tips on how to pick up chicks

anonymous asked:

Do you use your suave demon-ness to pick up chicks? Can you give me tips on how to pick up chicks?

Yeah people these days are ALL about flirting with hellish beings

anonymous asked:

Fluff #1 Saeran. Saeran saying it?

  • Contemplates back and forth on whether to ask them to marry him and if yes… where, when, how?!
  • It honestly takes him a really long time to get adjusted to the idea himself from begin with. There’s many things he thinks might get in the way, most prominently his own doubts regarding himself.
  • I imagine, if his s/o was into it, he’d suddenly agree to watching chick flick movies with them (which he usually hates to do) because he hopes he’ll be able to pick up some tips and/or smooth quotes.
  • When they ask him what suddenly made him change his opinion on really cheesy movies, he’ll come up with a really stupid excuse.
  • “I’m… having a bet thing going on with Saeyoung about who can memorize the most cheesy movie quotes.”
  • Overthinks things way too much and wants everything to be perfect, in fact. He really puts in so much effort and thought and details, planning to organize a date at their favorite place, with their favorite food, and their favorite music playing, and him giving them their favorite flowers, etc.
  • Ultimately though, the plan fails. One morning he gets up with them, walks down into the kitchen and sees them prepare some orange juice. Seeing them standing at the counter like that, humming along to the song in the radio, a soft semi-tired smile on their lips which have the tiniest spot of tooth paste on them still, hair slightly messy, not having changed out of their sleepwear, an oversized shirt and some boxers and really silly socks and slippers… he can’t help himself.
  • “Marry me.”
  • It slips from his mouth without intention and he curses himself for being so blunt about it. Especially when they look at him all confused or surprised.
  • Saeran is likely going to cover it up, coughing and saying “I MEANT TO SAY… UH C– CAN YOU PASS ME THE MILK?!” but his blush is giving it away.
  • Whether or not they ask him too, he can’t talk himself out of this one, so he gives up and explains himself.
  • “I just… thought about how– you know, how nice it would be to spend every single morning like this. With you.”
Of the Beholder

Relationship: Dean x OFC
Rating: This is not smut. Not angst. Not fluff. Not crack. It is BS.
Warnings: None. Well… brief moment of violence but akin to the show.
A/N: This is for @seenashwrite ‘s 200 Follower Celebration Challenge. Who I hope you follow because she is v v talented. [Nash, please don’t ask me to explain myself. It was not supposed to be this, but crack is not my forte, ok goodbye.]

~2.5k words (too many)

Summary: You and Dean go to an underground poker game of the supernatural variety. It goes exactly as planned. Or at least as close to planned as either of you expected. 


Here’s the thing about the supernatural: You think of it and you think corpses. You think of the red pond the body’ll be found in and the new Pollock on the walls painted with that same blood. You think of how the body- the person got there in the first place. You think of the vicious teeth that ripped into flesh. You think of the thing attached to those teeth- and no, it’s not the other way around- red stained and grotesque and evil.

What you don’t think about is what those creatures get up to between kills. You don’t think of them cleaning up in a sink or in a shower. You don’t think of them having a home they pay rent for with sinks and showers. You don’t think of them preferring half-and-half over milk, of them loading their minivan with groceries, of them laughing at themselves at the door after looking for their already in-hand keys. You don’t think of them going out to buy new shoes, or staying in because they don’t like the humidity, or skipping twenty songs when their music player is on shuffle to get to that one. Here’s the other thing about the supernatural: It has a life.

A night life at that, which doesn’t always consist of murdering humans, which sometimes consists of shooting the shit and sharing a pint (of what exactly? you don’t know). And that’s what you’ve just walked into. Some kind of supernatural speakeasy that wasn’t easy to get an invitation to or to physically get to. You and Dean managed, though, going down more flights of stairs and deeper into the Earth’s crust than you think you have before. Excluding Hell. Well. Where is Hell even?

You whisper the question, though it is neither the time nor the place, and there is a distinct lack of answer in your ear. You turn to Dean, tuck a strand of hair behind your left ear and shake your head infinitesimally. Dean understands that the comm in your right ear isn’t transmitting anymore.

“Guess we’re on our own,” he tells you, grinning, like this is exactly the challenge he was looking for.

It’s infectious and you’re grinning too. “Aren’t we always that?” You raise a brow and paired with the stretch of your lips you wonder if it makes you look as crazed as you feel eager.

Keep reading

Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
–> Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Is this seat empty?
–> Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

So, wanna go back to my place?
–> Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Your place or mine?
–> Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.

I’d like to call you. What’s your number?
–> It’s in the phone book.
But I don’t know your name.
–>That’s in the phone book too.

So what do you do for a living?
–> I’m a female impersonator.

Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
–> Do not enter.

How do you like your eggs in the morning?
–> Unfertilized!

Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason
–> Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!

I know how to please a woman.
–> Then please leave me alone.

I want to give myself to you.
–> Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

I can tell that you want me.
–> Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you to leave.

If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
–> Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Your body is like a temple.
–> Sorry, there are no services today.

I’d go through anything for you.
–> Good! Let’s start with your bank account.

exo as dads
  • Xiumin: cool, quiet dad that doesn't embarrass his kid. always keeps the house full of snacks. Constantly reading the newspaper when his kids come home from school.
  • Suho: dad meme extraordinaire. Tells dad jokes and does the dorky dad dancing. Embarrasses his kids unknowingly, tries his best to be a cool dad 99.9999% of the time and it doesn't usually look good.
  • Lay: forgets that his kids arent babies anymore. always fetches them from school and packs their lunch even when they're eighteen.
  • Baekhyun: the kind of dad who's more like a friend. He' pretty chill and will stick up for his kids against their mother on report card day. But when he gets protective or upset he'll nag and screech at his children til the end of time.
  • Chen: he's on facebook, he's on twitter or "tweeter" as he likes to call it. much to his kids' dismay, he is friends with all their friends and hangs out with them. His kids' friends love him because he's filled to the brim with tips on how to "pick up chicks".
  • Chanyeol: he and his kids form some sort of family band. he's always there for his kids and will never hesitate to embarrass himself to make them laugh. the kind of Father that doesn't believe his kids will ever grow up.
  • D.O.: forget tiger mother here's a tiger dad. keeps a strict curfew and grounds his kids often. nags to no end and also puts parental locks on EVERYTHING. But he's also the kind of dad that writes little encouraging notes to stick into his kids' lunch bags that are filled with organic snacks.
  • Kai: he'll put his kids in toddlers' ballet the second they can stand. probably cries at every important (and unimportant) milestone like first burp and first poop and stuff. Instills a love of dogs in his children at an early age.
  • Sehun: doesn't seem like an invested dad but put in one bad word about his children and it's the end for you. also he goes to the ptas instead of his Wife and shuts down the irritating head of the pta week after week just for the fun of it.

anonymous asked:

how did mapril become so tame? one of our chicks is def a male, but i'm not sure how to tame him as he gets older, any tips?

Lots of socialization! Hold him, carry him around, give him goodies, watch Game of Thrones while he takes a nap on your lap, etc. Definitely get him used to being picked up and handled . 

However … I think I did get pretty lucky with Mapes. I think he’s naturally a chill dude. My other rooster, Ariel, was raised in the same way but is a lot more aggressive and likes to make me bleed if I disrespect him. Like when I put him on my shoulder and my hand accidentally brushed his head, he thought I was trying to start a fight and initiated battle mode all up on my arm.