tina you fat lard come get some dinner

Napoleon Dynamite for the Signs
  • Aries: "Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!"
  • Taurus: "I could wrap you in some foam, or something billowy?"
  • Gemini: "Oh yeah? Who's the only one here who knows secret Ninja moves from the government?"
  • Cancer: "Kay, hold still right there. Now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses."
  • Leo: "LaFawnduh is *the* best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out."
  • Virgo: "It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done."
  • Libra: "I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."
  • Scorpio: "Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore."
  • Sagittarius: "Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter."
  • Capricorn: "They're pretty good, except for one little problem. That little guy right there. He is nipple number five. A good dairy cow should have, like, four."
  • Aquarius: "Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally."
  • Pisces: "Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious."

anonymous asked:

Hi! Congrats for your blog. I think your posts are very interesting :) How do yo write realistic and complex dialogues? Thank you!

Hi and thank you! ^_^

Great question. I used to be pretty clueless about what made good dialogue. I even bought two books on dialogue, and they were helpful, but didn’t give me the answers or depth I was looking for. They were more about the basics. I’ve tried to study dialogue over the years and I’ll share what I know. This is assuming you already know the basics. If not, or you need a refresher, here are some great articles:

Keep it Simple: Keys to Realistic Dialogue (Part 1)
Keep it Simple: Keys to Realistic Dialogue (Part 2)

To be honest, I don’t agree with everything in those articles, but I agree with 99% of it and all of those points are what you will hear taught in the writing world. But here are more tips beyond that:

-Beyond the Basics-

(Don’t) Tell Me How You Really Feel

In Making Shapely Fiction by Jerome Stern, Stern notes:

“Advice about dialogue generally starts with discussing what your characters say. It might be better to start off with what your characters don’t say and the way they don’t….the more intense the feelings, the more likely people are to say the opposite of what they really mean. If you want to keep a high level of tension, keep the dialogue evasive, filled with suppressed information and unstated emotion.”

He also says that how a character sits, stands, fidgets, pauses, or adverts eyes can be as important as his or her words.

Three examples of narratives that follow Stern’s advice are The Office,The Hunger Games, and The Lord of the Rings, and I have those example here. (It looks like the first video no longer works, but the other stuff is there).


-Intermediate-

Character Voice

Dialogue is influenced by character voice. They aren’t the same thing, but they definitely relate.

Voice is made up of two things–what the character talks about, and how she says it. In other words:

What the Character Talks about + How She Says it = Voice

Voice is its own thing, but you can learn how to master it better in these articles I wrote.

What You Need to Know Most About Character Voice
What Else You Need to Know Most About Character Voice



- Advanced - 

Subtext

Without a doubt I have found that subtext is one of the biggest keys to writing killer dialogue, if not the biggest. It relates to what I touched on earlier–what’s not said and the way it’s not. And yet it’s so much more! Subtext makes dialogue both complex and realistic. It’s definitely a challenge to learn and gain control of, but it’s so worth it. Uugh, I am a huge fan of subtext now!

It would take too long to include everything about subtext here, but luckily I have an entire article about what it is, how it works, and how to do it:

How to Write What’s Not Written (Subtext)

Mastering this alone will take your dialogue to the next level.

Other than subtext, there are a few other techniques that can really make your dialogue awesome, and you can read and learn about them in depth here. But in short:

Mini Context Shifts

A context shift usually happens when new information enters the story that changes our understanding of what is going on. It can also happen when a character reacts to information a certain way. Their reaction gives us a new context to view things through. You can have characters use mini context shifts in their conversations. For example, from Interstellar:

Cooper: After your mom came along, she said something to me that I never quite understood. She said, “Now we’re just here to be memories for our kids.” I think I understand now what she meant. Once you’re a parent, you’re the ghost of your children’s future.
Murph: You said ghosts didn’t exist.

Context shift: Cooper is talking about a metaphorical ghost, but Murph’s response shifts the context to a literal ghost (the one in her room), and by doing that, in her anger, she’s able to throw what Cooper said earlier about ghosts in his face.

Cooper: That’s right, Murph. Look at me. I can’t be your ghost right now. I need to exist.

Context shift: Instead of becoming a victim to Murph’s tactics, Cooper seizes the new context, and shifts it again to the metaphorical, building on his own previous words for his benefit. “That’s right … . I need to exist.”


Character Circuitry 

In the last example, Cooper and Murph create circuitry in their conversation by taking, responding, and building off one another’s words. You can’t take their lines and rearrange them, because each exchange is building off the other. They have circuitry.

I know that some people might read that and go “Duh! Of course they respond to one another. It’s a conversation!”

Responding is one thing, but building off it for a stronger, more interesting, more entertaining effect is another.  For example:

Just responding:
Cooper: After your mom came along, she said something to me that I never quite understood. She said, “Now we’re just here to be memories for our kids.” I think I understand now what she meant. Once you’re a parent, you’re the ghost of your children’s future.
Murph: Dad, don’t go.
Cooper: I have to, Murph.
Murph: The books say “stay,” Dad.
Cooper: I’ve got to go.

Building:
Cooper: After your mom came along, she said something to me that I never quite understood. She said, “Now we’re just here to be memories for our kids.” I think I understand now what she meant. Once you’re a parent, you’re the ghost of your children’s future.
Murph: You said ghosts didn’t exist.
Cooper: That’s right, Murph. Look at me. I can’t be your ghost right now. I need to exist. They chose me. Murph, They chose me. You saw it. You’re the one who led me to them.
Murph: That’s exactly why you can’t go. I figured out the message. One word. Know what it is?

By having the characters building on what the other said, we get stronger circuitry. 

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