My headteacher, Ms M, is a school meme. The stories I’m about to tell will be instantly recognisable to anyone from my school.
Context: Ms M started being the headteacher at our school in January 2014. I joined in the autumn of 2012 and everyone preferred our previous headteacher, Mrs. H.
In Ms M’s first whole school assembly, she told a Aesop’s Fables style tale to 1600 students aged 11 - 18. We were unimpressed, especially as the moral of the story was “don’t cut holes in your umbrella”.
Ms M never pronounces names correctly. Some are understandable, but some are hilarious. She mispronounced the name of one of her own staff members, my tutor. We all pissed ourselves laughing. My tutor was very unimpressed. Ms M’s best mispronunciation so far was when she mispronounced my friend’s Turkish surname ‘Caner’ (kay - ner) as 'cancer’ (as in the disease).
Last year, before the Olympics, she told us to embrace the Olympic spirit and to enjoy the 'Mexico Olympics 2016’.
Her most well known mantra is “one minute of learning wasted is 25 minutes of learning wasted” (the logic is if one student misbehaves, everyone else in the class can’t learn). This is regularly repeated by us whenever we want to mock her, as everyone, including the teachers, think it’s bullshit.
Homework was renamed 'independent study’, or 'IS’ - a week before Islamic State hit the headlines. At the end of the lesson, my Maths teacher will now say “I’m going to set your Islamic State now, due for X”.
About a year ago, Ms M introduced the bizarre rule that we aren’t allowed to walk around at lunchtime - we must be sat down after 13:00. This was really unpopular and prompted a whole load of Holocaust jokes which weren’t that funny, to be honest, but teenagers will be teenagers and joke about genocide and Nazism. People merged our school’s name with Auschwitz. An Instagram account was created dedicated to mocking the rule. Someone Photoshopped Ms M’s head onto Hitler’s body. Swastikas were drawn around the school. At least five people were expelled or suspended, but the rule was lifted after a week. Now we know she’s weak and we can rebel if we don’t like her rules.
In short, we hate Ms M, but we wouldn’t want her to leave, because she’s quality meme material.