For everybody’s listening needs! Feel free to add on if you didn’t see any of your favorites! Big shoutout to @lieutenant-sapphic for helping me out with this and also for being excited over Jerry Goldsmith and James Horner with me, you’re amazing!!!
I know deep down that getting pulled into Danny’s dysfunction again is going to end in tears. I know that cold turkey is the only way to quit him. I tried.
But sure as eggs is eggs I will fall for him again. He takes a shaky breath and I’m heartbroken that he’s so afraid, and that he’s so stupid and weak. That I’m so stupid and weak. He smiles a little and I’m convinced that he’s a better person than he is, or that I’m a better person than I am, and somehow somehow this time he’ll be ready.
He’s not, and I’m not, and I’m right there in the moment again believing in what might be, if we can just forget that taking a leap sometimes ends in a crash.
I believe I’m one of the very few Spirk shippers in this fandom who actually think Kirk and Spock weren’t undressing each other yet in The Original Series. Before you grab your torch and pitchforks, let me explain my personal headcanon:
They met. They worked together. They went on crazy-ass adventures together. They saved each other’s lives countless times. They became friends. They played chess together. They fell in love.
Easy right? BUT. Falling in love is one thing, realizing it, accepting it, admitting it and having the courage to say it out loud is another, especially if you’re a Vulcan or the captain of a starship. I think 5 years -as long as that seems- aren’t enough for them to even fully accept their feelings, let alone actually start a relationship. There are also many things in the series that make me think it’s quite improbable that they were together at that time. I’m not gonna bore you with too many examples (and there aren’t that many anyway) but here are a few that convinced me:
Requiem For Methuselah. Season 3 Episode 19. Now this is important: only five episodes before the end of the series. Jim falls in love with this robot girl and is depressed when her mental circuits overload–y’all know the story. She was brilliant, fun, pretty… and we all saw how affected he was by her death. So in this last, very slashy scene, Spock watches his captain suffer in silence, and suffers too. Then Bones comes in and says heartbreaking things to Spock and –can I just quote it?
“You see, I feel sorrier for you than I do for him because you’ll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious failures, the glorious victories. All of these things you’ll never know simply because the word love isn’t written into your book.”
Because after 3 or 4 years, I think it got a little obvious that his two best friends were madly in love with each other. Because he knew that neither one of them was ready to say it out loud, and he knew that what prevented them from doing so was fear, pride, shame, damned Vulcan logic… Because it was quite obvious also, in that particular moment, that Jim felt completely helpless and that Spock felt completely useless. Bones knew. And he also knew they were both suffering and would suffer until they finally admitted and accepted their feelings. I don’t know if what he said was a desperate attempt at pushing Spock to admit his feelings or simply a sad realization, but in either case, it’s heartbreaking and SLASHY. My point here is: Bones’ little speech makes it clear that Spock did NOT accept his feelings (yet).
ALSO. Throughout the series, Jim had relationships with a few women (and possibly men, but TOS aired in the 60’s so we’ll never know) [also I chose Requiem For Methuselah because it’s one of the very last episodes and therefore my theory applies to the totality of TOS]. I don’t think Jim, being in a relationship with Spock, would look for love somewhere else. Not because Spock, at the time, would have been the best boyfriend a guy could dream of, but because Jim just wouldn’t do that. Because Jim is not an asshole. Because Jim loved Spock. To me, the whole story with Rayna wouldn’t make any sense if the captain and his first officer were together. It would, however, if they were desperately in love, but not together: Jim thinking being with Spock was impossible, Spock thinking loving Jim was wrong, and both of them in pain.
Also, to me, if Spock accepted his feelings enough to let himself be in a relationship with his captain, it would be nearly impossible for him to go back, because he would realize that it’s part of who he is, that it doesn’t take away his Vulcan half but makes it stronger, better. Which happened in TMP.
That’s right, dear spirk shippers, this is my personal headcanon: after those 5 years in space, our galactic heroes parted without admitting their feelings. Jim spent his time working his ass off to forget the pain of losing the man he loved but wasn’t allowed to love anymore, and Spock decided to purge all emotion because during those 5 years, against his Vulcan upbringing, he fell in love with a human. At the end of TMP, Spock finally admits that he loves Jim; “I should have known. … this simple feeling is beyond V'ger’s comprehension.” Because he –and everyone on the ship during the first 5 year mission tbh- obviously knew Jim was hopelessly in love with him. The question was, will he give up being Vulcan to love James Kirk? He discovers he can have both.
To me, Jim and Spock’s first kiss happened ON SCREEN:
(^all the feels)
Feel free to leave any comments about this in my ask box, I’ll be more than happy to reply!
My strange and stubborn preoccupation with Danny Castellano has led me on many a wild goose chase through the dark depths of A03, so I figured somebody should benefit from my efforts.
This is partially a reference for me and partially a reference for anybody who likes thinking about Chris Messina’s face but doesn’t want to waste massive amounts of their time. I made a point not to include more than one story from any particular author, since those rec lists get boring fast (if you like one, you can you know, read more). Plus I enjoy these kind of Sophie’s choice type decisions. Obviously these are just my opinions, mileage may vary, so on and so forth. Mindy/Danny is pretty much the only game in town so that’s what’s here. (if like me, you’re a secret Mindy/Peter fan, I wrote like 1000 words of it once upon a time).
Over the course of the episode, as Mindy and Danny both consciously and subconsciously came to their separate realizations, it strikes me that it wasn’t just them who needed convincing. It was also the audience.
We’ve gone round and round for the past six months about Danny’s behavior and whether he really was the right person for Mindy. There was no such argument needed for Mindy being the right person for Danny.
That’s exactly how the episode played out - we as the audience saw that clearly these two idiots belong together and the repercussions of what could happen if they aren’t there to temper each others extremes. We were convinced right along with Mindy that Danny is the one she belongs with.
Kind of a flipping brilliant half hour of television and it wasn’t even on television.