, and you two would have a screaming match, not ending until you agreed to try and quit, at which point he would be gentler, promising to help you and telling you to tell him if you ever need him.

Kyoya: You had been missing from school and your home for a while before Kyoya’s private police force finally managed to track you down in the back alleys and slums where you had been meeting with dealers. They detained you, handcuffing you and forcing you into the truck, apparently under strict orders not to harm you. They drove you to Kyoya’s house, who immediately met with you alone. Despite his initial anger he admitted how pleased he was to have you back. Then he got down to business. He knew of drug addiction, not to mention that his family owned several facilities that assisted people, but since you had only just entered the world he figured that he had a good chance of pulling you back without having to send you away. He made you promise to see a consultant where they would discuss what to do and put you on various drugs to try and wean you completely off the shit you are into. After the conversation however, Kyoya took you up to his private bathroom. He ran you a bath and waited patiently outside whilst you washed. Afterwards he provided clean clothes and helped you into his bed. With the lights off the two of you lay there for a while, clinging to each other, and you were surprised to feel the shakes of Kyoya’s suppressed sobs. He thought he lost you.

Haruhi: When Haruhi you and Haruhi planned on your date you agreed to meet outside the cinema at 8:00pm. However when Haruhi arrived and saw you breathing in the fumes of a cigarette you could feel the disapproval of her gaze a mile off. Whenever she saw you after that night she would ask about your ‘habit’ asking you to quit, telling you it’s stupid and your hurting yourself. You became broker, your voice became courser and you developed a worrying cough. It’s only when you overhear Haruhi confessing to Tamaki that she was terrified for your health did you realise that this seemingly small thing was huge to her. You talked to her after that, saying that for her you’ll try to quit. She was delighted. She helped you throw away your cigarettes, helped you buy some nicotine patches and went to the doctors with you for moral support. She was relieved to hear that the problem wasn’t overly serious, and was in fact curable. She stayed with you when withdrawal sent you spiralling out of control, holding you softly, stroking your head and whispering sweet nothings into the air. Everyday she reminded you how proud she was of you and you swore to her that you’ll never make her worry like that again.

Kaoru: When Kaoru and you were cuddling as you watched a movie, he leaned over to give you a peck on the lips, however, pulling away he decided that there was something off about the way you taste. When he saw you having a cigarette outside the next morning he understood the taste. At that point he informed you that he will be suspending all forms of kissing and cuddling until you promised to give up smoking. You objected harshly to this, but Kaoru stood firm. For the next three weeks the two of you gave each other the cold shoulder until you couldn’t take it anymore. You approached Kaoru awkwardly when he was alone and admitted that you wanted to give up smoking. The massive grin that spread across his face wasn’t from the satisfaction of winning, but from relief. He and you together talked to doctors who recommended many different methods of quitting. You decided to try weaning yourself off them slowly, cutting down the amount you had a day until you were clean, with Kaoru beside you everyday, telling you how proud he was of you. He was the one to hide all the other cigarettes so that you stuck to your daily limit but if you broke he would be supportive and help you try again.

Hikaru: Hikaru exploded the first time he witnessed your new ‘habit’. As you took another shot of heroine he was frozen with rage before he erupted in a mess of screaming and shouting. That was when you went quiet for a while. Hikaru had stormed off after his initial meltdown leaving you to wallow with your syringes. Hikaru regretted his actions as soon as he had walked out on you, knowing that it was dangerous to leave you like that, and he began to hate himself upon discovering that you were gone when he returned. He worked tirelessly trying to track you even calling on Kyoya’s private forces to assist him before he finally located you in an old abandoned building with several others. Hikaru took you back and brought you to a hospital where they could try to fix you up. They had a recuperation programme for people in your situation which Hikaru had signed you up for that was designed to wean you off onto a less dangerous drug, then wean you off that entirely. The entire time Hikaru stayed glued to your side, and it was difficult to get a moment alone. He was so scared of losing you again.

Honey: When Honey found you at your home for he twentieth time, drunk off your arse, he knew something had to be done. His face darkened, his voice raising before he grabbed your wrist and dragged you out of your home and to his house. The sweet, innocent childlike Honey disappeared for a few days as he forced you to attend doctor’s appointments and groups sessions. Soon he gradually turned back when he felt that you were getting better. He became more supportive and more happy, he started cuddling you again and stuffing his (and yours) face with cake. One veining late at night s he curled himself around you he confessed that he was scared. He was worried that your drink self would become a permanent state of mind, and was worried what would become of your health because of it. When you started showing major signs of improvement the two of you would celebrate with a cake night, and when you were suffering tom the effects of withdrawal, he would stay silently by your side, giving you his unending support.

Mori: Mori  had spent a while tracking you down since that first day you disappeared from school, however when Mori found you neck deep in gangs he was surprised to say the least. He picked you up effortlessly, dragging you out of there without even bothering to give the others the time of day. You had tattoos and piercings, not to mention terrible language and a smoking habit. Mori had suppressed many a sigh as he dragged you back to his house without any effort, you cussing him out all the way. However when he dropped you and started to yell at you then you looked up surprised and wide-eyed as the gentle giant ranted and raved about how worried he was about you - how worried everyone was about you. When he was finished he fell down next to you, resting his forehead on your shoulder and regained his breathe. After that, you separated yourself from the gangs, got rid of your worse tattoos (not all of them however - there were some that meant a lot to you), and gave up your cigarettes in exchange for a much better drug - Mori. During a night of passion, he removed your underwear, looking up at you as he did so. He leaned down, about to lick you when he stopped, frozen; “… Is that a piercing..?” “…"

ratthepoet  asked:

I have a question about cleaning pipes. I lent a pipe to a friend for a few months, and now that I've got it back, it's the filthiest pipe I've ever seen. I don't think my buddy cleaned it once during the entire time. Normally, I clean my pipes by running a pipe cleaner through the stem and wiping the bowl down, but I think this time I need to get a little deeper. What's the best way to get a pipe as clean as possible?

I’m terribly sorry this took SO long to reply to. I hope it’s useful to you are someone else out there.

The Deep clean:

Every so often it’s a good idea to give each of your pipes a deep cleaning. I recommend at least twice a year and more often if you smoke them a lot. This will keep your pipes in great working order for a sweet smooth cool smoke.

1. Prepare.
You’ll need to select a location. Cleaning your pipe can be a bit messy as you’ll be emptying quite a bit of ash and tobacco from your pipe. I like to do this out on my patio if the wether permits. If you’re cleaning your pipes inside put down some newspaper to catch all of your ash and have a small bag close by to collect the used pipe cleaners and paper towels.

2. Gather your materials.
You’ll need:
- Your pipes (Make sure that a pipe you intend to clean is completely coo,l I recommend at least 24hrs from last use)
- Pipe tool
- Pipe cleaners (You will need a lot and having a variety of bristle and stiffness is helpful. Remember, pipe cleaners are cheap, a new pipe is not.)
- pipe sweetener or grain alcohol.
- paper towels/cotton balls
- briar polish (Optional)
- polishing cloth (Optional)

3. Clean the stem.
Remove the stem by pulling it straight out with a slight unscrewing motion. Be careful not to pull at an angle as this can damage the tenon. Over time the unscrewing motion puts tiny grooves in the tenon and the shank of the pipe and help to hold them together firmly.
Take a pipe cleaner and dip it into your pipe sweetener The sweetener is mainly alcohol and acts as a cleaning agent as well as imparting some flavor to the pipe itself. Push the pipe cleaner through the mouthpiece sliding it left and right as you push it through to clean the sides of the hole. Notice the pipe cleaner comes out quite dirty. Follow it with a dry pipe cleaner to absorb some moisture. Repeat this process two or three times until a wet pipe cleaner comes out looking clean.
Dip another clean pipe cleaner in your sweetener and fold one in over and clean out the inside of the tenon. (note: Your folded pipe cleaner will only be dirty only be dirty on one side, you can fold it over the opposite way and run it through again.) Repeat until a dry pipe cleaner comes out looking clean.
Now use a cotton all or paper towel to rub down the outside of your stem. Alcohol will dull the finish on the outside of your pipe so a little water or saliva work nicely to clean around the lip of the stem.
When the stem is totally clean you can take a test draught through it. You’ll notice it tastes noticeably sweeter and cleaner. Use a soft cloth to polish up your stem and keep it looking beautiful.

4. The shank and air hole.
Use a sweetened bristle pipe cleaner to clean out the air hole and the inside of the shank. Repeat the same basic process as with the stem only you do not thread the cleaners through the bowl. Once the air hole is clean fold the pipe leaner in half and clean out the Shank. This should only take one or two pipe cleaners.

5. The Bowl.
Bend a clean pipe cleaner in a smooth curve around your thumb so it’s about the same shape as the inside of the bowl. Stick your pipe cleaner down to the bottom and turn it a few times to remove excess carbon. You can flip the pipe cleaner so the clean side is facing out and repeat.

Happy smoking!

If anyone else has thoughts or other tips, please share them!

#pipetips #pipecleaning #tobaccopipe

John wakes up alone on his 50th birthday. He huffs and rolls over, finding Sherlock’s spot cold and lonely. He would have loved to wake up next to his husband on a day that now he definitely feels old.

John knows Sherlock, knows that he can remember 243 types of tobacco ash or the trajectory of a bullet but that he can’t be fussed to remember John’s birthday.  In the first few years together, as boyfriends and then husbands it bothered John. Quite a bit. Sherlock would forget, not say anything, not do anything special, and then finally, late in the day he’d remember only because John had been quiet too long or acted cold and detached. Only then would he remember.

But this year John is not going to act any different. Who cares if Sherlock forgot? John would, quite frankly like to forget. Fifty. How did this happen?

As John thinks back on his fifty years, forty-five of them quite terrible, the door cracks open. Sherlock peeks in, checking if he’s awake. John shifts a bit and Sherlock walks in, shy and reserved. John rolls onto his back meeting Sherlock’s eyes, and they hold a sparkle.

Before John can inquire as to what is going on, Sherlock rushes in, saying “I know you feel old, John. You’re not old. You’re wonderful. Strong and fast and brave and happy. You are happier now than you’ve ever been. Happier than you were at twenty, or thirty or forty. I remembered. Happy birthday, my John. I want to take you to brunch and show you my bolt hole at Kew Gardens. It’s lovely this time of year. So get up! Get dressed! Because there is lots to be done!” And with that Sherlock rushes out again, without a good morning kiss, or a nuzzle or a response. John chuckles, pulling his legs out from under the blankets.

Sherlock has always been unpredictable, but in fifty years young, John would have never predicted this. 

Sherlock Proms interlude BUT:
- Mark looks soooooo good in a tailcoat
- Apparently Sherlock can only distinguish between 14 types of tobacco ash.
- WHEN MARK READ HOLMES’ S NOTE TO WATSON FROM REICHENBACH HE READ IT AS A LOVE LETTER I SWEAR TO FUCKING [INSERT DEITY HERE] PLEASE I WANT TO D IEEE - who else is listening to this because OH MYGOOODDDDDDDD

Is Sherlock actually a virgin?

Almost everyone I’ve ever spoken with concerning this topic is quick to say Sherlock is most definitely, beyond any doubt, a virgin.  While I’m open to either possibility, considering the subtextual clues presented within the narrative I firmly believe he is not.  The many instances we see Sherlock’s naivety concern emotion/sentiment and not necessarily sex. I am going to deduce this answer using context clues and the balance of probability.  

Let’s look at Sherlock, the man, in a completely neutral way.  Just like we gravitate towards the notion “one is straight until proven gay” we must separate ourselves from the idea “one is a virgin until there is proof of their sexual intimacy”. Sherlock himself does not discuss the matter - we get only other characters to comment on his possible “virginity”. Mycroft insinuates in ASiB that Sherlock knows nothing about sex, which could be taken two ways: 1) Mycroft knows Sherlock is a virgin and he’s calling him out to be spiteful OR 2) Mycroft is harassing him to make up for the fact that Sherlock has deeply embarrassed him at Buckingham Palace, showing John that Sherlock knows nothing about sex because it “scares him”, when really Sherlock has a deep emotional barrier that keeps him from getting close to anyone of substance to form that type of bond.  Here we see Sherlock admit sex doesn’t scare him - because it doesn’t.  Sure, when a female character tries to seduce him he gets very uncomfortable but that’s not because he’s necessarily inexperienced or scared…. it’s because he doesn’t want to have sex with women.  Moriarty calls Sherlock “the Virgin” possibly because Moriarty constantly hits on him but Sherlock never joins in. Moriarty’s flirting goes unrecognized and he’s picking on Sherlock to compensate.  It’s the classic notion “You don’t want to have sex with me?  What are you, a virgin?” Moriarty is a bully and his nickname for Sherlock isn’t a good indicator of whether or not he’s actually a virgin.  Also, since Mycroft isn’t an Iceman, it’s fair to argue Sherlock isn’t a virgin.  

Subtextual references regarding cars, smoking, and the riding crop can be understood as signs Sherlock has had a sexual past.  Car’s have long been metaphors for male genitalia and the concept of a man’s sexual performance. Giving someone “a ride” or saying that his “car wouldn’t start” are tributes to this metaphor.  We see it used in S3 to show the sexual incompatibility between John and Mary - John never drives his car with Mary (unless she forces herself along), he refuses the rides she offers him, he needs to put a tyre lever in his pants when they do go driving together (Viagra shoutout), he cycles to work (possibly) even though Mary drives to the same work location every day. But Sherlock doesn’t own a car.  At least, we don’t see him drive.  We didn’t even think he knew how to drive a car for awhile there…. until they showed him driving in THoB.  Well of course he could drive!  Just because we never saw him do it doesn’t mean he hasn’t had the required skills and experience this whole time… why did I doubt that skill of his? Because I never had any proof?  “He always takes a cab or the Tube, he must not have his driver’s license” is the same thought process of “straight until proven gay”.  

Smoking tobacco is a manifestation Sherlock’s sexual urges, while his drug abuse is comparable to his battle with sentiment and the fact that he is homosexual.  Those two metaphors are similar and connected, but not explicitly the same.  All of Sherlock’s fears revolve around sentiment and the fact that he’s an “unsavory companion of dubious morals” while his smoking habit is something that he’s had for awhile but attempts to control lest his brain give in to his primal instincts and shut down completely.  Bad news for brainwork.  I’ve previously outlined the fact that Sherlock’s “Three Patch Problem” from ASiP isn’t a case but instead his sexual urges toward John Watson, meaning the patches quell the desires so his brain can triumph. Mycroft is the one who “smokes like a beginner”, so where’s the analysis on his virginity? I think there’s a far better chance that Mycroft is a virgin over Sherlock, but that’s for another post.  Anyway, the one thing Sherlock does know about is tobacco ash.  He can identify 243 different types.  What the fuck?  How?  That is thorough even for him.  And when he’s drunk he claims to know ash and that no one can tell him otherwise.  I’m sure you do, Sherlock. His battle with cigarettes is exactly the brain vs body conundrum.  When his body is overwhelmed with desire, like in THoB recently after the Battersea reveal, he’s raving mad trying to get a grip on himself and calm down.  His brain cannot overcome his need to smoke and his body shows how much it affects him.  He used to smoke regularly before John moved in - but once he does Sherlock has had to fight his urges the best way he can.  

The riding crop is a metaphor for Sherlock’s penis.  Him throwing it at John at the beginning of TAB means Sherlock had the hots for him ever since they met.  Him going to retrieve it from the mortuary in ASiP could mean that he’s never used it before BUT it’s more likely he’s used it so long ago on people who are incredibly unimportant.  He didn’t just find his riding crop laying around one day, he retrieved it from the mortuary.  He brought it back from the dead. To die, one must first have lived.  He took one look at John Watson and thought, “I better go get that riding crop - I’m pretty sure I’m going to need it again”.  

“Sex doesn’t alarm me.” - “Porn preference: Normal” - “Either I’ve caught you in a compromising position or you’ve been working out again…. I favor the latter.” - “No, I helped him put up some shelves.” - “You must have had…. experiences.  You are flesh and blood, you have a past…. you must have…. impulses”   

You monsters, I finally caved in and made a fucking foodsona/OC. And fuck me, it’s a teabag based on Winston Churchill because we have Sauerkraut!Hitler and Vodka!Stalin, so why the fuck not?

So yeah, this is Earl, he’s an chubby earl grey tea bag who’s filled with more tobacco ashes then tea leaves. He looks over the British Aisle under the orders of the Queen of Puddings and protects it from being taken over by the German Aisle. He’s known for being resilient, dry-witted, and hard to shock. When he’s not keeping the German Aisle at bay, he’s usually smoking the shit out of his cigar kazoo as a means of relaxing himself.

anonymous asked:

"Hey John," Sherlock says looking up from his microscope, "do you know what I was doing before you ran your fingers through my hair?" "Discovering another type of tobacco ash," John replies, "why?" "Because um... I... Well that is when you touched my hair... I, I'm... I forgot what I was doing," Sherlock confesses. "Really?" John says surprised, "am I that good?" "You're amazing," Sherlock smiles contentedly, "so amazing that all I want to do right now is fuck." "I think we can do that..."

hehehehehehehee :3