to-myself

You know why you are doing this. You don’t want to look bigger than her, fatter than her. You want to be as pretty as she is. Look at her pics, how her legs look on them. You wish you could be her. You want to be asking out like her, be noticed by boys like her, but you are not. You are that fat and ugly friend. Maybe it’s time to change it? You know you can, so stop be lazy. To someday stand next to her and look as good as she, or even better. 

– You don’t think you’ve changed in the last few years ?

well , ofcourse i have …
I’ve gotten older , my hair’s got thinner …
Sometimes i’m bored
Sometimes i’m lonely
Sometimes i wonder what it all means .

– No ; you are not just a regular guy who’s getting older … you’ve changed …

You’re miserable , and you’re afraid to face yourself .


– ألا تظن انك تغيرت بالسنوات الأخيرة ؟

تغيرت بالطبع ، كبرت بالسن ، قلة كثافة شعري ،
أحياناً أشعر بالملل ،
أحياناً أكون وحيداً ،
و أحياناً أتساءل عما يعنيه كل هذا .

– كلا ، لست رجلاً عادياً يكبر بالسن ،
لقد تغيرت ، أنت بائس ، و تخشى مواجهة نفسك .

—  Ahmadkhader

Gentle reminder that looks and/or numbers on the scale are NOT a good basis for comparison.

Sure, someone may have reached their goal quicker than you and look completely stunning, but that doesn’t mean they’re healthy and treating their body correctly.

millennial rant
  • i feel like people are not genuine and maybe it is naive but idgaf because i want to work in a place where people actually care about their work and care about their colleagues
  • i want to feel like the work i do is important and i get to create and have ideas and input. i am not a robot. i am not a machine who gets a command and is expected to produce. 
  • i am sensitive as hell and maybe i don’t want to ‘grow thick skin’. 
  • donald trump is a cartoon character in a comedy show where people shouldn’t be laughing anymore and the show should be cancelled already 
  • being lost is a legitimate process. stop putting so much time and pressure on sticking to such a traditional timeline route of school-job-marriage-babies. 
  • our generation totally romanticizes travel and exploring the world and meeting new people and delving into different cultures and you know what? we should. why make all this damn money if you can’t spend it?
  • advice is amazing. i fucking love advice. i eat up words of wisdom. but the thing is, you can’t always listen to people because then you’ll just be following their footsteps. your gut is speaking to you. trust it. 
  • make mistakes, make mistakes, make mistakes. this last one isn’t a rant but more of a “note to self” because despite everyone setting you up for failure and most of all, despite you thinking you’re going to fail, you should probably go ahead and do just that. there is no better fucking way to learn and be better and grow and get somewhere in life without falling at least once. or ten times.

please
don’t ever let him make you feel like you are weak,
like your bones are so fragile they might collapse unless he’s holding you together

please
don’t ever let him talk down to you,
like you aren’t worth more than the insults he throws at you

please
don’t ever let him change you
like you weren’t fucking inimitable before he met you

please
hold yourself together, boost yourself up, and stay true to yourself

please
don’t let him cause a war between your heart and mind.

—  things i wish i knew when i was 16

Well…I was doing so well staying around 200 but then….Nicky for the Angst Starter Masterlist.


“Coward.That’s what you are. A coward.”    Nick Valentine x Vee

“You think I like this?” the Synth man asked in disgust. “You think I want to let you down? On purpose?”

Vee didn’t look at Nick. She absolutely fucking refused! She remained turned away, fiddling uselessly with the PipBoy on her arm. She cycled through her holotapes as if her life depended on it, as if she actually saw the green titles through her tear-blurred eyes.

Right. Why the hell did Nick always have to be right? It was infuriating, and more than that, the truth of it stung. The Synthetic had nothing to offer her. He wasn’t human. He wasn’t even close to passing for one like the 3rd Gens. He was just an echo of a man who used to exist in her time. No part of him was his own, not his memories, not his speech, not even his life. What could a dame like you possibly want with that, eh?

Yet none of that shit had ever mattered to Vee. Nick was Nick, and she could never make him understand that. He was more than moving parts, more than metal and plastics and displaced memories. Circuits didn’t matter to her. Nick Valentine had a heart. He had a soul.

Not that he would ever admit it.

His rejection stung her worse than even she had thought it would. It was bitter and aching. And all she wanted to do was fucking retaliate.

“Coward,” Vee spat over her shoulder with a venom that would have stopped a super mutant. “That’s all you are. A coward!”

“A c—” Nick’s voice choked off. Vee allowed herself a smug smile though her tears. “Now, see here!”

The cold metal of his right hand pinched the skin of her arm, as he grabbed and spun her around. Vee’s hiss of surprise and pain was cut off with the man’s lips pressed firmly to hers.