to-myself

Puzzle Pieces

I know as well as you do

That you’ve never really fit,

That your so called friends, in all glory,

Don’t really understand it.


I know you’ve been through hard times

And they may have not been told,

At times, because of this fact,

You may seem icy cold.


But don’t forget, when sadness hits,

That no one is meant to match,

That fitting in is overrated,

And you are still a catch.


Sometimes you can be blunt,

At times you wish you weren’t,

And you can try to change that,

But end up getting burnt.


It isn’t you, and in the end,

You’ll regret you weren’t yourself,

Even if, by being so,

You get put on a shelf.


If life was all a chess game,

You would be a knight,

Two steps up, one to the side,

And not an end in sight.


You do not move like other pieces,

All shooting in straight lines,

But you can get anywhere you want

If you only follow signs.


And you know, if we are puzzle pieces,

Not everyone slots in,

And corner pieces only have

The two people that are kin.


And yes your loves are over

Half a world away,

You came this far, all on your own,

But they are here to stay.


It’s been a long and lonely road,

And it has made you strong,

But things are moving faster now,

It should not be too long.

And I am with you.
I’m the interminable fields you can’t see,

the little lights off in the distance
(in one of those rooms we are
living) and I am the rain

and the others all
around you, and the loneliness you love,
and the universe that loves you specifically, maybe,

and the catastrophic dawn,
the nicotine crawling on your skin—

I am with you.

—  Franz Wright, from To Myself
You n your flaws

I love your stretch marks Just like I love the hair on your toes and your stomach rolls I love your crooked teeth and your scarred knees And your frizzy hair That you claim is a mess you can never tame Your beauty is too great to tame And I wouldn’t have it any other way

note to myself

Weighing yourself is always a bad idea. No matter how strong you are, how recovered you are, how a perfect day you have or how motivated you are; It is ALWAYS a badterriblehorribleworst idea.

Scales are for fish, dont be a fish. Go love yourself instead.

don’t have relationships. don’t take shit. do your own thing. feed them with kindness. love yourself even more. drink black coffee. eat an orange. dare to fail even better. wear high heels. have red lips. don’t let them steal energy. be a lone wolf. please yourself better in every single way. have fun.

1. Just because he asks how your depression is going and holds your hand does not mean he will respect you. Be careful.
2. You cannot expect to live off Redbull and Cheetos and have a healthy body.
3. You cannot expect to indulge in sadness and self pity and have a healthy mind.
4. It is perfectly okay to stay silent at times. If you do not feel comfortable sharing parts of your existence, keep them locked behind your lips.
5. Even if you loved her as much as you love winter mornings, and as much as you love summer nights, things change. You have to stop tearing yourself up over this.
6. If someone tells you they would love you if you didn’t self harm, do not cry, do not cry, do not cry.
7. Go outside and pick yourself a flower. Smell it. Put it in your own hair. Hold your own hand and walk with your head up.
8. Just because you have been cheated on and lied to does not mean everyone wants to hurt you. Learn to trust yourself and others.
9. If he only wants to touch you, walk away. It does not matter how much your lips crave another’s lips. Walk away.
10. Do not kiss stranger’s lips that taste like blood and desperation.
11. Write. Write. Write.
12. Not everyone you love is going to love you back. That is okay.
13. Love so strongly that the earth trembles and the trees dance and the rocks crack.
14. You have to love yourself. It is hard, I know, but you have to love yourself. Close your eyes and say ‘I love myself’ say it over and over until it becomes a melody that flows through your veins.
15. Breathe in and take things as they come. Life is both fucking terrible and fucking beautiful. It is both creation and destruction. It is both you and I. Put on your strongest shade of red lipstick. Put on your highest heels. Go out and conquer the universe.
—  Letters To Myself

In college I had three majors– none of which I graduated with
First was film, then animation, then theatre

I loved changing my major– it meant new things, new major-specific classes.
And everybody used to make fun of me for it (hey, I could take it)

So yeah, I was at college for five years and I never graduated. That might always bite me in the ass, but right now I have the basic foundations of three television and movie processes. I know how films are shot, how they’re animated, and how they’re built.

That means that when an obscure talent-specific job opens up I have the foundations to build on, and I can learn whatever extra is needed for me to be decently successful it

It sounds super-braggy but what I’m trying to say is that if you are in college right now your major means less than what you are learning in your classes. Even if a class isn’t necessary for you to graduate if it interests you, take it.

You might not graduate in the end (and that’s okay) but you’ll be better for the knowledge

Dear Rebecca,

My love for you is unconditional. You truly embody unconditional love. Your very existence is a catalyst for transformation. Your heart is ever so open and tender; it is the driving force of your life. You innately savor the nectar of each moment. I deeply admire your ability to simply “be.” You overflow with passion and vitality. You are a conduit for divine femininity. I cherish your raw femininity. You are lunar honey. You are an ever-burning fire. You transform every soul that you encounter. You are a purifier. Your body is a vessel of holiness; your body is a vessel of pleasure. I honor your tenderness. I honor your heightened sensitivity. I honor your cycles and rhythms. I admire your authenticity. I admire your embracement of darkness. I admire your ability to feel everything and everyone so deeply. You are all that you yearn for. Your body is a living altar. Your womb is the doorway to the infinite. You are the Earth. You are the Maiden, the Waxing Moon. You are the Mother, the Full Moon. You are the Enchantress, the Waning Moon. You are the Crone, the Dark Moon. You are the Great Giver, and you are the Great Receiver. You are the Giver of Life. You are the Creatrix. You are the Mother of the Universe. You are the Shekinah. You are Kundalini. You are Magdalene. You are Kali. You are Shakti. You are Woman.

I love you.

Calum finding you after you’ve fallen asleep on the couch in your work clothes after a particularly long and stressful day so he gently takes your shoes off and carries you to the bed careful to help you get into your pajamas while half asleep,cover you up and arrange the pillows the way you like them before closing the door behind him and making sure the rest of the boys are quiet so you can rest