to say

I Seduced a Goddess and Murdered My Friend

Context: I’m a female Dragonborn Bard and my friend is a male Human Ranger and we broke the 4th wall and I seduced Terraf, goddess of the earth, and she became flustered and flattered. Easton seduced her and got a critical fail so he tried to kill her. And so our tale begins.

Terraf and I, Phosphorus, stand waiting for Farendal to arrive. He arrives and shoots Alchemist Fire on an arrow at her face and I use Viscous Mockery on him as he attacks me. This displeases her since he attacks me.

Faren: I wish to slide under her dress and shoot at her groin
DM: Uh…. Yeah, uh, alright then.
*Faren fails his roll*
DM: You slide under but shoot her dress and are now prone behind her.
Phos, from the Black Dragons: I wish to shoot my acid at him for sexually harnessing my girlfriend!
*Faren rolls too low and gets Acidic Damage*
DM: You trip on your cloak and are prone again.
*Terraf, being 21 ft tall, goes to crush him*
DM: In order to live, you have to be able to take 28 damage. I’ll roll the D10 10 times due to the special effect.
*rolls 6 times and he dies*
DM: You are crushed into the ground and become part of the earth. Around you grow a variety of flowers and a stone is placed.
DM, OOC: Dude she didn’t even want to fight you.
Faren, OOC: I just wanted her chair!
Phos, OOC: Yay! Me and my Goddess Girlfriend win!

anonymous asked:

Sometimes I'm scrolling through my Dashboard and I haven't seen the newest update yet and suddenly see bread photoshopped into everyone's hands and then get confused for a few seconds before realizing that this shouldn't be my first impression of what the page is meant to be but then I just can't unsee it when visiting the actual page. Lmao.

Does that mean your first impression of the comic is a bit grainy?

I hope you loaf it regardless.

Realm hopped Vaard thanks to the service sale!

Good bye almost dead Earthen Ring that died a slow death during the middle of WoD, hello Wyrmrest Accord where there are actual PEOPLE IN THE CLASS HALL! Not just one or two or a very small handful in the evening, but lots of people!  Before I could run around the paladin class hall and take screenshots and emote all I want without really bothering anyone it was so empty.  I’ve been wanting to do this transfer for Vaard for a long time now, so thank you for the sale that made me jump on the server hop!

Breif context: me and two friends went to a Dennys late at night to play a one shot. At one point my fellow PC (the bard) had a small flame cast at his characters groin.
BARD: I’m bound! I can’t put this out! (Laughing hysterically)
DM: well the Orc walks up and raises his foot to stop out the flame.
DM:(losing it) I can’t believe… How big would you say BARD’S crotch is? I gotta know what I’m aiming for…