I swear to god I saw someone I follow ask for TFP Gothic??? I don’t remember who it was, but @buckynotbuchanan asked to be tagged.
This is a straight rip from my TST Gothic, partly because I’m lazy, partly because I’m really salty. (If you couldn’t tell)
- The Final Problem leaks. You fall asleep that night with visions of what the future of the real episode could bring. The next morning you awake with excitement for the air of The Lying Detective. A week remains until The Final Problem airs.
- A new meta shows up on your dash, explaining why TFP is bullshit. Later comes, and you see the same meta again, but a single word has been changed. This makes no difference, as TFP is still bullshit.
- Amanda Abbington appears on your television screen. John laughs. Mycroft laughs. A dog laughs. The clown laughs.
- The clock on your wall strikes 13. Mark Gahtiss’s corpse emerges from your fridge with an elephant drawn on his forehead. “Who you really are doesn’t matter,” he says. You are not making any noise. “He just really liked elephants,” the elephant says.
- BBC posts another interview with Mofftiss. They say what they are most proud of is making Redbeard into a boy. “This kind of twist has never been done before, ever, anywhere” they say, and chills boil up from your spine as you type, “WHAT ABOUT TOBY.” Toby is dead. The dog wouldn’t move, so they didn’t use him.
- Sue Vertue hands you the leak. You watch it, against your better judgement. It sucks.
- You give birth to a baby. It’s a girl. She grows up to be best friends with her brother. Years later, she “dies” and no one knows she exists, until she escapes prison like nbd, impersonates at least four different people, and quietly returns back to her cell. This comes as a complete surprise to everyone. No one bothers to pull up google, once. This is okay apparently.
- The same four notes replace every song on the radio. They make you tear up because you’ve heard these notes before, and you were promised new better ones. Petra’s cheers of “canon” Sherlolly drown out the notes.
- “My Baker Street Boys,” says Mary. Instantly, you are teleported to the Gay Pilot universe. Mary doesn’t exist. Sherlock and John are happily retired in Sussex. You shed a tear knowing that they are probably having lots of gay sex all the time every day.
- Steven Moffat wears a mustache and regrets the “I love you” scene. You like it better this way.
- A woman throws you down a well and invites you to climb back out. You unscrew your feet and shimmy up one of the twelve ropes that were thrown to you. You are given a choice of 6 different kinds of replacement feet when you surface, and a shock blanket.
- Three cords hang in front of you. Only one brings about the True Garridebs ending, but no matter which one you pull, it never happens. You pull, and pull, and pull, and pull…
- You gaze in the mirror as you get ready for work. You can see Oscar Wilde’s grave behind you in the reflection. The dirt shifts, and you step forward to investigate. The glass has disappeared.
- You are having dinner with Arwel Wyn Jones. You’ve ordered the best wallpaper on the menu, but your plate is just a gray slab. Arwel gazes at you with concern.
- An explosion plagues hour home. It slowly envelopes everything you look at, but only when you look at it. The flames are cold to the touch. You submit that you’ll die here, and decide to jump off the roof for dramatic effect. Your life ends with you half-way to the ground, as time around you stopped on your way down.