to have everything you know about someone you care about be a lie

  • fanfic writer: *writing* Oh wow, they are going to love this. This is by far my best work!
  • fic: *witty lines* *perfect love making* *fluffy enough to kill us all* *a dash of angst, a smidgen of hurt/comfort*
  • fanfic writer: Oh man. This is it. This will be my legacy! *sweats into fic* *bleeds into fic* *cries into fic* *spends days perfecting the grammar and verbage and sex scenes* *has 15 betas look over it*
  • fanfic writer: Okay. It is finally time to release my baby on the world. Here you go fandom. You're welcome.
  • fandom: Ha, cute. *like* *kudos*
  • fanfic writer: :/
  • * * *
  • same fanfic writer: *writing* Whatever. This is shit, I don't even care right now. A singing squirrel? Sure, let's do it. Haha, cheesy lines that make no sense, sure. Grammatical errors out the wazoo? Why not. No one's going to read this piece of crap anyway, I literally wrote it on a scrap of 1 ply toilet paper with a broken yellow crayon.
  • fanfic writer: LOL *post*
  • fanfic writer: *sigh*

I like how so much of being chronically ill revolves around lying and minimizing just about everything. You lie to yourself and you lie to everyone else around you. You lie about the things you can do. You lie about how much you can handle. You lie about how much it hurts because you know no one wants to hear you. No one wants to know, and no one wants to place themselves in your shoes. 

Well, I care, and I won’t shut up. So,  if any of you need someone to talk to or a place to vent like so many of us do, you can do it here. Private or public, it doesn’t matter. Let it out. Don’t hold that shit in, it’s toxic.  

I don’t care if you have lupus or not, all spoonies are welcome to pour their hearts out.

Love & Heating Pads,


  ( Meme Reply )

     “ You know I don’t really care about that. “

  He lied. Murphy was a good liar but at the other side it
  wasn’t a lie at all. Someone had talked and she was
  the only person who knew about their conversations by
  the river. Now the others called him soft and he would
  prove them they were wrong.

                 He didn’t need a nice girl to like him. Murphy
                 decided to place respect above liking.

Dany squinted her eyes at him, she had no idea 
what was going on with him. Especially over the 
 last couple of days. Everything was great as far
 tas she knew. He was being weird about this
  and she didn’t like it.

                “Stop being such an asshole. You didn’t have a problem
                   talking to me the other day now you just want to be the bigshot.”

Forgiveness does not always mean friendship.

Sometimes you have to forgive someone without them even knowing what they did, because communicating what they did wrong only results in them hurting you worse by them being defensive, prideful, self-focused, self-righteous, and fake. They tend to find a way to make it your fault and point attention to you when you try to talk to them about their actions. They often will make it seem like they have been attacked by you and try to tell you something they think you are doing wrong instead of listening to the fact they have hurt you and showing remorse for that, no matter what it is. They focus on clearing up that they may have been wrong. That kind of response makes it so hard to try to share what even hurt your feelings. In the end, they won’t know because telling them always generates a response where they make everything about themselves. You can’t make them see the problem in their response and you can’t make them genuinely care about you. They may pretend or say they ‘love you’ just to seem like they tried to do the right thing or ‘be nice’; but in the end, all that matters is that they aren’t wrong. That kind of heart has the wrong priority and it’s very hard to get through to. You can try, but if you are like me, it’s not worth the extra, repeated drama. It’s frustrating when they don’t get it on their own what they are doing and wouldn’t if you told them, but YOU have to realize you can’t make them and stop putting yourself through that.

Forgive it all. But realize, also, it does not mean friendship. That is not a workable relationship. You don’t have to go through that any more times. You can set them free, and yourself free.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that the person who hurt you has to still be in your life. Sometimes the person you forgive won’t know what they have done because you were unable to communicate it- not because there wasn’t opportunity but because the way they choose to respond is focused on them being right and it’s impossible to get through their defensiveness. There is a point that any conflict always creates more conflict, so nothing gets resolved because the heart of what caused hurt remains unchanged. You can’t change a person’s heart or make them see, so it becomes unresolvable and the relationship is broken. That is sad, but for the better if you let go if the other person is insincere and you’ll be better off releasing everything and moving forward and away from it. Be free. Set yourself free from the negativity.

I believe God as your Father doesn’t want you to have to be mistreated by someone who is blind to their wrongdoing but He also loves them as much as He loves you. Jesus died for their sins as much as yours. So let them be accountable to God and release them to His hands. If they don’t get it now one day they will give account to Him regardless for everything they have done; God is just. Just forgive and move on, let it rest in His care. Pray God does a work in their heart.

It’s not always your responsibility to make someone see where they have been wrong; sometimes God is the only one who can help them see and realize. You are loved. No, how you have been treated is not God’s heart and maybe they can’t get that and it is beyond your capacity to try to uncover all the hurt at this point. It is okay. You keep your eyes on Jesus, heal, love, forgive, remove yourself from the hurtful relationship and move on remembering how many other people are genuine, sincere, loving, humble, who will listen and be soft toward you because they dearly love you. Don’t waste your efforts on people you cannot change. Until their heart changes, their actions and mindset won’t and you’ll just remain in the same situation. Do the most loving thing you can and be free. You deserve to be safe and in good care. You can move on. Honestly, you are not the one losing anything. They are.