tina eat

‘Why do you love me? What is there to love in someone like me? Please, tell me why you’re so fond of me because honestly? I don’t get it.’

I was perplexed how could he not see why?

‘I love you because you’re you.

I love you because when you smile, your lips always tilt slightly to the left. When you smile your amazingly sharp canines peek through giving you a juvenile look. When you smile, your ever present dimples show more — if that’s even possible —. When you smile, your eyes crease at the edges and your beautiful eyes become slits of pure joy.

I love you because when you laugh, you tilt your head backwards. When you laugh, you always close your eyes. When you laugh, you grasp your stomach and bend over. When you laugh, you always end in a deep sigh and smile after wards, you grasp my face in yours and kiss me as if we’ll never kiss again.

I love you because when I do something you like, you giggle. When I do something you like, you’ll caress my hair and pat my cheeks. When I do something you like, you look at my lips and say, “I fucking love you”. When I do something you like, your eyes bore into mine and I see a flame ignite in them.

I love you because when you’re concentrated you furrow your eyebrows. When you’re concentrated you tongue pokes out of your delicious lips and glides over them. When you’re concentrated, you tend to break out of it for a slight second and do that 'hmmph’ sound you know I like just to give yourself a small break. When you’re concentrated, you grab something to eat with your left hand and bring it to the right side of your mouth and proceed to take a bite.

I love you because when you kiss me, you grab my face with both hands. When you kiss me, one hand pulls on my hair, while the other runs its thumb across my cheek. When you kiss me, you always do a series of multiple pecks after we end making out. When you kiss me, I can feel you smile and let out small giggles of content. When you kiss me, you hold my face in your palms and look at me for a good while then you tell me I’m beautiful.

I love you because when you hug me, you hold me for a long time. When you hug me, you grasp me firmly with both of your strong arms. When you hug me, you use one hand to rub my back. When you hug me, you put your face in the crook of my neck and breathe in my scent. When you hug me, you won’t let me go until we’ve embraced each other tightly.

I love you because when you talk about something you love you smile the whole time. When you talk about something you love, you tend to look down at your hands. When you talk about something you love, you furrow your eyebrows and smirk a little. When you talk about something you love, you let out small sighs of happiness. When you talk about something you love, you always tilt your head to side and shrug your shoulders at the end because you get embarrassed at your enthusiasm.

I love you because when you make me blush, you tease me about it. When you make me blush you put your hands on my cheeks and remark, 'baby your cheeks are hot’ at which point I reply, 'no they’re not, I don’t know what you’re talking about’. When you make me blush you look at my cheeks and smile and say 'baby you’re blushing’. When you make me blush you hold me down and ask me why knowing damn well that makes me blush more.

I love you because when you tell me stories about your past, you say them in a low voice as if speaking louder will make them come back. When you tell me stories about your past, you always hug me and won’t let me go. When you tell me stories about your past, you run your hands through your hair because you know you might cry. When you tell me stories about your past you always mutter the phrase, 'why am I even telling you this?’ And we both know it’s because you love me, and you want me to know what I’m getting into.

I love you because when you notice I’m sad, you’ll look at me and poke my cheeks until I smile. When you notice I’m sad you tell me 'stop being a taco without the shell’ because you know I’ll laugh. When you notice I’m sad, you’ll hug me and tell me you love me. When you notice I’m sad, you’ll ruffle my hair and whisper in my ear, 'Tina eat your goddamn food’, because that llama is our spirit animal.’

I love you for so many reasons, if I listed them all, this poem would never end.

The best way to put it is, I love you because you’re you.

—  Beauty in IT /// I love you because…
"seems accurate” || newt scamander

word count: 2809

summary: soulmate au!(reader x newt scamander) → you have a tattoo of what your soulmate is most passionate about

author’s note: this can go one of two ways → one: really horribly and no one likes it OR two: people like it and i fell happy on the inside. i don’t know which one to expect. but, anyways, enjoy! (sorry for any spelling or grammar errors)

Keep reading

Do not eat shampoo, even if it's got fruit on it.

Just want to put this out here: I can relate to Bart drinking the shampoo on a spiritual level.
I once had a shampoo with berries on it, blueberries to be exact, and it smelled so delicious? Like, imagine the smell of these fruit candy things together with fresh blueberries and a bit of honey.
And I just had to know what it tasted like. So I put some on my hand and in my mouth and let me tell you: This was the most disgusting thing ever. (And this comes from a person who ate dog food for ten bucks).
To this day, when I see shampoo I can still taste it.
But the worst thing was that I was in the hospital during this time and I couldn’t get a new shampoo bottle, so I had to use it every day and the smell nearly made me throw up? Just the memory of it… Ewww.

The moral of the story: No matter how delicious shampoo smells/looks like, DO NOT EAT IT. Or drink it, idk, would shampoo be considered a food or a drink?

Anyways. I feel really sorry for Bart. She’ll never see shampoo the same way she did before. Welcome in the club, sister.


Ask Tina: How do you eat so much and stay so skinny?

Tina Fey answers a fan question.

A Monster (Newt Scamander x Reader)

Originally posted by ultrailoveharrystylesblog

Part 2

Request by Anonymous: PLEASE can you do a Newt x Werewolf Reader where the reader is like REALLY REALLY shy and doesn’t tell Newt she’s a werewolf but then he finds out?

Word Count: 2,543

Warnings: Bleeding, excessive wounds

A/N: My last two fics have had lots of blood in them, maybe there’s something wrong with me? idek


You tentatively knocked on the familiar door and clenched your eyes shut in pain. It was 7:30 in the morning and the full moon had finally gone down. It was a rough night and you weren’t sure what had happened exactly, just that you most likely got into a fight with a vicious animal. You were still shaking and dizzy from your transformation but you knew you’d bleed to death if you weren’t healed, and fast. Your wounds throbbed relentlessly in pain and you heard Queenie yell your name worriedly through the door. Not long after, the door swung open to reveal Queenie and Tina still in their night clothes. You managed to mumble out a weak “help” before crumbling to the floor.

You weren’t entirely sure what happened in the moments after that, you were semi-conscious and you saw rushing shapes but you couldn’t hear anything and had no idea what the shapes were. You must’ve drank or been fed something to ease the pain of your wounds because you suddenly felt numb. This was a normal occurrence, this situation you were currently in, being a werewolf meant you getting injured quite frequently and the poor Goldstein sisters taking care of you afterwards. Even though this wasn’t unusual, you still always felt strange in these moments of numb half consciousness, as if you were floating out of your body and in a pool of nothingness. You could never get used to the unnerving feeling.

You were always so guilty and grateful to Tina and Queenie when you forced them into these situations. You hated worrying them and making them heal sometimes gruesome wounds but you had no one else to go to. You couldn’t go to a hospital for risk of being locked up for being a werewolf and your family had thrown you out once they discovered you had been bitten and were therefore a werewolf. 

Just imagine, a werewolf in the family, what a disgrace. 

You tried not to think about that though. You were lucky you had met Queenie, being a legilimens she could tell that you weren’t actually boring, just shy. You were ridiculously timid which would often put up a barrier between you and others but fortunately Queenie made it her mission to get to know you and soon introduced you to her sister. The three of you becoming close friends.

You didn’t know how long had passed before you drifted back into consciousness, your wounds mostly healed. You peeled your eyes open, sticky from the tears you didn’t know you had cried. Your gaze finally landed on a ragged looking Tina reading a book in a chair next to the bed you were laying on. Tina was always the more frantic and worried of the two in these situations, partly because of the stark differences in the two witch’s natures but also because she had formed a kind of maternal bond with you. Though she was your friend, she was also the one who made sure you took care of yourself, wore proper clothes, bugged you about making new friends, the one who always pestered you with questions on how you were feeling. You knew she saw you as a weak child who needed protecting and you hated that most times but right now you couldn’t care less.

“Hey, Tina” You mumbled meekly. The book she was reading fell from her grasp as she spun to look at you.

“Y/N, how are you feeling?” She asked worriedly.

“Never better.” You said sarcastically, giving her a weak smile. She gave a relieved sigh as she smiled sadly at you in return, if you had the strength to be sarcastic you were fine. You started to sit up, wanting to be out of their hair for a while at least.

“Oh no no no.” Tina scolded, pushing you back down onto the bed. “You’re staying right there until I say so.” She said firmly. You groaned and rolled your eyes.

“Come on, mum. Let me goooo.” You whined like a child.

“Y/N, please.” Tina said, her expression turning sorrowful. “You were really seriously injured last night. If you had come any later we might not have been able to save you.”

“I just don’t want to burden you anymore.” You mumbled, your eyes watering up. You scolded yourself for almost crying. Stop being so weak.

“Y/N, I’m serious, cracked ribs, 3 deep gashes on your stomach, multiple cuts along your arms, a bruised eye and a twisted ankle. Merlin’s beard, Y/N, what the hell happened?” She asked desperately. You winced at your excessive list of wounds, not even knowing the severity of it until now.

“I-I don’t know.” You stuttered, not looking her in the eyes. Tina gave a small sigh and stood up.

“I’ll bring you some breakfast.” She said.

“What time is it?” You asked.

“9 in the morning.” She answered. You gave a small nod, an hour and a half since your arrival. “Oh, and I think you should know, we have a guest over.” Tina added. Your eyes widened and heart rate sped up. Even in regular situations where you had to socialise you were a nervous wreck but now? In this state? No one could see you like this! Ever!

“W-what? Who?” You asked, worried.

“Don’t worry, it’s just Newt.” She said, referring to the man you’ve been crushing on since you met.

“Just Newt?!” You repeated, incredulous at her nonchalance. “He doesn’t know about-about me, right?” You asked tentatively.

“No, no.” She reassured you. “Although I don’t know why you won’t tell him, he’d probably be ecstatic.” She teased. You just chucked a pillow at her, she laughed and ran out before it could hit her. You pressed your palms to your shut eyes and lay back down. You felt your heart flutter at the prospect of seeing him. You’ve never really spoken to him much, being too shy to continue a conversation beyond a ‘hello’ but you listened to him talk and watched how he interacted and soon became infatuated with him.

It was crazy, you admit, you’ve never even had a proper conversation with the kind man but you couldn’t help admiring him. Admiring his passion about the things he was enthusiastic about, his knowing glances in peoples’ directions, being able to read them from just their body language and tone, his calm atmosphere, just everything. And it didn’t hurt that he was ridiculously attractive with his unkempt, light auburn hair, bright green eyes and kind features. You didn’t expect him to feel the same about you and you were content with just watching him on the rare occasion he visited America from his travels, but you knew he’d be worried and curious as to the state you were in now. So you decided you’d stay in the room you were in until you had a chance to sneak out without him noticing.


Newt had just finished giving all his beasts their breakfasts and their ‘good mornings’ as he stepped out of his case. His stomach grumbled as he smelled the sweet scent of pancakes in the air, demanding he ate breakfast too. He had arrived yesterday in the afternoon with little warning to the sisters, he had hoped he could stay with them for the time he was staying in America. They had, of course, not objected, welcoming him back with open arms and eager smiles. He had missed them both dearly during his travels, not being able to write to them often due to his constantly busy schedule.

He had also missed a certain shy, H/C haired girl he had come to admire. He hoped he would see you soon and though you two had never really talked that much he was aching for your company. He loved watching you and your many expressions and your beautiful, rare smile and loved listening to you on the rare occasions you did speak. You had a soft, tentative voice as if you were worried you were boring people, it was always the opposite for him though. He adored listening and speaking to you.

As his nose led him to the kitchen, he noticed one of the doors in the hallway slightly ajar. This caught his attention and he quietly moved towards it, peeping in from the small crack. His heart leapt in joy as he noticed that you were in the room, but the joy soon faded, replaced by worry and confusion. You were laying tensely in the bed, palms pressed to your eyes, skin pale, scratches peppering down your arms and the metallic scent of blood in the air. His mind swarmed with worried thoughts. Why were you injured? What on Earth had happened? He frowned and stepped back from the door, not wanting to disturb you. You obviously needed rest from whatever had happened and him bugging you with questions wouldn’t be of much help. He was still frowning as he sat down at the dining table next to Tina.

“What’s eating you, Newt?” Queenie asked him as she slid him a delicious looking plate of pancakes. He ignored his aching stomach and raised an eyebrow at the legilimens. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. I just wanted to give you a chance to say it yourself.” She said, smiling at him.

“Ok, what’s going on?” Tina asked.

“What in the name of Merlin happened to her?” Newt asked anxiously. Queenie and Tina shared a look.

“Oh, that.” Tina mumbled, shoving a forkful of pancake into her mouth. Newt waited for one of them to answer. They seemed to be bickering amongst each other about who should tell him through facial expressions alone.

“Please.” He insisted. Queenie sighed in defeat and gave Newt a sad smile.

“I think you should ask her yourself, honey.” She said. Newt pursed his lips and looked down at the floor. It’s not that he didn’t want to speak with you, he just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable and pry into your business. “I’m sure she’ll tell you if you insist.” Queenie said. “She needs to tell someone else anyway.” She added more to herself. Tina gave a light nod and raised her eyebrows expectantly at Newt.

“Now?” He asked exasperatedly, not ready to speak to you yet. Queenie gave a light giggle and Tina rolled her eyes.

“Yes, now. And you might as well bring her breakfast.” Tina said, handing him a plate of warm pancakes. Newt stared at the pancakes as he stood up, not wanting to look into the eyes of any of the Goldstein sisters, fearing they would tell how nervous he was. It would be the first time you and he would have talked alone.

“Right.” He mumbled to himself and spun on his heel towards the hallway where the room you were in lay.

He gave a slight knock on the door before entering, your eyes were closed, unaware that it was Newt that had entered. “Finally, Tinie, I’m starving.” You groaned, opening your eyes. You gave a slight squawk of surprise and bolted upright, stretching your wounds and eliciting a sharp ache. You yelped in pain and covered your stomach wounds with your arm.

“Oh dear, I should’ve warned you before coming in. I’m sorry for startling you. Are you alright? Should I call Tina and Queenie?” He rambled nervously, placing your plate down on the bedside table.

“Oh no, no, please don’t. I’m quite alright. I don’t want to worry them anymore.” You said quietly, not looking directly at him.

“Alright. Well, I - ah - brought you some food.” Newt said softly, sliding into the chair next to the bed. You gave him a small, grateful smile that made his heart flutter like a teenage boy’s. He scolded himself for being so dotty about you when he should be focusing on your wounds.

“Uhh, yes, thank you.” You stuttered, an awkward silence filling the room.

“Y/N?” He asked, your gaze flicking up to his.


“What happened?” He asked, worry filling his spring green eyes. You felt guilty for making him worry, he shouldn’t be worrying about you, it was your problem.

“Well, ah, I - uhh - you see…” You mumbled, tears starting to fill your eyes again. You hated how easy it was for you to cry, even a slightly raised voice could set you off. “I - uhm- tripped.” You could’ve smacked yourself at the weak excuse.

“You tripped.” Newt repeated, not quite believing you but not wanting to pry.

“Down the stairs?” You said, your eyes flicking away from his gorgeously worried face. Newt stayed silent, hoping to give you some time to tell him the truth. Your tears threatened to spill at the prospect of telling him and seeing the revulsion in his eyes. You suddenly felt a warm, callused hand on yours, your tear filled eyes met Newt’s fiercely concerned ones. You took a deep breath.

“I - I’m a werewolf.” You whispered. You watched as incredulity filled his eyes, then sadness and concern, then confusion. You held your breath as you waited for him to say something, noting that his hand was still firmly and comfortingly on yours. “Please say something.” You whispered, voice breaking desperately. His eyes widened as he realised you thought he wouldn’t accept this part of you and he rushed to reassure you otherwise.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” He said quietly, slipping into the bed and quickly pulling you into a tight embrace, careful not to hurt your wounds. You were frozen in shock against him. “You are so brave to have to go through this and still smile. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He murmured into your hair. You finally relaxed and hugged him back, tears streaming down your face.

“I’m a monster.” You mumbled in between sobs. You felt Newt shake his head quickly and pull you in tighter.

“You are no such thing.” He said fiercely. “Yes, lycanthropy can be a curse but it doesn’t have to define you.”

“It doesn’t?” You asked, a little in dismay. You’ve spent your whole life hating this part of yourself and worrying what people would think of you if they knew. Your family had rejected you and society had taught you that you were a beast. Newt pulled away, making you immediately miss his proximity. He gently wiped the tears off your cheeks with a callused thumb. You gazed into his warm and comforting eyes and he gazed into your sad ones, his heart breaking at the sight of your sorrowful, tear streaked face.

“It absolutely does not. You are an amazing person, Y/N, don’t you ever forget that.” He said. You leaned in, pressing your forehead against his. You were so close you could feel his breath on your lips. You shut your eyes tight and took a shaky breath.

“Thank you, Newt.” You whispered as you closed the distance between your lips. A split second later you both heard Queenie’s loud squeal of excitement come from the living room. You gave a small giggle as Newt pulled away, admiring your cute laugh. He gazed at you lovingly and you just returned his lovestruck look, smiling giddily.


I’m so sorry it took so long to post. I’ve just been going through some personal stuff lately but here it is. And sorry that it’s not so good…hehe.

Please tell me what you thought of it, constructive criticism is welcome.