to grandmother's

businesscasualprincess replied to your post “WHY CAN’T UNDERGRADUATES JUST GRASP THE EASY CONCEPT OF WRITING YOUR…”

…but what would possess someone to write a history essay in anything BUT chronological order? How could you be handed an assignment for a scholarly piece of writing and just say “To hell with presenting information in a logical way that allows my work to be easily understood and referenced, I’m just gonna make it SPARKLE with avant-garde story structure.”

THAT IS WHAT?!?! I DO NOT GET!??!

Like. WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THIS MORE DIFFICULT ON YOURSELF. Why do you jump around in chronology (with no dates, of course) and back and forth between events and so forth? Why do you do this? Why must I then read this and calmly mark you up when it is Tuesday of my first week off in LITERALLY MONTHS (or what should be, I have this and other things, DISLIKE) and I DO NOT WANT TO BE READING YOUR TURGID UNDERGRADUATE PROSE IN WHICH YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT MAKING YOUR POINT??

WRITE THE FUCKING THING IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER. SEND ME BROWNIES LATER FOR SAVING YOU THE HASSLE. U WELCOME.

The Signs As Weird Shit My Grandmother Has Done, Part 2
  • Aries: Has a collection of magnets the covers the whole fridge, including one that says "tits out 2016".
  • Taurus: Refuses to eat cranberry sauce because she says it "still tastes like the can".
  • Gemini: Somehow got the movie Coraline confused with the movie Shrek and bought my brother 3 Shrek DVDs, despite the fact that we don't have a DVD player and my brother asked her bring over the BOOK version of Coraline.
  • Cancer: Refers to her sister as "that crazy woman Lanie".
  • Leo: Tried to set me up with my friend Nicholas when we were in third grade.
  • Virgo: Calls my girlfriend "that little Emily girl", despite her name not being Emily. Her response to this is "she looks like an Emily."
  • Libra: Has a CD of early 2000s hits including "Bring Me To Life" "All Star" "Fergalicious" and "Get Low" that she plays in the car at top volume to embarrass my dad.
  • Scorpio: Stands firmly by her belief that the movie Grease is the greatest movie ever made and makes the whole family watch it on Thanksgiving.
  • Sagittarius: Knows every employee in the Walgreens by her house personally. She brings them chili on holidays.
  • Capricorn: Once, when she was a teenager, threatened to set the movie theater on fire if one more person made her go see Gone With The Wind. She will not watch it, to this day. She's seen it 19 times, or so she says.
  • Aquarius: Asked my dad if she could take my brother, who was 8 or 9 at the time, to go see Mad Max.
  • Pisces: Sets her GPS then refuses to follow the directions because she "knows a shortcut", even if she has no fucking clue where she's going.