The only good thing about being a Catholic school girl who was forced to go to Sunday School every week:
*Principal* “He tried to kiss you in the hallway, but he said it was a joke. Him and his friends. He wasn’t serious about it. He was laughing at you. He wasn’t going to do anything.”
*Me* “It didn’t feel like a joke to me. I was scared.”
*Principal* “You went after his eyes. You hurt him.”
*Me* “Eh, I’ve watched Charlie’s Angels and most ‘70s TV shows. That’s what you do when dealing with predatory men. Go for the eyes. He tried to put his tongue down my throat.”
*Principal* “Um…he was just kidding.”
*Me* “My mother helps out at the church I get good grades and attend weekly mass. I’m a nice girl. He’s a fucking moron. Didn’t he shoplift once? Who do you think people will believe? Talk to my drama teacher. I can cry on cue.”
The matter was quietly dropped after that. But I was not proud of myself.
okay but Sara ~~hating Vilde~~behind her back but acting like besties to her face is such a fucking thing especially in high school, legit all of the popular girls at my school fucking hated each other and i would CONSTANTLY hear them taking shit about each other in classes, but then they would chill and “be friends” bc they’re The Popular Girls and don’t want to lose the image they had created for themselves
may is almost over kids, which means i have waited all of mental health month to share own my story! when i first started this blog, i mentioned that i had some issues in high school but i never really shared about them.
i got depressed for the first time when i was a sophomore. i didn’t have much friends and i was painfully shy so i had a really hard time socializing with anyone but the few friends i already had growing up. not being given much attention made me feel a little insecure, sorta like i wasn’t good enough. i had never been confident, and i developed a habit of comparing myself to other girls. because of this, i became extremely self conscious about my looks, especially my body. at this time, i was at a healthy weight; i didn’t overeat and never in my life was i overweight, but comparison and insecurity got the best of me.
it started with me wanting to lose just a few pounds. i didn’t have much knowledge about healthy eating and weight loss, but simply eating less was how it began (this is also when i started running). overall, i just wanted to look and feel more fit. what i didn’t realize was that i was becoming obsessive about it. i wouldn’t finish meals or i would skip them; i stayed away from certain foods, even foods i used to eat all the time. i even tried counting calories everyday, how much i was eating and how much i was burning. i thought i was doing myself good, but by the time i was early into my junior year, “a few pounds” became 20. this made me feel tired, depressed, even scared of eating like a normal person. all i remember from my junior year and the summer after is being unhappy with my life. i tried to fill the void with guys, partying, being around people i shouldn’t have been, and on top of all this i was completely faking my confidence; i’d cry because i hated myself then walk into a room and act like i loved myself more than anyone.
when senior year rolled around, i knew i had an eating disorder. i knew that i was unhealthy, and if i kept doing what i was doing, i was going to end up in the hospital. that was the year that i started trying to overcome these habits (notice i said TRYING). when i made the decision to start recovering, i had no idea that it would be so difficult. my weight began to go up and down, and it got really frustrating. some days i felt genuinely happy with my body, but other days i felt awful. i was proud of myself, though, because no matter how hard it was, i never let myself starve again.
the end of my senior year and that summer is a story for another time. but i went through a lot and i met people who helped me become who i am today. i also found out that i am a lot tougher than i look! i’ve become truly happy with who i am, and i am genuinely myself again. i am able to run because i like to run, not because i’m trying to lose weight. i eat whatever i want, whenever i’m hungry (so cake). and although anorexia doesn’t consume my life anymore and i’m healthier than i used to be, i’m still recovering from those painful two years. sometimes i have my bad days, but i always end up finding a way to pick myself up.
so if you’re still reading (thanks💕), please remember to take care of yourself, whether that means staying alive another day or simply eating breakfast. and i don’t care if it feels like the whole damn world has given up on you, don’t give up on yourself. your life is worth so much more than that asshole in your head that keeps telling you you’re not good enough.
so there you go friends, my first personal story about my mental health journey! thank you for those of you who stuck through it all, i know i’m not the best writer in town but i like to tell stories! 🙆🏻
(another thanks for your support)
I’m planning on making a Malaysian High School Au for Inuyasha. It will be so much easier on me because I live in Malaysia and I know a lot about it.
Kagome is a sweet school girl who is Islamic. She meets Inuyasha, whom is a half Islam and half Chinese. Inuyasha’s father died while protecting him and his mother and his mother died because of dengue. Inuyasha struggles with his race because of Naraku’s influence on halves, making them believe that you can only have one race. Inuyasha is hot headed as usual and can barely speak Malay, but Kagome helps him and in return Inuyasha teaches her Chinese, Mandarin.
Miroku is just a Chinese boy who loved to mess around with girls. His right hand was injured in an incident with Naraku’s goons, whom his father died at the hands of. Sango is also a half like Inuyasha, being half Indian and half Islamic. Her father died at the hands of Naraku’s goons as well and her brother Kohaku is being blackmailed. Shippo is an Indian child in Standard 1, attending a SMK school. His fathered died after being killed for being in debt.
Naraku is still a nuisance, as usual. He’s a man that believes people can only have one race and discriminates any mixed people. He has a secret organization just for that and Inuyasha plans to put a stop to it once and for all.
They’ve known one another since he was ten and she was eight, and Jyn’s known that she’s been in love with him since she was thirteen. But she thinks Cassian only sees her as a little sister who he teaches how to fight and defend herself, a little sister with whom he shares stories and sandwiches with after school. And he’s a sophomore in high school and she’s just a middle school kid still. So she stays in her lane, gives him advice about the girls his own age that he seems interested in, and she dies a little bit when he takes Leia Organa to homecoming. But this is fine. She’s fine.
Cassian’s friend Kes makes fun of him for hanging out with a little kid, but Cassian doesn’t let it bother him, and in fact, brings Jyn along with him when he and his friends go to a corn maze one October. She gets lost for a moment by herself, and feels the panic and claustrophobia creeping in, but like he he has radar for her or something, Cassian is soon by her side, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her out to safety. She never forgets this day, this moment, even when her life falls apart and everyone she loves leaves because she remembers that time Cassian came for her.
When Jyn is a sophomore and Cassian is a senior, Han Solo, who is in Cassian’s class, asks Jyn out on a date. She says yes, and Cassian doesn’t speak or see her for almost a week. “If you want to say I have bad taste in men,” she tells him, “just say it to my face. Don’t hide. Geez, protective older brother much?” But he stays silent on the subject, and she feels unnerved by the way he looks at her because for the first time since they’ve known each other, she can’t read him at all.
When Cassian finds out that he not only got into his top college but also got a full ride, Jyn throws her arms around his neck and kisses him as he spins her around in happiness. When the initial elation wears off, they’re still wrapped around each other, but Jyn hears her father’s footsteps coming toward them and pushes herself to the ground and away from him.
*Me to the therapist* “Well, once, when I was 15 or 16 and walking home from school, these boys pulled up my skirt and smacked tree branches across my thighs. For a few minutes. I was terrified. It hurt. They laughed. There were other girls there. They didn’t try and stop the boys. But the girls were nice to me afterwards and hugged me.”
*Therapist* “Sharon, what you are describing could be seen as a serious sexual assault and something that could result in criminal charges.”
*Me* “Eh, I was more casual about things. It was just something that happened.”
Hello! I’m Matilda, and I’ve finally made a studyblr!
I’m not entirely sure if I count as a studyblr, firstly
because I focus so heavily on bullet journaling and secondly because I literally
have one day left of the school year! Either way, I’ve really fallen in love
with this community and all their motivation from afar, and figured I should at
long last join them!
Some things you should know about me:
I’m 16 and a sophomore in high school
I live in the Midwest with my mom (an
accountant) and older sister (in college in the Northeast)
My favorite subjects are history, chemistry, geometry,
Next year I’ll be taking: Spanish 5, APUSH,
physics, Algebra II, Theology III, and creative writing
Outside of academics, my big claim to fame is being
on stage crew for our plays/musicals. We just closed on Curtains and I’ve been
given the honor of being production manager for the next show!
My favorite shows are Cable Girls, Stranger
Things, and Steven Universe, and my favorite book is Fangirl.
I love reading just about anything, and have
tried my hand at fanfiction far too often.
Ok can I be super petty for a second? And I know you're sick of this, but I need to rant.. The thing that bothers me the most about the whole H x C thing is who he chose to cheat with.. Like sure, she might have a sparkling personality(doubt it) but has he SEEN Hayley?? In all of their pics together Hayley is perfection and this girl looks like a fan who came straight from sophomore English class to a pmore show🙄 I mean, if you're lucky enough to have H, then WHY? He's such an idiot😒
true she literally looked like some high school student which makes sense as to why he cheated with her bc she looked about 18 and he’s been into that since 2007 but legit like damn u don’t cheat on hayley like wyd how could u possibly even think about doing so when she’s well her
i watch it play out on my facebook feed. a cutesy video plays about a wife and a husband texting each other. she bothers him with messages, he almost types “fuck off bitch” but says something nice instead. in this video, the wife is at fault. he doesn’t listen to her, he doesn’t come home, he ignores her messages. she’s a crazy bitch for getting mad at him.
my teacher asked us why marriage rates are going down. what do i know. i see instagram posts where a girl makes a joke about chloroforming a boy and i don’t find it funny. i see plenty of people who are perfectly happy and i see just as many who are broken, deeply. i see boys all the time unable to meet their girlfriend halfway - stuck, somehow, wanting to be open but knowing he can’t be. there’s a theory that the reason so many women are unhappy is that women have multiple deeply intimate relationships in their friend groups while men only have a partner. isn’t that sad. isn’t it strange.
the girl i knew in high school says “omfg this is me and u dan”. she’s talking about a post where married couples want to kill each other. my mother once asked me why i am so scared of touching. why the first time people show affection is the same time i start running. the comedian onstage uses his wife as a trampoline. all around me, people are laughing. the trouble is that jokes always have a bit of truth in them. i almost text him “haven’t heard from you in a while” but instead i turn off my phone.
there’s a lot of things i don’t understand, i guess. bachelor parties where everyone gets wrecked to celebrate his last days of “freedom”. the idea men are giving up so much to be with just one woman. the idea that a woman who is showing toxic behavior is just a bitch, and not a serious threat. what do i know. sometimes it makes me sick. when i was little i believed in love.
but why do people constantly equate nightmares with marriage?
“i picked up your bag at the airport but i can’t find your number so i’m about to embark on the largest scavenger hunt of all time by using your strange belongings to track you down” au
“Honey, I’m home!” Stiles calls out as he wrestles his roll bag over their entry mat.
“That’s still not funny,” Scott says, without looking up from his textbook.
“Once again, we disagree.”
Scott snorts. “How was the trip?”
“Fine,” he says, plopping down right in the middle of the living room to start unpacking. “Typical conference. Some sessions were actually interesting, most were boring as shit.”
Scott hums, already absorbed again in his reading. Stiles reaches for the zipper on his suitcase but then freezes—this is definitely the same brand as his suitcase, but he doesn’t remember this extra zippered pocket on the top.
Stiles grimaces. “I’m pretty sure this isn’t my suitcase. Goddamn it.”
Scott finally looks up, frowning. “Shit, really? How’d you manage that?”
“It was a redeye,” Stiles says, running a hand through his hair. “I was exhausted, in fucking LaGuardia, and I was just trying to get out of there as fast as humanly possible.”
“Is there a name on it? Are you sure it’s not yours?”
“Pretty sure,” Stiles says, feeling around the sides for the pocket. He sighs when he pulls out the little card and sees that it’s blank. “Motherfucker. This is definitely not my suitcase because I’m actually smart enough to put my name on it.”
“Sorry, man,” Scott says sympathetically as Stiles falls back on the rug with an anguished groan.
“What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“Open it,” Scott suggests. “Maybe there’s something with their name on it.”
Stiles fiddles with the zipper. He’s nosy as hell, in general, and normally he’d be jumping at the chance to rifle through someone else’s personal belongings. But…
“What if there’s like, dead bodies in there or something?” he asks, and Scott just stares at him for a second. Stiles rolls his eyes—that’s a perfectly valid concern. Or maybe he watches too many police procedurals, whatever. “Okay, fine.”
Stiles holds his breath as he slowly unzips the suitcase, but nothing happens when he lets the top part flop back onto their crappy, threadbare rug. There’s a Dodgers hat on top, and Stiles grimaces. “Well, they have shitty taste in baseball teams.”
He sets the hat carefully aside and keeps digging. The person is neat, whoever they are, because everything is folded, and all the dirty clothes are even all contained in their own zippered bag. At first glance, there’s nothing too out of the ordinary—phone charger, American Gods, Calvin Klein briefs. Fancy, he thinks. There’s a monogrammed leather toiletry bag (DSH, he commits those initials to memory), and he pokes through it.
“I’m gonna make an educated guess that it’s a guy.”
“Why’s that?” Scott says, finally looking somewhat interested in this mystery.
Stiles holds up an electric razor. “And that he’s maybe not totally straight,” he says, brandishing a little bottle of lube that’s about three-quarters full.
Scott rolls his eyes. “Lots of people use lube.”
“Yeah, but do you travel with it?” Stiles counters, and Scott sighs.
“No,” he admits. “Did you find anything with his actual name on it?”
“Not yet,” Stiles says absently. He continues to rifle through the bag until he’s pretty sure he has his plan of attack. “Okay. I’m gonna find out who it is,” he says with a determined nod, and Scott frowns.
“How? This is New York City! There are literally millions of dudes here.”
“It’ll be like a real-life scavenger hunt,” Stiles says dreamily, ignoring Scott as he carefully lays his three chosen items out on the coffee table. “This is awesome.”
Imagine - Zach asking you to sleep over at his house
@nrowanova request: “just imagine zach’s mom and sister not being home and he asking you to come over and 👀”
You and Zach were in your bedroom helping him study for his next biology test, but Zach kept getting distracted by wanting to kiss you. “Zach, babe, we got to study for bio right now” you told him when he tried to lean in and give you a kiss again. “I know and we will, but we’ve been studying for hours, I think it’s time we take a break, don’t you?” He says with a flirty grin, planting a kiss at the base of your neck. He slowly starts peppering kisses up along your neck until he reaches past your jawline to your lips. “Zach…” You say warningly. But to no avail, Zach kisses your lips. It starts off slow and innocent, until his tongue swipes across your bottom lip demanding for entrance. You know you should stop him now and continue studying but you just can’t find the will power to do it. So you decide to give up and let Zach’s tongue have access to your mouth. He immediately plunges in, driven by a frenzy of hunger. You moan into his mouth, Zach truly is an amazing kisser, which is no surprise. He is one of the most popular guys in school, you’re sure he has kissed plenty of girls before you. But that’s not important right now, so you push the thought from your mind and concentrate on Zach. His hands are slowly trailing down your back all the way to your ass, which he cups. After a couple of minutes of making out, Zach breaks the kiss and looks you in the eyes, “I love you, you know that right (y/n)?” he says a little out of breath from your previous actions. You look and him, slightly confused where this is going, but say with a small smile and a peck on his lips, “Yea of course I do Zach, I love you too.” He smiles back at you but then looks down for a second contemplating his next words. “My mom and my sister are out for the weekend to go and visit some relatives… And I have the house to myself… So I was thinking maybe you’d like to come and sleep over, you know, spend the weekend together…?” He asks with a nervous smile. You freeze. Zach and you have never slept over at each other’s house and with the way Zach is acting right now, you know what he’s insinuating what he wants to do this weekend with you. You’ve never gone past the stage of making out, you guys haven’t done IT yet, nor have you talk about doing so. Of course you love Zach with all your heart and you do want to do it with him, but there’s one little problem. You’re a virgin. And given Zach’s social status at school and how popular he is with the girls at Liberty high, you can only assume he’s already lost his. You don’t want to disappoint him, and being it is your first time, you’re scared… Zoning back into reality, you look at Zach, he looks nervous and you feel bad for making him wait for an answer. But you’ve made up your decision now. “Sure, that’s sounds great” you say softly with a gentle smile. Zach exhales, relieved. “Awesome!” He says suddenly excited for this weekend. “I can’t wait to spend some alone time with my favourite girl” Zach says smirking. You laugh, excited, although a tad bit nervous, too. He suddenly leans in and gives you a long, passionate kiss. “This will be fun” Zach says after breaking the kiss, “trust me”. And so you and Zach return to your biology notes and continue studying. You look over at Zach, he’s concentrating hard on reading some notes, you smile softly, no longer afraid of this weekend and not fearing of disappointing Zach. He loves you, you can see that, and you love him. That’s all that really matters…
Hey Viria, sorry to bother you but this is something I really need to talk about with someone and your blog has always been a safe space to me. I'm turning 20 this year and I've never been in love, nor have I had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. I don't know, if I'm too picky or if my standards are to high, but I never felt something like a crush before. I don't know if it's normal but I really just want to feel having butterflies in my tummy. I don't know what to do or what is wrong with me.
there’s nothing wrong with you, please don’t think this way!
There are few things I can offer about this:
- don’t feel alone if the insecurity you feel is connected to the age, you aren’t alone, there are so many young people in their twenties who hasn’t been in relationship before. Even for me, even though I had minor school crushes, I only had one relationship and it wasn’t serious and I now know it wasn’t love. So for me it happened when I turned 22.
- it might be that you feel the red flags about people and haven’t met someone you connect to yet. I know a few people who are close to their 20s but haven’t had crushes before, it’s normal too, we all are different.
- movies always make us feel like we have to be in love to be complete, because EVERY teenager is in love in the movies. They show the morally high educated girls and say they always have to be in love to be good. Don’t be too pressured by the movies; they aren’t real life.
- as for butterflies: they aren’t always good. I mentioned minor crushes I had: I used to have all the knees buckling, heartbeating too fast, and I have to say that it wasn’t the healthiest. With as much as I had of physical stuff happening, I could never even talk to that person. So..not feeling the butterflies, but feeling warm and cosy and content and just, very secure, is what I think matters more. Deep connection matters more. Attraction is important too, of course, but the physical stuff fades over time, bonding stays.
- THE LAST BUT NOT LEAST. Try looking up aromantiсism, asexuality, demisexuality. I am not the most educated person with this; but there are people who don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction towards others. There are people who need to really spiritually and mentally bond with someone to start being attracted to them. You might be aromantic or asexual or demisexual!
Hope it helps at least a bit, remember you aren’t alone and there are always people who feel the way you do! You will have it all figured out soon, don’t worry<3
Touka and Kaneki are two characters in Tokyo Ghoul that in many ways have created a chemical reaction. Sometimes they are able to come together and make something useful but other times they cause an explosion. Touka and Kaneki are two characters who are similar but have reacted to their world differently.
They are both lonely being raised by a single parent after the sudden death of the other, and the parent who raised them left permanent scars. Touka was raised by a hypocrite who told her that humans were to be cherished as he killed them behind her back. He would later leave home one night and never come home leaving Touka to develop abandonment issues, as she never felt good enough to keep her father around. She also kept her fathers lessons close to her heart and whenever she strayed she thought of herself as a monster.
Kaneki was raised by a mother who treated him kindly with conditions, as long as he was quiet and a good boy she treated him fine. But god forbid he acted like a normal child and didn’t think of his mothers issues he was abused. Then on top of that his mother died so suddenly that he felt abandoned and his foster family in his aunt made him a recluse which made him feel worse. Kaneki also carried around the twisted message of letting himself get hurt for the sake of others.
Touka and Kaneki grew from this so differently, Touka turned bitter towards that life before she was able to examine herself, and find peace with her lifestyle. Kaneki on the other hand internalized his frustrations acting like he was at piece with his life on the outside, but he was tearing himself apart on the inside. They developed opposite of each other, as Touka matured Kaneki fell apart. They worked so well together in the beginning because in the first part of tg they had similar development. Kaneki and Touka were trying to figure out what it meant to be a ghoul. Kaneki was trying to learn what his new life of a ghoul had for him, and Touka was learning that she could live a normal life away from the violent circle of hatred. Their paths meshed together so they grew together until a the same sunlight in a way.
However, as much as they grew together, they also grew closer together, the more their faults started to creep up on them both. Touka wanted to protect Kaneki because he was once human. But as Touka did that Kaneki became more concerned and decided to protect her at the cost of himself.
But in Kaneki’s need to protect her he hit her weakest emotional cord, abandonment. He told her he wasn’t going to go home with her, and told her she couldn’t help him and asked Tsukiyama and Banjou to go with him in front of her. All her childhood insecurities came back in that moment, she wasn’t good enough and it hurt her.
It was at this point that they developed separate from each other, where Touka became a normal high school girl and Kaneki became a serial killer and gang boss. They developed into two completely different paths and they didn’t know how to approach each other. When they met up again it showed through their conversation which inevitably resulted in Kaneki lying about being fine and Touka hitting him and telling him he hates how he changed. This exact moment triggered both of their childhood trauma’s. Touka with her issues of her not being good enough for her father and how he couldn’t confide in her. Causing her to lash out against everything he taught her, and Kaneki with his abuse and him doing exactly what she wanted from him.
However, because of the Anteiku raid they never got to reconcil, so thus three years go by and Kaneki is reborn as Haise. They developed apart and had a fresh start as Touka the waitress and Haise the investigator. This is so important because this is the time that without the burden of a past they fell for each other. This taught Touka a very important lesson, that she cares for Kaneki enough to let him go, but that she still cares for him and that not every change in him is bad. Kaneki learned that he has a permanent home in Touka one that she won’t take away based on conditions because even after she said she hated his change she gave him a place to return.
Then Kaneki changed again to a highly suicidal Kaneki, willing to die to be cool, to protect others. He hit his lowest low of the series and it was in that moment Touka said three words the struck him “See you later.” which he thought was cruel because he wanted to die. Touka knew but wanted him to understand the meaning of that and it caused him to hesitate to doubt, which lead to him making a change of heart during their fight with Arima.
Kaneki and Touka are two characters that develop off of each other, they bring out the best and worst in each other. They both hit cords in each other, but they also can heal wounds that they never realized they had. This conversation between them in this chapter is an important example of that. Touka admits her man issue with Kaneki, which is the fact that he always leaves her. Something she never understood and something she keeps trying to fix to no avail. Then he tells her that it was to protect her, because he didn’t want to cause her trouble where she would end up dead.
Then he asked her to come with him, which filled the void that she had for so long. Touka also helped fill one for Kaneki as well, which was his loneliness. I’m not saying that Touka is a cure for his problems but through her confession she showed him that she cared. Which shocked him like he couldn’t even believe, that someone cared for him.
I think that the most amazing thing that even if he doesn’t accept the feelings romantically its important for him to know. Kaneki isn’t in any shape or form mentally to be with someone, he’s someone living for the moment holding onto a fragile string to survive. But for someone who has craved being loved for so long, it’s something he needed to here, that someone accepts him with his faults and respects his decision for death even if they don’t agree and don’t want him to die.
This is so important because Touka and Kaneki have reached the moment where they realized the mistakes that they made that caused the other hurt. They were able to talk about it and reach a positive note for both of them, and I excited with how this will help them develop positively moving forward.