time to start a new goatee


The Hollywood Reporter podcast here

The 31-year-old actor, best known as the male star of the fantasy ‘Twilight’ franchise, reflects on sudden celebrity, 'Twihard’ fanatics and their strong feelings about his former relationship and how his 10-year career-reinvention plan is operating right on schedule.

“As soon as I signed on to do multiple sequels to [the 2008 film Twilight], I was like, 'It’s gonna take 10 years to get over this,’” the actor Robert Pattinson says as we sit down at the offices of The Hollywood Reporter to record an episode of THR’s 'Awards Chatter’ podcast.

“I said that to my agent. And it took 10 years.” Indeed, nearly a full decade after playing the brooding vampire Edward Cullen in a movie for the first of five times in five years, and in so doing rocketing to international stardom, if not acclaim, the dashing 31-year-old Brit is attracting the best reviews of his career. Ironically, they are coming for his work in Good Time, an indie crime-thriller in which he buries his good looks behind a goatee, greasy hair and a thick Queens accent in order to bring to life a small-time crook who winds up in big trouble in present-day New York. “I just really, really went after it,” he says with a smile.

Pattinson, who was born in London, fell in love with music long before acting. A foray into modeling, starting around the age of 12, exposed him for the first time to auditions, and he began to dabble in drama, as well, but was discouraged from pursuing the creative arts by his own drama teacher. Nevertheless, at the urging of his father, he joined a local amateur theater company and, after landing his first role, was spotted by an agent who soon signed him as a client.

He quickly began auditioning for professional jobs — the first film he went out for was 2004’s Troy (he didn’t get it), the first one he got was 2004’s Vanity Fair (his scenes were eventually cut) and the first that put him on the map was 2005’s Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (from which he got American representation). Hollywood expressed only mild interest in him, at the time, so he went back to England, still debating whether or not he wished to pursue acting. “Every single time I was just about to say, 'I’m done with this,’” he recalls, “I would get another one,” including a TV movie in which he played a WWII pilot suffering from PTSD and an indie film in which he played a young Salvador Dali.

Throughout that period, Pattinson would occasionally send audition tapes to Los Angeles for roles that appealed to him in America. One, for a rom-com, led to the opportunity for an in-person audition, so he flew to America and stayed on the couch of his American agent as he prepared to go in for it. That audition did not pan out, but while in town he went in for another, with Thirteen director Catherine Hardwicke, for a part in what he understood to be an indie movie based on a low-profile book about a vampire.

Hardwicke already had seen some 5,000 young actors before Pattinson came by her house to audition. “I was the last person they saw,” he recalls, noting that he had a panic attack — and took a Valium — on his way out the door to go to the audition. Shortly thereafter, despite some reservations on the part of the film’s producers (“They all thought I looked really old, and I was pretty chubby at the time, too”), he won the part (“I kinda knew I was gonna get it”) and went to work. Following a shoot in which his interpretation of the character didn’t always mesh with the producers’ and his agents had to fly in to save his job (“I was very argumentative”), the film was released — and changed his life forever.

“Twi-hards,” as the Twilight franchise’s most obsessive fans came to be known, soon descended upon Pattinson, and became particularly passionate — with delight or dismay — when it became apparent that he and Stewart were involved with each other in real life. “The real kind of vocal ones — I think it’s a very, very, very small group — are quite educated women between the ages of 28 and 60,” he says. “I mean, that’s quite a lot of women. But older. They’re not 'old,’ obviously, but they’re not teenagers at all. And that’s what people never really realized. The initial wave of them was young, but the [mainstays] are significantly older.” He says, when asked if dating Stewart gave them red meat:

“People would just imagine anyway — like, even when we weren’t together, people were saying we were anyway. It doesn’t make a difference. Still now! It definitely does change the paparazzi involvement in your life — like, 100%. It’s just an economic thing: there’s just two people in a photo, rather than [one]. And the most relatable thing for anyone who reads a gossip magazine is, 'What’s the state of a relationship?’”

Pattinson’s Twilight-era was surreal. He had been catapulted onto Hollywood’s A-list, which came with fame and fortune, but also a loss of privacy and certain preconceptions about what he wanted — or was capable of doing — as an actor.

In-between the Twilight films, he acted in others, including 2010’s Remember Me, 2011’s Water for Elephants and 2012’s Bel Ami, hoping to show his broader range, but also keeping him constantly at work. “I was so busy up until 25 or something that I never had time to really process anything — you’re just in the eye of the storm,” he says. “When the series was sort of ending and I’d slowed down a little bit, I was like, 'Oh, the life you had previously has died and you’re in this other world’… I was sort of freaking out a little bit.”

Even so, he never doubted the wisdom of agreeing to be a part of the franchise. “I’ve never really felt trapped by it,” he says. “I’ve always known it was the right move.” He adds, “I wouldn’t have done any of this other stuff if not for that.”

That “other stuff” began with an unexpected straight offer from auteur David Cronenberg to star in 2012’s Cosmopolis, which he has described as a life-changing experience. It reminded him why he wanted to be an actor and also solidified his foremost desire for the coming years: to work with great filmmakers. “I was aware of a credibility deficit,” he acknowledges. “And so you think, 'Well, if [Werner] Herzog and Anton Corbijn and all these people are hiring me, well, you’re gonna have to shit on your heroes if you want to shit on me.’”

Over the years since, Pattinson has fulfilled his objective. In 2014, he reteamed with Cronenberg, on Map to the Stars, and also starred in David Michod’s The Rover, both of which premiered at the Cannes Film Festival. In 2015, he appeared in Herzog’s Queen of the Desert and Corbijn’s Life. He turned up in James Gray’s The Lost City of Z in 2016.

And then he was back to Cannes this past May as the “romantic psychopath” in indie filmmakers’ Josh Safdie and Benny Safdie’s “first movie-movie” (their words), Good Time, which Pattinson says feels like a movie “on crack, just the pace of it,” and which was greeted with a six-minute standing ovation and magnificent reviews (it has a 94 percent positive rating on RottenTomateos.com).

Pattinson reportedly came very close to being awarded the jury’s best actor prize. With the film’s Aug. 11 release date rapidly approaching, Pattinson says he is enjoying being part of a movie this good and this well-received, and isn’t too worried about what happens next weekend. “I don’t even care if they make money at all,” he says of his post-Twilight films, with a twinkle in his eye. “Like, literally. As long as I can get another one.”

My Map: Part 4

A/N: LONG(ER) CHAPTER SPECIAL I just sat through a 3 hour practice test, and now I’m emotionally drained so now I need to pour emotion into something, what better than the most emotional fic in the world? @sassygeek77

“Yeah, Hotch, Denver PD just got a call on the intersection of Holiday and Main from a thrift shop,” Morgan reported. “Cashier called in reporting a, and I quote ‘raging lunatic who really wanted to get it on with a map.’“

“Who could that be referring to?” Hotch rolled his eyes.

“It’s obviously Reid, you dumb Beaker bitch,” Morgan retorted.

“Yeah listen up you even dumber Fozzie fuck, I was being sarcastic so why don’t you just eat some shit,” Hotch bickered back.

“Okay, guys why don’t we just relax?” JJ interrupted the two, grabbing the phone from Morgan.

“JJ, I need Garcia to ping Reid’s phone. You, Morgan, and Emily, check out wherever Reid tracked to. Me and Rossi will check out the surveillance at the thrift store.”

JJ called in Garcia, who nodded, “I’m on it.”

Garcia typed in Reid’s phone number, and its location began to triangulate. After a minute or so, the screen finally beeped and displayed a location. Garcia’s jaw dropped slightly. She was shocked.

“What is it, Garcia? Morgan asked.

“He’s at….. The Hunky Hunkatorium.”

“Come again, Babygirl?” Morgan inquired.

“He’s at a male strip club,” JJ said flatly.

“Oh,” Morgan mumbled.

“Okay, text us the address,” JJ sighed.

“Will do.”

                *                     *                    *                     *                    *

I sat back in the lounge chair, with his arm across Map. I gazed at her lovingly.

“All these men are beautiful but no one compares to you,” I smiled.

I gently took off Map’s earmuffs and kissed her softly. As an elegant thin man finished his dance, the announcer called up the next performer, “everyone, it’s about to get hella hot up in here, put your hands together for Señor Seh-Seh-Seh-SEXYYYY!”

The crowd cheered as red lights loud electric music filled the room. The smoke obscured the man’s face but he was clearly very buff. As he came into clearer view, I got a closer glimpse of him. I gasped. Could it be? The man looked exactly like one I had multiple fantasies about. The delicious Latino man who sang me Spanish lullabies? No, it was impossible. As the buff man moved into the pole, which I was directly in front of, there was no doubt in his mind: this was my fantasy man. I stared at him in awe. Were his mannerisms the same as well? Not that I would get to know him better.

Señor Sexy seemed to take note of my fixation towards him, so he slightly jumped from the stage, directly in front of me. My pupils dilated, and I began to shake slightly. From arousal or excitement, he did not know, but it was likely a combination of both. He gracefully ran his hands across my thighs while running his fingers through my locks. This was a particular fantasy I had never dreamt about, but God was I glad this was real.

I felt slightly guilty for the lust I had towards Señor Sexy; I didn’t want to betray Map. It became increasingly harder to be faithful as he moved his hands up and down my shoulders. I gulped. I realized that Map wouldn’t be angry if I was simply attracted to Señor, she knew how attracted I was to Fozzie Bear and his Howie Mandel goatee. She knew about how I had a fantasy where Fozzie would host a game of Deal Or New Deal with me, except instead of money I won cupcakes. Knowing all this deep stuff, Map would surely not mind me enjoying my ultimate fantasy just a bit.

The song had been going on for quite some time now and was beginning to fade out. His hands had returned to my thigh region, and he looked down for a moment. The song had complete shut down, and the audience started to die down. It was relatively quiet for a moment. At least quiet enough to where I could hear him speak.

“Come with me,” he whispered.

I didn’t know what to expect, as he took my hand and guided me to a room. I made sure to grab Map with me. He walked us away from the stage down to a small hallway.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

No response. He continued to walk, until he stopped us at a room in the corner of the hall. He opened it. Inside were practice poles and posters of sexy men.

“So what are we-

I was cut off suddenly when he pulled the gun out of my holster and pointed it at me with a look of rage, “what do you want, Fed?”

               *                     *                    *                     *                    *

“How close are you guys to the strip club?” Hotch asked.

“Goddamn Beaker boi you asked us 5 minutes ago. Morgan grunted, “We’re almost there.”

“Listen up Fozzie. I’m this fucking close to marking you up as insubordinate so get your puppet shit together,” Hotch yelled back.

“Both of you shut up. Please.” Emily groaned from the back seat.

Morgan turned around, “you know what Evanescence? I don’t remember you being a part of this.”

Hotch snickered from the other line. “Good one Fozzie.”

“Damn straight,” Morgan said, hanging up the phone.

“You guys are so annoying,” Emily complained.

“Now is not the time for your emo crap, Amy Lee,” JJ retorted back.

Morgan laughed as he high-fived JJ in the front seat. Emily groaned again, feeling like the only serious agent.

   *                     *                    *                     *                    *

“Hey listen, before you do anything stupid, just relax,” I said calmly.

“Why are you here?!” the shirtless angry man yelled.

I paused briefly. Maybe explaining it would actually help me. I began, “I actually have a hopeless love for this girl right here, My Map. She’s the love of my life.”

“Go on,” he pressed.

I continued, “My team did not accept me or my love for her. And yes you’re right, I’m a fed. But I did not come here to arrest you for whatever you’ve committed, I just came here to fall in love with her. We’re like the modern day Romeo and Juliet.”

He lowered his gun. “I believe you.”

I sighed with relief, “You do?”

“Yes, and I think the story of you and Map is beautiful. Never let anyone tell you love is wrong,” he smiled.

God he was so beautiful. I still found it a little odd, however, that he was so quick to get defensive. It made me wonder what crime he had committed.

“So. You’re on the run. I’m on the run. Why don’t you say we hide out together?” he suggested.

I paused. This man was still someone who had just pointed a gun at me. I asked him calmly, um - if you don’t mind me asking, what was your crime?”

“Murder,” he deadpanned.

I did not expect that. Maybe drugs or a robbery, something more common, but not that. Was my fantasy man being ruined?

He seemed to see my shock, so he explained further, “I killed my neighbor because he ran a dogfighting ring and abused animals.”

Suddenly, all of my shock was dropped. Animal abusers were on the top list of people who deserved no mercy, that and racists, followed closely by homophobes.

“Of course I’ll help you,” I answered.

“Thank you so much,” the beautiful man said, visibly tearing up.

I nodded. We were heading out towards the door, until we heard some sounds outside. We peered out the window together, it was a black SUV truck. Out of it came Morgan, JJ, and Emily.

“Ah fuck,” I muttered.

Marriage and Children

Originally posted by ygnj


Inspired by the Superman Return episode

You sipped on the coffee that Dong Gab had bought for you while you waited for him and Joon Kyung to finish their set with Sungbin. You were supposed to go out for a date right after the concert but you were proving more tired than you had expected. You could feel your shoulders slowly slouching against the sofa in their waiting room. Your eyes were slowly loosing focus and you could feel your head lulling when you heard the slam of the door closing. You squeaked out a reply as you felt your hot coffee spilling on your lap. ‘Oh fuck.’ You cursed out when suddenly YDG came in with his daughter, Joy.

He looked surprise and you quickly apologised for your language in front of Joy when he chuckled and waved his hand dismissively. ‘She heard worst.’ He laughed and you just chuckled as you pulled out some tissue and dabbed on your jeans. ‘I’m sorry. Did I surprise you?’

‘Oh no-I was just-It’s nothing.’ You smiled looking up at him as you placed your cup of coffee on the table. ‘How are you?’ you finally asked trying to diffuse the slight awkwardness that was slowly building. You’ve met more than once or twice whenever he came over to meet Dong Gab or Joon Kyung, but you were never really alone with him. You quickly altered the attention towards Joy as you cooed at her. He let you hold her for a while before it was feeding time. ‘Do you want to?’ he offered the bottle of milk but you declined the offer feeling as if you were bordering on some sort of line.

It felt like forever as the silent grows and you knew he was trying to lighten the air as he continued on making small talks.

‘How are you and Dong Gab?’ he asked and you smiled at the familiar topic.

‘Oh we’re fine.’ You replied.

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Shadowhunters S02E01: This Guilty Blood

This is a very special show. Here are my favorite parts from it

  • It’s pretty obvious the opening scene is not real Clary, because she was calm and stayed out of the way, and if it had been real Clary she would have yelled about how she was being treated unfairly at least once and then accidentally manage to kill someone & then claim it as pure skill
  • Let’s play a game of spot the season 2 upgrades:
    • runes are no longer sad looking bruises, but actual tattoos
    • no more fight scenes filmed in ~*blur vision*~ because they had the budget to teach some actual fight choreography & use slo mo
    • seraph blades are made out of metal instead of glo in the dark plastic
    • CGI no longer done on MS paint
    • everyone’s hair is slightly better except for Magnus who has a goatee now
    • dat opening sequence 
  • Alec’s RAGE means there are actaul emotions in his voice and for a minute i don’t recognize him

when the beating is so bad ur runes start to wash off

the fact that the new Head of the NY Institute took the time to light a bunch of candles because what official interrogations are usually lacking is ambiance

  • Clary’s interrogation goes poorly and will likely have ramifications that she will try and blame on someone else and/or complain that it’s somehow not her fault
  • from hanging your son by his arms & having him beaten to making him homemade spaghetti sauce, you really gotta do it all to be a well rounded dad these days
  • Jace “father of the year” Wayland: broken, but still sassy

this hologram

  • new drinking game: take a shot every time Clary says “you can’t do this!” when they very clearly can
  • “I’m not leaving Jocelyn.” “I’m going to have to insist.” “Call me when you can.” Luke giving up at the first sign of a polite British suggestion 


  • Clary “I’m a quick study” Fray: distraught, but still full of herself

all the junk out front of the Jade Wolf, because nothing says ‘mmm i’m hungry’ like a bunch of trash

  • Clary closing her eyes and squeezing Jace’s fingerless glove real tight, hoping that’s how you track someone
  • the fact that we just discovered Jace is without one of this fingerless gloves, which might be the most distressing thing about his situation right now
  • Jocelyn doing what we’ve all wanted to do at some point: lock Clary in a shed and run away
  • Valentine telling Jace his demon blood is the reason he’s attracted to his sister & will eventually start murdering people. father of the year? more like father of the decade
  • “What have you done?” Clary, always asking the questions everyone knows the answers to already
My favorite and least favorite time skip changes

As requested by goingg. :)

The 17 month time skip brought big changes to the Bleach cast - mostly with regard to people’s hair. Now it is time for me to talk about my favorite and least favorite of the changes! There aren’t very many changes I’m grumpy about, so I’ll start with those!

My least favorite changes:

#5: Chad’s new goatee

I just….I’m not a huge fan of goatees. And even Chad’s muscular sweetness can’t change my mind.

Chad: …muscular sweetness?

#4: Soi Fon’s new hair

This is mostly about how much I loved her old hair - I loved the braids and the way it stuck up on either side of her head like she was trying to have kitty ears. I dunno. I miss it.

Soi Fon: …I was not trying to have kitty years, you numbskull.

#3: Yumichika’s new hair 

…is it just me, or does it look like he has feathers stuck in both ears if you look at him straight on?

Yumichika: A three-quarters view of my face works much better.

#2: Kensei’s TERRIBLE hair

What can be said about Kensei’s terrible hair that hasn’t already been said? It looks like Komamura licked him in the face. It looks like he just wanted to be a little taller. It looks like he tried to slick it back and failed because his hair was too springy. Somebody needs to have a hair intervention for the guy.

Hisagi: Captain, we are here because we love you….

Mashiro: …but not your hair. Which is terrible. 

Kensei: FUCK OFF

#1: Tatsuki’s horrible mullet

This offends me the most because apparently she doesn’t have a terrible mullet in the manga? Just the anime? Which means a noncanon terrible mullet was just added to her? But why? Why do that to Tatsuki?

Aizen: Perhaps the animators feel she is too badass not to have a mullet.

Tatsuki: Yes that must be it.

My favorite changes:

#10: Ichigo’s silly little sideburns

Because in my head, he grew them because he wanted to be like Renji. And nobody will ever convince me otherwise.

Ichigo: Renji is cool. I won’t apologize for it.

#9: Keigo’s hotness upgrade

Keigo got amazingly hot after the time skip. Before he was sort of…gangly. But afterwards he was smokin’. Puberty is kind to some.

Mizuiro: Except for those awkward haircuts in between.

Keigo: W-we said we wouldn’t speak of them!

#8: Ishida'a lack of symmetry

Ishida used to have those, um, side bangs on either side of his face. Now he just has one side. I think it looks better that way.

Ishida: Yes. It was planned.

Ishida: Not an accident with the scissors at all.

#7: Kira’s less terrible hair

I always thought Kira’s hair was the worst in old Bleach. The awkward back. The awkward front. Now it is less awkward all around. Everybody wins!

Kira: At least I will look good lying in state.

Rose: Y-your death hasn’t been confirmed, Izuru!

#6: Orihime’s new haircut

I just think her new hair looks really good. Not that I didn’t like her old hair. But her new hair frames her face so beautifully!

Orihime: Oh! Thank you very much!

#5: Rukia’s new haircut

I-I was never a fan of Rukia’s old hair. But I think her new hair looks great. 

Rukia: Apparently Hinamori felt the same way.

#4: Hitsugaya’s new scarf

Because it PROVES that Hitsugaya sees Byakuya has his senpai. His scarf-wearing senpai.

Hitsugaya: Well not scarf-wearing anymore. He stopped right after I started.

Hitsugaya: Weird coincidence.

#3: Shinji’s angle bangs

They are silly. But I like them. Especially since I imagine that Shinji just wanted to get his haircut like everybody else, but his hair was already short. So what could he do? Angle bangs.

Aizen: Not straight. Just like him.

Shinji: Shut up, Aizen.

#2: Orihime’s new offensive capabilities

To move away from hair momentarily….can I just say that I love Orihime’s post time-skip offensive capabilities? The fact that her shield now strikes back when it’s struck. That’s awesome. I hope we see more of it at some point!

Ginjo: Yeah. So awesome.

Orihime: You had that coming.

#1: The visored becoming captains

But my favorite change is the visored coming back to Soul Society and becoming captains again. And yes, yes, that happened right after Aizen’s defeat so technically it’s not a post timeskip change but I don’t care. It makes me very happy. So I am including it. 

Kensei: Wish you were that generous about my hair.


Another Article About The Drew Carey Show That Leaves Me Feeling Empty

I watched the Drew Carey show when it was on but fell off around the same time that everyone else did, when it started to get weird and experimental and absurd the last few seasons of its nine-year(!!!) run. It was never my favorite show, but I certainly looked forward to it when it was good and really liked Lewis and Oswald.

Maybe a year ago and for no reason at all, this show popped back into my brain in a huge way. I found myself dwelling on how strange it got (random “theme” episodes, a subplot involving a fake marriage between Drew and his boss, Drew secretly marrying two women at the same time, the entire plot of The Full Monty condensed into a single episode, April Fool’s episodes, a whole season where Drew quit his job, bleached his hair, grew a goatee and started a band, was Sweet Dee really on that show? etc) and wanting to know why and how it happened. Did Drew Carey go mad with power and start demanding to do event episodes that showcase his improv buddies? Was he legitimately trying to get his music career off the ground? Or did a new head writer take over and start pushing his or her own weird agenda that was a total tonal departure for the show? In seasons 8 and 9, they didn’t even film the show the same way and switched to a single-camera format.

How did Christa Miller and Ryan Stiles feel when they showed up to work one day and suddenly their sitcom about a group of friends was doing a “What’s Wrong With This Episode” episode?

Mimi and Drew’s cross-dressing brother Steve got married and had a baby that eventually burned Mimi’s house down forcing her to move in with Drew; why did that actual plot happen?

I will always read articles about this show because I want to know why and how this happened, but no one ever seems to get into it. Even the Wikipedia page just dryly explains that the show started to get weird with no reference to why. 

Uproxx wrote an article today about Drew Carey, and it is another one in a long line of articles that doesn’t answer my many questions about this show. I feel like an idiot for even being hopeful that it would.

The ‘GotJ’ AU Pt 15

Previously on…

Steve waits for Bucky to slide into the booth before him, taking his place beside his friend as the woman, Natasha she’d said, slides in across from them. A waiter swings by their table to drop off plastic menus and a fork, says he’ll be right back with them, and darts off with a tray to another table.

The diner isn’t too busy. Natasha had said they shouldn’t meet somewhere crowded. Tony doesn’t do well in crowds yet, even after a year. 


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