Everyone’s saying: don’t analyse. How can I not? I always do! I always want to know. So help me. Because I’m an anti-social person. I don’t know people - even though I thought I do.

I know one colleague from uni. He’s what you would call a jester: sarcastic, ironic and at the same time quite serious. You don’t really know when & if he’s joking or not. I think he’s intelligent, I’ve heard him talking.

Here comes the problem. He likes to comment my posts on Facebook. A lot. Sometimes it seems serious, sometimes it’s clear it’s a joke and sometimes I fave no fucking idea what that is. In real life he asks unusual questions as well. A bit personal or about my opinion. He tends to look at me from time to time, but intensively. It’s awkward sometimes.

And he is the one I am going to a concert with. I’ve no idea how it’s gonna look like. I’m a bit scared. What of person is he? Does he make fun of me and think I’m ridiculous?

this is going to sound like such a Tumblr Story but I swear it’s happening as i type but like. outside my dorm window these guys were playing catch and they asked their friend to join him and i heard something muttered and then the other guy was like “you’re in college and you don’t know how to throw a football?” and like up in my room i was grimacing bc here come the Gay Sissy jokes obviously but instead - the kid goes “that’s okay! we’ll teach you.” and for the last hour they’ve been teaching him how to play like i’ve been listening and i guess you want to catch with your fingertips and use your elbows and bend your knees and think about your wrists and they’re …? actually being so kind and saying like ? some of the most constructive criticism i’ve ever heard surrounded by things like “oh! great job on that catch” “sweet throw! now you’re getting it!” and … my heart has never been so warm

i just wish this world like told boys… it’s okay to be like this. it’s okay to be supportive and friendly and frankly nurturing to other boys. i wish boys were allowed to be gentle and sweet and kind. boys….. be good, upturn the patriarchal standards and homophobia entrenched in this culture…. go teach a guy how to throw a ball. 

Here’s a fun little observation: John Wick fights like an “action girl”.

My housemate and I watched the movie again last night and noticed that his style is like a less flashy version of Black Widow’s. He even use his legs to trap opponents. Look at those pictures up there. Isn’t that something you would expect a woman to do in an action movie?

He isn’t as muscular as most action heroes these days, so it makes perfect sense that he’d use that sort of style. I appreciate that.

(If you decide to watch this movie now, be warned; a dog is killed off camera which starts John Wick’s anger fueled quest for revenge. Yes, he is killing a man in those pictures because another man killed his dog. Dog owners will understand)

The inside of my head is such a mess at the moment. I’m trying to attribute it to the stress of being ill at the start of the year and all the other horrendous shit that has happened (really 2017, two close family deaths within 4 months, really ) but I just feel so guilty about being burned out this early into the year.

I know it was silly to think that my energy would rebound and reset with the new year, but there was just some small part of me that hoped 2017 would be better than the absolute agonizing shit show that was 2016. I mean, granted I had a near death experience in January of 2016, so the bar for improvement was set pretty fucking low. I just…wish I had more energy :(

MUSIC TAG

Rules: List 10 songs you’re currently vibing to, then tag 10 mutuals. 

 I was tagged by @simmerjazen! Thank you Lovely! Like you, my musical listening is directly influenced by what I’m writing, and at the moment I’m immersed in Mia’s world. So yeah, no judgement!!:P  Here we go:  

Scared to Be Lonely -Dua Lipa, Martin Garrix (if there was ever a song that should be Mia’s theme song, this is it)

We’ll be Coming Back:- Calvin Harris

Healing- Rudimental

We Can Get Together- Icehouse

Disparate Youth- Santigold

Faded ODESZA remix- Zhu

Falling- Haim (Duke Dumont remix)

Need You Tonight- INXS

Rumour Mill- Rudimental

Where Are Ü Now - Skrillex and Diplo

I would like to tag @icy-spicy-scalpel @fiery-rabbit @blurrypxls @simtress @blackcatsims @kupari @gimmieyourriskywoohoo @greenplumbboblover @holleyberry and @tyrellsimsoficeandfire. Cheers, dears!