time to roll the dice

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

I would do anything for more DA2 content. At this point, I would literally rather a DA2 remake/sequel/spin-off than DA4 -I’m in that deep. 

Give me that scrapped Fenris novel. Give me that Exalted March expansion that never happened. It’s six years late but I don’t care, I’ll take it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed DAI and am really excited to see where the Solas plot leads… But I have never, ever, loved a cast as much as I love the DA2 characters, and it breaks my heart to think that we may never see any of them in game again.

I have now watched So Much Critical Role that I’m starting to notice everyone has their own styles of rollin’ dice and they’re all real cute

- Marisha sorta just drops hers but she lifts her hand way up in the air afterward like there’s RECOIL on that shit

- Sam leaves his hand up in the air too but it’s very Gilmore-esque. Quite elegant, 9/10 for style. “Ah yes, what is this thing that I rolled - ah, ‘tis garbage”

- Liam just tips his dice over like a cat knocking something off a shelf. Sometimes he does this sneaky lil finger twirl thing. tryin 2 be stealthy.

- Once in a while Laura holds dice in both hands. prayin to dice gods probably.

- Taliesin always shakes his dice back and forth a bunch of times - obviously one must warm the dice up before rolling if one wishes to guarantee a fuckton of nat 20s (Laura does this too, but Taliesin will do it for D A Y S)

- Travis has some nasty SPIN on that throw and sometimes he puts his SHOULDERS into it dude rolls dice like a MAN doin a SPORT and I love it

Out-lawyering an Inevitable

 (This happened during downtime as sort of an interview-slash-session-zero for a new player to replace a player who’d dropped out.  The new character is an elf cleric whose backstory has him running an apothecary on the side, specializing in reviving the dead.  There were dice rolls involved, but I was not privy to any of them since this was all done on Discord.  The whole party was listening, but the rest of us had our mics muted.  All kibitzing was done in the OOC text channel, but I’m omitting that here since neither participant was reading it at the time.)

DM:  You see what appears to be a construct approaching.  *Dice roll.*  I’m just going to go ahead and give you that it’s an Inevitable.

Cleric:  Marut, I’m guessing?

 (Note:  Inevitables are construct outsiders who are built to enforce universal laws; Maruts specialize in dealing with people who cheat death.)

DM:  Very good.  Do you try to run or attack?

Cleric:  Nah, I’m good.  I wait for it to approach.

DM:  *Raises a brow.*  Alright, then.  *Clears his throat and does a creditable Michael Dorn impression for the Marut’s voice.*  “You are Taviel Andaris.”  Statement, not question, by the way.

Cleric:  “I am.  What brings… I would ask what brings you to my apothecary, but I think I already know.”

DM:  “If you expect the charges against you, then you already know of your crime.  You stand accused of denying death its due.  To date you have resurrected four hundred and seventeen people…”

Cleric:  “Um, four hundred twenty-two.  It was a busy week last week.”

DM:  *Without missing a beat.* “…Four hundred and twenty-two people.  My programming is to stop this from happening again.  Your options…”

Cleric:  “Defying death?  Um.  Not guilty, actually.”  Not rolling a bluff check, I’m not bluffing.

DM:  Fine by me, I’m still rolling sense motive.  *Dice roll.*  The Marut looks profoundly dubious.  “You not only confessed to your crime, you corrected my outdated count.  You have already admitted guilt.”

Cleric:  “I did no such thing.  Yes, I specialize in resurrections; no, I am not guilty of keeping anyone from the grave.”

DM:  …I think I see where you’re going with this, but the Marut won’t.  “Your arguments are irrreconcilable.  My programming is to stop this from happening again.  Your options are to accept a geas or to be destroyed.”

Cleric:  “If you wish to place a geas on me to prevent me from, as you phrased it, denying death its due, then you are welcome to do so.  It will not affect my business or business practices.”

DM:  The Marut looks sort of bemused.  “You do understand what a geas is, correct?”

Cleric:  “I can cast them, myself — and break them.  I would not need to break yours to continue my business.”

DM:  *Dice roll, snort.*  It’s not happy with that answer.

Cleric:  *Laughs!* I can make it a lot unhappier, but I’m not set up for this kind of a one-on-one fight.  “Let me explain myself.  How much do you know about my business besides the resurrection count?”

DM:  *Dice roll.*  It scowls at you.  “I will allow this, but be brief.”

Cleric:  “Let me rephrase that question, actually:  How many people have I granted immortality?”

DM:  *Snickers.* I stand corrected, that’s not where I thought you were going with this.  It doesn’t like that answer, but it doesn’t move.  “You have granted no one immortality.”

Cleric:  “And how many people have I brought back to life who were not killed by old age or disease?”

DM:  *Dice roll.*  It gives you a triumphant look at that.  “Three.”

Cleric:  Shit.  Um.  “Those were deliberately administered diseases with the intent of killing the victims, two from traps and one that was later successfully tried as a murder case.  They can not be considered natural deaths.”

DM:  Nice save!  *Dice roll.*  I’ll allow that.

Cleric:  Yes!

DM:  “Discounting that, you have resurrected no one who has died of natural causes.”

Cleric:  “Then how have I cheated death?  It’s natural and even more inevitable than you are.  I’ve only postponed it so that…”  What was that number again, anyway, four-twenty-two?

DM:  Uh, I think so, yeah; close enough.

Cleric:  “…So that four hundred twenty-two people could have a chance to finish lives that would otherwise have been cut short.  I firmly maintain my not-guilty plea.”  And I put my hands on my hips and glare up at it.

DM:  It glares right back at you.  “Your arguments are based on a technicality.”

Cleric:  *Defiantly.* “No.  Your charges are based on a technicality.  My clients will all die.  Eventually.  I cannot change that.”

DM:  *Dice roll.*  …Hm.  *Dice roll.  Snicker.*  Well, then.

Cleric:  What?

DM:  “Your answers have satisfied my programming.  You are free to go.  But be aware:  You actions will be monitored intently.”  *Laughs.* I hate you.  That was supposed to be the start of a fight that I was going to get the rest of the party in on for our next session.  You just broke how I was supposed to introduce you all.  …Who the hell even tries to out-lawyer a god-damned Inevitable in their own area of expertise, anyway…?

anonymous asked:

hey, can you break down the differences between the adventure zone and critical role for me? i haven't listened to either and now i'm curious

Oh gosh, okay. They’re delightful but… very different approaches to the same general idea (broadcasting a D&D game), and I think the fans of one show tend to have a sort of skewed impression of the other show, so here’s my thinking.

Just the basics, to begin with: The Adventure Zone started running in late 2014, and it’s an audio-only podcast in which the McElroy brothers and their dad start a brand-new D&D campaign from scratch. Critical Role started running in early 2015, and it’s a video podcast in which a bunch of best-friend voice actors started filming the D&D campaign they’d already been playing for years at home with the same characters. TAZ is (generally) prerecorded and lightly edited down, CR is 100% live. Both have a lot of howlingly funny and surprisingly touching moments, both get a lot more intense the more you get into them, and both are good shows that are a Good Time, especially when they make you feel things you didn’t sign up for. The main canon of TAZ is currently 56 one-hour-long episodes, with new episodes every two weeks, and CR is currently 85 four-hour-long episodes, with new episodes every week. Most of the reason for CR’s absurd length comes down to (a) three times as many players, and (b) no editing.

The DMs both put a ton of work into the world, but they also have very different approaches. Griffin (TAZ) is DMing for the first time, while Matt (CR) has talked about how DMing D&D games for the past 20 years is what got him interested in acting in the first place. The world of TAZ is much more of a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid, while CR sticks more to traditional fantasy.

TAZ plays fast and loose with the rules, which can be both a delight and a frustration for storytelling reasons—for instance, until the latest arc both spell slots and HP were not really tracked, which means (a) Griffin has had to come up with incredibly creative ways of introducing risk and limitations to the game, and (b) those incredibly creative ways can start to get pretty damn brutal. The mechanics of the game feel like an imposition on the story, most of the time—it’s rare that you get a dice roll that makes a huge difference to the plot (but when you do, as in the most recent episode, it’s pretty darn cool). As a result, the biggest spanner in the works of Griffin’s plans tends to be in the form of out-of-the-box thinking from his players, which they excel at; I think there is a tendency to railroad the plot as a result, but it’s a good story and it’s well worth a little bit of elbowing to keep everyone on track. Magical items also play a huge role, with viewers of the show submitting awesome new trinkets for the heroes of the story to use/abuse/completely forget about.

Because CR tilts more towards the rulebook (although Matt gets more than his fair share of shit for homebrewing and letting things slide and defaulting to the Rule of Cool), chance plays a much bigger role in the story. Matt’s simultaneously battling some incredibly creative players and dice that seem determined to roll as dramatically as possible. Entire subplots have been wiped out by a strategic roll, and in order to be able to adapt to that on the fly, Matt has to be hyper-prepared and have a lot of possible branching points. It’s absurdly open-world, especially now that the characters have the ability to travel instantly through different planes of existence, and Matt keeps pace with a story that feels more character-led than DM-led; railroading is practically nonexistent, which means you get incredible plot developments and super-deep characterization… but it also sometimes leads to long circular conversations trying to figure out what to do next. Because the players are all actors, there’s also a lot more that’s just straight-up improv theater: it’s not unusual (especially lately) to go for verrrry long stretches of riveting conversation without anybody rolling dice (I can think of a moment where Matt could’ve just had everyone fail a charisma saving throw against an NPC but instead just straight-up charmed them all in real life with words).

I’ll put it this way: CR is a basketball pickup game between friends who’ve been playing together so long that they kind of have their own home rules going and stick to them. TAZ is out there playing fuckin’ Calvinball. Both are great fun, but if you go into one expecting the other you’re in for a bad time.

Both shows have a lot of great NPCs, although Critical Role’s format gives them a lot more time and depth to shine (there are episodes where an NPC will have as much or more “screen time” than some of the player characters). Both shows have LGBT representation among player characters and NPCs alike that, while not perfect, is generally improving as the show goes on. For me personally, one of the more frustrating things about going from CR to TAZ was going from three female player characters and a metric fuckton of extremely deep characterization for all the female NPCs to no female player characters and many great and memorable female NPCs who nevertheless don’t get too much screentime or development just because of the the structure of the show.

TAZ is pretty shaky throughout the first arc (Griffin’s fighting a bit of an uphill battle getting everyone to sit down and actually play the game, which is funny in and of itself), but things slowly start to come together and the real potential of the show becomes clear once they break the heck out of the 5e Starter Set. I think the “Murder on the Rockport Limited” arc is what started to pull me in, and it’s not until the latest arc that I’m starting to get the character development I really crave in that show. Critical Role also takes a little while to find its footing, and to me the Briarwood arc (starting around episode 24) is where the mood of the show starts to solidify, with episode 40 and beyond really pushing from “this is cool, I’m enjoying how these interpretations of fantasy tropes are sometimes kinda unusual and off-the-wall!” to “how is this the most honest and genuine character development I’ve ever seen in media what the heck is happening here”.

So yeah. TAZ isn’t total chaos with no plot or effort put into it, CR isn’t a humorless wasteland of mathematical minutiae and rigid formulaic approaches. Both shows are great fun, both are IMO in an upswing and getting better and better as they go along, and I heartily recommend them both if you know what you’re getting into. Have fun!

Seven Hells

m/f (or m/m) couples game • ballbusting

You will need:

- 1 or 2 six-sided dice
- paddle or something similar (water bottle, back of hairbrush, etc)
- bondage rope (optional)
- timer (optional)


- agree to a safeword
- male partner is restrained to bed (optional), female partner in position of her choosing
- use 1 six-sided dice for regular play, 2 six-sided dice for intense play

How to play:

- The female partner rolls the dice each round for seven rounds. Every time the dice is rolled, an action is performed based on the result.

- If the male partner can survive all seven consecutive rounds without giving in or using his safeword, he is permitted to fuck her/cum. Failure to complete all seven rounds means only she is given pleasure.

Rounds and their actions:

Roll #1: Slap

Male partner receives a number of slaps to the balls equal to the dice roll.

Roll #2: Punch

Male partner receives a number of punches to the balls equal to the dice roll.

Roll #3: Squeeze

With thumb and forefinger on each testicle, male partner’s balls are squeezed for a duration equal to 10 seconds multiplied by the dice roll.
(for example, 1 = 10 seconds, 2 = 20 seconds, 3 = 30 seconds, etc.)

Roll #4: Respite

Male partner’s balls are massaged and dick sucked for a duration equal to 10 seconds multiplied by the dice roll.
(for example, 1 = 10 seconds, 2 = 20 seconds, 3 = 30 seconds, etc.)

Roll #5: Squeeze

Same as Roll #3.

Roll #6: Punch

Same as Roll #2.

Roll #7: Paddle

Male partner receives a number of paddles to the balls equal to the dice roll. If no paddle, use kicks or knees.

Have fun!

The first rule of space travel, kids, is always check out distress beacons. Nine out of ten times it’s a ship full of dead aliens and a bunch of free shit! One out of ten times it’s a deadly trap, but… I’m ready to roll those dice!
—  Coran
Me making up the character in DnD for the first time

Dm: Now let’s see for your stats -gives 4 of 6 sided dice- roll 6 times

I get 16, 16, 15, 17, 18, 12

Dm: Holy sh*t, you got the best out of your entire team. Imagine if you are poor

I roll two 1s for wealth…20gps…. Everyone laughs.

Dm: This fits. A poor Half-Elf Druid. Ha!

…yes, I begged to re-roll. I stayed poor…

dyebaby  asked:

I'm playing Dungeons and Dragons for the first time today. Any advice?

You’re going to have a roll of the dice that appears to be a failure. But it really isn’t! It’s an opportunity to narrate why your character didn’t succeed at whatever they were trying to do, and that’s where you find the story you’re telling as you play.

So just have fun, make bold choices, and don’t be afraid to ask questions from the more experienced players in the game.

your fave is problematic: caffeinewitchcraft
  • isn’t ready to move even though we’ve had months to prepare and pack
  • we move in less than 24 hours and she has only packed one small box
  • instead of packing, she has spent an inordinate amount of time rolling dice and trying to determine if the dice she found on the floor were trick dice or not
  • the trick dice theory was not supported and she still thinks they’re trick dice 
Always read the label

Group History: Our DM’s custom world has a thing for potions going wrong. And I personally have a habit of accurately calling chance dice rolls ahead of time.

The Scene: Looters were in the enchanter’s shop, stealing whatever was at hand. We engage them to take the loot for ourselves. Throughout the fight, they start testing out the things they’ve stolen on us. After taking some damage, the looter’s leader, a city guard, does the following:

DM: “He pulls out a red potion and brings it to his lips.”

Player: “It’s acid isn’t it?”

DM: “Haha! Just for saying that, roll a d6.”

*I roll a 1.*

DM: “He drinks it, and starts gagging, and then drops dead.”