What a Catastrophe [Marauders x Gryffindor! Reader – Marauders Era]
♥PROMPT ♥ [Requested] When a cat is left in the hands of a bunch of troublemakers, what could possibly go wrong? ♥ A/N ♥ Just as a side-note, I’m completely aware that Dumbledore probably has Apparation restrictions in place at Hogwarts at this time, but just for the sake of the story, let’s pretend. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this, darling xx ♥ WARNINGS ♥ Swearing ♥ WORD COUNT ♥ 1422
15. “I’m never trusting you with my cat again.”
There was never necessarily a point in time where you wanted to trust the Marauders, but desperate times called for desperate measures, you supposed.
You looked at the four Marauders sternly, gripping your beloved fur-baby close to your chest. Though you really wanted to stay and cuddle her in the common-room, you had a meeting with Professor McGonagall to discuss potential careers and you were rather torn between leaving your cat to fend for herself against a bunch of marauding bigots or to sneak her into McGonagall’s office. Sirius had a sincere expression while James blinked innocently, Remus bearing a gentle smile and Peter looking like he wanted to wet himself in the presence of an animal.
“You better feed her,” you said.
Sirius grinned heartily, barking out a laugh. “We will, Y/N.”
“You’ll need to let her sleep when she curls up on the couch, so don’t bother her she’s tired.”
“If she looks sad, give her love and attention.”
“Why couldn’t it be a puppy?” James whispered to Remus and looked like a deer—or a stag, more-like—caught between the glare of a pair of headlights when you glanced over at him. “I love dogs.”
You sighed exasperatedly. “Just… just take care of her, please.”
Sirius saluted. “Yes, sir!”
Slowly, you relinquished your hold on Esmeralda onto the ground. You fluffed up the hair of her head and smiled brilliantly when she purred against your palm. “I’ll see you soon, love,” you whispered to her. With one last glare towards the Marauders, you made a hasty exit. You were already ten minutes late to the meeting.
Esmeralda curled her way around Sirius’s leg, meowing softly at his lack of attention. With a roll of his eyes and a stretch of his arms, Sirius leaned back against the arm of a nearby chair. He raised his eyebrows at his mates. “How ‘bout a trip to the kitchens, yeah?”
Remus frowned, a conflicted look appearing on his face. “But… what about Esmeralda?”
Sirius shrugged. “She can just come with us, I guess.” Esmeralda gave a light push into his left pants leg—whether in agreement or protest, the Marauders couldn’t tell. She was a cat—two-years old, according to your strange track-keeping—and she had a decent splattering of color. Her fur coat was full of browns, blacks, and whites—a rather nice coating, but only moderately.
James grappled her up into his arms. He flinched and crowed lowly when Esmeralda’s claws sank deep into his robe sleeves and right into the skin of his forearm. “Let’s hurry, please.” He yelped when she started hissing, left paw raising and swiping up at his chin. “Bloody hell, cat! How in the sodding name of Merlin am I going to get my Lily-flower now?”
“C’mon, ya pansy,” Sirius said. He pushed himself up from the armchair and sauntered over towards the common-room entrance. His smirk was arrogant and mischievous. “Food awaits.”
The bloody cat scratched and scratched and scratched at James’s face, repeatedly opening up wounds and smearing previous trails of blood. When they arrived at the pear portrait, James’s face was an absolute bloody mess. He’d finally learned his lesson at personal space and now held the cat out like she was a ticking time-bomb just minutes from detonating.
“I sodding hate cats,” he grumbled. “Why couldn’t Y/N give us an owl? I’d rather deal with a sodding toad than this…”
Sirius glanced at James as he tickled the pear. A smirk illuminated his handsome features. “You deal with a toad every time you look in the mirror, dear Prongs,” he said cheerfully, eyes gleaming with excitement as the portrait swung open to reveal the kitchen.
James almost immediately dropped Esmeralda to the ground, face looking drained of the ability to care as he watched her run towards the tables. Remus widened his eyes to a comical height. “Is that… wise, James?” he asked hesitantly.
James didn’t really care as long as the devil-spawn didn’t come any closer to him or his precious dimples. “Of course it’s wise,” he insisted arrogantly. “It’s just a bloody cat.”
Then, they heard a sudden racket coming from over by a long-table. The four Marauders glanced over to see two house-elves fleeing in their direction, shrieking with fear as Esmeralda chased after them. With a sickening crack, the tiny critters Apparated, leaving Esmeralda to hiss and slice at sheer air. James and Remus eyed it with caution while Sirius just grinned at its ferocious little temper.
Peter began to sneeze, over and over again until James reached over to slap him upside the head. “Merlin, Wormtail; is the dust really that bad in here?” he asked, a reproachful look on his face. Peter frantically shook his head, attempting to cover his nose to avoid any more obnoxiously-loud “ACCCC-HOOs!”
“No—I’m a-allergic to cat fur,” he stammered out, voice rather nasally and full of unwarranted lisps.
James threw his hands up. “That’s just great!” he shouted, too caught up in his own woes to even apologize when several of the house-elves on the far-end jumped at the volume. “Stupid bloody cats, always having to ruin everything—”
“You might want to stop while you’re ahead, Prongs,” Remus said. “If Y/N hears you saying that, she’ll never talk to you ever again.” James just rolled his eyes, not bothered in the slightest.
“Is she Lily Evans, Moony?” he asked rhetorically. “Then let her yell.”
Sirius, ever the knight in shining armor, was chasing around Esmeralda, spewing out a string of curses whenever he’d accidentally bump into a wall, table, or chair. “Come here, you bloody cat!”
One of the house-elves hesitantly approached the lot, bearing a plate of freshly-baked cookies. “Would Masters James and Remus like a plate of cookies?” he said sweetly, holding it up for the two to see. Peter himself was a few feet away, mouth salivating hungrily at the sight. However, before the unoccupied Marauders could kindly thank the critter for the hospitality, Esmeralda was weaving her way through the poor elf’s legs, and Sirius came tumbling underneath. The cookies were sent everywhere, and the elf shrieked in fear, Apparating without a second thought.
Chocolate chips and cookie crumbs were scattered all over the floor, and an elf that was just now bringing a platter with hot chocolate was forced to also drop her bearings. Esmeralda seemed to be weary of anything and everything, and blood smeared its way on the floor after a certain swipe made the elf’s little leg start bleeding.
“Oh, shite,” Sirius muttered, still in the same position and with chocolate covering his chin. “That didn’t go according to the plan.”
Remus looked uncertain and disappointed. “When do you ever have a plan?” he asked. Sirius just shrugged, looking to be without an answer.
James cleared his throat, an arrogant gleam appearing in his eyes. “I’ve got this,” he said. With a crack of his knuckles, he approached Esmeralda. Unfortunately for him, the cat believed him to fancy a game of cat-and-mouse. Esmeralda eyeballed him snidely then sprinted off. Her tiny legs were rather agile and fast for something so… well, inhuman.
In a mere five minutes, the place was covered in food, lacking in house-elves, and looking like a tornado had torn apart the furniture. James was in the middle, smacking at Esmeralda. The cat just didn’t want to leave him the bloody hell alone.
Remus and Sirius were silently freaking the fuck out, debating what to do in the situation, when suddenly you walked through the door, a frenzied expression on her face. You stopped in your tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape at the sight before you. “What… the… hell?”
In synchronized panic, Remus, James, and Sirius pointed at Peter. The poor boy sputtered, his protests stifled by the sudden sneezes. You rolled your eyes, finding it difficult to be annoyed when the poor boys looked like they were about to wet themselves in fear of your rage.
Esmeralda scurried her way to you, purring and meowing, rubbing herself up against your leg. You smiled softly, lifting her up into your arms. You cooed softly, scratching behind her left ear. Then, suddenly remembering the problem at hand, you turned your cutting blade—also known as your eyes—back to the four Marauders. You glowered at them. “I’m never trusting you guys with my cat again,” she said.
James gasped out a breath of relief. “Thank Merlin.”
Illustrations for Team Kizuna’s YGO Ship Olympics submission brilliantly written by fimyuan, cyuuto, and shiningdraw which you can read here!There are a few more extra illustrations in the text, so you should read it to find them ;D
Your spirits couldn’t possibly get any lower after Dippet’s declaration and you shuffled from his office with a quiet ‘thank you’ - sighed heavily. Once you remembered your next class was Care of Magical Creatures, you couldn’t help but smile. It was your favourite class, how could it not cheer you up?
Picking up your pace, you excitedly gripped your satchel and thought about all the animals you’d seen over the years here, at Hogwarts. You’d picked it as soon as you could as an elective and never once regretted it, not even when Professor Kettleburn lost two of his toes under the hoof of a unicorn in fourth year. He never did walk right again after that, but you admired that he continued teaching despite that.
You made your way outside and lifted your robes off the wet ground beneath you. It was bright and warm outside but the previous night’s rain still lingered on the grass. Cringing at the unpleasant sensation of mud squishing beneath your shoes, you trekked through it to the edge of the Forbidden Forest where the class was all huddled closely together.
As you approached, Professor Kettleburn smiled at you, “There you are, Y/N.”
Most of the class kept their attention on Kettleburn but some turned their heads to you. Another reason you enjoyed Care of Magical Creatures so much was that it was a joined class. This meant that there were fifth and sixth years sharing a class, which meant less sixth year Slytherins to bother you and more fifth year Ravenclaws to join forces with.
The only house that didn’t absolutely hate Slytherin was Ravenclaw, the two houses seemed to complete each other. Both smart, ambitious and cunning - yet when one house lacked, the other provided. You smiled sheepishly and nodded, approaching your group of Ravenclaw classmates.
“You’re never late, Y/N. What happened?” A particularly transparent looking blonde smiled, raising his eyebrows at you. “I’ll tell you later, Art.” Artie Lovegood was a fifth-year Ravenclaw that you were particularly fond of, and despite his odd behavior and strange appearance, he was a very pleasant person to be around.
Standing side-by-side, you stood in silence and watched Professor Kettleburn talk animatedly about the day’s lesson. “A practical class today, students,” he clapped, “All of you, pick a partner - quickly now. We don’t want anyone left out.”
As everyone scrambled through the crowd to latch onto their best friend, you stood still and waited for whoever was left over. No one ever really wanted to be your partner.
Everyone stood in pairs - everyone but you and two others. “An odd number? Everyone without a partner raise your hand, please.”
You raised your hand, looking around to find a fourth. “Seems we’re missing a student today.” Kettleburn rounded the three of you up and patted your back, “The three of you will be an odd group today. Best get introduced, quickly.”
Both students adorned dark robes with blue and white ties and you tried not to grimace. The first Ravenclaw, a girl, had long mousy blonde hair and freckles across sickly pale skin and the other was a boy with jet-black hair and flawless olive skin, which only brought out his bright green eyes.
“Hello,” the mousy girl waved timidly, “I-I’m Eunice. Eunice MacDougal.”
You smiled at the blonde and then at the green-eyed boy, “I’m Y/N. I’ve never seen either of you before.” The boy shoved a hand into his pocket and turned to face Kettleburn without a word. You and Eunice exchanged looks before mimicking him.
“Today we’re going to be learning about a particularly exciting species, they’re very timid and very delicate so each of you must be as sensitive as you can be.” Kettleburn warned and you rubbed your hands together giddily.
“We’ll be learning about these critters,” the Professor kicked open a crate and you squinted your eyes. Leafs. A crate full of leafs.
Students exchanged looks before one student called, “Are you finally mad, Professor?” and everyone erupted into laughter. Kettleburn looked flustered for a moment, adjusting his bow-tie before clearing his throat and continuing.
“Gather round, children. Look closely, now and whatever you do, no shouting and no abrupt movements. These creatures are very skittish.” You struggled to get to the front of the group and sighed, giving up. “Come on.” The green-eyed boy gripped your arm and yanked you forward, his other hand latched onto Eunice. “I want a good grade.”
The three of you watched Professor Kettleburn as he carefully reached into the crate and pulled out a handful of leafs. You watched carefully and nearly screamed when he went around handing them out to each pair. “These are called Bowtruckles.”
Eunice gasped and nearly squealed when Kettleburn reached out, placing one of these little green things into her open hand. “It’s so cute!”
Both you and the green-haired boy huddled closer to the girl and upon closer inspection, you realized this was no leaf at all. It around four inches tall with disproportioned limbs and beady eyes that stared up at you.
“What does it do?” You hesitantly asked, and Kettleburn locked onto you, “A very good question, Y/N! A Bowtruckle is a peaceful creature, they live in clusters called a branch. They carve out wood lice from a tree that they imprint on as larvae, they will only ever become aggressive when their tree is threatened.”
Kettleburn talked on and on about the tiny creature that was now carefully climbing up limbs and through hair. Many students did the exact opposite of what the Professor had told them, screaming and flailing about like banshees.
Eunice extended her arms and allowed the plant-like insect to walk all over her and you couldn’t help but laugh at the odd noises it made. It nearly squeaked at her affectionately before she placed her hand on your shoulder.
You stiffened immediately and clenched your eyes shut, “Ew,” you cringed, “ew ew ew.”
Your group laughed at you as the Bowtruckle latched onto a lock of your hair, swinging back and forth as it struggled to climb up it like a rope. “What’s it doing?”
“It loves you, Y/N!” Eunice gushed and you gently blew at it, “I don’t love it. Get it off.”
The green-eyed boy plucked the creature out of your hair and raised it up to his face, eye-level with the tiny green critter. “Be careful, I hear Bowtruckles can get a bit - “
An ear-piercing shriek made you jump out of your skin and as you whipped your head in it’s direction, you gasped to see a young Slytherin clutching at their right eye, wailing in pain.
“It attacked me! I’m blind!” He cried, “Don’t panic, nobody panic! Everyone put your Bowtruckles back into the crate and take out your textbooks. Chapter 34, page 117. Come now boy, to the hospital wing.” Kettleburn hastily guided the boy from the group and to the castle, all the while the students fearfully put their Bowtruckles back into the crate, now afraid of going blind.
“I don’t want to lose an eye, thank you.” Green–eyes said, tossing the Bowtruckle back into the crate and grimacing. “They don’t attack unless they feel threatened.” Eunice frowned. “It was just scared.”
Your lips formed a thin line and you tapped your foot anxiously, “I can still feel it crawling on me.”
The two laughed at you before opening their shared textbooks, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Skipping through the pages, you found yours and looked around for a place to sit, forgetting that the mud slushing about momentarily.
Green-eyes pulled out his wand from his robes and with a flick, a small wooden stool conjured from thin air before dropping onto the ground. He took a seat on it and began reading, only looking up when you cleared your throat at him.
“Would you be a dear?” You raised your brows and crossed your arms, “You’re a sixth year. You’re telling me you don’t know how to conjure yet?”
Blushing and looking away, you stuttered, “I haven’t mastered it yet, is all.”
With a scoff, the boy conjured two identical stools and the three of you sat in a small circle, each silently reading through your Bowtruckle biology chapter.
Class was dismissed early due to the Slytherin boy’s injured eye and you never did find out if he was okay or not, not that you cared all that much. Walking into the castle, you stopped off by the Great Hall where small groups of students gathered at their tables, probably free-periods. Bowls of fruit sat in rows on each table throughout the day so students could have access to food whenever they needed. You reached out and grabbed a bright red apple, sitting down and sighing.
“You called my name.” Taking a bite, you moaned at the taste, smiling at that familiar tickle on your ankle. “What’re you plotting Aradia?”
Leaning down, you nearly choked on your apple as your eyes found not pale yellow eyes, but beady little black ones. That tiny green creature had latched onto you and was hitching a ride into the castle and it took all of your might not to scream and kick it off hysterically.
“What are you doing? You belong to Professor Kettleburn!” You hissed, plucking the creature off of your sock and holding it in your palm. The creature squeaked at you as if providing a counter-argument and you quickly shoved it into your robe’s pocket, standing up and running from the hall with haste.
You were about to make your way back outside in hopes that Kettleburn was still there, but a tall figure swiftly blocked your way and your hands instinctively reached out to shield yourself in time. Palms flat against his chest, you slowly looked up at him. Riddle.
Brow raised, Tom took a step back and gave you a one-over. “In a hurry to be somewhere?”
“Actually yes, so if you’ll excuse me - “ a hand clamped down on your shoulder and guided you back into the hallway, “I’m sure it can wait, Y/N. You ran off after Transfiguration class with Professor Dumbledore and Headmaster Dippet told me personally that I am to - “
You groaned and yanked yourself away from him, opening your mouth to argue when the sensation of something wiggling against your torso silenced you.
Eyes wide and face pale, you quickly nodded, “Let’s just go, then.”
The brunette was suspicious of your sudden submission but said nothing as he walked by your side. Again, as students flooded the halls to get to their next class, that familiar confused stare you’d get emerged - they wondered what you and Tom Riddle were doing together again.
“Are you sure you want to be seen with me, Riddle? People are staring.” You taunted, sweating gathering under your clothes. “I don’t particularly care.” He responded, not even bothering to look at you.
Your teeth ground together and your muscles clenched and unclenched with anger. Taking deep breaths to remain calm in the presence of this arrogant boy, you were relieved to find the classroom full and the class about to begin.
MadaTobi Words: 2,579 Sypnosis: Just your usual boy meets mermaid tail tale (heh.). - A/N: For our resident Dragon Queen and Koi Goddess @redhothollyberries, her beta-ing skills, her bewitching head canons, and her beautiful art that’s coming our way. Inspired by her headcanon here (x). -
Tobirama remembers a time when great
beasts flew in the sky to disrupt the calmness that engulfs him.
Lithe bodies spanned the sky, the
force of their flight tickling his hairs when he dares to venture above the
surface. It would always be worth it; to see their iridescent scales, darker
than his own, breathing in the daylight and shimmering with the undulations of
their leathered tails and necks. Trailing behind them, like an entity of their
own, are long wisps of whiskers, shaping their path for all to admire.
And when they breathe their ire, the
sky glows with their wrath. Tobirama had no name for it, only a bated breath.
The heat would travel with the waves, and touch his soaked skin. It would be
years later that the reverent whispers piercing the murky depths of his home
would give acknowledgement of these divine creatures.
Tobirama is tranquillity embodied in
all its glories and its curses. A still gradient ranging from the shallows
pierced by blades of light to the darkness that skims the core of their land.
Tobirama is serenity incarnate, a frozen line that has never bent high enough
or low enough to taste the heady relief of catharsis. Trouble won’t touch him,
excitement won’t find him, and he’s never ventured at the right time to earn
the privilege of meeting a storm. The silence of the deep sea is his only
Despite that, he closes his eyes and
sketches the sky with the same glow that he saw from long ago. Time hums on and
he refuses to forget.
Then he meets a boy.
A boy who dives into his merciless
home to capture a brother lost to him. A small cretin against the endless sea,
gasping and reaching with small hands for another body that’s jerking and
clawing at his own throat. Their hands strain to grasp each other.
The boy struggles, but his intent
does not falter. Tobirama can see that glint in his eye, burning impossibly bright
like a little koi fish swimming against the current of the Yellow River.
Tobirama tilts his head. He has
perseverance, one that will be wasted in his home.
With a billow of his tail, he surges
forwards, jerking the boys in surprise. He sweeps them into his arms – tiny
critters compared to the creatures that lurks under – and swims towards the
aimless boat floating on the surface.
Once their heads break the sea level,
Tobirama is gone. At least from their sight.
Down below, he watches them scramble
onto their tiny boat and closes his eyes, sketching behind his eyelids the
glimmering intent of the boy that dared to dive into the sea.
More hedgehog pictures, as forewarned. I blame Beatrix Potter for my deeply ingrained love of tiny woodland critters. (Side note: my mom still has an entire chest full of all my Beatrix Potter VHS’s, and I badly want to be able to have them turned into DVD’s, does anyone know the best way to go about that? Is that a thing that can happen??)
As always, if you’d like to buy this little hedgehog (or any other woodland animal woodcut painting of mine) this is my shop:
Hello my lovelies!! Here is a little crack fic I wrote for a couple challenges!! Sorry I’ve been a bit inactive lately, I’ve been extremely fatigued!! But I promise, I have lots in the works!! Remember, feedback fuels writers! 😘
For Meg’s Birthday Challenge my prompt was the song “Still Into You” by Paramore. Happy happy birthday @wildfirewinchester, my darling!!
And for TaleTeller’s What If Challenge
I had the prompt “What if a witch’s spell turned Dean into a ferret?” Thanks for hosting @sdavid09!
Dean x reader, dating hunters
Warnings: my typical swearing and cannon violence
Word count: about 1800
“Dammit! She’s running for it,” Dean exclaimed, lowering his pistol before taking off at a sprint through the decrepit house with you hot on his heals.
“You missed??” you questioned incredulously, trying your hardest to keep up with your boyfriend as he disappeared behind a turn in the hall. He rarely missed a shot.
You were clotheslined by his muscular arm as you ran blindly around the corner, nearly knocking the wind out of you. He pulled you back next to him, flat against the wall before bringing a finger to his lips in a silent “shhhh”.
He signaled for you to stay put, leaving you as backup in case the witch got out past him. He checked the bullets in his gun before quietly pushing open the single door in the hallway.
You watched him stalk confidently into the room and took the opportunity to double check your own handgun. Clip full of Witch killing bullets? Check.
As you cocked one into the chamber, you heard Dean’s voice reverberated out to the hall, “End of the line, bitch,” followed immediately by a gunshot.
“Son of a…” you heard him start before his words were cut off by violent coughing. The witch chanted in Latin before making a run for it, unknowingly, directly into your waiting bullets. You triple tapped the fleeing perpetrator just to be sure; two in the chest succeeded by a final headshot, for good measure.
You stepped over the body into the room Dean had yet to come out of only to cover your mouth in shock at the horror before you…
I like B. smaragdina, because you can keep them in pairs, and they’re just as beautiful as splendens!
Just look at this beautiful boy^^^ He looks to be a hybrid of sorts, but is nevertheless, a B.Smaragdina!
What is the best brand/type of food?
For frozen foods, I like Omega One, but for pellets, New Life Spectrum is the way to go!! I’ve also delved into a brand called YourFishStuff, and I really like them so far! If I had to pick a brand overall, I’d still go with New Life Spectrum, their products are just…wonderful!
How did you get into the aquarium hobby?
It all started with a 10 cent comet goldfish, I got when I was 14! I kept him, for the first year, in a tiny critter keeper, no filter, nothing. I learned how to keep him, and even though he was never kept in optimal conditions, he lasted 11 years, and got to almost 12 inches. I miss him a lot, he was a really fun fish. I feel bad for not giving him the best life, but at least I learned, and in the end, he lived in much better conditions than most goldies get for their entire lives.
So this was an anonymous request for:“Reader and Cisco are together, but Reader’s ex won’t leave her alone (not harassing but just continuously asking how she is etc). Cisco is jealous and finally one day he snaps and does the whole “who is this? This is Y/N’s boyfriend” cliche text message thing? And the rest is up to you. Thank you! :)“.Hope you guys like it!
*Buzz buzz buzz*
You glanced down at your phone, the screen facing upwards as it lay on the bathroom counter while you brushed your hair. The contact picture was tiny, set in the upper left hand corner of the preview pop up window, but you recognized it instantly, without even having to look at the contact name across the top. A groan left you, one of those ‘are you freaking kidding me?’ groans that told anyone within earshot you were so done with it’s cause. You set your brush down, opening the message and rolling your eyes immediately at it’s contents:
From: Cracker Jack Hey Peanut, hows it going?
That stuid fucking nickname. He’d chosen it for you after a cute fight you’d had with him, you had told him he was crazier than a box of cracker jacks, and he’d countered by calling you nuttier than peanut butter, and the name just stuck. It was fine for him to call you that while you had been dating, but he was you EX now, and whenever he used it these days, it just annoyed you.
Reply: Cracker Jack Fine. Can’t talk right now, getting ready for work.
It wasn’t a lie exactly, you were getting ready to go to work with Cisco, your current boyfriend and roommate, but working at Star Labs these days meant you didn’t really have a scheduled shift, you sorta just showed up and waited for the madness to end, or at least die to a manageable level. You didn’t even have time to set your phone down before he responded, and it took all your restraint not to throw your phone across the bathroom.
From: Cracker Jack Sorry, my bad. Hey you wanna meet up for lunch later? I haven’t seen you in ages.
“No I don’t want to meet up for lunch later, theres a reason you haven’t seen me in ages you idiot, i’ve been avoiding you!” you hissed as you typed out your response.
Reply: Cracker JackCan’t, work has been crazy this week, gotta work through lunch to catch up.
It was a vague enough answer that you hoped he would get the hint, but wouldn’t be offended by you effectively dicking him around until he lost interest. You didn’t know why you cared anymore, it wasn’t like you still had feelings for the guy, he was too clingy, and he was also kind of a wuss, you had been the one to break things off after he failed to stand up for you in a bar one night, choosing to let some creep with wandering hands intimidate him into leaving the bar altogether. It wasn’t that you had wanted him to take a beating for your honor, but it was like he had no backbone without you, and you just weren’t comfortable being in a relationship where you had to be the dominant one all the time. Still, you didnt want to out and out tell him to fuck off, because while he hadn’t been a stellar boyfriend, he hadn’t exactly been an asshole either, you just hadn’t anticipated that he’d hang on this long after both had spilt.
You managed to set your phone down, and finish with your hair before your phone buzzed again:
From: Cracker Jack Maybe tomorrow then? Or how about this weekend, it’s half price at that noodle place we love…
You groaned again. “Oh take a fucking hint already!” you whined in frustration.
“I’m going to assume you’re not screaming at your toothbrush,” Cisco’s voice came through, muffled by the closed bathroom door.
You sighed, mentally groaning at the fact that he’d overheard you. “No, I’m just…it’s nothing, don’t worry about it babe,” you assured him, deciding to ignore the message, hoping that if it took you ages to reply, he’d give up. You finished getting ready, and emerged from the bathroom with a smile, hoping Cisco wouldn’t mention your not so secret outburst. He didn’t, he just smiled back at you and gave you a kiss.
“I made us lunches!” he announced, holding up two paper bags with doodles of space ships and cats on them, “it’s just leftovers from last night smushed into a sandwich, with some baby carrots and apple sauce, but still you said we should cut down on how much take out we eat, so I’m making an effort.”
You chuckled, taking one of the bags from him before pecking him on the cheek. “That is so sweet, thank you babe,” you said, inspecting his doodles further, “did you cut the crusts of the sandwiches too?” you teased him lightly.
“Nope,” he replied with a smirk, “but I did build tiny stick critters out of the baby carrots,” he grinned, “I got bored while you were in the bathroom.”
You laughed at him. “You know, sometimes I wonder, if you’re really twenty eight, or if you’re just a twelve year old with excessive growth hormones or something.”
“I believe the term you’re looking for, it manchild,” he clarified, “and yes, I am one, you knew that when we started dating,” he moved in close, wrapping his arms around your waist as he whispered, “but I’ve never heard you complaining, especially in the bedroom.”
You nodded, smirking back at him. “Well, that’s because, there’s nothing little about you in the bedroom.”
It was Cisco’s turn to laugh then. “Ooh, nice save,” he commented quietly, “but we should probably get going, before this turns into weird porno dialogue, yeah?”
You giggled, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, probably.”
You both left, Cisco driving while you read off the specs for your latest project together from his tablet. By the time you arrived at Star Labs, you’d practically forgotten about your stupid EX, and you were ready to get to work, fighting criminals, and building cool stuff, just like every other day. At lunch, you discovered that Cisco’s carefuly crafted carrot critters had fallen apart somewhat, but were still pretty fun to play with until…
*Buzz buzz buzz*
You froze, mid attack from your carrot-o-saurus on your leftover sandwich, and glanced at your phone. Of course it was him, who else would it be? Barry was on patrol, Cisco was in the breakroom making coffee, and Iris, Joe, and Wally were having lunch with Cecile and her daughter again. Caitlin was the only one who might text you, but she was upstairs in the med lab, and was a firm believer in face to face communication if you were both in the same building. No, it had to be him.
You opened the message and sighed, reading his unassumingly gentle message, prompting you to reply:
From: Cracker Jack Hey Peanut, what’s the word on noodles?
“The word is no! It’s obviously no! Why don’t you get it?! No no no!” You growled at your phone, deciding to ignore his message again, and suddenly finding yourself disinterested in your carrot-o-saurus.
“Don’t like the sandwich?” Cisco asked from the doorway, frowning at your curiously as you fumed at your lunch.
“What? Oh, no… I dunno actually, I haven’t tried it,” you replied as he entered the workshop more fully, “I was just…yelling at my phone.” You mumbled the last part, but Cisco heard you.
“Something wrong with it?” he asked, setting a bottle of water in front of you, “I could probably fix it for you.”
You shook your head. “The only thing wrong with it, is that it keeps receiving messages from people I don’t wanna talk to.”
Cisco frowned again. “Who don’t you wanna talk to?” he asked, and you really didn’t want to have this conversation, but now you couldn’t avoid it or it would make things worse.
“My EX,” you sighed in reply, “he’s not like…harrassing me or anything, he just…I dunno, he keeps asking me how I’m doing and stuff, which is nice I guess, but it’s literally like…every day y’know? And I don’t want to tell him to leave me alone, because he’s a nice guy, but at the same time, he hasn’t left me alone since we broke up, and it’s just -”
“You want him to leave you alone so you can finally have some closure about the break up?” Cisco offered, to which you nodded vaguely.
“Yeah,” you agreed, “I guess, something like that.” You pouted sofly at him, “I just feel like he needs the closure, and he’s refusing to let himself have it, if that makes any sense?”
Cisco nodded. “Yeah, but hey I can’t say I blame him,” he leaned in and kissed your temple, “I wouldn’t want to let you go either.”
You couldn’t help but smile at that, the irritation from your EX’s text fading away somewhat. “Well lucky for you, I’m not going anywhere,” you told him, “where else am I gonna find me a man, who will build me a tiny dinosaur out of baby carrots for my lunch?”
Cisco grinned. “Well you know what they say, the fastest way to a woman’s heart, is food figurines,” he opened his own water bottle and took a swig, “I bet you’d lose your mind if I got you one of those blocks of butter carved like a turkey.” You began laughing heartily at that, and he joined you, picking up one of the other carrot critters he’d made you, and using it to attack your carrot-o-saur.
It was barely past sunset when you and Cisco left for the day, deciding that you were going to try to cook dinner together as part of your plan to cut down on take out food. You made it through an entire trip to the grocery store, and halfway through cooking dinner, before your phone went off again, this time, with a very familiar ringtone.
You couldn’t believe it. Well no, that wasn’t true, you could believe it, you weren’t really surprised, after all, your EX was clearly awful at taking any kind of hint whatsoever. You left the kitchen and answered, Cisco’s curious eyes following you as he continued to cook.
“Hey peanut!” he greeted you, “sorry if I caught you at a bad time, but you didn’t respond to my texts, so I thought you might not be getting them-”
“I got your text messages,” you cut him off, “I just didn’t respond because I thought you would get the hint that I didn’t want to talk to you!”
There was a pause before he resonded. “Ok, I’m sorry peanut, I didn’t realize we weren’t on speaking terms anymore,” he said in a sad little tone, “I mean you said we could still be friends, I…what changed? Did I do something?”
You sighed, already feeling guilty for snapping at him. “Look, I just…we broke up, but ever since then, you haven’t stopped texting me, and it feels like, you don’t get that we’re not together anymore. I mean its been ages, I’ve moved on, I have a boyfriend now, we live together-”
You didn’t get a chance to finish your statement, a gentle hand covering yours, and taking the phone from you. Cisco put your phone up to his ear, a stern expression on his face as he asked, “Who is this?” You couldn’t hear your EX’s reply, but you were sure it was a nervous one as Cisco nodded. “Ok ‘yourEx’sname’, it’s nice that you care about Y/N, and want to be sure she’s ok, but this is her boyfriend speaking, and I’m pretty sure I can do a fine job of looking after her all on my own, ok?” There was a moment of silence from Cisco as he listened to your EX respond, then his eyes narrowed, and his lips curled up in a tight little smile. “Listen buddy, I don’t care if you think I’m a controlling asshole or not, I’ve never met you, I hope I never have to, but I’m telling you right now, if you contact Y/N again, I will be having a very long conversation with my friends at the CCPD about your stalker like behavior, and then I’ll be talking to a lawyer, who I’m sure will be thrilled to write up a restraining order for you. So if I were you, I would lose this number, and probably think about the definition of the words ‘desparate’, and ‘pendejo’. That last one is in Spanish, so you might have to translate it first, but either way, bye.” He hung up the phone and held it away from him, taking a breath before he looked at you.
“Cisco, what-” you began, but he shook his head, and you stopped.
“I know, it wasn’t my place to intervene, and I probably should have asked if you wanted me to handle it first,” he handed your phone back to you, “but you seemed to be really irritated by this guy, and from what I found when I looked him up, he needed a firm rejection or he wasn’t gonna stop.
You blinked at him in surprise, taking your phone from his hand slowly. “You…you looked him up?” you asked, “how did you look him up? I didn’t tell you his name or anyth-”
“Facebook,” he replied easily, “I scrolled through your page and saw you had a bunch of pictures with the guy, then on one of the pics it said ‘I love my Cracker Jack’ while he was kissing your cheek, so I did some minor hacking-”
“You hacked him?!” You gasped.
Cisco shrugged, “Only a little,” he admit, “any way, I did some minor hacking, and found out he has a restraining order against him from another girl who said he wouldn’t stop contacting her after they broke up, so when you answered the call, I figured I’d use a few buzz words to catch his attention, and scare him off.”
You stared at Cisco for a moment in something akin to awe. “You hacked into his computer because he was bothering me?” you repeated quietly, taking a step or two towards him.
“Well…yeah,” Cisco confirmed, “but like I said, it was only a little hack…a baby hack…like under a the serving size that this guy deserv-mm.” You muffled the rest of his words with a kiss, wrapping your arms around him as he did the same to you.
When you broke apart, you smiled at him. “That is so sweet baby,” you told him, “you’re my hero.”
Cisco grinned at that. “That’s my job babe,” he said stoically, “fight crime, keep Barry’s suit from falling apart, and hack the computers of creeps who bother my beautiful girlfriend.” He kissed you again, soft and sweet. You really loved how effortlessly wonderful Cisco could be. When he pulled back this time, he tapped you on the nose. “Now, what do you say we finish making dinner, and watch a movie together, hmn?”
You nodded. “Deal,” you agreed, “but I get to pick the movie.” Cisco snorted. “I just got Mr. Creepy to stop texting you, I think I earned movie rights for the night sugar butt.”
You shook your head at the use of the name ‘sugar butt’, wondering where on earth that had come from. But it didn’t matter, at least it was better than Peanut…
I had three slider turtles surrendered today - three. Two are babies, like the little one shown up top. Yes, they were each surrendered in one of those. One is an adult female, pictured below with the turtle “habitat” on her back for comparison. All are in neglected condition with poor shell health.
This is what you need to understand when getting a turtle. 1. The little baby turtles sold on the beach, the fair, at flea markets, in little hole-in-the-wall shops? Are illegal. Turtles under 4″ in general are not being legally sold. This has been a federal law since about the mid-70′s due to salmonella outbreaks linked to the turtles (google it if you don’t believe me). Anyplace selling these turtles for any reason other that research or education is doing so illegally and, if they come in a little “habitat” like the one shown here, unscrupulously. 2. Turtles can not survive in tiny critter keepers. They should live 30+ years but most will only make it a few months in such containers. Why? Well: 3. Turtles need 5-10g of water (not tank, water) per inch of shell length to keep clean and happy. What’s more, they need: 4. Heat and UVB to digest, absorb calcium, and grow. Both of the tiny turtles we got in today have severely soft shells from calcium deficiency, and one has a mild respiratory infection from inadequate heat. 5. They also need filtration to help keep clean, or they can develop shell rot, bacterial infections, eye infections, etc. Even with a filter, expect large WEEKLY water changes. 6. A dry area to get totally out of the water to bask. Lacking a basking spot can lead to shell rot, which can go bone deep and be lethal. 7. A nutritious, fortified diet, PLUS fresh foods. Baby turtles need plenty of protein items while adult (sliders) will need a good portion of their diet to be vegetation. Those crappy oversized pellets baby turtles are sold with are not complete nutrition in and of themselves. 8. Finally, turtles need educated owners committed to a high-maintenance, long lived, LARGE pet with significant space requirements. Slider turtles and cooters, the most common species sold in those horrid little boxes, can grow to over a foot in length. The big girl pictured could still easily put on another 5″ or more in size and will need to live in a good hundred gallon tank (at least) to be happy and healthy.
Don’t be an impulsive, uneducated, crummy pet owner. Only get a turtle if you’re ready to provide everything - I mean everything - they need to grow, survive, and thrive.
And yes, the turtles pictured are now all living in spacious, filtered, heated, UVB’d environments to recover from their negligent care.