toasted cheese sandwiches

there is a particular type of emptiness that comes on a person between the hours of 11pm and 4am wherein your body sends steadily more confusing signals about what it wants, which you dutifully try to interpret. do we want a pink donut, you ask yourself? dutifully, a pink donut is procured and eaten, but the emptiness persists. do we want a toasted ham and cheese sandwich instead, perhaps to eat while reading a suitable fanfic, curled up in the kind of comfortable window-seat our house does not, in fact, possess? what do we want, brain-body?

here is the answer: what we crave in these moments isn’t nourishment, but acknowledgement freely offered, as opposed to covertly solicited. we sit awake while others sleep and hope our distant friends will sense, by some animal gnosis apart from us, that we want their company; will know to reassure us that we’re not wasting their time, that they’re thinking of us, that we’re valued and wanted. it’s a complex sort of hunger, and one the human body is evidently ill-equipped to convey to its resident ghost in any clearly distinguished fashion. 

so instead, we make terrible decisions involving carbohydrates while squinting at unsatisfactory literature. because existential crises.

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Binary Review #19 - Toasted Cheese Sandwiches

Call them what you will*, there is no denying that they are truly a food fit for a god, regent or possibly someone with a less significant, but still landed, title. (No lowly serf *spits with disgust* is going to get his hands on these babies. Not on my watch.) This is a food that is not only simple to make AND delicious, but carries a couple of rare and powerful properties.

The first amazing property of the toasted cheese sandwich is that if you have one of the good presses (pictured) it cuts the sandwiches into triangles. It’s a well established fact that cutting a sandwich into triangles makes it taste better. Don’t believe me?

Picture a ham sandwich. Now picture the same ham sandwich cut into four little triangles and ask yourself “Which would taste better?”. I thought so.

The second and more powerful property is that the later it is at night, or rather, earlier the next morning, the better they taste. Now I don’t exactly have a degree in fungineering, but I believe that is what science refers to as “Fucking Sourcery”.

What is best in life? “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of their women. Oh and toasted cheese sandwiches are even better than that.” -Conan The Barbarian

Score: 1/1

*As long as it’s not “Jaffles”. I will reluctantly and BEGRUDGINGLY accept “Cheese Toasties”. Yes, you win, okay?! You know who you are.

Classroom Conversation Sentence Starters

“Let’s all be unique together until we realise we are all the same.”
“Writing a list of random sentences is harder than I initially thought it would be.”
“Should we start class now, or should we wait for everyone to get here?”
“I was very proud of my nickname throughout high school.”
“Sometimes, all you need to do is completely make an ass of yourself and laugh it off to realize that life isn’t so bad after all.”
“I want to buy a onesie… but know it won’t suit me.”
“We need to rent a room for our party.”
“Check back tomorrow; I will see if the book has arrived.”
“I love eating toasted cheese and tuna sandwiches.”
“Cats are good pets, for they are clean and are not noisy.”
“If Purple People Eaters are real… where do they find purple people to eat?”
“My Mum tries to be cool by saying that she likes all the same things that I do.”
“What was the person thinking when they discovered cow’s milk was fine for human consumption… and why did they do it in the first place!?”
“I want more detailed information.”

Vegan grilled cheese sandwich + a salad with iceberg lettuce, avocado, tomatoes, cucumber, red onion, spinach and some soy sauce  ✿