TalesFromThePizzaGuy: "Stay in car, dogs" -- The time I ignored those instructions

In the mountains of NC, everyone lets their dogs run loose in their yard, street, neighborhood. Nobody ever puts instructions on the tickets regarding dogs unless there’s a real reason to.

(Disclaimer: I’m not the dog whisperer. Always take necessary precautions to ensure your safety around dogs or animals. There’s no set formula that always applies to every situation)

So… Usually when you roll up to a house with dogs in the yard, they’ll bark like crazy, but they’d end up rolling onto their backs for a belly rub within seconds of exiting the car. They make a lot of noise because, hey, you’re in their territory and that’s what dogs do. (See disclaimer above)

I’ve been bitten two times making a delivery, and BOTH times, I didn’t even know the dog was there. The sneaky little bastards that truly wanted to bite me hid and didn’t make a noise until they were right up on me.

So I arrive at the house I’m delivering to and the ticket says “Stay in car, dogs.” I scan the area for dogs, and I see four ABSOLUTELY STUNNING snow white (I’m guessing) German Shepherds just lounging on the porch. They are the most beautiful dogs I’ve ever seen in my life. They’re just straight chillin’. Their ears are laid back, a couple of their heads turn to notice me, then lay back down on their paws. Nothing to worry about here, folks.

Nobody is coming outside, the dogs are calm AF, so I decide I’m going to go ahead and walk to the door. As Alpha as I could, I exit the car and walk confidently toward the dogs. They don’t even care. Who’s a good boys??

I’m about halfway between my car and the porch when it happened. The door clumsily opens with a bit of a clatter, and this little little toddler in diapers steps out. In the blink of an eye, all four of those white beasts are up on their feet and lined up shoulder to shoulder, squared off between me and that toddler. The low-pitched guttural growl coming from the row of dogs is what nightmares are made of.

I was a heartbeat from chucking the pizzas toward the dogs and high-tailing it back to my car, but my legs were frozen long enough for reason to overtake my flight instinct. I backed slowly back to my open car door then QUICKLY jumped back in.

A few seconds later, the mom comes out on the porch a little frantic… I told them to tell you to stay in the car! I hope they told you! I’m so sorry!

FFS man. If the ticket says to stay in the car, stay in the damn car.

By: Atillion


I decided to become an artist when I was about your age. I liked to draw so much, I almost hated to go to bed. And then one day, all of a sudden, I couldn’t draw anything. Everything I drew, I didn’t like. I realized that my art up to then was a copy of someone else, things I had seen somewhere. I decided I had to discover my own style. It’s still difficult. But then, the results… They seem to be a little better than before. It’s nice to be a witch, isn’t it? I like the idea - to be a witch, to be an artist, to be a baker… It’s an energy bestowed by the gods or someone, right? Though thanks to it, we do have to suffer at times.

yoongi really was desperate to debut

he came into bighit as a rapper- an underground rapper from daegu who only performed for crowds of two and made a couple of cents off of his tracks, which came up to not even be enough to buy ramen.

and when he began training at bighit, he didn’t want to burden his parents either so he paid for everything himself by getting a part time job even though he was a busy trainee/student. sometimes he would have to make the choice between eating that day or not having enough money to pay for the bus fare and being forced to walk two hours to get to where he needed to be. he went to school with wealthy students who would get foreign-made cars for their graduation present and he would have to swallow down his jealousy after seeing them get what they wanted so easily. all of this while fighting with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and compulsion since he was eighteen years old.

yoongi came into bighit thinking that he was going to be in a hip hop group with namjoon and some of the original members of bts, but even though the group concept changed- he still stuck with it because he desperately wanted a chance to be on stage and create his own music. he learned to dance and even acted as a backdancer/mv extra for a little bit despite originally having the intentions of just being a simple rapper and even when he shattered his shoulders from an accident during his part time job as a delivery boy, he still persevered and worked hard to improve himself and prepare for debut. 

and the only point where he wanted to truly give up was when he thought that the day of his debut was never going to come. like, this man has been through so many physical/mental difficulties and changes- he literally gripped onto the thought of a chance to be on stage to survive and the only point where he wanted to give up was when he thought that he was never going to get that chance. 

I don’t know how to even put this in words and I don’t want to come across as simply using his life story for attention, but yoongi’s life is the ultimate example of hardwork and determination. I have no idea how he was able to handle all of b-free’s demeaning comments so well and I have no idea how people can say that b-free “got it right”.

and just knowing that yoongi still works himself to the bone till this day- working on his music and bringing his equipment wherever he goes ( whether it be during his vacation or on the airplane or in the waiting room) and staying in his studio until the very early morning- and still dealt with battles with his mental health and physical health  after his debut just amazes me because he never lets it show or he never lets it take him aback and somehow we still have the audacity to just label him as “lazy” and “coldhearted”.

yoongi truly is a symbol of persistence and dreams and he really is a role model for me. his lyric “though the beginning may be humble, the end will be prosperous” really did become a reality for him and it only came to him because he never gave up despite all what life threw at him. he motivates me to keep on moving forward in my life and I really do hope that all of you guys see and love him for all that he stands for.

there’s so much that goes into what makes something funny it’s honestly really interesting? timing, tone, delivery, outside knowledge (like an inside joke), the setting, the current company, the current mood… and all of that on top of everyone having a unique sense of humor based on personal preferences and past experience

comedy is art

special delivery

“How much time until your next delivery, Jeon?”

“Unfortunately only ten minutes, Miss,” the boy murmurs, almost sorrowfully, and you watch as his eyes flicker down to glance at his watch.

“Great—” your hands fly down to his polyester jumper and hurriedly pull at the zipper, “—that’s ten minutes for you to fuck me.”

In which your husband is never home and the evening delivery boy is just oh-so convenient.

tags: delivery boy!jungkook, husband!taehyung, adultery, oral sex

word count: 3,444

Originally posted by jeonsshi

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breath of spring

Summary: He works with color all day, but you just might be the brightest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.
Pairing: Taehyung | Reader
Genre: Fluff; Florist AU
Word Count: 9,542
Author’s Note: I feel like it’s been so long so I’ve written something soft and breezy and cheesy and I missed it.


The regular nine a.m. call time finds Kim Taehyung at the forefront of the shop, gritting teeth together as he tries to balance the morning coffee along with his keys while trying to make sure his backpack won’t fall down his arm to disrupt his attempt. He barely manages the feat, somehow able to unlock and push open the front door before the coffee spills over. Both hands find their place again underneath the tray as he uses his hips to propel the door closed behind him.

Much like usual morning greetings, he doesn’t get one except for the sweet, floral fragranced scent that is as sharp and prominent as it is comforting and sweet. He’s been working here for a little more than three years, yet the sight and smell of flowers never fail to bring a smile to his face, never fails to help bring forth some good cheer to his day as he roams towards the back of the shop. He rests the coffee on the counter, slipping off his backpack to situate it in the back room, returning back to the floor to get things started before Kim Namjoon arrives. There isn’t much, just setting up the cashier and watering the plants and rearranging some bouquets that are due to be picked up first thing in the morning. Some adjustments here and there, giving the flowers a last minute spray to give it a fresh, dewy, appearance. He’s just setting down the second of five bouquets when the bell overhead jingles in correspondence to the arrival of someone new.

Taehyung looks up from his spraying, eyes lighting up as he takes in the newest addition to the shop. “Good morning!” He greets brightly to the customer, a man with a hesitance in his step, looking lost yet like he’s supposed to be here and Taehyung is well-tuned to his attitude at once. “Can I help you with something?”

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It’s finally here! I actually ordered this before the Golden Thread Tarot, but it took much longer to arrive. But now it’s here and I am in love!

More thoughts bellow the cut 👇

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soulmate! Woozi

Anon requested: “soulmate Woozi please?😇”

in which you have a scar symbolizing what your soulmate is most passionate about and it disappears when you touch

  • you and your mom have lived apart your whole life according to your memories
  • at home, there was the comfort of your cousins, your friends, and your grandparents
  • but as time for college applications roll around, you apply to many places, including a music college in seoul 
  • honestly you really thought you had no chance but doesn’t fate just love messing with you
  • you get excepted with an all expense paid trip and a decent scholarship 
  • speaking of fate, on the inside of your pinky lays the outline of a musical note
  • your pretty positive your passion is music also, producing and composing specifically, and you hear it’s rare soulmates have similar passions 
  • but it’s impossible to have the same scar
  • anyways, what happens is, your kind, kind grandparents tell your mom of your situation
  • and she happens to live in seoul of all places
  • that’s how you end up switching between the dorms and your mothers apartment
  • putting that section of your mind at rest, you decide to focus on the task at hand
  • chicken
  • just kidding (but not really, chicken is a serious matter)
  • you almost are at the point of pulling out your hair
  • the cramped, hot, upstairs room of your mom’s hair salon is zero help to your inspiration
  • which is needed if you want a decent song turned in by the end for finials
  • but chicken, is a must for brain power
  • as you haven’t eaten anything since the granola bar this morning and the couple of unhealthy sugared coffees, you ordered two whole chickens
  • excessive but leftovers are key
  • now is the worst part, the wait
  • so to torture yourself even more you decide to go downstairs and wait in the lobby like an impatient kid
  • your eyes meet a large group of boys filling up the lobby
  • you look just as surprised to see them as they are seeing you
  • “yo mom?” you call, walking towards her, sliding the headphones off your ears
  • “I thought you didn’t take costumers this late”
  • your mom looks up at you for a second before looking back down at this guys hair
  • “special appointment, these boys can’t be seen with their new hair”
  • “why?”
  • “they’re idols”
  • you can tell everyone is paying attention to your conversation, not because they’re nosy
  • it’s just so silent it happens
  • “well okay then”
  • and right on time, delivery comes and you get the needed food
  • “yah y/n sit down. you know i don’t like food being brought upstairs” she says
  • you plop down in a chair behind the desk and comfortably open the box not minding the eyes and looking like a fatty
  • your mom doesn’t really say much else as she and several other employees get to work
  • soon, the guy she was working on is finished 
  • he walks to a seat near you, making you realize how most are staring at the chicken
  • you sigh realizing you’re kind of full now and a bolt of kindness goes through you
  • “you guys want the rest?”
  • they immediately spark in happiness and the guy closest to you grabs it grazing your hand slightly
  • and when you reach to put your headphones back over your ears you notice something very important missing
  • “what the actual fuck” 
  • you glance at the bright yellow haired boy again and raise you pinky slowly
  • he quickly glances down at his own and notice the scar of headphones usually present on his pinky, is missing
  • “holy shit”
  • your mom and the staff jump back not understanding what’s happening as all twelve of the other boys gather around you
  • chaos erupts 
  • “Jun and then Vernon and now Woozi I want my soulmate too”
  • “He’s never even dated before?!?!”
  • “Yah!!!” The boy fate deemed as your soulmate quiets them, his ears slowly turning red as he faces you
  • “My name is Jihoon” he says hecka awkwardly with all his friends staring at the both of you
  • you’re still processing this when your mom calls for the boys to get back to their seats, she’s clearly ignorant of what just transpired
  • before you get a chance to say anything Jihoon drags you into the back storage room where the hair dyes are kept
  • you’re both looking at each other and blushing like crazy for having just met your soulmate
  • “I’m y/n” you manage, “I’m a composition and contemporary writing and production major. Which might explain your scar that’s no longer there”
  • he gives you a shy smile and his eyes twinkle when he says, “I compose and produce for our group! We’re Seventeen.”
  • you both hear the door to the storage room click shut and lock
  • well shit
  • you bang on the door and you can just faintly hear the other boys laughing outside
  • so as an independent and strong-willed person, you do what comes naturally
  • “MOM!”
  • “the keys were accidentally taken by Alex, he’s driving them over right now, hang in there sweetheart”
  • just your luck
  • Jihoon looks ready to kill the boys
  • you’re both stuck anyway so you pull out your phone which had the track you were working on, but was stuck
  • Jihoon stares at it and then asks, “may I…?”
  • you hand him your headphones
  • he closes his eyes while listening to it, and your breath hitches a bit
  • he looked so cute concentrating on the music, eyes closed, head slightly swaying with each note
  • “this is really beautiful” he whispers, you do a double take, you almost didn’t hear him
  • you both start talking about your favorite classically arranged pieces and at some point, you both start listening to this new track he’s working on
  • it might have been the chicken or just the long day, but you both end up falling asleep on the ground, with your head on his shoulder, waiting for your mom to bring the keys, music still pouring gently from your headphones
  • when the door opens, the riot at seeing what was in front of them caused by the boys was enough to jolt you and Jihoon up
  • the boys drag you and jihoon out of the salon saying random excuses to your mom and she watches you go, surprise plastered on her face
  • “our aegi woozy found his soulmate!” “that’s amazing for someone who’s never dated before!” a lot of incoherent chattering from svt
  • Jihoon just pulls gently on your sleeve, signaling with his eyes that you two should escape from the rest of them
  • and before you know it the two of you are sprinting down the street, with whooping and cheering sounding out behind you until you both reach a street corner
  • he hands you his phone
  • “call me, ya know, if you ever need help composing or just … want to hang or something.”
  • “I will”

Originally posted by buseunqkwan

The Seventeen Soulmate AU series:

soulmate! Jun || soulmate! Vernon || soulmate! Vernon (part 2) || soulmate! Woozi || soulmate! Mingyu (carat version) || soulmate! Hoshi || soulmate! Jeonghan || soulmate! Seungcheol || soulmate! Joshua || soulmate! Joshua (part 2) || soulmate! Seungkwan || soulmate! Minghao || soulmate! Dino

Not My Specialty (dad!Tony x reader)

Request: Omg I hope I make it before closing! Could you do one w/ Tony Stark where he is the reader’s dad and she’s married to Steve. Her and Steve are expecting their first baby together but when he has to leave for a mission and she goes into labor, Tony comforts her throughout it until Steve shows up at the last second before it’s time for delivery? I just watched Father of the Bride Pt II and of course like the Marvel Trash I am, this is what I came up with. XD I’d like it super ultra fluffy pls! c:

“Okay, sweetheart, just don’t get that baby goo on the leather, okay?  It’s imported.” Tony said as gently but firmly as he could, keeping a tight hold on your hand while helping you into the passenger seat of his car. He wanted to call an ambulance to take you to the hospital once your contractions started, but you insisted that you had time for him to take you, much to his dismay.  As a first-time grandpa, he was almost as nervous as you were and he wasn’t exactly secure on his driving ability at the moment.  

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A Guide to Setting Intentions

Being intentional in your life can change just about everything. If you sometimes feel that you’re just at the mercy of life, along for the ride, letting it direct you and not the other way around, then you may want to start living intentionally. The first thing you must do, and this actually isn’t so easy for many of us, is get clear on what you want. You may think you know what you want, but sometimes these things are transitory and surface-level, things that we think will make us happy. You may also be totally aware that you have no idea what you want in life.

But there’s probably something that’s always been in your mind and in your heart. A dream that you’ve always had - and it doesn’t need to be some great thing, I think sometimes we ignore our heart’s desires because we’re looking for some grand thing, or we’re looking for some socially-accepted thing to want. A desire that would make us money, a desire that would make us seem accomplished, a desire that seems interesting to others. These things aren’t unworthy of wanting, but you must make sure they are what you truly want. Because wanting to fit in or be accepted may be at odds with your life’s true destiny. The universe can sniff out unauthentic desire. Either it won’t give it to you, or it will and you’ll realize you don’t actually want it… Or you’ll still be unsatisfied, looking for the next thing.

I’m going to borrow from Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map and say that it’s important to figure out how you want to feel in life. When we focus so much on outside goals, we distance ourselves from the fulfillment of them. For instance, if you want a promotion, well ask yourself why. How would it make you feel? If you think it will do away with your inferiority complex, then you’re living your life one band-aid at a time, rather than building something new. Maybe you don’t really need that promotion in order to feel better. But if you can tell that it’s coming from a true place, a true desire to move up in your career, a desire to feel accomplished, independent, etc etc, then allow yourself to want it. Sometimes that’s the most important part - admitting our desires. If you don’t let yourself want it, you won’t let yourself have it.

Next, you must simply ask for it. Ask the universe, inform them of your intention to have that promotion (or whatever it is). Truly trust in the universe, in its ability to provide for you. The universe is on your side (or God, or your inner power, or your higher self, however you want to think of it - basically whatever is most powerful to you). And then you must rest assured in the timely delivery of the results. Know that the universe will answer your call, and live as if it is coming or already there. Cultivate whatever feeling you desire, in the present moment. If you’ve been wanting to feel more adventurous, you don’t have to wait for an opportunity to go sky diving. Take small actions that will let you feel that way, you could probably feel adventurous alone in your room if you get creative.

You don’t have to wait to feel your desired feelings. And when it comes to drawing bigger things into your life (success, love, money, whatever it is), you have to be direct with the universe. Tell them what you want and begin living your life as if it has already come. Practice imagining the fulfillment of your desire, imagine your dreams have already come true. That feeling you’re cultivating will draw in more things that will help you feel that way.

When we set an intention, we are telling the universe how the day, or month, or year will go. We are deciding for ourselves. You do not need to be a victim of outer circumstance. You have more power than you know.

And know that you deserve it. A lot of us live our lives with an unconscious belief that we don’t really deserve to be happy, that suffering is more natural. While suffering can teach us lessons and build strength, we can also learn lessons through pleasurable experiences. Sometimes the biggest lesson is letting yourself have that pleasure and happiness. And finding out what makes you happy - because it’s different for everyone. Honor your needs. Honor your desires. And honor your ability to have them. We are all creators, here on Earth. The builders of our own fate. Let your true desires be your compass, be led by that which is in the heart.

- Pegasus Astrology / Lauren Crowley

never gonna get over the time i ordered sushi delivery (from a place where i lived outside the delivery area but they still came to me because i ordered so much from them at the previous place i lived) and they called me literally five mins later like “hey you forgot to order extra sauce like you always do did you want that?” like…… they saved my fuckening life….. i’ve never felt so cared for…….. so looked after……

Happy “Bump” Day!  Hahaha!!! Well here is some pretty big news!  I figure many will be excited, some will be shocked, some may stop following.  Oh well, this is a part of my journey in both life and fitness.  Follow me as I grow and lose my abs but maintain a healthy pregnancy and then take the time post delivery to regain my fitness figure!  This will be a true fitness test!   


This is going to be a long story. 

Some of you, those who have been following me for a while or seen me at conventions, know that I am *trying* to branch out into designing toys rather than just making them. There are a lot of reasons for this, primarily so that I have time: time to design new things, time to rest, time to do literally anything other than crochet delightful sea creatures - you get the gist. 

It’s not that I don’t love making things, I do. And I’m certainly not going to stop making things; I’m pretty sure I can’t, to be honest. But I have to admit that it would certainly be much easier on me, at least for my wrists, to have sewing machines do most of the work. 

So. The dragons. 

I finally made enough money to get a run of plushies made, and I decided to start with my red dragons as my first line. Dragons were one of my most popular items, but they were a lot of work to make, so I figured they would be perfect as plushies. 

I decided to go with Gann Memorials for my production. Now that I’ve already made my mistakes, I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I should never have partnered with Gann, but since nobody felt the need to tell me anything about them previous to my giving them quite a lot of money, that’s who I went with. I did have one person tell me that they were “skeevy”, but since she wouldn’t go into any detail or even use any other words to describe them, I assumed her issue was personal in nature and dismissed it. I wasn’t planning on spending time with these people, I reasoned, just entering into a business arrangement with them. I don’t care if they’re skeevy. I care if they’re competent. 

Well, now I know. 

We began in July of 2015, a year and a half ago. I made the initial phone call (which was grand, because I have social anxiety and calling people on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do). Chris Gann (hereafter Chris) was a genial guy, very much a salesman - but, since I was looking to buy things from him, that was pretty much what I was looking for. We set up an account for me. Promises were made, verbal assurances; they specialize in quick turnaround for orders, I’d have them in less than three months (assuming that I don’t take forever making alterations, of course), they have very high quality standards, et cetera. 

A few days later he set up a Basecamp account. Basecamp is an app for communication between people working on a project together. I can definitely recommend it; it works out beautifully for that precise thing. The account was started July 27. 

So far, so good. 

On August 11, he sent me the first sample images. They needed some tweaking, but I was starting to get excited. I made my recommendations and he went off to relay them to the production team. 

On August 19, he sent the second sample images. These were very close. I accepted this version:

Cute, right? I think it’s cute. Grumpy, but not off-putting; now that I have a little more experience under my belt, I can see where I would make further changes, but it’s still very cute.  

September 1: Chris tells me that the dragons will be shipped to me in October. 

September 7: Chris informs me that these guys are going to need tags. I hadn’t thought about that, but I whip up an acceptable tag design (it’s not great but it’ll work) and send it off to him two days later. I don’t hear back from him until October 2nd, when I ask for a shipping estimate; Chris assures me that they’ll ship by the end of the month. 

October 21: Chris asks me to approve the tag design that I had sent him. I’m a little confused, but I approve. The day after, I approve of the shipping mark and I start to get myself emotionally prepared to receive a large shipment of toys. 

October 29: I check up again on the time frame. Chris says he’ll ask. 

November 2: Chris says that they’ll be shipped by the end of the week. 

I want to point out here that Chris told me they would be *delivered* by the end of October, not shipped at the beginning of November. I’m a little unhappy with this, but you know, things happen. Whatever. I’ll probably shop around for the next line of plushies due to this delay; he hasn’t lost my business forever at this point, but neither has he pleased me to the point where I would go with his company again as a matter of course. 

November 5: Chris sends me pictures of the final product. There’s not much in the way of variation from what I had already approved, so I assume all is well. He also tells me that I’ll be getting extra product on their dime. I am pleased by the prospect, as that would mollify me about the delay. Unfortunately, it turns out not to be true. 

Novemter 18: I receive the boxes. I do not believe in putting things off, so I opened them immediately and went through my product, counting and sorting carefully. I am widely dismayed by what I find. 

I ordered 350 dragons. It’s a small order, in the way of these things, but it was what I could afford. I did receive exactly 350 dragons, but they were not what I had approved. Every aspect was correct and acceptable *except* the most important part of any mammal, toy or not: the face. In this case, the eyes. Of the whole order, 17 dragons had split seams (not a big deal, I’m handy with a needle and I understand that they underwent significant squishing in order to fit them into as few boxes as possible to make shipping affordable); 46 were correct, as in their eye placement and shape were in a range close to what I had approved of; and a whopping 286 of them had what I have to call drastically incorrect eye placement. Here’s what I mean: 

The eyelids are too low and placed at the wrong angle, making it look sleepy (still sellable, but not what I paid for). The eyelids are, by the way, glued into place. 

These eyes are totally wrong (and, may I remind you, glued into place, so I can’t fix it without cutting the eyes out completely). That’s just… wrong. 

This guy has to be my favorite. One eye is significantly larger than the other one and has been placed about a quarter inch higher; the eyelids are entirely wonky - and still glued into place. 

Dec 3: Chris tells me he is trying to work things out with the factory; I send him the above images for clarification. He says he may just have me keep what I received and he will replace the entire order on his dime. 

I am, at this point, entirely depressed. I feel like a failure. I have a certainty that this issue will not be corrected, and even if it is, it won’t be corrected in anything like a reasonable time scale. I feel that I have wasted a very large sum of money and way too much time and it makes me angry and hugely, vastly, deeply disappointed. 

January 5, 2016: Chris asks me if the appearance of the dragons I received is somehow different from the sample I approved. I wonder to myself if he has working eyeballs, or at least knows someone who does, but I respond in the affirmative and re-send all of the pictures, including the one I approved for reference. All of these pictures are still in the Basecamp account. All I have to do is scroll to look at these exact same pictures, but I send them again anyways. I also ask for honesty, here; if he’s not going to fix this, please at least have the decency to tell me about it so I can move on with my life and not have to expend my energy trying to get something done here. 

January 7: Chris takes umbrage at the notion that he might just possibly not bother to fix these glaring mistakes, as he is nothing if not forthright and good. I point out that the delivery took much, much longer than he had initially told me, and that the extra product that was supposed to be included with the shipment never showed up. 

January 8: Chris says that he  misspoke about me getting extras; there will not be another box forthcoming, he was mistaken about that. He does graciously allow me to keep the gigantic pile of unsellable, wasted material that they sent me, and promises that he’ll have the dragons remade at his expense and the issue with the eyes will definitely be fixed in the next batch. (This also turns out to be untrue.)

January 9: Chris tells me that the next batch will ship out after the Chinese New Year. This makes sense to me; holidays always mess up shipping times, and these are travelling across the planet, after all. I settle down and assume they’ll be here in six to eight weeks. 

April 20: This is more than six to eight weeks, you will notice. Chris tells me to expect a shipment some time late next month. I have given up on ever seeing these damn things. 

September 23: Chris sends new pictures for approval. It has been over a year since the first time I went through this process; I was told that I would have them in under three months. Over a year. I’ve moved to a different state by this point and yes, I was snippy. I pointed out that in the FIVE MONTHS since I last heard from him, my address had changed. 

I liked the new ones. These looked angrier. If I got dragons like these, I would be able to sell them in exchange for money. 

November 16: Chris asks me for my delivery address. Again. I ask if this indicates that they will be shipped soon, but there’s no response. 

January 10, 2017: Gene Gann, another employee of Gann Memorials, informs me that I should expect my shipment by mid-February. 

February 8: Gene asks me for my phone number, which I supply, so the shipper can get into contact with me to set up a delivery time. 

February 15: The shipper calls me. We set up a delivery time. 

February 17, 2017: I receive six boxes full of dragons. They have the same qualities of the first batch, only there are more of them this time. Four - I repeat, four - are correct, in that they match the above picture. A further 189 are in sellable condition, looking sleepy or disappointed rather than angry but otherwise having no defects. 27 have split seams, only three of which I bother fixing since the other 24 have devastatingly bizarre eye placement. 303 dragons go into boxes with glued-on, incorrectly placed, wrongly sized eyes. 

In the end, I’ve received a total of 243 dragons that are in a sellable condition. Only a small portion of those actually resemble what I ordered. 589 dragons can only be sold as misfits. I put some in grab bags, feeling guilty. I see them in trash cans at conventions and can’t really blame anyone. 218 dragons, which should have been sold at a profit to fund the next line, are utterly unusable. I have scrapped them and am using their stuffing to fill other projects. 

I am bitter about the entire thing. I am angry. I am never, ever going to do business with Gann Memorials again, nor will I recommend them to anyone, as I cannot with good conscience do so, because if they had an experience anything similar to mine I would be wracked with the most horrible guilt. 

I *am* going to try again. As tempting as it is to simply give up, to assume that there is something lacking about my character, that there is something about me that makes things like this happen, I won’t do it. I’m saving up for another line of plush toys. I am shopping around for a different company to work with. 

My hands are tired and my blood pressure is high, but I’m still going. 

(I want to put in a disclaimer that I am not assuming anything about the personal morality of Chris or Gene Gann. I do not want them attacked or thought of in any wrong way because of how all of this went down. This was a business deal, and sometimes they go sour. This could have been a series of misunderstandings, mistakes, communication errors, unfortunate events, what have you. I don’t know what’s going on in their lives. These are things that happened, and they will affect who I do business with going forward, but I don’t assume that these are bad people. I don’t think I could encourage anyone to have a business relationship with this company and these people, but if you want to have a beer with them, I’m sure they’re very nice.)

anonymous asked:

Hi, so I'm kind of quiet and introverted, and I have trouble writing banter and characters who are witty. Do you have any tips or suggestions for me? Thanks

It’s safe to say most writers are introverted, so you aren’t limited by that. You are actually in the perfect place to develop good dialogue. Here’s what you need to do:

1) Watch movies, sitcoms, and read books with a lot of dialogue. Study the examples of the craft that are available to you. The screenwriters and authors who make that stuff have already done all the research for you, so consider their finished products to be like entertaining textbooks. Figure out what makes a specific piece of banter funniest, whether it’s the subject matter, the flow, the timing, or the delivery.

2) Become a good listener/eavesdropper. By that I don’t mean listen through doors to private conversations, but to conversations happening around you. Whether you’re at school, work, on the bus, at the store, or just live in a busy neighborhood, pay attention to how other people- primarily people you don’t interact with- speak. Keep a notebook or pen and paper handy so you can quickly jot down bits of dialogue that sound witty or clever to you and the people around you (a digital notepad might take longer to"jot" with). If you feel uncomfortable noticing others’ conversations, pretend you’re a field researcher or a spy who’s been assigned to study human speech without interrupting the natural flow.

3) As with all your writing, take any banter you’ve invented yourself and read it out loud with the delivery you imagine your characters saying it with. This will help you decide if it sounds natural or not. Keep in mind that anything you write may sound different to a reader when they read it, so a line you feel is or isn’t very funny they may have the opposite reaction to. That’s just how writing works.

I’m writing is with an unfamiliar tablet, so I’ll update this post later with some additional links you might find helpful.