to have everything you know about someone you care about be a lie

° • ? ( QUESTION SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ What are you doing? ❜
❛ Where are you going? ❜
❛ Where are you taking me? ❜
❛ How is that working out for you? ❜
❛ Is everything okay? ❜
❛ Why are you acting like this? ❜
❛ You think I would lie to you? ❜
❛ Are you telling the truth? ❜
❛ Are you sure you want to do this? ❜
❛ This is your bright idea of a plan? ❜
❛ What else do you want me to do? ❜
❛ What else can I do? ❜
❛ What do you think I should do? ❜
❛ What makes you think that? ❜
❛ Who told you that? ❜
❛ Who are you? ❜
❛ Why are you here? ❜
❛ Who invited you? ❜
❛ How come you ever asked me? ❜
❛ Did you really mean all those things you said? ❜
❛ Why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave? ❜
❛ Why is it so hard for you to see that? ❜
❛ Why don’t you understand? ❜
❛ What don’t you understand? ❜
❛ Are you joking? ❜
❛ Did I miss anything? ❜
❛ You don’t remember? ❜
❛ Did you really say all that stuff about me? ❜
❛ Did you think I would forget? ❜
❛ How can you sit there and say that? ❜
❛ How do you even sleep at night? ❜
❛ Are you coming or not? ❜
❛ Am I the only one freaked out right now? ❜
❛ Are you laughing or crying? ❜
❛ Who did this to you? ❜
❛ Did someone hurt you? ❜
❛ Is it just me or are you, like, ignoring me? ❜
❛ You want me to apologize for something you did? ❜
❛ Are you going to kiss me or not? ❜
❛ Aren’t you the one who said it though? ❜
❛ So, you don’t like me like that? ❜
❛ Where do we go from here? ❜
❛ Are you being serious right now? ❜
❛ How was I supposed to know that? ❜
❛ Oh, is that a challenge? ❜
❛ Are you flirting with me? ❜
❛ Are you going to let me go now? ❜
❛ Are we done now? ❜
❛ Why didn’t just ask me? ❜
❛ You’re going to believe them over me? ❜
❛ How can possibly think that? ❜
❛ Did you even miss me? ❜
❛ Did anyone even notice that I was gone? ❜
❛ Why do you go around and kiss everyone? ❜
❛ Did you kill them? ❜
❛ Who’s blood is that? Is that your blood? ❜
❛ Do you think this is a game? ❜
❛ Are you having doubts? ❜
❛ Why haven’t you been at school/work? ❜
❛ Is there something going on that you need to tell me? ❜
❛ You said you wanted to talk? ❜
❛ What am I supposed to do? ❜
❛ What did you expect to happen? ❜
❛ How long you think you can keep this act up? ❜
❛ You don’t like me? Do you? Like in a more than a friend way? ❜
❛ Is that what everyone is saying now? ❜
❛ Who do I remind you of? ❜
❛ Are you hungry? Want to go get something to et? ❜
❛ Are you drunk? ❜
❛ Are you lost? ❜
❛ What’s so great about any of that anyway? ❜
❛ Are you even listening to yourself? ❜
❛ What are you going to do about it, huh? ❜
❛ What are you staring at? ❜
❛ What are you doing out here? ❜
❛ Why did you call the police? ❜
❛ Wait, do you hear that? ❜
❛ Why don’t you tell me anything? ❜
❛ Hey, did you get me anything? ❜
❛ Why didn’t you come over last night? ❜
❛ What did you find out? ❜
❛ Can I stay here for the night? ❜
❛ Are you throwing rocks at my window? ❜
❛ Are you crying? ❜
❛ What are you laughing at me? ❜
❛ Are you laughing at me? ❜
❛ Do you not understand the word no? ❜
❛ Is that it? Is that all? ❜
❛ Are you in some kind of trouble? ❜
❛ Yeah, but, you have me. So why bother? ❜
❛ What’s love got to do with it? ❜
❛ This is where we kiss, right? ❜
❛ Do you ever not just only think about yourself? ❜
❛ Are going to leave me again? ❜
❛ What’s wrong with that? ❜
❛ Do you have anything you need to say to me? ❜
❛ I think I’m going to puke. Is there a trash can in here? ❜
❛ You really don’t know why I’m mad at you? ❜
❛ Why do you treat me like I’m not important to you? ❜
❛ Why are you telling me this?
❛ Are you ready? ❜
❛ What’s with all the questions? ❜
❛ I thought this is what you wanted? ❜
❛ Where do you think you’re going with this? ❜
❛ You’re just going to leave? ❜
❛ Do you trust me? ❜
❛ You love me? Or you think you love me? ❜
❛ When will it ever stop? ❜
❛ Do you think it’ll ever go away? ❜
❛ What are you doing this weekend? ❜
❛ You called for back up? ❜
❛ What did I just witness? ❜
❛ How do you cope when the one you love is with somebody else? ❜
❛ Have you ever thought it? ❜
❛ Are you wearing a wire? ❜
❛ Is there something wrong? ❜
❛ Is it something I said or something I did? ❜
❛ What’s wrong? I thought that it was okay? ❜
❛ Are you going to hold that against me forever? ❜
❛ So, tell me, what else is new? ❜
❛ You never actually cared, did you? ❜
❛ You went to a party without me? ❜
❛ Why wasn’t I invited? ❜
❛ Do you think that’s a little fucked up? ❜
❛ Oh, so you do speak? ❜
❛ Do you think it’s really worth it in the end? ❜
❛ How many more times do I have to tell you? ❜
❛ You didn’t think that it would bother me? ❜

“make the princess speak and you will have the crown of kings.”

my knees hurt, as usual, from scrubbing. technically i’m too high of Maid Station to help out with these things, but i like seeing what happens when you clean. the development of things. how a lot of effort can make something. i like learning and trying and working hard to get towards something.

and i’ve seen them, from the back of pillars, from behind cracked doors, from beside her (on the best days) the way they talk to her. oh beautiful won’t you just look at me. oh darling. if you speak i’ll be your prince. if you speak i’ll be your king. 

the princess, i know, finds the lines of suitors boring. it’s in the way her hands are always moving. she hides yawns, leaves early, we make her apologies. once, a man comes and tries to startle her into screaming. she rolls her eyes and looks directly at me. i have to hide my smile behind my sleeve. he is taken away while still screaming.

by accident, i find her once, crying. when we imagine princesses, they always cry daintily. hers is hoarse, angry, and something in it breaks me. in my station i should apologize and bow and leave. instead i am frozen, watching her shoulders heaving.

she looks up and spots me, her cheeks ruddy. i know i should go but instead i make a big show. i act as one of her princes. i make grand gestures and speak in deep voices. i frantically offer her handkerchiefs and trip over my own two feet. a smile crawls up over her, slowly. i dab my sweat away and offer her the used rag. i feign a fluster, turn a terrible cartwheel, make shadow puppets. the sound of her laugh, raw and rusty, sends shivers through me.

for a while, i do not see her after this. but then i am called to her chambers. she is crying again. i offer silly gifts, pebbles and dusting rags and a candlestick from her own kitchen, pretend to steal it, use it as a hat, rock it as a babe. she laughs more easily this time, gladly, and when she laughs i am taken by more important maids, thereby officially Excused.

it goes like this for months. the winter comes. i rarely see her. i spend my week thinking about ways to please her. i knick interesting cookies, show her shiny buttons, learn to cartwheel in a full skirt, and then promptly how to make it look foolish again. i learn how to juggle hot bread and dance as a man would, i learn how to balance on a ball and how to fall down without hurting myself, how to fake a fight with my own body, which colors she likes and which don’t please her.

i show up on a cold eve with a knotted line of scarves hidden down my sleeve, worried and breathless, wondering why she’s been crying. the door opens and she is sitting there, happy. at first i’m confused, but she waves me in. next to her is her small dessert, in two containers. i’m not sure how to respond, so i fake a fall to hear her laugh, and then sit at her feet. she gives me ice cream - so rare a treat. i know what went into making it - the hours of shaking. it’s smooth and tasty. i don’t feign my reaction, but she laughs anyway, kindly. 

it goes like this. i see her more frequently. she likes giving me new things, watching me discover i hate kiwi and love oranges and would die if it made her laugh breathlessly. i’ve made her keel over with cackling and she’s put a fire in me. sometimes we just sit there, quietly, enjoying each other’s company. 

it’s in her hands, always moving. little things i thought were just her, fidgeting. here’s how she says she’s thirsty, this is what her hands do when she needs a second to think, here’s how she shows she’s happy. this is how i learn to speak back to her. around her i spend much of my time smiling. i feel every visit is a gift. a new part to unravel. i find out she doesn’t respond to spoken things, that she needs to be looking in order to know you were speaking. sometimes she has me talk and she holds her hands to the base of my throat, her eyes wide and wondering. sometimes she just looks at me and i forget that i’m her jester in chief. i get caught up in her eyes, in how expressive they are when she’s happy, in how when she’s sad i feel like i’m drowning.

i never see the king or queen, but i know when she’s had a visit with them, because she never comes back happy. two winters i have known her, two winters and now we dine frequently. i am often called to stand beside her, to whisper translations of her desires into the ears of someone more important than i, someone who gets to be the voice of royalty. i can’t decide if i’m her friend or her plaything, but i don’t know i care much of the distinction. every moment i’m near her is a moment free of friction. i take stock of suitors and curtsy to them in daylight only to mock them in the candle’s eye later.

she asks me one night to stay. it has been a bad day. it’s completely not okay. i cannot say no but i cannot, by my station, stay. but she begs with her eyes and her hands and i know i’ll take the punishment. 

we lie beside each other. i make sure to turn to her when i speak. in the dark she can’t see me, so i move my hands in the way i’m learning. she asks if i am ever lonely. i cannot tell her that i am always lonely without her beside me, so instead i say i think all people are very lonely and just are pretending. she laughs a little at that and says she thinks her parents are the two most lonely people that ever met. her mother was like her; broke a fairy curse and talked, just once, although nobody knows what she said. well, excepting her father, who was the only one around, and who won her hand in marriage.

from her mother she learned the art of hands, of speaking without words - from her father she learned that who she was included a curse. that she just wanted someone who would make her open like a rose - someone who could fix her. how she stared out into the royal garden and wished on flowers to be what her kingdom needs.

she fell asleep pressed against me. i couldn’t breathe. i was still awake in the morning. 

the punishment never came. we spent nights like this. the handmaidens had grown to know me. whenever their princess was stubborn, i worked magic and made her lovely.

it was a terrible thing. i did too good a job, i think. the princess glowed too much or shone too brightly - or at least, i saw it that way, so who knows what the truth is. every day it felt like we were being rushed with princes. 

her father’s temper at hosting failed. it was the day before her twenty-first birthday and first time i’d ever seen him. he stormed in at the end of the session. “just speak!” he said, “it’s not that hard! do for others what your mother did!” 

“tomorrow is your last day of this,” he warned her, “either you pick a prince or i pick for you. i’m done with it.”

he stormed off. she was left shellshocked and trembling. that night she didn’t ask me to come, but i waited outside, just in case she changed her mind. i understood why she needed space. either she’d speak and be married tomorrow or she’d be married shortly. i heard her crying and it took everything in my power not to rush in and hold her, cradle her gently. but i cannot come into a room of a royal person without being invited. i stayed there, tears in my own eyes, thinking of treason.

the next day was a huge festival. what had been a birthday celebration was turned into a day about princes. i watched her shake her head. i tried to cheer her up. i tried everything. i frequently came inches from causing public humiliation, toed the line of mocking and failing to acknowledge my station. she wouldn’t smile. not once. not even for anything.

the day was long. the bonfire wore down. i watched her crumple into herself. i was out of ideas. i knelt at her feet. her eyes barely looked at me. just wait, i said to her with my hands, i’ll be right back. i took off running.

the price of stealing is losing my hands. these things that i spoke to her with. these things that mattered so much to me, that helped with my comedy and cleaning. 

i didn’t think of them. i bloodied my fingers when i ripped the royal roses from their stems. and then i ran, as fast as i could, back to her feet. i picked them to show you, i said, as she gasped, looking at my treason, they’re beautiful and nobody told them to open to reveal their secrets to the bees. they are unbroken. as you are. as you always will be. 

she fell off her throne and for a second i was beyond speaking, worried something had happened, or she’d fainted, or i’d said the wrong thing. but then she was on her knees, her arms around me, and i heard it. i heard the soft croak of her speaking. just one word, and it sent shivers down me. my name, in her voice, awkward and unwieldy, but full of love and passion, burning fire through me.

i felt a hand on my shoulder. i was pulled away from her. they already had me in handcuffs while i struggled to get back to her, to tell her i loved her, to beg her to run off with me or maybe just hold me around her, maybe just have her for a moment, because i couldn’t live without her for a moment longer.

they put me in the cells. i rotted in there, for a while or for no time at all, i’m not sure. the thorns scarred my palms. i watched the scabs build up and flake off. every time someone came down, i flinched, wondering if i would be the next to be taken and chopped into bits.

but one day the light was different. not the smoky torch of the jailer, instead a bright light in a lantern. at first when i saw her, my breath caught in my throat, mistaking her for my princess.

but she was my queen. at first we stood in silence. and slowly, i moved my hands to speak. is she married? is what came out, even though i should be more worried about me myself and me.

she is not. she bit her father on the arm when he tried to make her. then she fought him. and then ran away. it took us a bit to find her, i’m afraid. she threatened her own life and the life of everyone in this place. the queen was smiling. i was told there was a young woman who could make the princess speak, whom she would die to save, who brought roses to her feet. someone in a cell, rotting. are you her?

the memory of her voice rang through me. i’m she.

yes, her hands said, for even now, aren’t you speaking to the silent Queen?

she opened the door. come, she said, let’s get you cleaned up for the ceremony.

the crown of kings. when she wraps her arms around my neck and laughs next to me, i am royalty. when she smiles or makes a joke or asks to see my cartwheel again, i’m lost in her. i kiss her whenever i can, which is often. we have roses in a vase at the base of our bed, and for all of the kingdom, i’d give my hands if it would keep her laughing.

the next time she spoke was just once, at our wedding, where she said the two words i do to bind us for eternity. she had learned from me, from holding her hands over my voicebox, the way i learned from her how to use hands to speak. sometimes at night she says my name, just because she likes what it does to me.

i’m more blessed than a king. every day i spend with her is a day i spend happily. 

college advice from someone who’s been on both sides of it

So I’m finishing up my Ph.D. and preparing to depart for the real world (no, just kidding, I’m going to be in school forever, only in a different capacity) and I thought I’d put together a list of some college tips to share with you all. I graduated with my B.A. in 2012, magna cum laude, with 2 majors, 1 honours thesis, 2 on-campus jobs, and 3 music things. Since then, I’ve gone to grad school and also taught six semesters of first-year seminars. Now I’m going on the job market for teaching positions. All of this means that I’ve seen both sides of the college experience, as a student and as an instructor. There are a lot of great & useful college advice posts going around studyblr this time of here, and I wanted to add my own. I hope it’s useful. So here we go, with a “read more” because it’s long (sorry if you’re on mobile):

academics

  • find your classrooms ahead of time (profs’ offices too)
  • figure out how long it will take you to walk between places
  • figure out where your best seat will be & claim it
  • say hi to the people next to you, learn their names
  • take notes in class
  • take advantage of extra credit
  • try your best not to fall asleep in class (and if you do fall asleep, apologise to the prof afterwards)
  • bring your glasses if you need them, don’t be stubborn about it
  • check out the library, wander in the stacks, talk to the librarians
  • figure out how & where to print
  • buy used books/textbooks, or rent them, but be careful with ebooks (some profs don’t allow them)
  • plan breaks into your class schedule, or block everything together, whichever works best for you
  • work out the pros & cons of 8am classes and/or night classes
  • plan ahead – have a planner, put things in it, do them
    • fake deadlines are a thing (write down earlier deadlines, trick yourself into meeting them, bask in satisfaction)
  • grades won’t be what they were in high school
    • keep in mind GPA values: a 3.5 will see you graduating with honours
  • be nice to the departmental administrative staff, thank them for helping you (even with small things)
  • office hours versus emailing profs: both will get your questions answered (probably) but if you can go and talk in person, do it
  • profs & TAs are people too, they have lives, they have bad days
  • if something comes up, talk to your prof, be honest but don’t overshare, just show them you’re trying
  • on that note, try

Keep reading

me being (very) brutally honest with the signs

Aries- You’re such a goddamn hothead all the goddamn time. Not everyone likes to be constantly doing something every second of every day. You get angry with people for the smallest and most trivial reasons but god forbid someone take a dig at you. You’re such a hypocrite and it’s annoying as fuck. You act like an edgy teenager that’s constantly throwing a tantrum. You also boss people around and expect everyone to just follow your lead and if they don’t, you get pissed at them for having a mind of their own. You seriously need to take a look at your life and stop seeing everything as a fucking challenge that’s rigged against you. My god, I get tired just being in your presence. 

Taurus- You’re a lazy fuck and way too materialistic and possessive. You literally have no desire to do anything because you love to sit on your ass. You take “treat yourself” to a whole new level and not in a healthy way whatsoever. It seems like every chance you get you cause arguments and then you contradict whatever the other person is saying just because you can’t look at anything from a different point of view. Even if you get to the point where you realize you’re in the wrong and the other person is right, you’ll just continue to argue for the sake of arguing and god forbid your ego take even the slightest blow. It’s irritating as shit like you really think you know best when in reality you’re just a stubborn bitch. What a bore.

Gemini- Look, I know you guys get a lot of flak. But take this into consideration…… it’s because most if not all of it is FUCKING TRUE. You have so many different personalities I don’t know which one is even real. You gossip 24/7 and flip-flop between who you talk to and who you talk about. You’re completely unreliable and unpredictable and also clingy as fuck. Seriously, I feel like I can’t get away from you. I just want to go to the bathroom, I don’t need to hear the story right now about how Sarah said that Dylan said that Kimberly found a sock in the dryer that wasn’t hers. Literally no one cares. Another thing that you do is once you get tired of someone, you just throw them away like garbage. (Also Trump is a gemini, and I know you guys can’t control that but like come on. Of course he’s a gemini.)

Cancer- You really need to stop being so whiny or I’m actually going to lose it. Everyone has problems so stop acting like such a victim all the goddamn time. You’re so moody all the time and you act like a small child that needs to have their diaper changed. You also cling onto people as soon as you meet them and cry if someone doesn’t answer your text within 5 fucking minutes. Don’t you have your own life to live? Oh wait, I forgot you spend every second in a dark room and refuse to come outside unless it’s to answer the door because you ordered shitty takeout. You consider changing your clothes adventurous and honestly it’s so boring. Introverted doesn’t even describe you, you’re more like a complete hermit (CRAB. HA!)

Leo- Hey leo, wow, are you actually reading this? I’m kind of shocked because I never thought you’d ever stop looking at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, you’re probably the most vain sign out of all of us. So much so that if someone criticizes you in even the smallest way, you get so offended and act like you’ve been shot in the chest. You think so highly of yourself, and while it’s great to have confidence, you take it to the next level, which is extreme arrogance. You love to have the conversation focused around you. You’re the type of friend that if someone is telling you about their problem or just their day in general, you’ll interrupt them and start talking about yourself and it’s DAMN ANNOYING. How do you still have friends?

Virgo- I’m gonna tell you right now, you’re not as perfect as you think you are. You’re so quick to critique other people that you write them off as not good enough before even getting to know them. You’re the type of person that would tell their friend that they were breathing too loudly. For fucks sake, you’re such an over analyzing pedant it makes me want to slap you in the face with my fucking asymmetrical hand. Your pessimism is damn near blinding, I probably wouldn’t want to hang around you for more than 10 minutes or you’d make me feel self conscious about how I fucking walk or some shit. You can’t take or make a joke. You’re skeptical about everything and you’re completely inflexible. You like to think of yourself as an intellectual but really you’re stuck up, narrow minded and someone I constantly find myself rolling my eyes at.

Libra- You are manipulative as shit. You’ll tell someone they look good without even looking up from your phone. You lie all the time and don’t really give a fuck if you hurt other people’s feelings because you really only look out for yourself. You’re also a huge fucking coward. When your friends need you to have their back and actually be there for them, you run and hide and say, “Oh sorry I just didn’t want to get involved!”. What a lame fucking excuse for ditching your friend in their time of need. You’re also extremely indecisive to the point where it’ll take you 3 hours just to choose where you want to go eat. It’s tiring as fuck. Just MAKE A CHOICE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. Have your own fucking opinion. You’re like a goddamn sheep.

Scorpio- Why the FUCK are you so aggressive for no fucking reason? You manipulate people just for the fun of it. You get jealous so easily and usually you don’t even have a reason to be jealous. You just are. It’s pathetic. You like to think that you’re so cool and mysterious but in reality people just see you as a moody and brooding asshole that no one really wants to bother getting to know. I mean, why would they? What’s the point? Every time someone even tries to get close to you, you completely brush them off and act like you don’t care about them because keeping your “mystifying” aura is soo important to you. And if you do let someone in, you treat them like they’re your possession and it’s creepy as hell. You obsess over them and you want to control them. God forbid they hang out with someone that isn’t you and then you resent them for no goddamn reason other than having a life of their own. Do me a favor scorpio and don’t talk to me.

Sagittarius- Honestly if a sag is reading this, you’re just straight up getting a taste of your own medicine. You’re tactless as shit and it makes me not want to be around you, ever. You’re inconsiderate of others and impatient with everyone. If someone isn’t moving up to your standards you will become agitated and aggressive and then you take it out on the person. You constantly need to be doing something else because your attention span lasts about 2 fucking seconds. You act like an 8 year old. You’re also really superficial. You don’t bother getting to know the deeper layers of a person because, like I said, you’re impatient and also just plain lazy. You take people for granted and are careless when handling the feelings of people closest to you. You’re also a really self-obsessed know-it-all. Go climb a fucking tree, sag.

Capricorn- Four words. Lighten. The fuck. Up. You are by far the most power-hungry of all the signs. You take everything so completely seriously that I don’t even know if you understand what “fun” even is. You always have to have two feet on the ground at all times and you can never ever be spontaneous and it’s so fucking dull. You’re conservative and disdainful nature can be so overbearing at times that even your friends need to get away from you. That is, if you have friends. You’re a complete pessimist so who knows if anyone can actually tolerate that. You constantly have to be the most successful person in a room, and you make sure you reach this level of success through abusive and controlling behavior towards the people around you. Your selfishness grosses me out.

Aquarius- I asked you what time it was. I didn’t ask you if I was afraid of time passing or the fact that it’s a manmade construct. For fucks sake, just shut the fuck up about this deep shit for once. I don’t want to contemplate how large the universe really is at fuckin 8:30 am on a Monday. You’re rebellious even when it doesn’t matter and honestly all it does is piss people off. You’re constantly trying to deviate from the norm that you make the same fucking mistakes that other people already made, but you don’t fucking learn from other people’s mistakes because you always have to go your own way. Maybe listen to other people for once? You’re the most detached sign out of all of them and you hurt people by acting aloof all the fucking time but you don’t care because you chalk it up to “this is who I am!!! I need my freedom!!!!”. You need to actually think about how your actions affect people you care about because if you don’t, you’re REALLY gonna end up alone and you won’t be able to do a damn thing about it. 

Pisces- You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time and get it through your head that you’re not always the damn victim. You don’t take responsibility for your actions and you always find a way to blame it on someone else because you’re NEVER in the wrong, are you? Poor little pisces. You’re not as innocent as you want everyone to believe. You’re constantly daydreaming and it becomes really annoying when I’m trying to talk to you and you just completely zone out because you love living in your little imaginary world. You’re the WORST at solving your own problems and conflicts because instead of dealing with them you just avoid it all together and end up leaving the mess for someone else to clean up. You’re really nosy- you love to get in other people’s business. But you don’t go to the person directly, you have to be sneaky about it and gather rumors from other people. You’re also very over-sensitive. Out of all the signs, you’re by far the most likely to respond to this post saying how this isn’t true and that I’m just a “big fat meany!!!” and then add a bunch of angry/crying emojis.


(disclaimer: Don’t worry, I don’t really hate your sign (unless you’re a  * * * * * * … lmao). This was just for fun and I know it’s harsh. Don’t take it too personally. You’re an individual and ultimately you determine who you really are. Except for you, * * * * * * . Fuck you.) 

100 Ways to Say ‘I Hate You’

I saw a post about 100 ways to say ‘I love you’, so I thought I’d make the anti-version if it doesn’t exist already. Roleplayers, send these to each other for angst reasons! Tw for emotional abuse, language, and some major rejection themes, though some  them are joking and could be used for friendly rivals or pals who play-insult one another. Change or add pronouns as necessary.

  1. “You’re a disappointment to me.”
  2. “I don’t care if you live or die.”
  3. “I used to care about you. Now? I regret every second I wasted.”
  4. “How do you think I feel? I’m pissed off!”
  5. “Go. Just go.”
  6. “If you come back, I won’t be here.”
  7. “I’ve never despised someone as much as I despise you.”
  8. “Ha! You think I care about you? What do you think I am, desperate?”
  9. “I regret ever saying ‘hello’.”
  10. “Leave and don’t come back, ever.”
  11. “Remember when we first met? I wish I didn’t.”
  12. “You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
  13. “Don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me.” “You took months/years of my life away. I’ll never get those back.”
  14. “I saw a trash bag on the side of the road today. Reminded me of you.”
  15. “I could have been doing so much better than wasting my time with you.”
  16. “You’re a sick bastard, you know that?”
  17. “I don’t care.”
  18. “Go ahead, leave. Don’t worry about coming back.”
  19. “You’re such a piece of shit.”
  20. “I didn’t think you could be any more of a shithead, but you just proved me wrong.”
  21. “You’re so stupid.”
  22. “Why do I waste my time with you?”
  23. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”
  24. “Hey! Just a daily reminder: you’re a piece of shit!”
  25. “I deserve so much better.”
  26. “We’re not friends. We were never friends!”
  27. “I pretended to like you because I felt bad for you! How did you fall for that?”
  28. “I never want to see you again.”
  29. “You’ve done nothing but make my life a living hell.”
  30. “Don’t apologize - you don’t deserve my forgiveness!”
  31. “No, I’m never giving you another chance!”
  32. “I wish you were never born.”
  33. “You’re the last person I wanted to see right now.”
  34. “I’d rather be working with anyone else in the whole world right now.”
  35. “When you get back, your shit’s gonna be on the front lawn. Take it and get out.”
  36. “Go ahead, choose them! You deserve each other.”
  37. “I don’t know what they see in you.”
  38. “You’re an embarrassment to me.”
  39. “You’re an embarrassment to all of us.”
  40. “I wish it was you. I wish it was you to die instead of them.”
  41. “God, why did I have to end up working with the biggest asshole in the world?”
  42. “How could you think I ever loved you? You seriously think I’d sink that low?”
  43. “Sorry, I just puked in my mouth a bit. I accidentally looked at your face.”
  44. “How can you even live with yourself?”
  45. “If I was your mirror, I’d break myself just so you would throw me in the trash and I wouldn’t have to look at you.”
  46. “Being with you was the worst time of my life.”
  47. “You’re a monster.”
  48. “Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up wishing I was dead because of you.”
  49. “I’m going to ruin your fucking life.”
  50. “You said you would change, but you never did! You never will!”
  51. “Some people are just born to fail. Sorry you’re one of the unlucky ones.”
  52. “You’re so worthless, you hardly even exist to me.”
  53. “I wish I could go back to the day I met you, and just walk away.”
  54. “If you give me that look one more time, I’m skipping jump-rope with your large intestines.”
  55. “Honestly, I’m embarrassed to even know you.”
  56. “Ugh, it smells like something died in here. Oh. It’s just you.”
  57. “You need to stop. You hurt everyone around you!”
  58. “Until you get your shit together, I don’t want to hear you complain.”
  59. “Look at you. You’re disgusting.”
  60. “Stop making me look bad.”
  61. “You have a face that makes me wish punching people wasn’t frowned upon in our society.”
  62. “Shut your mouth. I don’t want to hear your obnoxious voice.”
  63. “Go play in traffic.”
  64. “Fuck off.”
  65. “If I saw you in the ocean clinging to a log for safety, I’d save the log and let you drown. At least wood can become something useful, like toilet paper.”
  66. “How could I ever love something as terrible and hideous as you?”
  67. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
  68. “It was all a lie.”
  69. “I never loved you, and I never will.”
  70. “Don’t try to beg. It won’t work.”
  71. “You’re not worth the mud on the bottom of my shoes.”
  72. “Look at you. You’re pathetic. I’ve never seen a sadder sight.”
  73. “I’m going to hurt you slowly, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it.”
  74. “For what you did to them, I’ll do the same to you.”
  75. “An apology? You want to offer an apology? No. I don’t accept it.”
  76. “You’re everything I hate in a person.”
  77. “I wish you were dead.”
  78. “You’re nothing to me. Less than nothing!”
  79. “What a sad sack of shit you are.”
  80. “My life is in fucking shambles thanks to you!”
  81. “How could you? You bastard!”
  82. “I’d rather eat sewage than ever touch you again.”
  83. “Hey asshole, I’m here to ruin your day, just like I did yesterday and the day before that.”
  84. “You’d be more useful if you weren’t even alive.”
  85. “Hey, it’s my least favorite waste of space.”
  86. “Every day that I woke up next to you, I was tempted to smother you with a pillow while you slept.”
  87. “Love you? Don’t make me laugh.”
  88. “Just thinking about you makes me sick to my stomach.”
  89. “You deserve a slow and painful death for what you’ve done.”
  90. “I can’t stand people like you.”
  91. “Stop doing that thing. You know, that thing I hate. Breathing.”
  92. “If I could trade you for a nest of angry wasps, you would be long gone.”
  93. “I can’t wait to dance on your grave.”
  94. “If we were the last two people on earth, I’d be subtracting one.”
  95. “I never want to see the likes of your filth around here again.”
  96. “I’m disgusted by you.”
  97. “Fuck you!”
  98. “If I ever see you again, it will be far too soon.”
  99. “I have three words for you: Burn. In. Hell.”
  100. “I hate you.”
Recognizing emotionally mature people

Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.

They’re realistic and reliable

They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.

They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They don’t lose their ability to see another perspective just because they aren’t getting what they want.

Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually won’t surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.

They don’t take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. They’re realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.

They’re respectful and reciprocal

They respect your boundaries. They’re looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don’t pretend to know you better than you know yourself.

They give back. They don’t like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.

They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people don’t have an agenda to win at all costs, you won’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Compromise doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and don’t want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.

They’re even-tempered. They don’t sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells. When angered, they will usually tell you what’s wrong and ask you to do things differently. They’re willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.

They are willing to be influenced. They don’t feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they don’t know something. They may not agree, but they’ll try to understand your point of view.

They’re truthful. They understand why you’re upset if they lie or give you a false impression.

They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.

They’re responsive

Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.

They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They aren’t afraid of your emotions and don’t tell you that you should be feeling some other way.

They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.

They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. They’ll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.

They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone else’s lead.

They’re enjoyable to be around. They aren’t always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.

–  © Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.

Things I love about each type!! based on multiple personal experiences

ENFJ love: You genuinely care about your family. You’re softies. You have a way of making everyone listen to you and believe you, no matter what. That inspires an inner leader in me, well done. You’re usually great at making friends and meeting new people.

ENFP love: You are energetic when around people you like, which is almost all the time. I see you have a longing to deeply connect with people. You are attracted to people that you want to be, or have qualities you wish you had. You are intelligent, so stop acting dumb. My time spent with you is never wasted, I always learn something, and feel loved. Thanks for the brilliant and accurate compliments btw.

ENTJ love: You are strong. I can say evil and inappropriate things in front of you that would be considered socially strange and you either add on to it or laugh, rather than calling the police or my therapist. You are passionate. You secretly want people to like you instead of just follow you.

ENTP love: We don’t have conversations, we have discussions. It’s beautiful. I’ve never heard you engage in small talk. Your emotions are intense. I love how all you do is argue and debate and invent. I need you in my life.

ESFJ love: You are the most loyal and caring people I’ve ever met. You just want to have fun, and make sure everyone else is having fun. You cry openly, but loathe doing it. Despite what you think, people like you, okay? You are likable. Also, learn to turn your back on people who turn their back on you.

ESFP love: Nothing will stop you. NOTHING. Nobody could survive the way you do. You have endless energy and love. You are deeper than the internet says. You people have inspiring messages, and you’re never done saying yes. Everyone knows your name.

ESTJ love: You’re bluntness inspires me. You are true to yourself. You won’t let things get you down. You are trustworthy. You don’t care about popular society norms. You are crazy and hilarious, your quotes are memorable. Fabulous story tellers. Fucking brave, ruthless, and metal as fuck.

ESTP love: The perfect amount of sadistic. Reliable and loyal. You are strangely seductive and charming. You know what you want. Decisive.

INFJ love: I want to be more like you. I’ve always been drawn to you people. You are incredibly organised. The definition of saying nothing and thinking about everything. You have a likeness for the strange and for the antique. Old souls.

INFP love: Attracted to the fucked up things in the world. Wallow in your own sadness swamp, and don’t want to get me involved. You guys always put others before you. Way too selfless.

INTJ love: The way you think. You make people worried, angry, and laugh without trying. In fact, you have no clue what you do that makes them feel that way. Keep going.

INTP love: You are mental. You have an amazing brain but you don’t train it hard enough. Smarter than people think. Generally funny.

ISFJ love: I love that when you are angry or drunk you guys are always the boss. Great leaders because you see what you’re capable of and cater to people specifically. Will do anything for the people you love, or people who are going through a shitty time.

ISFP love: You live in beautiful spaces. You keep to yourselves. I love that you guys love me. Somehow you see the best in people. You are all secretly emo.

ISTJ love: I actually trust you. If someone tells you something or if you see or hear something you aren’t supposed to, you keep it to yourself even if people hound you for it. A brilliant friend, you won’t lie to them. Interested in things that make you think. Strong moral compass.

ISTP love: Soft, yet hard. Extremely quiet, but when you speak and contribute you make everything better. Problem solvers. Disappears all the time, people don’t question it anymore. Really hard to hate.

 written by an INTJ female

Things I hate about each type!! based on multiple personal experiences 

Are You A Koreaboo?

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject.

So, yes- Koreaboos are a thing. They exist, and they can be annoying, but whatever. Do your thing. Hopefully they grow out of it though. This post will not be about all of the annoying things that Koreaboos tend to do. Instead, this post will be about how to differentiate between someone who is a Koreaboo, and someone who is not. Because apparently, there is a lot of confusion surrounding this topic. 

Some things commonly used to identify Koreaboos are-

  1. They listen to K-Pop
  2. They watch K-Dramas
  3. They write fanfiction (about people associated with the previous two)
  4. Learning Korean

None of those things indicate a Koreaboo. Someone liking K-Pop just means they like music, regardless of the language. Someone liking K-Dramas just means they like a TV show that they need subtitles for. Writing fanfiction is something a lot of people do if they like a certain celebrity, and why would that change just because the person is of a different race? Also, it’s a good way to improve a person’s writing skills in a way they can enjoy. Learning Korean is probably the worst reason to label someone as a Koreaboo, because it’s a language. People are typically required to learn a foreign language in high school, and for a lot of schools, the options are limited to Spanish or French. So, it’s totally understandable as to why you might want to learn something other than those two. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with challenging yourself to learn a new language, and it looks good on applications, especially since it’s less common for people to know Korean as a second, (third, fourth, etc), language than it would be for Spanish or French. In short, having an interest in something that happens to be Korean does not make you a Koreaboo.

So what does make someone a Koreaboo?

The short and general answer would be OBESSION. However, fangirling does not qualify, because it’s likely that someone would fangirl over any celebrity they like, not just Korean ones. Let’s just jump right into this and list a few things that make a person a Koreaboo-

  • They act like they know everything about Korea
  • They try to look Korean
  • They try to ‘act’ Korean
  • They get overly excited about everything remotely related to Korea 
  • Only listen to Korean music (+ brag about it)
  • Are only attracted to Asians
  • If they find someone attractive only because they are Asian (not even necessarily Korean, because they don’t care about the difference)
  • Only eat Korean foods and get upset if they can’t
  • If they lie and say they are Korean or that they lived in Korea
  • Only use common Korean phrases, and use them often (ex. 안녕하세요, 진짜, 누나, 오빠, 언니, etc), usually with horrible pronunciation, and use romanization when writing/typing them (this one is more of just an annoying habit people may have, because no one has a problem with the random use of Spanish words like hola or adios)

There are plenty of other things a lot of Koreaboos do, and not all of them do ALL of these things. I’ve just listed some common indicators. Now, this post is already rather lengthy, (I could go on and on), so I’ll state the main difference in bold text.

The difference between someone who is a Koreaboo and someone who isn’t is:

Having an interest in something that happens to be Korean vs. Having an interest in something because it is Korean.

This post is not meant to shame anyone, and PLEASE feel free to explore your interests without fear of judgement, because you have that right. And if something makes you happy, just tell that annoying ranting girl on Tumblr to fuck off, and go be yourself. Just maybe take it down a few notches, because you low key seem a little crazy sometimes. Also, if you are interested in something that happens to be Korean and you want to try something else from there (like kimchi or  비빔밥) GO AHEAD. I only made this post, because so many people accuse others of being Koreaboos with literally zero backup for their claim. So, think before you label, or just keep your judgey mouth shut, thanks. 

Hot Off The Press

Another AU where Jacky-Boy is a hockey player and Bitty has a job that involves hockey bc that’s my aesthetic. Anyway, I really know nothing about how the world of sports journalism works so there is probably some inaccuracies in here, but it’s an AU so who cares. Artistic license and all that. Very slightly NSFW (i just wanted to get all the warnings out there). 

***

“Are you into men?”

Jack has been asked this question before, but in such a subtle way (and typically involving Parson) that it’s easy to avoid. No reporter has ever straight out asked him. Besides, he’s not gay. He’s bisexual. So when Jack usually tells them, “No.” it’s not a lie. However, this time it feels different. Maybe it wasn’t just this particular time, but all the times added onto each other that’s finally causing him to really think about what hole he’s digging himself into.

The blunt question has him feeling panicky and the other presser notice his reaction too. Jack can’t say no, because that’s not true. He is into men. Jack’s panic quickly shifts, and now he just feels like shoving the microphones away and storming out, because this is hockey goddammit. Not E! news.

“Excuse me?” Jack clears his throat, trying to buy himself some time to think of a properly crafted response. Over the years, he’s developed a talent for that.

But everything is on overdrive and he feels his breath start to quicken again–

“Are you into men?” Another reporter asks, and it takes Jack a moment to realize that the reporter isn’t asking him. He’s asking the man who popped the question in the first place.

 All attention, including Jack’s, turns to the small blonde that got lost in the bundle of people. He holds up his mic towards the reporter who popped the question in the first place. 

Keep reading

MORE QUESTION SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ Why are we doing this again? ❜
❛ Is this a bootycall? ❜
❛ Did you really just ask me that? ❜
❛ You don’t think I’m going, do you? ❜
❛ What happened between you and _____? ❜
❛ So, are you two dating? ❜
❛ You think you control my life now? ❜
❛ What did you do? ❜
❛ How far along are you now? ❜
❛ Was this your plan all along? ❜
❛ Why didn’t you just tell me? ❜
❛ Are you sure you’re not keeping any secrets? ❜
❛ Are you sure you’re telling me everything? ❜
❛ Why would you even begin to think that? ❜
❛ Did someone tell you that? ❜
❛ What’s the time again? ❜
❛ Are you ever going to come back? ❜
❛ Wait, what? Where did you hear that at? ❜
❛ Are you here to lie to me again? ❜
❛ Did you really think that? After all this time? ❜
❛ Why are you leaving me? ❜
❛ Why should I believe you? ❜
❛ Why don’t you understand? ❜
❛ Do you really think I’m going to trust you that easily? ❜
❛ You mean, you weren’t joking about that? ❜
❛ Is that really how you feel? ❜
❛ Do you remember anything, at all? ❜
❛ How could you go behind my back and do that? ❜
❛ You didn’t tell me about this? ❜
❛ So, is there any exciting news to hear? ❜
❛ You think I’m inclined to believe that? ❜
❛ How long do you think I will wait for that happen? ❜
❛ Why aren’t you laughing, was it not funny? ❜
❛ Why are you staring at me like that? ❜
❛ Are you okay? What the hell happened? ❜
❛ Did you go somewhere else without me again? ❜
❛ Is it you or is it me? ❜
❛ You think I owe you an apology? For what? ❜
❛ What did I ever do so wrong to you for you to hate me? ❜
❛ Why do you hate me so much? ❜
❛ What did I ever do to you? ❜
❛ Okay, where is all this coming from exactly? ❜
❛ Are you trying to break up with me right now? ❜
❛ Is this part where we kiss? ❜
❛ Are you trying to kiss me right now? ❜
❛ Are you going to let me by or not? ❜
❛ So, are you in or are you out? ❜
❛ Are we going to stand out here all night? ❜
❛ You didn’t even bother to tell me about this? ❜
❛ What else are you lying about? ❜
❛ Are you hiding something for me? ❜
❛ Did you even notice that I was gone? ❜
❛ What are you doing here? ❜
❛ You know you aren’t allowed in here, right? ❜
❛ Did you kill someone? ❜
❛ Are you sure you’re not hiding anything? ❜
❛ What, you think this is some kind of game? ❜
❛ What are you having doubts about? ❜
❛ You don’t think we’re wasting time? ❜
❛ Is that a threat or a promise? ❜
❛ Oh, so you don’t kiss and tell anymore? ❜
❛ What more do you want me to do? ❜
❛ What am I going to do without you? ❜
❛ How long have you known about this? ❜
❛ You’re not starting to like me are you? ❜
❛ Is this your way of saying sorry? ❜
❛ Who would buy that? ❜
❛ You know, I don’t want to see you, right? ❜
❛ Have you been drinking? Are you drunk? ❜
❛ How much have you had to drink tonight? ❜
❛ How’s that hangover from last night? ❜
❛ Long night, huh? ❜
❛ So, did I miss anything interesting? ❜
❛ What are you watching over there? ❜
❛ Who are you texting? ❜
❛ Who’s got you smiling? ❜
❛ You didn’t hear that? ❜
❛ Is this a date or? ❜
❛ Are you going to ignore me forever? ❜
❛ How long before your silent treatment breaks? ❜
❛ What can I do to make up for it? ❜
❛ Will you please just talk to him/her for me? ❜
❛ Are you here to apologize? ❜
❛ Do you ever stop talking? ❜
❛ Is that really still a thing these days? ❜
❛ Are you laughing at me or with me? ❜
❛ What was it like before she/he was here? ❜
❛ Do you remember me at all? ❜
❛ Are you in trouble? ❜
❛ You’re not in any kind of trouble, are you? ❜
❛ There was something you needed to tell me? ❜
❛ Are you insulting me right now? ❜
❛ Is that supposed to be some kind of an insult? ❜
❛ You do realize you’re wrong, right? ❜
❛ What’s so wrong with that? ❜
❛ Is that such a bad thing? ❜
❛ You’re not going to be sick again, are you? ❜
❛ You really the police? Why would you do that? ❜
❛ You really don’t trust me anymore? ❜
❛ Aren’t we friends?
❛ Why do you always lie to me? ❜
❛ Why is it so hard to face the truth? ❜
❛ Why is it so hard for you to tell the truth? ❜
❛ Where do you think youre going? ❜
❛ So that’s it then? You’re just going to walk out? ❜
❛ Don’t you believe me? ❜
❛ Do you love me? Do you even like me? ❜
❛ What’s stopping us from being together other than you? ❜
❛ How come it took you so long to answer? ❜
❛ Why are you ignoring me? ❜
❛ I thought we were friends, how could you do this? ❜
❛ Are you really wearing that? ❜
❛ You really think that will help? ❜
❛ Do you ever think about us? ❜
❛ Why are you standing on my porch in the middle of the night? ❜
❛ Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? ❜
❛ What did I say? ❜
❛ Why are you having such a hard time believing me? ❜
❛ What’s your excuse? ❜
❛ Did you think I wouldn’t find out? ❜
❛ How did you find this out? Who told you? ❜
❛ Are we really going to this stupid party? ❜
❛ Why are you always so sad? ❜
❛ Why do you care so little about everything? ❜
❛ What was it like? ❜
❛ Are you setting me up? ❜
❛ As long as you aren’t setting me up for failure, okay? ❜
❛ Do you believe in love? Do you believe in us? ❜
... Somehow, Still Talking About This Captain America Shit (Now With Bonus Spider-Man and Agents of SHIELD)

So now Secret Empire has revealed its Shyamalan Twist and given the readers a Good Guy Steve Rogers as well as Hydra Cap, and the kinds of dickbags who, when this whole bullshit began were dismissing people’s complaints with “oh come on, don’t you know how comics works, it’s all going to be put back at the end, blah blah blah…” are crowing I-Told-You-So’s.

But here’s the thing:

Yeah, fucknuts.  We always knew this.

Keep reading

SU WANTED THEORY: The Pink Conspiracy; Homeworld Civil War Imminent!

Holy hell. Thanks to the Wanted special, we have a timeline granted a very rough timeline of the gem war, and now know around when Pink was shattered. 

According to Blue Zircon here, Rose Quartz and her terrifying renegade Pearl started the rebellion, then a few hundred years later, Pink is shattered. The way it’s explained, we don’t know if there was any more warring immediately following that, or if that’s what caused the order to evacuate before the Diamonds used the corruption song. For this theory, I’m going with the latter.

Then we’re hit with a bombshell;

Gemkind was lied to. Not just a huge bunch of the population. Gemkind.

The people of Homeworld were told the Earth was destroyed. From what we’ve seen so far, we can safely assume only the Diamonds and a select few elites know of the Earth’s existence. (Peridot, Jasper, the Rubies, etc), and by “the Diamond attack”, of course, they’re probably referencing this;

This changes everything. Why did they lie about the Earth? Besides the obvious; You’d want your people to think you’re all-powerful, what i mean is that’s quite a lie to keep up. Why go through all the trouble?

During The Trial, Blue Diamond makes clear the story everyone knows,  

But that’s impossible. Bismuth says in her debut, “It can cut a gem’s physical form in an instant, destroying the body, but never the gem.”.  Our only other eyewitness is Eyeball Ruby, who couldn’t tell Ame-Jasper apart from the real Jasper. 

She can’t tell Purple from Orange? Color plays such a huge role in their society, so important the Crystal Gems called themselves that because crystals have no color! It’s a symbol of their independence from the Diamond Authority. You’re telling me a war-hardened Ruby missed such an important detail as Jasper’s color? The others I can forgive, one of them didn’t even know who Pink Diamond was so we don’t know how new they are, but Eyeball? Is she colorblind?? Either way, we don’t know if she mistook whoever shattered Pink Diamond for Rose Quartz, or if Rose just used a different sword. Her testimony is unreliable.

Oh, and by the way?

What

the fuck

Is your problem Yellow D?

Yellow Diamond was clearly obstructing justice, and she lost it when Blue Zircon accused them of Pink’s shattering, almost as if the lawyer got too close. At first with her song “What’s the use of feeling Blue?” , we think Yellow Diamond wants to help Blue move on. But now that title’s double-meaning rings out to me and it scares me. “What’s the use of feeling, Blue?” Blue wants closure, not just the cheap revenge Yellow is offering her. Closure means knowing the truth so you can move on. If Yellow Diamond cares as much for Blue as she shows, why is she in such a rush to get Blue to bury this? You don’t just rush someone’s grieving. It’s clear Yellow doesn’t want her to know about something. 

Still not convinced? Look at Yellow Pearl here.

Wtf was that worried glance for? Since when does Yellow Pearl give a damn about anyone but her Diamond? That’s not a “oh shit are you okay Blue?” look, that’s a “Shit, are we screwed?” look.

Now. Personally, I never believed the rebellion was strong enough to fend off all 4 Diamonds and their homeworld forces alone. It never made sense, especially with Rose’s message of peace and Bismuth being bubbled for essentially advocating for murder. (though in these circumstances I really don’t blame her someone un-bubble my bb) Something’s wrong here.

Pink Diamond loved humans remember? Where did that come from? Sure, she plucked them up as trophies, but hold on. They’re not on display here, or in any way a display of her power. They’re kept nice and safe and com fortable, like pets. Rose Quartz didn’t understand the concept of love until Greg and her “fused” in the episode “We Need To Talk”, what if this was all Pink knew how to do? Would she have been fine seeing the Earth destroyed just to kill off Rose’s Rebellion? Blue doesn’t think so. Yellow Diamond does call it a “silly zoo” in her song after all, she doesn’t seem very supportive of Pink or Blue Diamond.  

Then there was this little scene.

Idk if anyone else has mentioned this, but I think Blue and Pink were in love. That’s what’s implied here, at least to me. They just paralleled Greg’s grief over Rose to Blue’s over Pink Diamond. That can’t be an accident.

What if Pink started to help Rose Quartz and the rebellion grew into such a threat that White Diamond needed her…removed? Rose did get her Pearl after all.

Listen fam, you can think whatever you want about our Pearl, she’s formerly White Diamond’s. Her gem’s in the right place. Rose would have needed someone on the inside to help her rebellion, and it would be a great show of power to say.. steal the Big Boss’s favorite slave?? The one servant White Diamond would have taken everywhere? Pearl must have known all of White’s secrets, and because of who White Diamond is, all of Homeworld’s secrets. All it would have taken is an offer of freedom. 

With Pink Diamond and White Pearl on her side, the Crystal Gems would have been a massive threat to Homeworld.

I think Pink Diamond’s shattering is a conspiracy that White and Yellow are keeping from Blue, because she and Pink were too close. They couldn’t allow Pink’s side to bolster the rebellion and start a gem civil war, so, Yellow and White found a way. Once Pink was shattered, they corrupted the survivors to silence any witnesses from the other side and pinned it on Rose Quartz to unify all of Gemkind against her and her Crystal Gems forever. They could accept the lie that the Earth was destroyed in a great retribution for their fallen Diamond, making her a martyr instead of a traitor and saving the Diamond Authority legacy.

Now, there’s the question of who. Well, White Pearl did betray White Diamond… wouldn’t it just be so poetic, to if not have Pink Pearl kill her master, not warn her about it?

Also, about what Yellow D said last..

Uh are you sure you want that Yellow D?  His mom started a rebellion. He has everything he needs right there now, plus, maybe an unlikely ally? 

Rules and Punishments: Ideas

These are just some ideas that I’ve seen around, people have mentioned, or I personally have for rules and punishments. They do not apply to everyone nor do you have to use any of the ones listed. You can change them to be as specific or as broad as you would like. (i.e. The duration of punishment, time of day when the rules or punishments take place, the level of severity of punishment per broken rule, ext.) Please remember that the rules and punishments are to be agreed upon by other parties. If you do not feel comfortable with a rule or punishment, please let your partner know. The term I used in this post can be replaced with what ever term you feel most comfortable with.
(These are only SFW Rules and Punishments)

Rules:
~Always ask permission before doing anything that could be dangerous
~Always ask permission before drinking any alcohol or soda
~Always ask permission before eating sweets/desserts/junk food
~Always listen to Caregiver
~Ask before having sweets
~Ask before buying toys/nonessentials
~Ask to stay up past your time
~Be careful when using the oven/stove
~Be honest when upset
~Bedtime is 10/11 pm
~Block anyone who is disrespectful/inappropriate/mean/rude to you
~Caregiver knows what is best for you (most of the time ;))
~Caregiver’s word is final
~Check in throughout the day even if you do not feel like it
~Clean the dishes
~Clean up any mess you make
~Clean your room when it gets messy
~Do laundry/fold and put away clothes
~Do not curse/keep it to a minimal
~Do not disobey Caregiver
~Do not ignore Caregiver even if you are upset
~Do not let anyone take advantage of you
~Do not lie to Caregiver
~Do not purposely start fights with others
~Do not roll your eyes at Caregiver
~Do not sass/back talk Caregiver
~Do not text and drive
~Do your chores daily
~Do your homework/work before doing fun things
~Drink about 64 ounces of water a day (about eight 8 oz glasses of water)
~Eat protein
~Eat fruits and veggies everyday
~Exercise daily
~Give Caregiver your full attention when they are speaking to you
~Get enough sleep
~Hold Caregiver’s hand when you are out and about and wen crossing the street
~If you are spending time with friends, tell Caregiver who they are and where you will be and what you will be doing
~If you hurt yourself in anyway, tell Caregiver right away
~Keep a food diary
~Look both ways before crossing the street
~Make sure bills are paid
~Make your bed daily
~No being grumpy
~No coffee after 7 PM
~No going to bed upset
~No harming self
~No purging after eating
~No sweets after 8 PM
~Little outfits are only for Caregiver
~Send Caregiver a daily photo of myself
~Set the table
~Show Caregiver crafts
~Show Caregiver what you’re wearing everyday/before you leave into the public
~Take care of Pets
~Take care of yourself (personal hygiene)
~Take meds every day
~Tell Caregiver everything
~Tell Caregiver if someone or something makes you scared/uncomfortable/worried/etc.
~Tell Caregiver if someone tries anything with you
~Tell Caregiver if you are having a bad day
~Tell Caregiver if you break a rule
~Tell Caregiver is anything happens
~Tell Caregiver when you are sick
~Tell Caregiver who you belong to, owns you, etc.
~Treat Caregiver with respect
~Treat yourself with respect
~Use your manners/being polite (Please, thank you, etc.)
~When Caregiver says no, they mean no

Punishments:
~A scolding
~Anything else Caregiver sees fit
~Being grounded
~Early bedtime
~Extra chores
~No bubbles or the toys when taking a bath
~No bedtime story
~No call/video
~No computer time
~No game app(s)
~No going out
~No photos of Caregiver
~No social media
~No sticker (for reward chart/general)
~No sweets/desserts
~No toy(s)
~No tv/movies/YouTube/etc.
~No video game(s)
~No wearing Caregiver’s clothes
~Not being able to talk for a certain period of time
~Spankings
~Timeout
~Writing an apology letter to Caregiver for what rule you broke
~Writing lines

Punishments that are NEVER okay:
~Anything nonconsensual
~Anything you or your little do not feel comfortable with
~Belittling your little’s feelings about ANYTHING
~Destroying your little’ confidence
~Forcing your little to do something they are uncomfortable with
~Giving your little the “silent treatment”
~Ignoring your little for ANY period of time
~Not letting your little take care of their necessary/basic needs (eating, going to the bathroom, sleeping, etc.)
~Punishing your little because you want to even if they did nothing wrong
~Telling your little you do not love them anymore/you do not want them anymore
~Using your little as an outlet for your anger (hitting or spanking them because you are angry at something else)

You’re In Love With Him But He Likes Your Best Friend: Part 2

A/N: This is a filler chapter. Meaning, this is much shorter than part 1. Do not feel dishearted, there will be a longer, more detailed part 3. 

Part 1

Masterlist linked in bio.



“Are you ever going to speak to me?”

Y/n freezes as she hears Harry’s voice ask her the question she’s been dreading to answer.

It’s been two weeks since she’s heard that voice. It may sound rougher now, more stern and harsh than it normally is as it growls behind her at the counter of Lexi’s bar, but it’s still the first time she’s heard it in two weeks.

After her sober confessions to a very tipsy, slumberous Harry, Y/n had to understand what it truly meant to move on.

At first, she thought she would still be able to be around him as she searched for ways to rid her feelings. She distracted herself, mostly. She would interact more with Savannah than she would Harry, and even started picking up new habits whenever she felt her emotions creeping in. Anything that reminded her of him was disregarded entirely so that the only time he was able to consume her thoughts was whenever he was near her.

For the first couple weeks, she was holding up quite well, considering the circumstances. She was able to contain her emotions and take her mind off of the raging heartache that kept burning in her chest.

But it wasn’t much long after that night when Savannah and Harry finally became official, and if Y/n wasn’t anguished before, she surely was then. She was forced to witness the transition of their relationship in hindsight. What was once casual flirting and innocent touches turned into secretive giggles and loving hand gestures.

It was as if her heart broke all over again. What seemed to be almost completely mended was destructed all at once. The chase between Harry and Savannah was over, and reality set in that Harry was happy and in love with someone that wasn’t Y/n.

Watching them together was Y/n’s most devastating nightmare, and the thought of that alone meant she couldn’t mentally handle being alone anymore. With all of the emotions built up inside of her, being alone for Y/n meant enduring the pain and suffering she didn’t want to feel anymore. She just wanted it all to end, everything.

The earliest hours of the morning wrecked her the most. With only the moon illuminating the room and the radio silence throughout her house gave Y/n no choice but to be alone with her thoughts. She wasn’t loved, and no matter how many nights she’s tried to convince herself that this wasn’t the end, it was.

She had to let Harry go, completely this time. She gave up on him entirely because she couldn’t keep loving him when he didn’t love her. Not anymore, not like that.

She keeps her back to him as he heaves heavy breaths, eyes sending daggers and teeth clenched from his crippling frustration. 

“It’s Thursday, I see,” Harry grumbles before giving her the chance to answer, jaw locked as his fingers grip harshly around a stray, unfinished glass of alcohol. “You never work Thursdays. ’S this where your Friday shifts went?”

There’s an unpleasantly rough tone in his voice that makes Y/n’s breath hitch in her throat. She’s never witnessed this side of him, filled with anger and exasperation. He’s always been so soft and gentle, never having the heart to speak down to someone. But here he is, eyes dark with anger and words spewing venomously from his lips.

And as much she hates to admit it, she can’t blame him for being so angry with her. She knows she means the most to him—even if it’s not in a romantic sense—she’s become such an important part of his life. Ever since they met, she took in the truth about his past, understood the feelings and thoughts he’s carried all through his years, and was able to provide him with anything she was able to when he needed her most. She was one of the very few people he trusted and felt most comfortable with in his life. She was irreplaceable, he’d always tell her, nobody could compare to her. She meant everything.

And then, she left him. She distanced herself so far away from him until it was as if she was never apart of his life. She ignored him and all his attempts to reach out to her again. It hurt her tremendously, knowing that what they had together was completely and utterly helpless, but she never questioned how Harry felt about it. She did what was easiest for her and never thought about it twice. She left him so that he can be happy, but as he stands so tensely and confused before her, she can’t help but blame herself what’s happened between them.

She nods her head softly, still refusing to look up at him as she gathers all the used glasses in front of her, making herself seem distracted so she doesn’t have to make much effort into speaking to him.

“I—uh, yeah. Friday nights were getting hectic and I couldn’t keep up with the late hours. I thought Savannah told you.”

It’s a lie. A shitty, impulsive lie that Harry almost finds humorous. Of course, Y/n switched her Friday night shift. She felt as if she had no choice. She couldn’t bare to look at him with Savannah another goddamn second, and he thought of spending Friday nights with Harry without being alone with him and going to the 24-hour movie theater together was enough to make her sick to her stomach.

“She did,” he clicks his tongue, eyes narrowing as he watches her scramble around the bar, “didn’t have to, though. I knew she was lying.”

Y/n’s actions halt for a moment, a feeling of dread flowing in her veins before she goes back to cleaning off the bar, disregarded his statement completely.

Harry knows Y/n’s been avoiding him, she hasn’t exactly made it as subtle as she thought. Their entire friendship changed, and Harry knows he wasn’t the one ruining it.

The morning after Y/n drove Harry back from the bar, all he could really remember clearly was falling asleep with Y/n. There were other bits he remembered, but that was really the only moment that came to him when he woke up. And he was confused when he woke up alone because, in all honesty, he was looking forward to waking up next to her. It was all his drunk mind thought of, and that terrified him.

When Y/n started distancing herself from him, Harry kept wondering what he had done wrong. She was fine with Savannah, keeping up with their lives as usual. But she was different with Harry—closed off, in a way, and it made him feel something he’s never felt in his life before.

He was confused, to say the least. Because when he was kissing down the bare chest of the woman of his dreams, he couldn’t stop daydreaming about Y/n, and how he hasn’t heard her voice and how he hasn’t felt her in so long.

He had Savannah wrapped around his finger, yet he still felt as if everything about it was wrong. He changed when Y/n left him, because even when he was around the most loving company, he felt alone.

He was helpless. As much as he tried to love Savannah, Y/n was always in the back of his head. She was there, all the time, trapped in his mind with no escape route. 

At first, he was confused—upset and lost without Y/n. He didn’t know life without her would feel so lonely, so empty and incomplete. It was strange, not knowing how to live his life without her. He’d never expected her disappearance to be such a hindrance to him, but it was. Oh, how it was.

Then, he was angry—angry because as many times as he tried to get her to speak to him again, she never came back. She was gone, forever.

Now, he’s hurt. So damaged by her leaving his side, so incomplete and destroyed without her with him anymore. His heart is heavy with sadness and he couldn’t let himself feel this way anymore. 

He needs her, no matter how wrong and pathetic it sounds, he needs her. 

“So you gonna tell me why you’ve been avoiding me, or am I gonna have to force it out of you?” he seethes, nose flaring as he tries to steady his uneven breath.

Y/n shakes her head ignorantly, a flash on innocence in her eyes as she does so. But she damn knows well what he’s talking about, and her oblivion drives him crazy.

“I don’t—I don’t know what you’re talking ab—“

“Oh, fuck off with it!” Harry spits, slamming his closed fist down on the wooden counter.

He doesn’t seem to care about how sudden the bar falls silent, or the glisten of fear in Y/n’s eyes when she finally looks up at him. All he can seem to care about is how much pain he feels, all over. All he can think about is how now, after the last two weeks of not being able to understand why he cares so goddamn much, he’s finally able to feel some sense of sanity being in front of her now.

“You know what you’re doing to me, Y/n! You know damn fucking well what you’re fucking doing and—“

“Harry, please.” Y/n whispers and she isn’t sure as to whether or not she’s begging him to lower his voice or begging for him to understand.

“And it’s not fair!” he cries out, tears of frustration overflowing from his eyes as he grips tightly onto his hair.

His breaking point is approaching, he feels it. He feels it with every breath he takes and every word that emits from his mouth. His heart twists and breaks as he expresses every feeling that’s been consuming him for the past two weeks. He needs her to know what she’s doing to him, needs her to know how he feels in this moment.

“I did nothing to you and you keep pushing me away and that’s not fair because I don’t know how to live without you. Isn’t that something?! I don’t know what to do without you, and you know that!”

Suddenly, his head falls in his hands as he begins to sob. Complete heart-wrenching sobs, making his chest tight and breathing shallow.

Y/n reaches her hand out for him, her fingers clasping harshly around his wrist. Her own eyes start to brim with tears as she watches him sob below her, his body shaking with undying cries. She swallows harshly when he grabs ahold of her hand, bringing her palm against his forehead. His lips reach to kiss her wrist softly, quickly refraining from keeping them there longer.

To touch her, for the first time, is every answer he needs. She’s the only one to make him feel this way—she’s the only one to drive him to the brink of insanity and resurface him back to clarity. She has power over him he never understood until now, after he’s lost her.

“I don’t know why it hurts this much, Y/n,” He cries, his eyes squeezing shut as he inhales sharply, “I’ve never been more confused in my life.”

She chokes on her cries as she nods her head softly, her free hand reaching up to rake her fingers through his hair. Her lips shake from their craving to touch him, watching as he weakens beneath her. 

She’s missed him, in the most desperate of ways. She’s missed every part of him, and every atom in her body yearned to feel him again. Whether it was to feel the warmth of him from a distance or to feel his skin ignite her, she wanted every part of him against her. If she wasn’t with him, she was missing him, and craving him with every breath she took. 

Her lips press tentatively to his forehead, her breath fanning through his hair as she does so. The action is quick, leaving just as quickly as it comes, but it carries sentimental meaning for the both of them.

Harry frowns, his heart thumping in his chest. He looks up into her eyes, filled with concern and sanity as she maps his features.

“It’s been ever since me and Savannah got together.” He mumbles, eyes watching her face as it pales slightly at his words. “You haven’t spoken to me since.”

Her eyes flutter shut as he speaks, finding it completely pointless to try and make him believe otherwise. He deserves to know, one way or another, and even if it’s now, she feels like she’s already lost him. There isn’t much she’d be losing now, anyways. He was never hers.

“Please leave, Harry.” She whispers.

She backs away from him, her touch leaving him was like a gunshot to his chest. It’s a feeling he’s felt all too much that he can’t bare to feel again. 

His heart breaks as he watches her begin to cry, her usual glistening eyes now filled with tears of sorrow. He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he tentatively takes a step closer to her.

He’s desperate, and he doesn’t care how weak he seems. He’s desperate to see where he’s missed it all along, to know how long he’s been making her feel this way. He’ll never forgive himself for all the pain he’s caused her, for all her nights alone when all she wanted was to be with him.

He could have done so much to change this. If he had just listened to his heart from the beginning, this would all be different now. If he hadn’t been so blind, they would both be happy right now.

“Love, I—“

“Don’t.” she whispers, her voice cracking as she speaks, “Please, don’t.“

She isn’t exactly sure what she’s saying—isn’t quite sure what she’s begging him not to do. Maybe it’s the nickname he’s always called her that makes her stomach twist a bit more, or how he’s trying to make her feel better that makes her eyes sting with a fresh new wave of tears, or how he looks at her now the way he never did before that makes her throat tighten around a sob. Whatever it is that makes her beg, she can’t  handle it anymore.

“I’m trying, Y/n,” He whispers, “please.”

“Please just—“ her eyes flutter shut as she speaks, “just leave me alone.”

Harry lets out an unsteady breath, his green eyes brimmed with red as he watches her begin to sob. 

He nods, because he can’t let himself keep doing this to her. If he keeps trying with her in her current state of mind, she won’t be able to think properly. She’ll be a wreck, more so than she is now, and he can’t find it in his heart to do that. Even if it means fighting for her.

“It’s not worth it, you know.” He whispers, his eyes staring lovingly into hers, “Being with her, it’s not worth it if it means losing you.”

The Wake of War

[AO3]

So.” Stiles drops back against the side of the Jeep, elbows braced and spine sinking slow against the dusty blue metal. Derek’s hovering a few feet away, at the edge of the lot, not quite ready to vanish into the night but not prepared to join with the rest of the group, either.

He needs their voices, maybe, to block out the ones in his head.

“Looks like I saved your ass again,” Stiles is saying, flashing him a crooked grin. He looks warm and bright like the rest of them, a glow of victory dancing around him that can’t quite seep into Derek’s bones. “What’s the count, now? ‘Cause I think I’m getting pretty close to earning a victory ride in that sweet new Camaro.”

Derek’s lips twitch, a snort slipping out.

“I seem to recall saving you last time.”

“Hey, we’ve been through this. At best, that was a tie.” Stiles looks so smug Derek can’t bring himself to argue, and maybe that’s the reason Stiles’ grin falls. His eyes go soft, flitting over Derek’s frame.

“I’m glad you’re ok, man. …I mean, as nice as it would have been to have my very own, hot guy lawn ornament––”

“Why did I look at her?”

He doesn’t mean to say it; flinches at his own words. His hands are too-tight fists he stretches straight with an effort, and when he looks at Stiles again the bright expression’s gone, replaced by tension and an edge of a grimace he’s trying to fight down.

Keep reading

Pleasing you

Synopsis: Stolen from Earth when you were only a teenager, what is left of your life consists of training to become an obedient pleasure slave on Sakaar… that is, until the Grandmaster, your slave driver, decides to gift you to King Loki, who seeks to visit to observe one of the Grandmaster’s infamous gladiator fights. Now, you belong to him, obliged to fulfil his every need. A truly tempting opportunity, is it not? After all—who is the God of Mischief to miss out on all the fun that comes with being king of Asgard?

Pairing: Loki x Reader
Rating: M
Chapter: 1/1 (Oneshot)
Words: 6725
Warnings: (sexual)
submission, kidnapping, (sexual) slavery, imprisonment, mentions of abuse, dub-con, smut

Read it on AO3!

Keep reading

the spy au that @philosophium ordered !!


Andrew slips through a slit in the crowd, brushing through the sleek trains of expensive gowns, rich wool suits jackets catching on his own. He’s on his second flute of champagne, and the tartness keeps him focused. His attention is on the flavour and the rim of the glass and the warp of faces through it. His earpiece crackles and whispers.

He can see his mark on the opposite side of the room, surrounded by servers and liars and pretty things. One of them is all three, Andrew can tell: a waiter’s vest, a seam of over-applied foundation, and bright blue eyes.

He’s distracting, flighty, a rubber band pulled all the way back. He looks like the memory of a case file, and a name occurs to Andrew one second before Kevin hisses it into his ear.

“It’s fuckin’ Charlie Pilot. Don’t engage, Minyard, we’re not here for him.”

Andrew doesn’t make any effort to reply, just takes another pull of champagne. He’s not really watching the troupes of entertainers or the clockwork security or the velvet and silk blooming under bowing chandeliers. He’s not even watching the man he’s either going to rob or kill, who’s laughing and weedy, red in the face from the alcohol. He’s stuck on Pilot –  next to his target, holding a heavily stocked tray of appetizers, his expression pleasant and empty.

He’ll be an irritant to what should be a straightforward plan, if he keeps hovering. Andrew takes a loaded step forward and the voice in his ear complains.

“Don’t even think about moving in until Pilot leaves. He’s probably doing reconnaissance for Matt. I bet he doesn’t even know about the file.”

Andrew watches Pilot’s face tick, the way he blinks like he’s on a timer, the way he’s worrying the inside of his cheek with his teeth.

“I bet he does,” Andrew murmurs, and he drains the last of the champagne. He plucks his tie pin away from the fabric and drops it in the empty glass, leaving it on a passing tray.

“What— what the fuck Minyard, we’ve lost visuals. Do you hear me? Andrew? Andrew?”

Andrew weaves through the rest of the golden crowd, ignoring the buzz of Kevin’s reprimands in his ear. He finds a new spot on the outskirts of the crowd where Pilot has installed himself.

“Do you know how fucking expensive those cameras are? You’re such a piece of shit operative,” Kevin says. “When you inevitably come back without the intelligence and without our equipment, it’s costing us to keep you around, do you realize that?”

Andrew’s more focused on the way Pilot’s shoulders are turning to face him, the slim line of his tailored pants, that eyelash-thick smudge of un-blended make up.

“Shrimp?” Pilot offers, swaying the tray in his direction.

“No,” Andrew says, but he stays uncomfortably near, feeling along the edges of his boundaries without finding any seams. Pilot’s composure is still and reserved as a frost-ravaged garden.

“Have a good evening then,” Pilot says graciously, turning back towards the host that Andrew should be sizing up but hasn’t even looked at. He glances at him for a sliver of a moment, finds himself uninterested, and looks back at Pilot.

Andrew catches him suddenly by the arm, but relaxes his grip just as quickly, caught off guard by his own impulsivity. His own disguise is just an invitation and sun bleached hair; he isn’t playing a character like Pilot is. He’s neutral for a living, but Pilot is a new weight on his scale, unbalancing him so that he can’t quite settle at zero.

When their eyes meet, the polite, curious waiter snips out of existence. Charlie Pilot stares at Andrew, with eyes like the bluest part of a fire.

“There’s a conflict of interest,” he tells Andrew calmly. “And your interest will lose.”

“I’m not interested in anything,” Andrew says broadly.

“Hm,” Pilot says, unconvinced. “You’re lying.”

“I don’t lie,” Andrew says. He’s always saying it; it’s a novelty that employers enjoy and enemies challenge, amused.

Pilot raises his jaw, mouth twitching. “No, you wouldn’t, would you.” His eyes flicker to the side of Andrew’s face, where Kevin is breathing furiously through his earpiece, then down to the grip he still has on his forearm. He lowers his tray down until the rough edge is pressed to the root of Andrew’s hand threateningly. “You’ll want to let me go, Andrew, or you’re going to end up needing a longer armband.”

Andrew feels genuine surprise squeeze his fingers around Pilot’s wrist. He hadn’t noticed the black fabric extending a whiff beyond his crisp white sleeve. He lets go, and Pilot tucks his shoulders back, satisfied. His hair is too dark to match his freckles, Andrew notes quietly. It is, perhaps, what the make up was meant to cover up.

“You are not going to win, Charlie,” Andrew says. “We’re the more capable team.”

Pilot smiles indulgently. “‘Charlie’,” he repeats, mouth curling around the name. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been Charlie Pilot.” He jostles his tray from one hand to another, and loosens his collar with his freed hand. “And I don’t think you understand how much farther ahead we are than you. If you’re looking for information, we already have it. If you’re trying to find the connections this place has to the Yakuza, we’re the ones undoing them.”

“Who’s we? I don’t remember seeing anything about loyalty in your case file. You’re just a runner.”

Pilot looks briefly bothered by this, and he juts his chin again. “I’m loyal to whoever’s doing the work that needs to be done.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Who are you?”

He looks down, at Andrew’s empty hands, at the hip where he’s hiding his gun. His expression is warped and sad when he looks up, like the real filling in his strange costume is finally oozing out.

“You can call me Neil,” he says, and drops the whole tray of food so that it clatters and rolls into the host’s feet. There are gasps and yelps, partygoers dodging and stooping to catch the runaway platter. Andrew looks impulsively down to track its progress, and when he looks sharply back up into the knot of activity, Neil is gone. Of course he is.

He doesn’t have time to think about where he might have disappeared to, just steps neatly into the opportunity that’s been afforded to him. He uses the distraction as a doorway directly into the offices behind the coddled host.

Kevin is asking repeatedly for updates, and Andrew fishes the earpiece out and tucks it into his breast pocket. He likes to be alone for this part, when the most important door closes behind him and everything makes as much sense as a ticking clock.

He keeps thinking of Neil’s reaction to ‘runner’, of the vulnerability trussed up in his persona. He finds himself sick to his stomach wanting to know what his real hair colour is.

He tries every door in the polished row of them, finding all of them locked. He picks the lock on the door farthest from the burble of the ballroom behind him, and cracks into what looks like a room built for business arrangements and drinking. There’s a snifter next to a half dozen tumblers on a cart along the wall, and extensive cabinets under the desk.

He feels his way along the underside of the desk, and opens each drawer, idealistically left unlocked and unprotected. He finds useless information and shady information and heaps of anonymous, unlabeled tapes.

He finds the safe in the floor, facing up patiently under a wingback chair and a panel of floorboard. He stoops so that he’s face to face with it, shrugs his jacket off like a dead skin onto the floor, and puts the heart of a stethoscope to the face of the safe.

He’s sweating, spread out surreptitiously on the floor, but the safe is flimsy. It cracks in under an hour, the party wilting two rooms over, pressure taking him by the hair. Andrew flicks the door open impatiently, unwinding the stethoscope from around his neck.

It’s filled top to bottom with paper, and he reaches for the first file, carding his fingers through the spill of sheets.

Got you, it says. Over and over again, in unassuming little typescript. And on the next page, got you.

Andrew’s fingers flex. The next file is the same, and the next. A million taunting, twirling repetitions: got you. Got this. Got here first.

The safe was already cracked. The list of names was already stolen. Neil’s face winks and swarms when he closes his eyes, furious. If you’re looking for information, we already have it.

He roots around for the bud in his pocket and pops it back into his ear. He leans back, splayed away from the spill from the safe, the stacks of failure. He enunciates clearly into the microphone sewn into his collar.

“We have to find Neil.”

Keep reading

Sick of Losing You

Plot: Harry and Y/N lost each other when he found someone else.

Warnings: None aside that it kinda broke my heart.

Playlist to the one shot: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2S-tehb1XqDqkmE4xnz7-SciJy61soVf

Thanks to @interfectorems for being such a good friend, supporter and for requesting this. 
Songs that are mentioned but not on the playlist are “Out of the Woods” by Taylor Swift & “If You don’t Know” by 5Sos.

Pic of this beauty isn’t mine.

I watched from a far how he held on to her hand, his fingers grasping and squeezing hers gently while his eyes never left her pretty face. He watched her speak with such an intensity in his green eyes, as if he literally saw nothing other than her. His girlfriend. Not me.
I took a deep breath, swallowed the thick lump building in my throat and turned away from the sight.
Exactly three weeks ago, Harry and I had shared a kiss. Our first kiss, which had been exactly how I’d secretly always wished for it to be. Of course it had been. Every time you get to kiss the person you love is special and like fireworks painting colors into the sky.

He’d been talking and listening to me all night, similar to how he now was with her and had at some point reached out to hold my hand, just like he was holding hers in this moment.
When the time felt right, he’d leant in and had captured my lips with his. Needless to say, Harry was a phenomenal kisser. He knew when to press further, when to use how much tongue and was very attentive to how my body responded to his. Whenever I thought about it now, my cheeks tingled with the memory of his hands cupping them gently as he cradled my face to keep me close. He’d been so soft, so perfect. Harry had touched me with a tenderness, I thought it’d break my heart. I remembered wrapping my arms around his neck and feeling like they belonged there, like I was meant to hold him close.
Only that I wasn’t. The girl he was with now only proved how insignificant I was.

I couldn’t help peaking and looking over at him again. Harry’s lips. I knew exactly how they felt when pressed against my own, knew their taste and shape. Their warmth. Harry’s touch was impossible to forget.
I watched him kiss his girlfriend with a mesmerized stare, before moving away and into the kitchen, leaving the small gathering of our friends with a murmured excuse that I needed to get a refill of my drink, when in reality I couldn’t bear seeing the man I loved sharing affectionate kisses with someone else.
But not even the kitchen was a safe area for me. t had been this exact kitchen, the one in Harry’s house, where he’d pulled me aside and told me about her for the first time.

“It’s difficult” I think he said. “It’s my fault that this situation has become so messy.”

Was it silly that I could actually still remember every word he spoke to me? That I’d engraved every pause, every take in of breath he made, deeply into my head?

“Listen, Y/N… You’re important to me. I care about you. Need you, it’s just… There is someone. Someone who could be a chance for a relationship and I really want to give this a go. Give her a go, I mean. You can understand that, right?”

At first it’d felt like none of it was real. Because how could he be serious?
Harry. My best friend, Harry.
Only three days after our magical first kiss, three days full of us talking and flirting and texting constantly, he was telling me that he wanted someone else. Her name was Ira. And though he was seemingly behaving the same way with her he had been with me, we weren’t the same. In fact, she was everything I wasn’t. So when he told me he wanted her and not me, that he was picking her over of me, how come I’d been surprised?

I would never be his first choice, not when there were thousands of others he could choose from. And it was time for my brain to learn to not interpret every kind gesture, time to learn to stop overthinking every word. It was time for my head to accept, that there was no way Harry Styles could possibly want me.

So… I had been understanding. Kind even.
I’d lied and told him that yes, I agreed that our kiss had been a mistake. We shouldn’t have done any of that and instead thought of our friendship first, rather than our impulses. I’d kept a smile on my face throughout the entire talk and even finished the short chat by wishing him good luck with her. Another lie.

My fingers shook and so I set the empty glass of my drink down quickly, worried for a moment that I might otherwise spill the last few drops. I didn’t think much when I reached for the bottle of vodka on the counter. There was no getting through this night if I didn’t have something proper to drink. If only I remembered the recipe….

“Need help?”

My shoulders tensed. It couldn’t be him. Please… anyone, literally anyone, but him.

However when I turned around, Harry was there. He stood tall and beautiful, his short hair soft and wavy. Harry’s compelling eyes held my gaze with such a tender rawness in them, my knees weakened. All my body burned for was to wrap my arms around his shoulders and have him embrace me, have him tell me that everything would be okay again. I felt like I needed it, but knew that this was a wish I would be denied. Harry must have felt it, too. It was in the air around us. It had changed and… buzzed. As if being in each other’s presence made the world halt still for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Harry chuckled lowly when I didn’t say anything. How could he smile like everything was alright?

And what was it he was apologizing for? Abandoning our friendship? Ruining any hope I’d had to find a partner in him? Shattering my heart? Hardly.

“For scaring you,” Harry elaborated, a sudden hint of guilt in his eyes, almost as if he’d read my thoughts.

“It’s fine, Harry,” I muttered, bearing a false smile, “All good.”

It was hard to look at him. Especially his eyes. They burned a whole into my chest whenever my own orbs found them. They reminded me of the Harry he once was, the one I could always come to and rely on.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked, his head nodding towards the bottle of vodka. His forehead furrowed in a worried expression and I quickly set the container back down.

“I wanted to make myself a drink, but the recipe slipped my mind. I’m not as much of an alcoholic as it must look like.”

“Good to know,” Harry chuckled, then, visibly thinking about it first, took a step forward. “I remember what you like in your favorite drink. Could make you one.”

From how close he was standing, it was easy to notice every detail of his skin. Every curve of his lips, every hair of his barely-there beard. My stomach turned.

“That’d be nice.”

Harry smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

We avoided any touching. I was leant against the counter, he stood with a safe distance between us and only came closer when he needed a different ingredient that happened to be near me. It was awkward and… weird. It didn’t feel like ‘us’. The friends we’d been once seemed to be two completely different people. I knew him and felt he was familiar, but there was a emotional distance between us I knew neither of us could overcome. And still, I was with him and even if we behaved like strangers, being with Harry was nice.

“I think that’s it,” Harry said, breaking the silence. His eyes were set on the pink-orange liquid in my glass, then they drifted to my face. A proud smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

“You 'think’?” I challenged shyly.

I took the glass from him (cautious not to touch his fingers) and took a sip. It tasted great.

“M'not big of a show off,” Harry grinned, “S'it good?”

I nodded and stirred the colored liquid once more. “Thanks, Harry.”

“You’re welcome, Y/N.” His voice was soft and his gaze shy.

The air around us shifted once more. My eyes teared up. What had happened to us? Harry and I… we used to be the kind of friends who didn’t stopped talking to each other for hours. At first, we’d be loud. We’d laugh and giggle so much eventually both of our tummies hurt. That was when we’d change the subject and speak more quietly, until several hours later our conversations drifted to topics only we were allowed to hear. Then we’d be whispering and sitting closer together, always an eager sparkle in the other’s eyes as we both listened with interest about what was being said.

I quickly turned away and pretended to yawn. My eyes blinked rapidly and I willed them not to cry in front of him. Not because of embarrassment, but because I couldn’t do that to him. I’d given him my okay. I had no right to be mad at him for having found someone else. Harry remained standing close and with his hands in the front pockets of his black jeans.

“I think I should go,” I muttered.

I held my head low and took a deep breath before looking at him briefly. Harry’s eyes held concern and his fingers twitched, as if he longed to reach out for me.

“Y/N, love,” he began lowly, “Do you think we could talk for a bit? S'been a while since I got to see you. Hear your voice. I missed you.”

This time when my eyes met his green orbs, I didn’t look away, even though I could feel the tears forming and coming closer to spilling over. Harry’s whole expression changed. His cheeks paled and his forehead furrowed deeper.

“I miss you, too, Harry,” I admitted, my weak voice barely above a whisper.

“No,” he mumbled, shaking his head slowly, sorrow deeply set in his eyes. His feet stepped closer and his warm hands touched my flushed cheeks before I even had the chance to back away from him. The unexpected closeness caught me off guard and had more tears coming, this time because of how much I hated how uncommon this sort of care from him had become.

Harry embraced me. His head buried itself into my neck and both arms wrapped themselves around my waist so he could lift me up from my feet. “Please no, Y/N, Sweetheart. Don’t cry.”

I couldn’t help it. My heart, the final bit that had been whole still, broke in his caring hands and I was overcome and pulled under a wave of grief. That was what I was doing. I was grieving our friendship and the lost hope I’d had for a relationship with him. And he allowed it. He let me cry against his collarbones without any complaint and instead began to hum quietly, knowing how much his voice always soothed me. Pain shot through my chest. He probably did the same when she was upset.

“I can’t-” I cried, but got cut off by my lungs that burned with need for air.

Harry hushed me, his hold tightening, “Don’t, Y/N. It’s going to be alright.”

I shook my head and loosened the hold I’d taken around his neck. My hands momentarily brushed his soft hair, then I pulled away. Harry hesitated but allowed me to step out of his hold.

“I can’t take it anymore, Harry,” I confessed, my voice breaking halfway through the sentence. I reached up to brush my cheeks with the end of my sleeve and hiccuped. My head felt numb and I knew if I didn’t get out of this kitchen soon, he’d witness a break down I wasn’t comfortable with him seeing.

Harry’s hand reached for my arm. I didn’t fight it when he pulled me closer to him, but avoided his eyes when he leaned down to find my gaze.

“Y/N,” he spoke, his voice rough with emotion, “I promise you, it’ll be alright. M'not leaving, okay? M'not. We’ll figure this out.”

I wanted to scream but all I could was shake my head rapidly. “Figure this out how? What have we become, Harry?”

Another sob wrecked through my chest.

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “But we’re going to find each other again, okay? I promise. Let me say goodbye to the others and then we’ll go for a walk or something. We’ll talk. About everything and nothing at all… Just like we always used to, yeah?”

Used to. So long ago, it seemed.

“Okay,” I whispered, my burning eyes set on my feet. My skin shivered under his warmth and my lips hurt from how much I was bitting them.

I flinched when his mouth pressed a kiss to my head. The skin was left with a burning sensation. “Wait for me here, love.”

Harry’s quick feet carried him out of the kitchen and left me standing by the counter with my heart at the pit of my stomach. I stood up straight and brushed the few remaining tears from my cheeks. My skin tingled and I felt the hint of a smile on my lips, even though my body ached.
Looking back now, I wish I would have stayed put by the counter and had waited for him just like he’d asked me to. I wish I hadn’t been impatient and eager to reunite with Harry, because that eagerness drove me to exit the kitchen shortly after him and turn the corner, allowing me clear view into the living room.
There he stood. His arms around her thin form, his hands in her long hair and his lips kissing hers. All air was knocked right out of me. I could see how his hands gently moved against her neck, bringing her in closer and their bodies flush together. When their lips parted for a moment, I could see how he let his tongue run along his lower lip, as if he wanted to make sure he got all of her taste. And I could see him smile warmly at her, right before he leaned back in to connect their mouths once more. This sight… it burned.
I didn’t wait for him. Because I had been wrong before. My heart wasn’t truly broken until that moment, witnessing the man I loved with my everything, kissing a woman who wasn’t me. And if he wasn’t going to leave me, if he was just going to keep me close and allow my heart to shatter over and over again, then I supposed I would have to be the one to go first.
So that’s what I did. I walked back to the entryway, slid on my jacket, picked up my bag, and left the house. Left, to never come back to Harry Styles.

Keep reading

august 21st aka fanfic writers appreciation day.

i saw this post going around and i’ve decided to make a post to a) recommend you some great stories and amazing writers, b) give some sort of feedback. i don’t really have that much time to read anymore, so this won’t be that long. as soon as i get more time, i’ll start reading again :) the list is in no specific order, i was going through my “following” list and through my fic recs blog.


@noona-la-la-la  — i recommend literally everything noona ever wrote. i love her style and her plots and the fact that she always manages to exceed my expectations. she’s one of those writers whose stories aren’t just about the smut, which i love. of course, the amazing smut is just a bonus. my favorite story of hers is either unexpected or conditioned (which is also one of my fave tae stories ever. e v e r.) and her vmin threesome the group project is amazing! i’m so far up her ass it’s not even funny, but i seriously love everything about her blog and her writing.


@ellieljade  — amazing plots! a m a z i n g. and the dirty talk! the smut scenes are just too good, and mr.min is my favorite yoongi series. i love the plot, i love the fact that the characters aren’t labeled as good or bad, there’s a lot of grey areas and you never know what to expect. if you want to cry, read her this is how you lose her series and come bitch about it with me. and did i mention sub namjoon? because damn, watch me is amazing.


@avveh — some of the best dirty talk and pwp ever. i enjoy reading her stories from the first one she posted, which is reveries. i don’t even watch the show it’s based on, but i love the series. emily can really suck you into the plot, regardless of the smut. of course, you know me, my favorite is jealousy games because jungkook AND jimin. you know.


@xhixtape — i could go on about lila forever. the flow in her stories is amazing, i love the slow build ups in some stories, and i love the smut in all of them. she’s a huge inspiration for me and her work has inspired a lot of mine, i think i might be her biggest fan. read everything! my favorites are kitten’s got his tongue, good mornings, and vibrations. vibrations, man!!!

@tayegi — lu is one of the OGs of bts fanfics, so i’m sure you’re all already reading her stories. i lover her ocs, i love that they know how to speak for themselves and that they know what they want and aren’t afraid to go for it. my favorites are fuck, marry, kill (because JIMIN), the golden boy because T A E, and friendship goals because TAEGI.


@kimtrain — okay, one good purr had me hooked ! i loved the slow burn and tae′s character and everything about it, from the plot to her style. that’s also one of my favorite tae stories ever.  also, the wings of a devil? b o m b. she has a huge masterlist and i need to read all of her stories.


@floralseokjin — blessed is the day i found out about jordan’s blog. i love everything she writes, i don’t care what member the stories are about because they’re that good. i love her style because it makes me get into the story so much that i can’t stop reading. the first story i read was salt and shadow and i still love it. her jin stories are the best out there and i love reading them. show me might be my fave. also, playing with fire is bomb.


@gukvory —  can you feel it, sugar? is a masterpiece. actually, everything on this masterlist is a masterpiece. i love her writing style, i love the flow, i love the feeling i get when reading her stories. just read everything of hers, you won’t regret it.


@kittae — eva writes for other groups as well! i’ve only read most of her bts stories, and my faves are v-card because it’s the right amount of everything, and favourites and servants is so good! there’s still so many stories on her masterlist to read and i can’t wait to read more. 


@dailydoseofdia — i’m gonna recommend carousel because it’s one of the stories i’ve been meaning to read, but just didn’t have enough time for, even though everyone is praising it. i’ve read dia’s fics and they’re amazing, so i don’t doubt that carousel is just as great. lick was amazing and it’s the first thing i’ve read on her blog.


@chinnychimchim — ah. ah! one of my favorite writers. i seriously love everything she posts, i don’t ever check who the story is about. my favorite has to be reset. it’s such a good story and i haven’t read anything similar, so i love it. cognitive dissonance is also a must read. just read the entire masterist while you’re at it, it’s worth it.


@kstopping  — who doesn’t want a good mmf threesome with vmon? that’s exactly what cinnamon sugar is and i LOVE IT. also tags that crack me up every time.


@jungkookfortunekookies  — for those who don’t read smut, there’s a ton of popular stories on her masterlist, including jungkook roommate series which is so fun and easy to read!


@jeylovestoblog — i’ve heard jey writes amazing reader/girl/member threesomes, so i need to check them out, and i recommend you do the same. she updates often, so i’m sure you’ll find something for yourself.


@rapmonluv — all i’ve read so far is nightcall and it’s enough for me to know i’ll love everything else.


@jingukz — sarah’s stories are amazing and you know that i prefer smut, but her stories are that good. she doesn’t need smut to pull you in, but when it’s there, it’s great. bliss among sinners is probably my fave, but the first one i’ve read is cry me a river and i’m still not over it.


@emboyz — i still need to go through her masterlist, but i’ve read good catch and it’s great!


@pjxmin — i don’t get how everyone’s not talking about her writing. caught in a lie is amazing, proposals is such a good story, her writing is amazing and her stories are fun and they just pull you in. amazing writer!


@cosykims — merlot murders (the crimson killer, kisses of carmine) is the most underrated series i’ve ever read. it has everything and i can’t praise it enough, seriously. you need to read it!


@jiminniemouse — i think i’ve read everything of hers and there wasn’t a single story i didn’t like. i love her style, i love her plots, i just love everything about her writing. purple jewels is so well written and interesting, i can’t get enough. seriously, i recommend everything.


@wonhopes — amanda’s writing is amazing. i think you’ve all read not so honest, but i think my favorite might be cat got your tongue because TAEEEE.


@mindfullofcrazy — i absolutely loved give me love!!!


@hobibliophile — i think i’ve read everything on her masterlist and i loved it! my favorites are take a break (jihope threesome ftw), blue blooded (prince jin!!!), and don’t care about the presents (namjoon being a cutie).


@kainks — i love her writing style! my favorites are new guy and triplicity because damn, hoseok and yoongi threesome? i’m in. orange tulips is on my to read list, i’ve heard great things about it.


@versigny — if you haven’t read miss dial, i don’t know what you’re doing. read it. now. i love it!


@baeseoul  — protege is probably my favorite jungkook series ever. it’s so well written, i love the plot, i love the characters and their flaws, i just love everything about the story. destruction of a muse is on my to read list. just great writing in general, one of my favorite writers.


@protectaetae — i love her writing style! one night snap pt 1 and 2 saved me.


@taehyung-the-baehyung  — closer is amazing and so is the suit and tie series! amazing :)


@jheartseok — i still haven’t read nude, not flowers and i suck because i’ve heard it’s an amazing story. i need to read everything of hers.


@roseok — just read everything. amazing writing.


@drquinzelharleeni’m not a kid is a great series. there’s so much more i have to read from her masterlist, but i like her writing style!


there are a lot of writers who i still need to check out and i’m looking forward to it. i’m sorry if i’ve forgotten someone! if i’ve ever given you a compliment about your writing, i truly meant it. i hope i’ve included everyone. if you go check out these writers, please don’t ask them about updates :)