This is why I said I didn’t want to.
With a surge of regret, my body was slowly sinking to the bottom of the pool.
Was I going to die in this indoor Samezuka Academy pool, at this joint practice?
The cry of “Rei-chan!” I can hear from the poolside is slowly getting further away. It seems like I’ll lose consciousness soon. At times like this, it’s said that people see revolving lanterns. My the theory as for why a revolving lantern? It’s because the brain cells activate just before death, and so it’s the result of all the synapses firing together, and thus showing your state of mind. I’ll probably start seeing that revolving lantern any moment now.
But still, If I were to die I at least wanted to die with a more beautiful appearance. Not while only wearing this speedo. It’s not beautiful.
Now that I think of it, my first memory is of something not beautiful.
It was a cheeseburger from a fast food restaurant that was not beautiful. When faced with this cheeseburger that looked nothing like it’s picture in the menu, before even entering preschool I asked my mother why this cheeseburger was not beautiful.
At that time, my mother said to me.
“Rei, you’re really fussy.”
It was completely unexpected for a child to hear.
What’s wrong with being fussy? What’s wrong with having reasons for liking things, reasons they’re not good, having thoughts and logic about why you think those ways and being able to talk about it? Everyone in society decides things too casually. Too many people decide things without any particular reason, they just say ‘because everyone says that’s how it is’, or ‘that’s just the way it is’, and let it be. I couldn’t accept that.
For example, the colors used to denote girls and boys.
Whether it’s on signs for bathrooms or anything else, it’s been determined that that boys are blue, and girls are red.
It seems that long ago that even backpack colors were decided to be black for boys and red for girls. I think it’s all ridiculous. Why can’t a boy have red? Why can’t girls have black?
For example, even when choosing the color of glasses frames, those same boring stereotypes are held. Early in elementary school, because I read too many books, my eyesight became bad and so I had to get glasses. My parents took me to the glasses store in the mall, and I chose a red glasses frame. I had fallen in love with the beauty of those red glasses in the showcase window at first sight. My parents and the shopkeeper tried to convince me I should get black or a metal frame instead. But I was determined and didn’t budge.